It's Not Easy Being Green
by Marie Goos
Summary: The story of how Severus Snape and Nathanyel Page met, and spent their school years together. Paranoia, schizophrenia, multiple personalities, boyhood fancies, and tons of illegal activity. Ties in with the SSS universe.
1. Year One

This is it. The epic story of Severus and Nathanyel's schooldays together. Each chapter is a series of vignettes piecing together one year. Therefor, there will be around six chapters. I'll probably end it at the end of Sev's seventh year and pick it up at the summer in another story. Since... Well, stuff happens. Anyway, it's third person, unlike the SSS, and switches between Nathanyel and Severus' POVs. There might be one or two moments from Remus' POV, but I haven't decided yet. Anyway, this chapter, Nathanyel meets Severus, and they get acquainted. Appearances by the Marauders, Lucius, Mundungus Fletcher, and Regulus Black. And, hey... I like putting song lyrics in the beginning/end of stories. It's just the way I am! I'm cheesy like that! Besides, the song reminds me of Slytherin. And it's a sweet song, Goddammit. Anyway... Here you go!  
  
Disclaimer: J.K.'s yo' mama.

* * *

**It's Not Easy Being Green**

**  
**_It's not that easy being green _

_ Having to spend each day the color of the leaves _

_ When I think it could be nicer being red, or yellow or gold _

_ Or something much more colorful like that_

_It's not easy being green _

_ It seems you blend in with so many other ordinary things _

_ And people tend to pass you over 'cause you're _

_ Not standing out like flashy sparkles in the water _

_ Or stars in the sky_

_But green's the color of Spring _

_ And green can be cool and friendly-like _

_ And green can be big like an ocean, or important _

_ Like a mountain, or tall like a tree_

_When green is all there is to be _

_ It could make you wonder why, but why wonder why _

_ Wonder, I am green and it'll do fine, it's beautiful _

_ And I think it's what I want to be  
  
-- Kermit the Frog --_

-------Nathanyel--------  
  
**Year One  
**  
The Hogwarts Express sat glistening in the sun, like a gigantic piece of strawberry shoestring. Children swarmed around the platform, screaming and squawking to each other; their pets did the same. They were all headed to Hogwarts, ready and willing to learn. Hogwarts was a very good school, after all; a good, strong school that built strong people.  
  
Nathanyel hated it already.  
  
He had been excited at first, then very nauseous, and now just plain stubborn. He wanted to stay home, with Lucius and Olivia and Uncle Laszlo. This did not make Florian Page happy. And it was common knowledge that when Florian Page was not happy, people stayed out of his way. This was why the other parents and children were giving them such a wide berth.  
  
Florian scowled. "You will not ruin the reputation of this family," he ordered sternly.  
  
"Yes, father," Nathanyel replied.  
  
"You will be sorted into Slytherin, and you will be at the head of your class," he continued.  
  
"Yes, father."  
  
"And you will most certainly _not_ upset your mother." Nathanyel didn't very much care about that rule. His mother was upset very easily, and after a bit he'd gotten bored of trying to keep her in good spirits.  
  
"Of course, father."  
  
"You will make friends with the right people. There is a Black in your year, the good one. He'll likely be in Slytherin." Nathanyel nodded. "Stay away from his brother. Filthy Gryffindors." He sneered as the Black children passed them by. "And don't associate with any Snapes."  
  
"I understand, father." It was best to simply let him rant.  
  
"Good. Now, go." With a sharp nudge towards the train, his father disappeared into the crowd.  
  
He looked up at the steam engine, its deep red color suddenly seeming a lot more sinister. It made him think of fire and demons, and that hell place he'd been told about. But surely it was just his imagination. So, he took a firm hold of his trunk, and stepped onto the train to find a seat.  
  
Nathanyel let out a long sigh as he pressed his forehead against the cool glass of the train window. Here he was, on the Hogwarts Express, headed for his first year at wizarding school. _'It's about time,' _part of him thought, watching the other children hug and kiss their parents in a series of tearful goodbyes. That part of him had been waiting for Hogwarts for a very long time, and was rather glad the moment had arrived when he would be off, away on his own until Christmas. The other part, which was much more dominant at the moment, was kicking and screaming. He didn't want to leave. No one would like him, and he would miss Lucius terribly. He supposed it couldn't be that bad, though. Lucius had said it was alright. And Louis liked it just fine. He'd find his place, eventually. Perhaps. On that note, he let out a resigned sigh as the last stragglers hopped onto the train, and a few moments later a whistle blew and it started moving.  
  
The door slid open loudly and then banged shut as the sound of grumbles filled the air. Nathanyel looked up to see a skinny, lanky boy with a scowl fixed on his face sit in the seat across from him. An unusually large, hooked nose dominated his rather sallow face, and lank black hair fell into glittering black eyes. It was almost as long as Lucius' hair. "Hello," Nathanyel greeted as pleasantly as he could.  
  
"This was the last compartment," the boy replied in what was almost a growl. With the nose and the antisocial disposition, Nathanyel had the sneaking suspicion that this was a Snape. He wasn't sure which one, though. When his mother had informed him of the bloodlines, she'd only told him that all Snapes looked alike, and only bothered with a few meaningless names.  
  
"I'm Nathanyel Page," he introduced, ignoring his father's earlier instructions. The Snape glared at him.  
  
"Severus Snape." So he was right. "Now leave me the fuck alone." And then he took a shrunken book from his robes, returned it to normal size, and buried his formidable nose in it. Nathanyel decided to keep to himself, since prodding a Snape was apparently like playing with fire.  
  
However, he soon forgot his resolution, due to boredness most likely, and attempted conversation with the Snape. "So, you're a Slytherin?"  
  
"Yes." Slytherin was going to be his house. He knew already, because his father had said so and because _all _Pages were Slytherins. Except for his Uncle Laszlo; he'd been a Ravenclaw. But Ravenclaw wasn't so bad, and Uncle Laszlo was nice. So were his other personalities. Still, Nathanyel knew he would be in Slytherin.  
  
"What year are you?"  
  
"Going into second year." The Snape seemed a bit irritated at his questioning.  
  
"I'm going to be in Slytherin, too," Nathanyel said, sighing.  
  
"How do you know that?"  
  
"I just know." It was difficult to explain that kind of thing.  
  
"You _'just know,' _hm?" Nathanyel nodded. "Shut up." He supposed there was a reason the Pages hated the Snapes, then. They were awfully rude; or, at least, this one was. It was the first one he'd ever met, really.  
  
He glanced at the Snape again; shutting up would definitely be the wisest choice. And the snack trolley provided a very nice reason to shut up. Within five minutes he was surrounded by sweets. The Snape, however, had none. Though he looked like he wanted some. "Sweets?" he offered, deciding he'd rather not be wise.  
  
"No," the Snape snapped. "I don't eat sweets."  
  
"Why not?"  
  
"They're undignified." What a very ill informed boy, Nathanyel thought.  
  
"That isn't true. Here, have a licorice wand. Licorice is a very dignified sweet."  
  
"How do you know?"  
  
"My uncle said so. All the dignified boys eat licorice."  
  
"As long as you'll shut up," he grumbled, finally accepting the licorice wand. Nathanyel thought that he enjoyed it an awful lot, for someone who didn't eat sweets.  
  
---------------  
  
Being sorted into Slytherin was a complicated thing. Nathanyel was contemplating all the ups and downs of such a thing as he readied himself for bed in his new dormitory. He'd gotten the bed nearest the small window, since nobody else had wanted it. That suited him just fine, though. It had been his first choice, anyway. "Page." That was Regulus Black, the one his father had told him to befriend,  
  
"What?" He tried not to look curious.  
  
"Listen. I heard a lot about you. So, in case you get any ideas... You can hang around me, but I'm not your friend or anything. Got it?"  
  
"I wasn't planning on spending much time with you, anyway," he replied serenely. Regulus just frowned at him and went to talk to Mundungus Fletcher.  
  
School wasn't for friends, anyway. It was for learning. And he planned on doing exactly that. Though why it sounded so sinister, he wasn't sure.  
  
---------------  
  
Mundungus Fletcher and Regulus Black were talking animatedly, apparently looking forward to their first flying lesson. Both were bragging about how good they were in the air. Nathanyel glanced down at his assigned broom; it stared back up at him. "What are you looking at?" he muttered uneasily, shifting his weight. Brooms had never much liked him.  
  
"Hey, what's wrong with you?" Regulus had paused his conversation with Mundungus momentarily to give Nathanyel a strange look.  
  
"I'm just not very good with brooms, that's all," he replied, hazarding another glance at the thing. It was glaring at him.  
  
"Scared, Slytherin?" That was one of the Gryffindor boys, Bones.  
  
"Just apprehensive." He tried to sound light-hearted.  
  
"Psst!" One of the Gryffindor girls elbowed Bones. "Don't talk to him. He's a weirdo."  
  
"Alright, settle down!" Madam Hooch, apparently new to the staff, was coming their way, her mouth set into a strict line. "Now, all of you hold your wand hands over the brooms and say 'up!'" Nathanyel tried. The broom hit him. It took a few more minutes to finally get it to calm down and settle into his hand.  
  
After Madam Hooch had finished correcting their grips, she told them to kick off when she blew her whistle. Nathanyel was feeling a bit more confident; he could do this. Then, the whistle was blown, and he kicked off.  
  
He was soaring steadily, just like the others. Nothing was going wrong, thank Merlin. Until, of course, the broom decided that it would rather fly solo, and started to buck. That was most definitely a bad thing. "Now- see- here-" Nathanyel grunted, trying to reason with it, "I- am- not- going- to- ouch! To- try- any- funny-"  
  
That was as far as he got before he lost his grip and found himself about to be very well acquainted with the ground. Meeting the ground, it turned out, hurt very much. And the ground made a very bad first impression. "Mr. Page! Are you alright?" He pushed himself up, trying to blink the swirling colors out of his eyes.  
  
"I feel just fine, thank you." Black was a much more soothing shade.  
  
He woke up in the hospital wing. And he felt rather... tingly. It must have been some sort of potion. He decided that he was more suited to academic pursuits. Or that he needed a very mild-tempered broom. Both would be nice.  
  
---------------  
  
Nathanyel sat in the Great Hall, thinking. A month had gone by already, and he was top of his class, just as he'd promised. He'd broken a lot of his father's rules, but it didn't matter much to him. He'd kept the important ones, at least. There was something else on his mind, though. It had occurred to him that perhaps, even though school was for learning, it wouldn't hurt to have at least one companion. He'd heard good things about study groups, anyway. So, it was settled.  
  
He wanted a friend, he'd decided. He'd spent far too much time alone, and he wanted what all the other children seemed to have. Laughter. Fun. Love. Friendship. He wanted that. He wanted all of it for his own, someone to be with and confide in. Someone to slap on the back and laugh with, and maybe, after getting to know him, to hug. He'd only been hugged once, by Lucius, surprisingly enough, and he'd enjoyed it. Though he doubted Lucius would ever do such a thing again, as he deemed it uncivilized, something reserved for small, stupid children and peasants.  
  
There was still one thing blocking his path. Everyone, _everyone _seemed to have at least one friend already. They all seemed so happy and content that he doubted there would be any room for him at all. He needed someone who was unattached, someone available. There just didn't seem to be anyone at the moment. But he'd watch.  
  
After about two days of watching, he only noticed one person who seemed to have absolutely no friends at all. Severus Snape. He was a bit apprehensive of approaching the Snape (or Severus, he supposed he should say) with an offer of friendship, especially since Severus seemed to hate him. He thought for a bit. Well, he could gain Severus' company by conveniently letting drop that his mother was a Malfoy, and his cousin was none other than Lucius Malfoy himself. Severus was of a fairly substantial line of purebloods in a rather high-standing family, so having a solid connection to Lucius Malfoy would probably be worth it to him to spend some time with a "barmy ickle firstie," as he was often referred to. After that, he would work on gaining Severus' trust, which would be difficult, especially considering that the Pages and Snapes had been feuding for over a century, but judging by how solitary the boy was and how high his standards for others seemed to be, it would also be a difficult thing to lose. So, he would give it a try.  
  
The morning after he'd formed his rather vague plan, it was just his luck that the only empty seats at the Slytherin table were surrounding Severus. Treading lightly, he sat down next to the other boy, who had his nose buried in a book. "Good morning," he greeted casually. Severus ignored him. Shrugging, he buttered his toast and continued. "You know, I've found that potions class is interesting so far, if a little... Well, _simple_. But then, cousin Lucius always says that potions come naturally to Malfoys, and that I shouldn't find anything like that surprising. Since my mother is a Malfoy, and all." Severus had set his book down and was glaring intensely at him. "Am I bothering you?"  
  
"Tell me more about this Malfoy business." Ah, he was interested. Excellent.  
  
"Well, it's nothing big, really. My mother is the sister of Lucius' father. Uncle Vitus, that is. They make Lucius spend a lot of time with me, because they think he'll rub off on me. I've always been a bit of the odd one out, you know. For the most part Lucius doesn't seem to enjoy himself, but every once in a while... He cracks. Just for a moment." He offered up a grin for scrutiny. Severus raised an eyebrow. Holding back the urge to chuckle at his success, he stood up, disregarding breakfast. He wasn't really so hungry anymore. "Well, I'm off to the library."  
  
"I'll come with you." Oh, it was a good thing that it was Saturday. A _very_ good thing. Nathanyel wondered briefly why he had to scheme so much just to get himself a friend, but then he merely cast the thought aside and headed off to the library. A few of the Gryffindor students in Severus' year glared at them and starting whispering amongst themselves. "So," Severus said casually as they walked through the hallways, "you have connections with the Malfoy family, then?" Nathanyel nodded. "Could perhaps endear another to them?"  
  
"Suppose so," Nathanyel answered lightly as they entered the library. Severus regarded him for a bit, then led him off to a deserted part of the library that was full of dust and grabbed a random book from a shelf, sitting down with it laying open on the table in front of him. Nathanyel sat beside him and propped his feet up on the table.  
  
"Tell me more." Severus bit pensively on his nails as he listened to Nathanyel go on about anything he could think of that involved at least one Malfoy. Told about family holidays and play dates and babysitting, about attics and books and magic lessons. And personal things, too. Told about how his mother wished he was a more finished, refined boy, like his cousin Lucius. How his father wished he could be more tough and ruthless, like Lucius. How they wished he could be more normal, like Lucius. Lucius, Lucius, Lucius, they wished he was their son, instead of Nathanyel, this scrawny little weirdo. How he loved Lucius like a brother and resented him at the same time for being so apparently flawless. But he kept the moments of comfort and perhaps even affection, like the hug after the closet incident, to himself. That would be shared only when he knew he could trust Severus.  
  
Severus greedily drank in every last detail, entranced by anything he was saying. It was rather nice, actually, having someone listen to him with such open interest, such undivided attention. As he began talking about Uncle Vitus, though, there was an interruption. "Fuck!" Severus swore rather loudly, sucking on his finger. "Bit too far down," he specified. Then, suddenly, there was the sound of multiple footsteps and swishing robes. The four Gryffindor boys in Severus' year that had been conferring at breakfast were suddenly standing before them. The seemed to be trying to look menacing, at least the first two, but they only succeeded in looking ridiculous. Nathanyel held back his laughter, though.  
  
"Oh, look, it's Snivellus and his ickle firstie friend," the black- haired one with pale eyes said. Sirius Black, Nathanyel's mind registered immediately, knowing that the boy's cousin had her eye on Lucius. He'd seen him once, but never met him.  
  
"Hello, Sirius," Nathanyel greeted softly. "How is Narcissa? Well, I hope." Sirius only stared at him blankly a few moments before adopting a hardened expression.  
  
"You little shit. You're Lucius Malfoy's cousin, aren't you?" Nathanyel nodded.  
  
"Lucius Malfoy?" the boy with glasses chimed in. James Potter. He'd heard Severus fighting with the boy once. "Wow, this one must really be a bad seed."  
  
"You think so?" Nathanyel asked mildly, looking down at himself. "I hadn't really noticed. Then again, I haven't had any good fertilizer to plant myself in, lately, so I wouldn't know." There was silence.  
  
"Completely barmy," Sirius scoffed, shaking his head.  
  
"L-let's m-make them a l-little more humble," a chubby blonde boy stammered. The tired one stood off to the side, looking conflicted and remaining silent.  
  
"What a wonderful idea, Peter," James smiled. Peter... Pettigrew. All the Pettigrews had a little extra weight on them. Or a lot. He still didn't recognize the last boy, though. A growl from Severus brought him back from his short reverie.  
  
"I don't think so," he protested unconcernedly. He wasn't actually worried. After all, these were Gryffindors, so whether or not they could, they wouldn't do any lasting damage.  
  
"Nobody cares what you little dark wizards in training think," Sirius snapped.  
  
"As if you should talk," Severus grumbled. Sirius threw a curse at him, but Nathanyel casually kicked his chair over and he fell out of the way just in time.  
  
"I thought you were a Black," Nathanyel said confidently. "And I was under the impression that the Black family raised their children with more manners than that. I suppose you're the filthy little beast of the family, then?" It felt nice to talk like Lucius. A curse came his way and he ducked. Severus was hexing them, now, and using much more exotic spells. Nathanyel settled for a simple Locomotor Mortis here and there.  
  
When the fire ceased, he stood up in time to see the Gryffindors retreating. He could tell the one he didn't know had remained uninvolved, since he didn't even have his wand out. He paused and turned, giving Nathanyel a curious look. "I'm Nathanyel Page," he introduced, feeling an obligation to do so. The boy jumped a little, as if he'd heard a loud noise, and looked about before inclining his head.  
  
"Remus Lupin," he introduced. Then, with a glance towards Severus, he ran after his friends.  
  
"Hm. He seemed nice."  
  
"If you like _Gryffindors_," Severus spat, standing up and brushing himself off.  
  
"I don't like labels," Nathanyel replied lightly. Severus blinked, looking a bit confused. "Let's go sneak into the kitchens and get some sweets." Confusion was replaced by a small smirk, and they left.  
  
---------------  
  
Nathanyel was out for a walk, heading outside to sample some of the crisp late November air. He rounded the corner, pondering the problem of transfiguring between phases. It seemed simple, yet there was something holding him back. "Stop that!" He paused at the exclamation, recognizing the voice as belonging to Severus. Looking up, he could see the four Gryffindors- the Marauders, they called themselves- apparently bothering Severus again. Sirius was holding Severus' wand just out of his reach, and he was getting rather red in the face as he tried to grab it- with his legs flailing about wildly. James was laughing and casting spells on him, while Peter simply watched and joined the laughter. Remus looked rather bothered by the whole thing, but didn't seem ready to stop it. So Nathanyel decided to take matters into his own hands. After all, Lucius always said that Gryffindors had to be dealt with swiftly, or not at all.  
  
"Hey!" he called out, approaching and making sure his wand was still tucked safely up his sleeve. They stopped, looking up. "Stop it!" There was a pregnant pause before they broke into laughter again, their attention turned away from Severus, who looked livid.  
  
"Oh, so the iddy bitty firstie's gonna save you, eh, Snivellus?" Sirius taunted.  
  
"Don't get him upset, Sirius," James chided. "He might wet himself." Nathanyel was starting to think that the stupid beasts might need to be stopped with physical force. He didn't much like hexing people, anyway.  
  
"Really?" Nathanyel crossed his arms. "If I'm such an iddy baby, why're you so afraid of me?" The laughter died down.  
  
"Page!" Severus suddenly hissed, unable to keep his fury to himself any longer. "Get the fuck out of here! I don't need help from a runty little freak like you!" Nathanyel said nothing, and stood his ground. Severus would be grateful later.  
  
"Pf," James snorted. "He's not doing anything." He turned back to Severus. "Why don't we use Snivellus to help us practice-"  
  
"Why don't you shut your fucking mouth for one damned second and listen to what I have to say, you arrogant little shit?" Nathanyel snapped. That got his attention. Severus groaned.  
  
"Oh? And what do you have to say?"  
  
"Why don't you fight me, instead? Like men. No wands." He illustrated his point by pulling his wand from his sleeve and dropped it on the floor. Laughter rang through the corridor again.  
  
"Yeah, right," Sirius snorted. "You're not even worth our time, _nutter_." They turned back to Severus, obviously planning to do something devious. Nathanyel was angry.  
  
"If you don't leave him alone I'll rip your fucking hair out and shove it down your throats!!" He braced himself, ready to charge.  
  
"He's insane," Sirius muttered as they cast another spell on Severus. He turned pink and started vomiting. For some reason, Nathanyel felt the need to protect him from these horrible monsters. So, he charged.  
  
James Potter didn't know what hit him, when Nathanyel threw himself onto his back. As he staggered backwards, Nathanyel jerked his head up by his hair, brought an arm around his neck, and squeezed. He was vaguely aware of Severus tackling Sirius as James fell to his knees, wheezing as he struggled to breathe. Nathanyel squeezed harder, digging a knee painfully into his lower back. James struggled spectacularly, but he hung on tightly; soon, the struggling became weak and sluggish. A minute or so later, there was no struggling at all. Lucius always said, eliminate a threat before it becomes too great. "Hey!" It was Remus, who finally seemed ready to get involved. "Nath- Page! He's not breathing!" Nathanyel dropped him onto his stomach, then kicked him onto his back.  
  
"That's the point," he informed Remus calmly. James indeed had stopped breathing. He noticed that Sirius and Severus had stopped fighting. Everyone was staring at him.  
  
"Y-you k-killed him!" Peter stammered, eyes wide. Sirius was starting to look a little murderous himself.  
  
"No I didn't," Nathanyel protested. "He still has a heart beat."  
  
"Page, you utter twit!" Severus snarled. "He's going to die!"  
  
"...And?"  
  
"FIX HIM!" Well, he'd been planning to do so, anyway. With a small sigh, he stamped his foot down on the limp boy's stomach, causing him to suddenly take in a deep, rasping breath. Coughing, James tried to push himself up, but failed.  
  
"He should probably go to the hospital wing," Nathanyel pointed out calmly. "I'll leave him in your undoubtedly responsible hands." And he walked off. There was a pause before footsteps approached behind him and Severus was walking with him.  
  
"You nearly killed Potter!" Nathanyel shrugged.  
  
"_Nearly_. Besides, I thought you hated him."  
  
"Well, yes, but you could have been expelled, ended up in Azkaban!"  
  
"On the bright side, they won't mess with us again for a while. If James actually _had_ died, they might have left us alone for good. Or, you know, sought revenge." Severus blinked slowly.  
  
"Where did you learn that reasoning?"  
  
"Lucius, of course. You have to make sure your enemies fear you." He sighed. "I'm just not very fond of hurting people." Which was true, but he would if he had to.  
  
"...Why did you do that for me, anyway?" Nathanyel shrugged.  
  
"I thought that's what friends did. Look out for each other."  
  
"You could have stopped short of strangling him."  
  
"No fun." Severus snorted with laughter.  
  
After that, it felt as if they were a bit closer, but Severus still called him Page. Nathanyel was trying to think of a remedy to the situation (while serving out detention for strangling another student to within an inch of his life) when something to help him do so happened.  
  
---------------  
  
He was walking up to his dormitory on a Sunday after helping Hagrid muck out his stables for four hours (he'd showered already, thankfully) when he passed by the second year dorms and heard a strange sound. It sounded a little like crying, except that it also sounded like Severus. Which didn't make sense at all. So, he entered the dormitory and made his way to the last bed on the left, which had its curtains closed. He opened the curtains and peered inside to see Severus curled up on the bed, crying; his hair was jaggedly lopped off, now only brushing his shoulders.  
  
Nathanyel was rather surprised, actually. He'd never even thought boys and men cried, let alone Snapes. He'd cried, of course, but he'd always known that he was different. Still, he took a strange kind of pride in the fact that he hadn't cried for several years- not since he was seven. "Severus?" No answer. "Severus, I'm sure it'll be alright. I'll help you. You're my friend, and-"  
  
"Go away!" he cried. "I'm not your friend!" Nathanyel sighed.  
  
"Yes you are. You're my best friend." He didn't answer. "I've never been able to say that before you."  
  
"Me neither." Severus sniffed loudly. "But you're not my friend."  
  
"I know." He paused.  
  
"You do?"  
  
"Of course. You don't even call me by my given name. You hate being around me. You hate looking at me, you hate listening to me. You mock me any chance you get, and for a brief moment it endears you to the other boys. You think they're your friends, then, and that you don't need me, but then they mock you, hurt you, and you always come back to me. Always. And I'm always waiting. I think I always will be." He sniffed again.  
  
"That's not true, I don't hate you..."  
  
"Nonsense. You're a Slytherin, you're ambitious. You only hang around me because of the Malfoys." Severus shook his head. "And you're a liar, too."  
  
"You're not being very comforting." Another sniff. Nathanyel crossed his arms and tilted his head to the side.  
  
"Do you think I _should_ be comforting? Do you think I _owe_ it to you?"  
  
"No." Severus shook his head, wiping some of the moisture from his face with his sleeve. "No, I don't."  
  
"And _I _don't. But... I'll comfort you, if you want." Severus looked a bit confused, and suspicious, as well.  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Didn't I tell you already? You're my best friend. And friends take care of each other." He sat down on the bed and pulled the curtains closed, then gathered Severus into his arms. "I promise I'll take care of you. Always." He was happy that Severus didn't protest or pull away. He was even happier when Severus relaxed into him, sighing.  
  
"Look what they did to me," he moaned miserably. "Look, Nathanyel, look at this. Those damn bastard Gryffindors, I'm surprised they didn't try to castrate me!" Nathanyel gently rubbed his back, a warm feeling spreading through him at Severus' use of his given name.  
  
"It's alright, Severus," he murmured. "I think it looks good." Severus snorted.  
  
"That's not the point. My hair... That was the only thing I liked." He sniffed loudly. Nathanyel felt sad, that the only part of his body Severus took pride in was his hair.  
  
"Sh. You'll be alright, love," he soothed. It was nice to call a person that name and mean it, for once. "You're beautiful, all over."  
  
"How utterly cheap of you." Nathanyel repressed a chuckle.  
  
"Bad things happen all the time. It hurts, but life goes on." Severus snorted.  
  
"I'm sure you've been tortured plenty of times." Perhaps he should tell Severus... Perhaps.  
  
"I had detention with Filch the other night." Severus let out a little grunt.  
  
"Do I have to listen to your stories?"  
  
"Do you think it will make you feel better?" There was hesitation.  
  
"...Fine, go on."  
  
"Anyway, I had detention with Filch. He wanted me to sort out all the supply closets." Nathanyel paused, trying not to think too much about it. "I thought I could do it. It's been so long. But we made it to the first one and he shoved me in, and..." Nathanyel tried to think of how to say it. "I couldn't. He was very angry. Had to take me to the hospital wing." Severus shifted slightly in his arms, his crying reduced to small tears escaping his eyes and fleeing down the sharp angles of his cheeks.  
  
"Why? Why did you have to go to the hospital wing?"  
  
"Madam Pomfrey said it was a panic attack." Soft eyelashes fluttered against his neck.  
  
"Why?"  
  
"It's a long story."  
  
"I want to hear it. It makes me feel better. Like..."  
  
"I understand?" A slow nod. "Alright." Nathanyel lightly stroked his shoulder. "It was the day before Lucius and his parents were coming for a visit. I was seven. I was excited about their visit and I wouldn't stay out of the house elves' way. So, one of the servants kicked me out of the kitchens. I was acting up all day, then. I knocked into things, used magic by accident, asked silly questions. Bothered my parents a lot. Finally, I went into the library with some hot cider my mother had told the servants to give me.  
  
"My father was there, reworking an old tome of dark magic. It was very important business, he said. I tried to see it, and spilled the cider all over it. The book was ruined. Father was extremely angry.  
  
"He wanted to punish me, very badly. I heard him scheming about it in the next room. Then, he remembered that there was a boggart in a closet on the third floor. So, he took me there. I thought he was just going to let it loose on me, but that wasn't it. He threw me in the closet, locked me in there and just left. I was stuck in a dark closet with a boggart for the rest of the day, the entire night, and into the next afternoon." Severus took a deep breath.  
  
"Oh. That must have been..." He trailed off.  
  
"Yes. I screamed myself hoarse, didn't get a wink of sleep. I even threw myself into the door, trying to knock it down. Finally, Lucius found me. He opened the closet and out I tumbled, all tears and whimpers. I latched onto him as tightly as I could, and he got rid of the boggart for me." Nathanyel paused, a bit hesitant about revealing the next part. However, he decided it would be best. "I was a wreck. I could barely speak coherently. Lucius tried to get me to calm down, even used a spell, but it didn't work. Then, he did something he never did before, something he's never done since. He gathered me up in a hug. It's the first one I remember, from anyone. He put me in my room, after that, and gave me hot chocolate. He stayed with me for the rest of the day, until he had to go." Nathanyel paused. "It's the nicest Lucius ever was to me. To anyone, I suspect."  
  
"...Oh. I... Can't imagine that."  
  
"I know." There was a short silence. "To this day, I'm a bit claustrophobic and deathly afraid of closets. As Filch well knows." Severus raised an eyebrow and gave him a... Well, the only way to describe it would be a not-so-glare. Which he supposed was his version of a laugh. "Nap?" Severus sighed.  
  
"I suppose."  
  
Napping, Nathanyel decided, was an excellent pastime.  
  
-------Severus--------  
  
He looked in the mirror, frowning a bit. He hadn't expected it to be so short. "I thought you were just going to clean it up?" Nathanyel shrugged, dropping the scissors and walking up behind him.  
  
"I think it looks nice." It did look alright, really. The pieces in front were still down to his chin, and he could feel the back trailing down the nape of his neck, wispier as it went on, eventually just... Running out. It felt very strange. "It suits you," Nathanyel muttered, wrapping arms around him from behind and stroking his stomach. "Beautiful." He kissed just behind Severus' jaw, right under his ear, and purred a bit.  
  
"I'm glad you're pleased," Severus managed to work out through his confusion. He was getting that fuzzy feeling between his legs that had only happened when he'd seen the naked pictures the groundskeeper at the manor kept in his shed, or had those special dreams. "Stop that, now."  
  
"Why? You're blushing, you like it." With a little sigh he pressed up against Severus and smiled. "It's so nice when you blush. And you're so tall already. I don't think I'll ever be that tall."  
  
"Stop it! Let me go!" Nathanyel seemed rather puzzled.  
  
"Why?" Severus pulled away from him, frowning.  
  
"You're not supposed to touch boys that way!" Nathanyel blinked, tilting his head to the side in an inquisitive gesture. "You- you only touch _girls _like that. Like... Your girlfriend."  
  
"Girlfriend?" He furrowed his brow. "How's a girlfriend different from a boyfriend?"  
  
"Boys aren't supposed to have boyfriends!" he nearly shouted, for some reason frantic to make Nathanyel understand.  
  
"Lucius does," Nathanyel argued. Severus mouthed wordlessly for a bit, then managed to regain a bit of his composure.  
  
"Well, Lucius isn't supposed to! That kind of stuff is bad, you understand?" He dropped his voice a little. "It- it's evil." Nathanyel looked confused again.  
  
"It can't be evil if _Lucius _does it. Lucius isn't evil."  
  
"Well, maybe he doesn't realize."  
  
"We should tell him, then. I wouldn't want Lucius to end up in jail or anything." Severus rolled his eyes.  
  
"He won't end up in jail."  
  
"Then what will happen?"  
  
"His- you know- _thing_-" Severus gestured to his crotch- "will fall off." Nathanyel's eyes widened and he let out a little gasp.  
  
"_No!_"  
  
"Yes! It'll come right off!"  
  
"Are you sure? I mean, it must take a while, because he still has it."  
  
"It _does _take a while. But it happens, sure enough. One day you wake up and it's gone, just like that!"  
  
"How _awful! _That's even worse than prison! And Lucius loves his so much, too. I mean, he's always touching it and everything. I would hate him to lose it, he'd be so upset! We've got to tell him. Write a letter or something." Severus nodded.  
  
"Yes, a letter."  
  
"Or I could tell him in person, over holidays."  
  
"That's a good idea, too."  
  
"I think I'll do that. Wow, Sev, it's a good thing you said something. You're so smart." Severus flushed a little with pride.  
  
"Well... You know..." He kicked at the floor. "I just pick things up."  
  
"Let's go play gobstones!"  
  
"Alright..."  
  
"No cheating this time!"  
  
"I _never_ cheat!"  
  
---------------  
  
"Severus?" He grunted to show he was listening. "Are you staying here for the holidays?"  
  
"Yes." Nathanyel bit his lip.  
  
"Would you like to come stay with me for Christmas, then?" Severus shrugged.  
  
"I didn't think you'd really be going home. Do you actually _like_ your parents?"  
  
"No. But Lucius will be there. You can meet him, if you come."  
  
"...Your family would slaughter me. You _know _our families are feuding."  
  
"I'll protect you. Don't worry." Severus rolled his eyes; what made Nathanyel think _that_, he'd no idea.  
  
"I don't _need_ to be protected."  
  
"Then come home with me." Come home. He made it sound so... Warm... And pleasant. Gross.  
  
"Alright. I'll stay with you." But it also sounded much more interesting than staying at the school.  
  
---------------  
  
"Chugga chugga chugga chugga, chugga chugga chugga chugga, chugga chugga chugga chugga, whoowhoo!"  
  
"Nathanyel! Would you shut the fuck up?"  
  
"Sorry, Severus. I'm just excited, is all." Nathanyel sank back in his seat on the Hogwarts Express, a wide grin spread across his face.  
  
"Yeah, whatever." Severus scowled and crossed his arms as he glared out the train window at the snowfall. Of course, he was looking forward to spending Christmas with Nathanyel. However, there was a limit to how much of the first year boy he could take. What he was really looking forward to was meeting Lucius Malfoy, face to face.  
  
"I can't wait to see Lucius today!" Nathanyel exclaimed, bouncing in his seat. "We're almost there!"  
  
"I know, I know." Severus tossed him a chocolate frog. "Here, keep your mouth busy with this." It was devoured within seconds. "Did you even chew?"  
  
"...A little."  
  
They were met at the train station by one of the servants of the Page household. When Nathanyel made a beeline for him, shouting shrilly, "Mr. Salisbury!" he used a waiting mother as a shield. She wasn't very happy, and in turn used him as a punching bag.  
  
They arrived at Nathanyel's house by portkey, where a grim looking man passed through the entrance hall, frowned at them, and kept going. "Who was that?" Severus asked warily, as Mr. Salisbury took their trunks upstairs.  
  
"My father," Nathanyel answered apathetically.  
  
"He seems very... cheerful." Nathanyel looked about to answer when a woman's voice called out from the other room.  
  
"Who's there?" A pretty woman with her silver blonde hair done up in a bun came bustling in, looking hopeful. Upon seeing them, her face fell. "Oh. It's just _you_."  
  
"This is my mother," Nathanyel informed him.  
  
"And you brought a _Snape?_" She looked at Severus disdainfully.  
  
"Is Lucius here yet?" Nathanyel asked, ignoring her comments.  
  
"Yes. And so is Aunt Gertrude, so don't forget to say hello to her." Nathanyel only stared at her. Finally, she let out a long-suffering sigh and rolled her eyes. "He's upstairs." Without another word, Nathanyel grabbed Severus by the wrist and practically dragged him up the large staircase that led to the second floor. He raced down the long hallway and entered the second-to-last door on the right. A tall, elegant young man with long silver blonde hair tied back in a green ribbon stood against the wall, examining a brightly colored book with, "The Ultimate Guide to Fellatio," printed on the cover in bold letters.  
  
"Lucius!" He looked up, quirking an eyebrow as Nathanyel hurled himself at him. Lucius stepped aside at the last minute, causing the boy to stop just short of hitting his head on the wall.  
  
"I see _you're_ happy to be back." He snapped the book shut and placed it on one of the large bookshelves in the spacious room. "Though I doubt anyone else shares the sentiment." Nathanyel seemed oblivious to the comment, since his wide grin didn't waver in the least. "And I see you've brought a Snape with you." Lucius spared Severus a short glance before turning his attention back to Nathanyel. "You'd better keep a close eye on him. Your grandfather is here, and Laszlo won't be arriving for another day." He didn't look terribly concerned. "And how are your marks?"  
  
"Top of my class in every subject," Nathanyel replied proudly, standing up a bit straighter.  
  
"Good. I'm glad to see I've managed to cram _something _useful into that ridiculous head of yours." He glanced at Severus again. "So which one is he?"  
  
"Severus." Lucius gave him a calculating look. "He's in second year." If anything, his expression only became more suspicious. "Hey! Did you see Aunt Gertrude?" At last, Lucius turned back to Nathanyel.  
  
"She brought the gingerbread men. We're not allowed to have any until Christmas day." There was a short silence.  
  
"Kitchen?"  
  
"Top cupboard, far left."  
  
"Let's go." Lucius swept out of the room with a regal air about him, and Nathanyel followed, pausing briefly to tug Severus along. "Come on, hurry up!"  
  
"Where are we going?"  
  
"To get some gingerbread men, of course."  
  
"He just said you weren't allowed any until Christmas."  
  
"So? She's a senile old toad, she won't notice if we nick any. Besides, it's tradition. Hurry!" They followed Lucius down to the expansive, blindingly clean kitchen, where they cut through the crowd of servants and house elves until they made it to the last cupboard. With a wave of his wand, Lucius opened the cupboard and levitated a tray of gingerbread men down to them. "I call the Pepper Imp eyes!" Nathanyel said immediately.  
  
"The Bertie Botts' buttons are mine," Lucius proclaimed. They both glanced at Severus.  
  
"Er... Any kind is fine for me."  
  
"Butterbeer shoestring smile," Nathanyel decided automatically, handing Severus a cookie with crossed eyes and a crooked smile. Both he and Lucius started by biting the head off, and Nathanyel chuckled a bit as steam started billowing out of his ears. Severus carefully took a bite from his, pleasantly surprised by the taste.  
  
"Come on." Lucius replaced the cookies. "Let's go before Aunt Gertrude catches us, the old cow."  
  
It was surprising, how willing Lucius was to spend time with them, when he could have been doing better things with his time. "I'm so happy you came for the holidays, Lucius."  
  
"Well, they needed someone to babysit you." So that explained it. "Well? What are you waiting for? Let's go before we're skewered."  
  
---------------  
  
They were in the parlor, playing some infernal game that Nathanyel's grandmother had made up, when there was a knock at the front door. He jumped up, looking far too excited for his own good, and ran for the entrance hall. Severus followed, thinking that he might have gone even more bonkers.  
  
When they reached the entrance hall, a man with long brown hair and spectacles was handing some luggage off to a servant. He was accompanied by a woman and a little girl, both of whom looked oriental. "Louis!" Nathanyel cried, hurtling towards him. The man, Louis, apparently, managed to catch him with relative ease and minimal damage.  
  
"Nathanyel, you shouldn't be so rough with me, you know. Shinji wouldn't appreciate it." Nathanyel looked ready to dance about like he had to pee.  
  
"But I hardly see you! Is he coming, too? And Giselle? What about Uncle Laszlo, when's he getting here?"  
  
"Soon, soon. Now, don't be rude."  
  
"Hi Aunt Tsuki, hi Olivia!" The woman gave an elegant bow.  
  
"Hullo," said the girl. "Who's that? A Snape? Oi, you're in _trouble_." Louis blinked and looked around at Severus rather incredulously.  
  
"Are you _serious? _A Snape, _here?_"  
  
"Severus is my friend," Nathanyel replied proudly. Severus wanted to sink into the floor.  
  
"Hello," he said instead.  
  
"We'd better keep him away from Florian," Louis commented earnestly. "And you'll have to fill Laszlo in. He'll be able to help you better than I can."  
  
"Alright."  
  
"We'll see you after we unpack." He patted Nathanyel on the shoulder and headed upstairs, the woman and the girl following him.  
  
"Florian's my father," Nathanyel told Severus immediately. "He doesn't like you."  
  
"Oh."  
  
"Don't worry. He doesn't like me, either."  
  
"Oh."  
  
"C'mon, Lucius said he found something really cool in the study! Let's go look!"  
  
"Alright, then."  
  
---------------  
  
There was a knock at the door, and Severus looked up to see Louis standing there, his hair loosely tied back. "Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know Nathanyel had a guest. Who might you be?" Severus just stared at him. Did the man suffer from memory loss? "I'm Nathanyel's uncle, Laszlo, by the way." He supposed that Laszlo must be Louis's twin, or something of the sort.  
  
"I'm Severus Snape."  
  
"A Snape?" He looked very surprised. After looking around a bit, he walked into the room and leaned down close to Severus, looking very serious. "Listen, I don't mean to alarm you... But I wouldn't recommend eating or drinking anything anyone gives to you. And... Make sure you aren't alone like this, anymore. Stay with Nathanyel or me, even Lucius- no one else. Do you understand?" Severus nodded. "And stay away from Florian and Gregory."  
  
"Gregory?"  
  
"Our father. You'll know him when you see him. Just keep your distance." With that, he straightened up and smiled warmly. "So nice to have you here with us. Nathanyel never gets visitors, you know." With that, he left.  
  
"What did Uncle Laszlo say to you?" Nathanyel was back from the bathroom.  
  
"Just warned me about your family."  
  
"Good. I'm glad." He sat down next to Severus. "So let's play gobstones. No cheating this time, alright?"  
  
"I _never _cheat at gobstones..."  
  
---------------  
  
"What are you _doing?_"  
  
"I'm dancing! What does it look like?"  
  
"It _looks_ like you're having an apoplectic fit!" Severus crossed his arms, glaring as Nathanyel made a complete fool of himself. "It's too late for dancing, anyway."  
  
"Naw, no it isn't!"  
  
"It most certainly is," Lucius drawled as he stepped into the bedroom. "And shouldn't you be asleep? You're going back to school tomorrow, and you can't miss the train. Come on, now, to bed." Looking slightly sheepish, Nathanyel turned off the wireless and jumped into bed, grinning across the room as Severus. He sighed, and tucked himself in. "I can't believe I still have to look after you," Lucius grumbled, turning out the light.  
  
"Lucius?" Nathanyel whispered.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Will you tell me a bedtime story?"  
  
"_No_."  
  
"Lucius?"  
  
"_What?_"  
  
"Can I have a hug?"  
  
"No!"  
  
"Lucius?"  
  
"Augh, what is it now?"  
  
"...I love you."  
  
"...Go to sleep."  
  
"Alright. Goodnight, Lucius."  
  
"Goodnight."  
  
---------------  
  
"Severus?" Severus growled, putting down his textbook. He'd been making up a study chart for finals, but Nathanyel kept interrupting.  
  
"What?"  
  
"What's a douche?" Severus blinked, frowning.  
  
"Excuse me?"  
  
"A douche. Sirius Black called me a douche and I want to know what that is. You know, in case I want to say it to someone else."  
  
"A douche is something a woman uses to clean out her vagina. Now, leave me alone."  
  
"I wish _they'd_ leave us alone. Don't you ever just want to strangle them?"  
  
"Obviously _you _do, because you've already done so." Severus set down his book, resolving that he'd never get any work done. "But they wouldn't bother _you _so much if you didn't get yourself tangled up with them so often. What's with you and Lupin, anyway?"  
  
"I like Remus."  
  
"You've never even spoken to him properly! All you ever do is say hello to him in passing!" Nathanyel shrugged.  
  
"I still like him." Severus rolled his eyes. "He likes you, too."  
  
"What?"  
  
"He likes you. I can tell, because he stares at you. A lot." Nathanyel tilted his head to the side, studying Severus carefully. "You know, I think he probably fancies you."  
  
"Shut up!" Severus threw his quill at Nathanyel, and it bounced off weakly and fell to the floor. "Lupin doesn't like me, alright!? I would know!"  
  
"Alright." Nathanyel shrugged. "Anyway, I was thinking-"  
  
"Oh, no. _Must_ you?"  
  
"Yes. Anyway, you wanna stay over for the summer?" Severus blinked, a bit puzzled. He could hardly believe it, really.  
  
"You mean... The _whole _summer?"  
  
"Well, yeah. Unless you don't want to stay that long."  
  
"It doesn't seem very fair. Why don't you stay with me half the summer and then we'll switch?" If there was one thing Severus didn't like, it was owing people.  
  
"Alright! We'll have so much fun I _know_ it!"  
  
"Just... Don't act embarrassing like that."  
  
"Alright." He smiled warmly and practically jumped on Severus.  
  
"You're too affectionate." He pushed Nathanyel away. "You shouldn't show emotions like that, you know?"  
  
"Tsh." Nathanyel waved his hand dismissively. "Lucius always says that."  
  
"At least that's _one _thing Lucius is right about." Nathanyel rolled his eyes.  
  
"Lucius is _always _right."  
  
---------------  
  
They were sitting in Severus' room, getting a head start on their summer assignments. Severus was trying to keep his hair in his face, but it wasn't working very well. It had never been a problem before, when his parent's had come home, but now... He didn't want Nathanyel to see. That was all.  
  
"Severus..." Nathanyel suddenly looked very upset. He'd seen, of course.  
  
"What?"  
  
"You've got a black eye."  
  
"Huh? Oh, this. It's no big deal, just my dad." Nathanyel tilted his head to the side, examining him with narrowed eyes.  
  
"Oh. Alright, then." And he leaned down and kissed Severus on the eyebrow. "There, all better." Severus felt himself flush and looked back down at his homework.  
  
"Don't do that. You shouldn't mother people."  
  
"You spend an awful lot of time telling me what I should and shouldn't do. Maybe you should write a book?" He scowled a bit, but Nathanyel just smiled. "Anyway, your parents are home?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Can I meet them?"  
  
"You'll see them around." Severus shrugged. "They don't even know _I _exist, it's not like they'd care about you."  
  
"Then why did your dad hit you?" Nathanyel still seemed a bit put off by it.  
  
"He just likes to hit people. Doesn't your dad ever hit you?"  
  
"Oh, yes. He hits me a lot."  
  
"See? There you go. No big deal." Nathanyel still didn't seem to agree with him.  
  
"I don't like seeing you hurt. It makes me feel... Strange. Wriggly inside, like I swallowed worms. I just don't like it."  
  
"Don't go making some sort of commotion about it," Severus warned. "Besides, they'll be gone in a few days, anyway. We'll have the whole place to ourselves; aside from the servants, that is."  
  
"Alright." Nathanyel kissed his eyebrow again. "Feel better, okay?"  
  
"Okay." Severus turned his eyes back to his homework, blushing.  
  
---------------  
  
"Oi! What are you lot up to?" Nathanyel's cousin, Olivia, was eyeing them shrewdly.  
  
"Shh!" Nathanyel hissed. "I'm listening." He leaned closer to the door, looking as if he was straining very hard to hear Florian and Laszlo. He was fairly sure it was Laszlo; it sounded like him, anyway. Severus had been around long enough to know that Laszlo had multiple personalities, and sometimes it was hard to tell the difference between them. Except for Giselle; there was nothing difficult about recognizing a man dressed up as a French maid.  
  
"What are they saying?" Severus muttered, still not quite sure what they were supposed to be doing.  
  
"They're... They're leaving... Alright, you two go hide in that niche over there, the one with the green vase." Olivia ran off immediately, and Severus hesitated a bit before following. After Nathanyel had entered the room, he snuck up to the doorway to watch. He held his breath as Nathanyel crept up to the dining room table, eyes fixed on a discarded money bag. Carefully, he leaned over and picked it up, slowly backing away.  
  
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING, BOY!?" Nathanyel jumped as Florian appeared in the other set of doors, looking beyond angry, then ran full speed towards Severus. He backed away to the niche immediately, watching Nathanyel barrel through the doors. Florian flew out after him, grabbed him by the collar, and with a great heave threw him against the wall. "You filthy little thief!" he growled, taking Nathanyel by the hair and tossing him to the floor. "No better than a common muggle, are you?" He kicked Nathanyel hard in the stomach, rewarded by a whimper. Severus wasn't sure whether to interfere or not; he wanted to, of course, but he didn't know if it would be in his best interests.  
  
"Florian! Florian, leave him be!" Laszlo had entered the fray, latching onto Florian's arms. "Leave him _alone! _It's only a few galleons!"  
  
"It's the principle of the thing!" Florian managed to struggle out of his grip and picked Nathanyel up by his collar. "Give it back, boy." Nathanyel slowly held out the money pouch and, with a low growl, Florian took it and tossed Nathanyel away. "If I find you stealing from me again, into the closet you go! Understood?"  
  
"Y-yes."  
  
"Stupid little bastard..." Florian muttered under his breath as he walked away. "Laszlo, come!" Laszlo gave them an apologetic look before following. Severus immediately ran to Nathanyel, helping him up.  
  
"Are you alright?" he asked quietly, afraid he'd be overheard.  
  
"You were awfully lucky," Olivia commented as she approached. Severus glared at her; younger children were annoying. Especially nine-year-olds. Nathanyel just grinned and started chuckling. "What's so funny, then?" Without a word, he reached into his pocket and took out a money bag that looked much more full than the one he'd tried to steal.  
  
"Nicked it off the old man when he was beating me up," he breathed, still laughing. "What a douche!" With that, he raced off, up the main staircase. Severus followed, Olivia at his heels; not a word was said until they'd gotten to Nathanyel's room and shut the door firmly behind them.  
  
"I didn't know you could do things like _that_," Severus muttered, starting to feel something bordering on admiration for his friend.  
  
"Well, I had some practice. Anyway, I say we go get it changed to muggle money and have a day on the town."  
  
"That sounds like fun!" Olivia exclaimed.  
  
"You can't come," Nathanyel replied immediately.  
  
"Why not?" She seemed very angry.  
  
"You'll get into big trouble if you come with us. Uncle Laszlo would never forgive me. Besides, we're going to do boy things."  
  
"Boy things? I know, you're going out to do what _Lucius _does with _his _friends." Severus flushed angrily.  
  
"No we aren't!" he snapped at her.  
  
"If we were going to do _that_," Nathanyel sighed, "we wouldn't go out. We'd stay right here."  
  
"Yeah, that's what you want me to think, perverts. I don't want any part of it, anyway." With that, Olivia left.  
  
"It's really for the best," Nathanyel muttered, moving over to the window. "There are bushes to break our fall, so we can just jump."  
  
"Are you insane?" Severus asked, not for the first time.  
  
"Come on, we can go eat muggle food and see muggle films, and maybe we can get some booze. Sounds fun, right?" Severus had to admit, it _did _sound rather intriguing. "Besides, there's nothing else to do around here." With that, he jumped out the window. With a great sigh and a feeling that they were going to be in deep shit when they got back, Severus followed. He wondered vaguely, as he crashed into the bushes, why he let himself get talked into these things. He would probably never know.

* * *

Well, that's it for chapter one. Thanks to everyone for being so kind to SSS! And for reading this... Trust me, it'll get better later on. Oh, Florian... What a hot psychobitch... Anyway. As for chapter two.  
  
Next chapter: Probably more Remus, Nathanyel starts pulling some of his weirdo pranks, and more words of wisdom from cousin Lucius. Plus Sev's Slytherin classmated finally show up. 


	2. Year Two

Alright, shout outs first. To LeChatQuiGardeLaLune: It isn't wrong that you ship Severus/Nathanyel and Severus/Nadia... I do, too. ;) Finally, someone in the same boat as me! But, to all you readers out there... Just because I ship them doesn't mean they'll live happily ever after. Mwahahahaha. Anyway...  
  
Just a warning for all you out there who don't like to think about young boys wanking for fun... That's in here. Only a bit, though. Nathanyel discovers the pleasures of self-exploration, and Lucius starts getting some... Unnatural urges. Heehee. Plus, and appearance by Giselle! Yay! And Florian starts performing some mysterious experiments... Which leads to Nathanyel (gasp) developing the Sight? Or maybe something more sinister... Alright, just read the fucking thing.  
  
Disclaimer: Cruisin' with J.K.'s bitches and hos.

* * *

****

**Year Two**

-------Severus--------

Nathanyel smiled. "Your hair grew out a lot, you know." Severus compulsively reached up to touch his hair, biting his lip. It was shoulder-length, already. "Are you going to grow it long again?"

"...No." He might as well not bother. "This is a good length."

"Yeah. It looks really nice." Severus resisted the urge to touch it again.

"Thanks." For some strange reason, he was glad that Nathanyel thought it looked nice. "Yeah, it's fine this way." The train shook a bit as it hit a rough spot in the tracks.

---------------

"This year's going to be so much fun!" Nathanyel exclaimed, jumping onto Severus' bed. Evan Rosier rolled his eyes and promptly exited the door with a disgusted look on his face.

"You're going to get me in deep shit with the other boys," Severus informed him. Nathanyel just shrugged, smiling obliviously.

"I'm thinking of joining some clubs. Not Quidditch, of course, I don't much like Quidditch, and it doesn't like me... But maybe _Charms_ club! Ooh, or Dueling Club!"

"I don't think Dueling club would be a good idea for you," Severus replied, feeling rather apprehensive of the whole idea. "After all... You don't exactly fight fair, from what I've seen."

"So? Who cares? Nobody actually fights fair in a _real_ duel."

"How chivalrous of you."

"Come on, join the Charms club with me."

"I'd rather not."

"Do they have a Potions club?"

"No."

"We should start one."

"Nathanyel." Severus reached up to massage his temples. "_Please_. Just go to bed." Nathanyel shrugged.

"Alright." Then he bounded out of the room, looking much too excited. Nott and Avery sniggered a bit, but Severus ignored them. It was his own business if he wanted Nathanyel as a friend. And he did. He really, _really_ did.

---------------

"BOO!"

"ARGH!!"

"Hah, I got you good, Dung!"

"Did you put a Bat Bogie curse on yourself just to scare me?"

"Yes."

"Do you know how to remove it?"

"Nope!" Nathanyel bounded over to Severus, looking both very happy and very deformed. "I'm glad to be back, aren't you?" Severus slowly surveyed the dimly lit common, deciding that he most certainly was.

"Yes. And this year I get to go into Hogsmeade."

"And you start all those extra classes! You're taking Ancient Runes, right?" Severus nodded. "Oh, you have to let me look at your notes!"

"Here. You can do my homework, too, while you're at it."

"Alright!" Severus shook his head.

"You're unbelievable."

"Thanks."

"_Finite Incantatem_."

---------------

"I've just realized... I don't know your middle name." Nathanyel shrugged.

"If you tell me yours, I'll tell you mine." Severus rolled his eyes.

"Fine. Don't repeat this to anyone, alright?" Nathanyel grinned.

"Promise!"

"Alright. It's..." He lowered his voice to a whisper. "...Alfonso." Nathanyel snorted.

"That's not so bad. Try Bartolomeu."

"That isn't bad at all!"

"Oh yes it is!" Severus let out a long sigh, falling back on his bed.

"Better than Alfonso."

"Hmph." Nathanyel lay down next to him and grabbed his hand. "Better than a lot of possibilities, really. Like... Say... Gordon."

"Or Melvin," Severus muttered.

"Or Severus."

"You're an idiot." But it was said with some affection.

"I really must be, if I've decided to hang around _you_ all the time." Nathanyel pressed up against his side and burrowed his head into his neck. "Pet me?"

"..._What?_"

"Lucius always pets me. Like this." He took Severus' hand and placed it in his hair.

"That's stupid." But Severus did it anyway, because he didn't want to hurt Nathanyel's feelings. After all, Nathanyel got rather irritating when his feelings were hurt. "Your hair's soft."

"Thanks." And Nathanyel purred, just a bit. Then he fell asleep. When he started to get hard, Severus decided he'd had enough, and left.

---------------

Severus sighed, sitting down next to Nathanyel on his bed. Black and Fletcher were obviously out for Quidditch practice, as one of them was a new beater and the other a new chaser. He forgot which was which. "Severus? What's wrong?" Severus bit his lip, deciding to just get it over with and ask his question.

"Today we did boggarts in Defense Against the Dark Arts."

"Oh. That's nice."

"Yes. And it- it made me wonder... Remember what you told me? About being locked in the closet with that boggart?" Nathanyel nodded, starting to look apprehensive. "Well, I was wondering... Wondering what your boggart was."

"What was yours?" Severus flushed.

"It's embarrassing, really."

"Tell me."

"It... It was nothing..."

"Fine, then I won't tell you mine." Severus let out a long sigh, and rolled his eyes.

"Alright, alright." He couldn't believe he was saying it."It was... It was... I was alone. I was all alone." He cast his eyes towards the ground. "I know it's stupid. I'm just... Really stupid."

"No you aren't. A lot of people are afraid of being alone. It's alright." Except for Nathanyel, there wasn't really anyone who cared about him. So... He was afraid of not having Nathanyel around. And that was the most embarrassing part of it.

"Tell me what the boggart was for you, then." Nathanyel got that distant look on his face he always adopted when he was telling a story.

"Well, I think it knew I'd be there for a while... So... It turned into a lot of different things. They got scarier as it went on."

"Did... Did it get to... What you were most afraid of?" Nathanyel nodded. "What was it?" He remained silent. "Tell me." Taking a deep breath, Nathanyel slowly raised his hand... And pointed. Severus turned in the direction he was pointing, only to see a mirror. "It was a mirror?" he asked, puzzled.

"No," Nathanyel whispered. "It was... Him." He continued to point at his own reflection. "Me." Severus wasn't quite sure what to think of it.

"Why?"

"I can't be sure." He looked away, and Severus could tell that he wasn't entirely telling the truth.

---------------

"Hey, Severus." Nathanyel smiled at him.

"How was Charms club?"

"It was fun. I met someone new; he's in your years, Ravenclaw."

"Who?"

"Luca Lovegood. He's very nice."

"Luca Lovegood? He's a complete loon!"

"So what? I'm a loon, too. Us loons have to stick together, you know."

"But you'll seem even _more_ loony." Nathanyel just shrugged, while Severus glared at him.

"It doesn't matter." Severus rolled his eyes, exasperated.

"You don't know anything."

"I know a lot more than you think." Nathanyel edged a bit closer to him and took his hand. "I know a ton of hexes." He didn't bother to pull away.

"You're so tiresome."

"I've also decided to learn Italian. Lucius taught me to say, 'scopami nel ano.'"

"What does that mean?"

"Fuck me in the arse. He's such a joker."

"Nathanyel..." Severus let out a long-suffering sigh. "Just shut up."

-------Nathanyel--------

"Severus? What are you doing?" With a small gasp, Severus pulled the sheets of his bed up to cover himself, though not before Nathanyel had caught a quick glimpse of what lay underneath. He thought he'd seen something very surprising, but dismissed it as a figment of his imagination.

"Do you _mind?_" he growled.

"No, not really," Nathanyel replied airily. "So what are you doing?"

"I'm wanking!"

"Wanking?" Nathanyel tilted his head to the side, the word ringing a bell.

"You _do_ know what wanking is, right?" Ah, he remembered.

"Yes. Lucius explained it to me." He straightened himself a bit. "It's when you touch your prick while you think of boys, right?"

"Wha- _NO!!_"

"Yes it is," Nathanyel protested.

"No, I wasn't thinking of _boys!_"

"Then, obviously, you weren't wanking." Nathanyel thought that the matter was settled, then, but Severus continued to argue.

"But there's more than one way of doing it!"

"Oh?" Nathanyel raised an eyebrow, the way Severus did when he was skeptical. "What way were you doing it, then?"

"The straight way!" He blinked, a bit put off.

"You mean there's a _crooked_ way?"

"No! That's not what I mean!" Nathanyel rolled his eyes, deciding that Severus had no idea what he was talking about.

"Fine, suit yourself." He plopped down on the bed, surprised by the strange something nudging at his leg from under the covers. Surely it couldn't be...

"_Excuse me!!_"

"You're excused." Nathanyel tried to lift up the sheets to get a better look at it. If it was what he thought it was...

"Get off me!!" Severus pushed him away. "Are you trying to _look!?_"

"Well there's something extra under there and I wanted to see what it was!" Severus went from outraged to bewildered in mere seconds.

"What?"

"Ha!" Nathanyel bunched up the sheets and tossed them away, and- it really _was_ what he'd thought it was. "Merlin, look at it!"

"ARGH!!" Severus rolled off the bed and landed on the floor with a loud thud.

"Are you alright?"

"Get away from me!" Severus hopped up, pulling his shirt down over his goods, and made a beeline for the bathroom, slamming the door behind him.

"It's not _that_ embarrassing!" Nathanyel called after him.

"You're a fucking poof!" Severus shouted back through the door. Nathanyel just shrugged and, realizing that Severus was rather confused and needed some time alone, ventured down to the common room to finish his homework.

---------------

"Are you still angry at me?" It was morning already, and Severus still wouldn't leave the bathroom.

"Go away!" Nathanyel rolled his eyes. Severus could be very immature sometimes.

"Just leave him alone," Evan Rosier advised. "He's insecure because HE LOVES THE COCK!!" There was growling from the bathroom.

"Heheh, Snape's a poofter," Avery muttered to himself.

"Yeah, a flaming fruit cake," Nott chuckled.

"Enough of that," Evan snapped, because he was the leader. "Anyway, Page, best of luck to you. You'll need it." Then, whispering and guffawing to each other, the three of them left for breakfast. Nathanyel sighed forlornly.

"Severus, I'm forlorn," he announced.

"Get away from me!"

"I wasn't trying to look at your penis," Nathanyel snapped. "I just wanted to see what you were doing." There was silence. "Fine, be a bastard." Severus really was being awfully unreasonable. "I'll just be sitting here, waiting for you to come out."

He waited until lunch time, but Severus finally came out, his stomach rumbling. "You're an idiot," he grumbled, but Nathanyel knew he was sorry.

"Let's go eat." And they did.

--------------

They were in the library, trying to find a table to study at, when he saw Remus. "Hi, Remus!" Nathanyel called out. Remus jumped a bit and looked around as Severus started growling.

"H-hullo," he replied nervously, eyes darting briefly to Severus and back again. Nathanyel smiled.

"Do you want to study with us?"

"_No!_" Severus snapped.

"Don't listen to Sev, he's just paranoid." Remus glanced at Severus again and blushed.

"I- I really shouldn't."

"Oh, come on. Let's go in the back, no one will see!" Before Remus had a chance to protest, Nathanyel grabbed his arm and dragged him away. Severus followed, growling and swearing under his breath.

They found a table in the back of the library that was nice and secluded, and started with potions. Severus was rather angry that Remus had decided to sit next to him, but after a while his grumbling subsided. "I'm crap at potions," Remus sighed. "Sn- Severus, could you..." Severus glared at him. "...Never mind."

"I'll help you," Nathanyel offered. He really didn't understand why Severus hated Remus so much.

"But you're a year below us, you haven't learned it yet."

"Oh, pish posh. How hard could it be?" He leaned over the table, chewing his lip as he read over the notes. It wasn't so difficult, really. Nothing his father didn't shout angrily about all the time. "The wolfsbane neutralized the doxy poison," he concluded.

"How do you know?" Remus asked doubtfully.

"Well, wolfsbane neutralizes most poisons, so I put it in Sev's food whenever he visits." Remus blinked, looking a bit put off.

"Oh."

"Don't tell people our business," Severus snarled angrily.

"You sound like my mother," Nathanyel taunted in return, grinning.

"No I don't!" Nathanyel just chuckled. With a growl, Severus turned back to his work, gritting his teeth. Nathanyel only rolled his eyes, quite aware that Severus was completely overreacting. Remus shifted in his seat and turned back to his notes.

There was silence for a very long time, during which Severus seemed to calm down considerably. Nathanyel was relieved, because Severus could get rather irritating when he was all worked up. Remus, however, seemed to be getting progressively more fidgety. He kept glancing up at Nathanyel, then at Severus, then back down at his notes.

"I could use some work on my History of Magic assignment," Nathanyel finally sighed, looking up in time to see Remus shift in his seat again. Severus, who had been writing furiously, dropped his quill, looking for all the world like a deer caught in the headlights of the Knight Bus. "I think-"

"Get away from me!" Severus jumped out of his seat and backed away from Remus, his jaw clenched so tightly that a muscle in it was twitching.

"I- I'm sorry," Remus stuttered, quickly standing up and packing his things. He was blushing quite deeply and had that guilty look the servants always got when they were caught with Lucius.

"Get out of here you- you _poof!_" Severus seemed rather shaken up.

"_I'm sorry!_" Remus wailed as his bag tore, spilling its contents. He looked on the verge of tears.

"You're a disgusting pervert!" Severus roared, tightly gripping his wand. "Don't you come near me!" Abandoning his fruitless attempt at gathering up his things and ran off at full speed, ducking his head in what Nathanyel suspected was shame.

Severus stood against the bookshelf, red in the face and panting as if he'd just run the perimeter of the Quidditch pitch. "There was no need to shout like that," Nathanyel murmured, standing up and sighing. He didn't like it when Severus lost his temper.

"He- he- _put his hand on my knee!_" Severus was still holding his wand so tightly that his knuckles were white.

"Calm down," Nathanyel advised, kneeling to pick up Remus' things. "And loosen your grip."

"W-what are you _doing?_ Don't tell me you're on _his_ side!"

"I'm not on anyone's side but my own," Nathanyel replied evenly, carefully packing away Remus' discarded possessions in his own bag. "I happen to think that there's nothing wrong with liking other boys."

"What is _with_ you!? Just because _Lucius_ does something, you think it's _right!?_"

"Lucius does a lot of things that aren't right." He stood again and started packing his own things. "But that doesn't mean that everything he does is wrong. And it doesn't mean there's something wrong with Remus."

"You really _are_ insane!" Severus burst out. "This is _Lupin_ we're talking about! He hangs around with Potter and Black, he's a _Gryffindor!_"

"I don't judge a person's character by who his friends are _or_ how he likes boys. Remus is alright, I can tell."

"If you think he's so wonderful, then why don't you run off with him!? I'm sure you two would be very happy together, fucking each other in the arse!" It was the first time Nathanyel had ever truly been angry at Severus, and he didn't like it.

"SHUT UP!" And he did, looking surprised. "What are you so worried about, anyway!? What if _I_ turned out to like boys, would you hate me, too!? Would you scream at me and hex me and call me names!?" He glared at Severus, waiting for an answer.

"..._Do_ you like boys?" Severus finally asked, very quietly. He pressed himself a little more tightly against the book case.

"I don't know," Nathanyel snapped at him, his blood still boiling. "I don't like anyone, yet. But maybe one day I will! What then?" He lowered his voice, working hard to keep it from shaking. "What if I end up doing things with boys? What if I like it? Would you be afraid of me? Would you keep your back against the wall, _just in case?_" He dropped his voice even more, his throat burning. "Like you're doing now?" He really felt horrible; all he wanted to do was melt into the floor.

"But Nathanyel..." Severus protested weakly. "It's wrong."

"Severus, please... It isn't wrong..." Nathanyel stepped forward, and reached out to touch him. He flinched away, and Nathanyel recoiled, feeling as if he'd just been slapped. "Well... Fine then. I'm going." He turned to leave. "And... And if you see me in the common room... Don't bother talking to me."

"Oh yeah?" Nathanyel nodded, walking away. "Well- _fine!_" Severus called after him. "I _won't_ talk to you, ever again! Fucking poof!" Nathanyel didn't suck his head the way Remus had; he remembered what Lucius had told him, about pride. Always keep your back straight and your head high. Even when it felt too heavy to hold up.

---------------

Severus was true to his word, and worked tirelessly at avoiding Nathanyel. Meanwhile, Nathanyel was finding out just how difficult it was to get Remus alone long enough to return his things. Somehow, though, he managed it. In the library, of course. "Remus." He froze, looking a bit frightened. "I have something for you."

"Listen, I don't want any trouble, I'm just-"

"Here's your stuff." Nathanyel handed him his belongings, ignoring the shocked expression he was wearing. "You left it in the library and I thought you'd need it."

"...You mean... You don't hate me? You don't think I'm unnatural or evil or anything?"

"No."

"But- but what about-"

"Severus and I aren't talking. He's still angry, but he's just being a prick. My cousin likes boys, you know, and there's nothing wrong with it."

"Oh. Thank you." He looked very relieved.

"No need. I like you. I mean, sure, you've got pretty poor taste in friends, but overall, you're a nice person. I think you're alright, even if Severus doesn't."

"Okay. Well... I think you're alright, too." Nathanyel smiled, and he smiled back, if a bit timidly. "I- er- have to go now."

"Alright. I'll see you around, then."

"Right. See you around."

-------Severus--------

He was angry, of course. And lonely, though he'd never admit it. But Nathanyel was acting barmy- well, more so than usual- and he wasn't about to give in. It was bad enough that Nathanyel had been on Lupin's side- _Lupin! A Gryffindor!_ But implying that he was _ignorant _and _unreasonable_- that was just adding insult to injury. Dammit!

Perhaps he _may_ have gone a bit overboard. But... It was Lupin! And maybe he really shouldn't have hurt Nathanyel's feelings like that... But... _It was Lupin!_ He felt justified when he added that little fact into the mix. _LUPIN! ARGH!_ In time, Nathanyel would see that Lupin was a no good, snotty, completely hypocritical little ponce. And he would thank Severus for bringing it to his attention, even though he wasn't really grateful at the time. So, really, all he had to do was sit back and wait for Nathanyel to come apologize. Yes, that was exactly what he'd do.

---------------

It had been a week, and Nathanyel still hadn't spoken to him. He was getting rather angry, actually. It wasn't as if he'd done anything _horrible!_ All he'd done was call Lupin a poofter, and it was the truth! Alright, so maybe he'd more like shouted it. Still.

After another day of waiting, he decided that perhaps it would be best to say the first word. Perhaps Nathanyel _wanted_ to apologize, but just couldn't think how. That must have been it. So, Severus concluded that he would give Nathanyel a chance. "Nathanyel." No answer. "Nathanyel! We need to talk."

"I suppose we do," he answered stiffly.

"Yes. Well. Is there anything you'd like to say?"

"There is." Severus waited. "I think you should apologize to Remus."

"_What?_"

"And me."

"No!" Severus growled. "_You_ apologize to _me!_"

"I don't see why I should. You're the one being an arse."

"Fine! I'm going!"

---------------

A week later, Severus tried to talk to Nathanyel again. "Hey, Nathanyel." He turned around and stared, expression blank. "Are you ready to apologize?"

"No." Nathanyel narrowed his eyes. "You've been terrible to me. To Remus, as well. You act like he's diseased or something. You act like there's something wrong with _me_, too!" He looked... Upset.

"Well- well-" Severus tried to think of something to say in his defense. "Maybe there _is_ something wrong with you!"

"There's something wrong with _you!_ Can't you act like a decent human being, for once?"

"Stop being an idiot!"

"Stop calling me an idiot! I'm not stupid!"

"No, you're a faggot!"

"SHUT UP!" They fell silent, glaring at each other. Nathanyel's lip was quivering, and he looked dangerously close to tears.

"Merlin, don't be such a baby," Severus muttered.

"Severus, please, I don't want to fight anymore." He frowned.

"Oh?"

"I... I feel sort of... Empty, when you're not around. Like there's something missing. I don't want to feel that way anymore, because... You're my friend. I want to be your friend, Severus." He didn't answer. "Please... Please, I'm sorry. I won't talk about Lucius anymore or make you be around Remus or say things that make your head hurt, I promise. I just... I just... I can't..." Nathanyel trailed off and lowered his head to stare at the floor.

"You can't what?" Severus hissed, feeling more than a bit like the bad guy.

"I can't... Live. Without you." He bit his lip, still staring at the floor.

"Since when?" Severus was rather shocked.

"Since that time I said Evan Rosier was an inbred seagull, and you smiled at me." Severus couldn't help but raise his eyebrows incredulously. "I'm sorry. I love you. I'm sorry. Don't leave me. I'm sorry."

"You... What?"

"Not like _that_, like a friend. I need you."

"O-oh... I... I... I'm sorry." He couldn't keep from staring at the ground. "Maybe I _was_ a bit of a berk. I didn't want to upset you." He hated apologizing.

"It's alright."

"But I'm _not_ apologizing to Lupin."

"Okay."

-------Nathanyel--------

"Are you staying with me this summer?" Nathanyel asked as he studied for the potions finals.

"Yes," Severus replied.

"I'm glad." And he meant it, too.

"I can't come right away, though. I need to go home for a week or two first, and I can't have any visitors. Alright?"

"Sure."

"So I'll owl you when I'm free."

"Sounds good."

---------------

Nathanyel sighed, slumping. Being at home when Lucius and Severus were nowhere to be seen was awfully boring. Not even Uncle Laszlo was visiting. And, unfortunately, it was dinner time, so he was stuck in the dining room with his parents for at least thirty minutes.

Suddenly, a glass of something dark was slammed down in front of him. "Drink this." He looked up at his father.

"What is it?"

"Vitamins." His face was stony.

"It doesn't look-"

"I told you to drink it, did I not?" Nathanyel hesitated a moment more before drinking the stuff. It tasted rather strange, but not awful enough to be vitamins.

"This doesn't taste like vitamins."

"Shut up and eat. I've more important things to do than argue about it." Nathanyel did as he was told, but noted that he was feeling rather off.

---------------

He'd been having strange dreams ever since his father had started giving him "vitamins" every day. He thought the best course of action would be to find a way to refuse it. For one, he kept dreaming that he was swimming, or with someone he couldn't see. For another, Uncle Laszlo had visited the other day and he's overheard a rather strange conversation.

"Florian, what _exactly_ are you doing?"

"Work," he grunted.

"Work? But... I thought you were done with this kind of work."

"No, don't be an idiot. Once puberty sets in, it needs to be reinforced. It's still dormant, and I'm not about to wait for a trigger; I'd much rather make my own."

"You can't do this!"

"Oh, yes I can." Nathanyel had walked away then, because his father had started to get unpleasant. Still, he had a feeling they'd been talking about him.

---------------

"Fuck." Severus dropped his trunk on the floor. "You look like hell." Nathanyel shrugged.

"I'm sore all over. But especially in back of my neck."

"Why?"

"Dunno. Just woke up that way." It probably had something to do with the dreams. They'd gotten clearer, and varied. He'd started dreaming about strange things happening. "I had a weird dream last night." He started helping Severus with his trunk.

"Tell me about it."

"I dreamt you were walking in a tunnel."

"Oh?"

"And when you got to the end, there was a huge wolf." Severus snorted.

"How stupid. What then?"

"It almost killed you." Nathanyel yawned. "But then James Potter saved you. You were very angry." Severus looked like he was struggling between amusement and irritation.

"What a completely pointless dream."

"Hm. It seemed so real though..." Nathanyel paused, thinking about it. "It was like... Like I was _there_, watching it really happen."

"Don't be ridiculous. It was just a dream."

"Yeah... Maybe it was."

"Did you dream anything else like that?" Nathanyel thought for a moment.

"I keep dreaming that I'm swimming in clear, blue water. Except, it doesn't really seem like water. And the light all around is cold, and my skin prickles and then this pain stabs me in the back of the neck- my sore spot- and I wake up. Sometimes the insides of my wrists hurt, too. Look." He pulled up his sleeves and held his arms out for Severus to inspect.

"Merlin," he gasped, eyes widening slightly. Nathanyel winced at his expression. "That's really bad, Nathanyel." He looked down at his wrists, and he had to admit that it was. The insides were bruised and the veins stuck out so much that it looked painful. Sometimes he felt them throbbing.

"I think it's my dad," he whispered, after they'd made it into his room. "He's been giving me this stuff he says is vitamins. I don't believe him for a second, of course. I also heard him talking to Uncle Laszlo."

"Why would he be doing something like this?" Nathanyel shrugged.

"I don't know. Maybe it's a hobby." Severus pursed his lips, and they dropped the subject.

---------------

"Hi, Lucius." Nathanyel stuck his head in the doorway to the guest room, grinning at Lucius. He looked over with a rather disdainful expression.

"I've been engaged to Narcissa Black," he clarified. Nathanyel blinked a bit; Lucius' parents had been making him court Narcissa Black for a number of years, but he really hadn't expected them to be getting married.

"When's the wedding?"

"As far from now as possible. Never, if I can manage it." Nathanyel grinned a bit.

"She could be good for you, you know," he teased.

"Pff," Lucius muttered, disregarding his statement. "That's like the time you tried to tell me my cock was going to fall off." Nathanyel blinked, blushing a bit at the word. It sounded very... Dirty. "What's the matter, did I offend you?"

"No. It's just... You've never called it _that_ before." Lucius shrugged.

"Well, I didn't want you running around screaming it at people. I think you're old enough to hear the word 'cock' now, though." Nathanyel bit his lip.

"Cock," he repeated. It even _felt_ dirty, getting caught in the back of his throat like that. Prick or penis made him think of what lay dormant between his own legs, but cock made him think of the swollen, wet, purplish thing he'd seen on Severus. He shivered a bit at the thought of it. "Cock. _Cock_." Oh, that felt good.

"See what I mean?" Lucius rolled his eyes. "Now every other word out of your mouth is going to be 'cock.'"

"But... It just sounds so..."

"Sexy?"

"Dirty." He shivered again ."_Cock_."

"Merlin, just shut up, already!" Nathanyel blushed a bit.

"It makes me think of... Of when it stands up."

"That's called an erection." Lucius seemed rather exasperated.

"I saw Severus touching it." He felt himself blush even more. "Like... How you do it."

"Wanking," Lucius informed him.

"I've never done it before. Does it feel good?"

"Of course! Here, this is what you do." He curled his hand up as if he was holding something and moved it up and down. "That's the basic idea, anyway. Just try not to be too rough with yourself, and you're best off with some sort of lubrication."

"Like what?"

"Oh, it could be a lot of things... Lotion, spit..." He grinned. "But I won't get into the details... Now."

"Oh... Wow. I guess I'll... Give it a try, then."

"You do that. Now, go on. Get out of here." Lucius sent him off with a little slap on the bum, which made him jump a bit, though he didn't really mind it.

---------------

Nathanyel sighed. Wanking, as it turned out, was a lot more difficult than it seemed. He couldn't get into it. His prick just sat there, as if in protest. Prick. Cock. "Cock." That little shiver ran through him, and when he closed his eyes he could see it, burned into the inside of the lids. His... Cock... Started to stand up. "Oh, that did it," he muttered to himself. "_Cock_." That strange, forbidden thing, raised to beckon him forward. "Cock!" It was blushing, and _he_ was blushing, on his face and his stomach, down the insides of his thighs. He gulped a bit, reaching for it. "Cock." That was wonderful. Almost there...

He gasped loudly when he touched it; he'd never felt anything like it before. Breathing deeply, he carefully started to do what Lucius had showed him. "Oh..." he murmured, rather surprised by the sensation. "Ohhh..." He closed his eyes and slid down in bed, biting his lip hard to keep himself from getting too loud. "Cock!" But he couldn't help saying that one word. He started whimpering, rocking his hips as blood continued to rush towards that spot between his legs. Between the moaning sound rising in his throat and the pounding of his heartbeat in his thighs, he didn't notice the intruder that had enter the room.

"Merlin!" His eyes flew open, and suddenly he was staring at Severus, mouth agape and face slightly flushed.

"Oh- OH!" He strained upwards as his muscles tightened and spasmed, everything turning hot and good all over. With a small whimper he slumped down, and vaguely wondered why he was so sticky.

"...You are the most disgusting person I have ever known," Severus finally croaked. "Honestly, _cock!_" With that, he left the room, looking quite perturbed. Nathanyel was too warm and tired to care, though. Slowly, he glanced down, surprised to see some sort of liquid on his stomach. That _definitely_ wasn't there before.

Deciding that he could ask Lucius about it later, he rolled over and went to sleep.

---------------

Severus wasn't really angry at him. Just a bit put off. Nathanyel wasn't put of, though; he rather liked pleasing himself. He also rather liked the stuff that came out when he got to finishing. And, as it turned out, Lucius knew a lot more about pleasing yourself than he let on.

"Lucius, what's this?" Nathanyel held up the ball and straps, confused. "It's a ball gag," Lucius replied shortly, glancing up from his book. At Nathanyel's puzzled expression, he rolled his eyes. "It's used for sex."

"Oh."

"Where on earth did you get that, anyway?"

"Your room."

"Hey! Give it back!" Nathanyel handed it over, feeling rather sheepish. "Hm. Come on, I've got something for you." Grinning, Nathanyel followed Lucius to his room. Lucius never gave away things for no reason, so he was very excited. Once they'd reached his room, Lucius shut the door and rooted around in his trunk for a while. "Aha! Here you are." He handed Nathanyel something long and black; it looked like... A prick... Made of rubber.

"What is it?" Bewildered, Nathanyel tilted his head, trying to get a better view of the thing.

"It's a dildo. You use it to wank."

"_How?_" Lucius pointed to his bum. "_Oh_." Nathanyel blushed at the thought. "Will it fit?"

"If you stretch." Nathanyel looked down at the dildo again and squeezed.

"Nothing comes out," he muttered, a bit disappointed. Lucius chuckled.

"You're a regular little nymphet, aren't you?"

"I don't know." He squeezed the dildo one more time. "This doesn't work the way a real cock's supposed to," he sighed.

"You're not ready for a real cock," Lucius informed him, a hungry glint in his eyes.

"When will I be ready, then?"

"Oh, you're simply delicious."

"Thanks."

"Get out of here before I change my mind." Nathanyel wasn't quite sure what Lucius was going to change his mind about, but he didn't stay to find out.

"Severus?" Severus grunted, not looking up from his summer assignment. "What does it mean when Lucius calls me delicious?" Severus' quill paused mid-sentence.

"It means you need to start locking your bedroom door at night."

"Oh. He gave me a... Dildo." That was when Severus' eyes traveled down to... The item... In his hand.

"What-!?"

"Yeah, it's weird, isn't it?"

"It's disgusting! Put that away!"

"Oooh, it's coming after you!" Nathanyel cried, waving it in his face.

"Get it away from me! Oh, _gross_, don't let it touch me! EW EW EW _EWWWWW!!_" Nathanyel laughed as he backed up against the wall. "Lucius put that up his arse, you know!"

"I know."

"So get rid of it!"

"I'm sure it's clean. Besides, Lucius said I should try it." Severus fell silent and gaped at him. "What? It can't be all bad, if people do it all the time."

"...No _wonder_ you were so angry at me about Lupin." Nathanyel felt a lurch at the mention of the incident, and bit his lip.

"Just because... Just because I think Lucius gives good advice about... About these things... It doesn't mean I like boys." He could feel his face burning, and he couldn't stop thinking of that time he's seen Severus'... Erection. "Anyway," he ploughed on quickly, "even if I did, why would I fancy _you?_" Severus snorted and pushed him away.

"Yeah, right. You know, the way you talk about Lucius sometimes I think you fancy _him_." Nathanyel laughed a bit.

"He's my _cousin!_" Severus laughed a bit, too.

"That's never stopped a pureblood before." They looked at each other for a bit, then burst into fits of boyish giggling.

---------------

Nathanyel sighed happily. Although the dreams were worse than ever, and he was very sore, life was good. At the moment, at least. He was sitting in the study, reading with Severus, Olivia, and Uncle Laszlo, who kept interrupting them with amusing stories of his youth. After one particular anecdote that involved a very precariously placed broomstick, Olivia added her two knuts. "You know, Lucius gave Nathanyel a dildo." The silence was deafening.

"...Oh," Uncle Laszlo finally muttered lamely. "Well. That's... Awfully nice of him. Say, did I ever tell you about the time Cornelius Fudge was almost drowned by the giant squid?" No more was said of Lucius' generosity.

---------------

"Excuse me, s'il vous plaît." Nathanyel slid to the other side of the sofa he was sitting on so Giselle could reach between the cushions. "Merci beaucoup, Nathanyel," she thanked in her French accent. "Ah, such a nice, polite boy." At that, she narrowed her eyes at Severus, who'd been discreetly studying her over the top of his book.

"You're welcome, Giselle." Nathanyel stood and crossed the room to sit next to Severus. "What's the matter?"

"Well..." Severus frowned a bit, then lowered his voice. "Don't you think it's rather weird to see your uncle dressed up as a French maid, cleaning the house?"

"She's not my uncle," Nathanyel clarified. "Laszlo is my uncle. That's Giselle. There's a difference, you know."

"She's a drag queen!"

"Sh! Really, you'll hurt her feelings. You need to be more sensitive."

"And _you_ need to be less weird." Nathanyel only shrugged, and they sat reading for a bit. "Say... Isn't there another personality that you've mentioned?" Nathanyel nodded.

"Shinji," he muttered. "We don't see much of him, but he's around."

"What's he like?"

"Very quiet." Nathanyel shrugged. "Hey, we've only got a week left. Don't you want to go outside and do something?"

"If you insist."

"Alright! Let's go nick some of that lemonade the neighbors keep outside!"

"You mean the spiked kind?"

"Wheee!"

"Merlin help me."

* * *

Mwahaha! I know, I'm a pervert. Oh, well... So. Now you know that Nathanyel's sexuality is... Questionable. He'll find himself, eventually. Ya know. And I just had to add Giselle in there. She needed an appearance. Shinji will be in the next chapter. Speaking of which...  
  
Next Chapter: The strange things happening to Nathanyel come to a head. The deaths mentioned in SSS will occur, and Nathanyel and Remus will become a bit closer. Aww. Plus, Severus experiences his first ever crush. They're so cute at that age! 


	3. Year Three

This chapter, you discover the identity of Sevvie's crush, and then some ahem liberties with the bucking broom memory from OotP. Nathanyel finds out that perhaps it wasn't such a good idea to take his father's vitamins, after all, and learns about the joys of Lucius' hand.  
  
To Portable Swamp: Actually, I've never seen/read Neon Genesis Evangelion, though I've been dying to for the past... Oh... Three years. Now that I have a steady source of income, though, that will be my next anime purchase. I assure you.  
  
Sorry, but this chapter had a lot more Nathanyel POV than Sev POV. Mostly because something HUGE happens to Nathanyel. Anyway, enjoy.  
  
Disclaimer: J to the K to the izzle, fo' shizzle.

* * *

****

**Year Three**

****

-------Nathanyel--------

"Uncle Laszlo gave this to me on the platform." Nathanyel held out the long package.

"Nathanyel..." Severus was staring at it. "That's got to be a broomstick." Nathanyel groaned.

"I'm so bad with brooms, though!"

"It's alright, I can help you. Why'd he give you one, anyway?"

"Guess he felt guilty about knowing what my dad was up to all summer."

"Open it!" Sighing, Nathanyel tore the packaging open. Severus gaped at the silver broom that had been revealed with unadultered awe.

"Shit, Nathanyel! That's a Silver Arrow!"

"Really? It looks more like a silver _broom_, to me."

"Stop fucking around! This is a really high-quality broom! I mean... It's the best!"

"You want to see something _really_ spectacular?" With that, Nathanyel jumped up and started rummaging around in his trunk. He then presented a large, flat square thing.

"Is that..."

"Yes! One of those muggle things, a record! Isn't it beautiful?" He held it reverently to his chest, glowing.

"No."

"David Bowie," he hummed happily. "And that's not all." He went back to the trunk and a few minutes later... "It's a record player!"

"Does that thing use that electiticaca or whatever? Because that stuff doesn't work in Hogwarts."

"_Electricity_. And it's mechanical. See? There's a crank on the side."

"Oh, Merlin, you'll get pummeled."

"Plus, I'm taking Muggle Studies!"

"You're dead."

"I'm also taking Arithmancy, Ancient Runes, and Care of Magical Creatures."

"How many classes are you taking this year, anyway?" Severus raised an eyebrow.

"As many as I could fit into my schedule." Nathanyel beamed.

"Overachiever."

"Old biddy."

"You mean nothing to me."

"You've shamed this family."

"I'm never speaking to you again."

"YOU BROKE MY HEART!" Then they jumped up to get some candies from the snack trolley.

---------------

Severus was staring at Bellatrix Black again. Of course, she didn't pay him any attention. But he was staring, all the same. Nathanyel didn't like it. "Do you fancy her?" He asked, sounding a bit more snappish than he'd meant to.

"Huh?" Severus blinked and looked over. "What was that?"

"I asked if you fancied Bellatrix Black," he grumbled.

"Oh..." Severus blushed deeply. "I... Well- she's quite pretty, don't you think?"

"If that's all you like about her, then you might as well give up on it now," Nathanyel snapped, and stood up.

"What's got you all pissed off?"

"Nothing." His stomach felt like it was being twisted, and his muscles were tight, as if he wanted to hit something. Or someone. Particularly Bellatrix.

"Oh, come on. Alright- so I fancy her- it's no big deal. She wouldn't look twice at me, so what does it matter? It's not like I'm going to ditch you or anything." He was still angry.

"Well... I just... I don't like it. She's off, I know it."

"Don't be ridiculous," Severus dismissed.

"I'd rather be ridiculous than lusting after Bellatrix Black," he muttered sullenly, leaving the common room to find something more calming to do.

---------------

Nathanyel gulped, staring warily down at the Silver Arrow. He wasn't sure about this, he just wasn't sure. "It's giving me strange looks," he whispered unsteadily.

"Stop being stupid," Severus scolded. "Brooms can't give you strange looks."

"Oh, yes, they can." Nathanyel was reminded unpleasantly of his first flying lesson.

"Listen, you just need to feel confident. Treat it right. Watch me." With a single command, Severus had his broom firmly in his grip, and soon was soaring over head. "It really isn't that hard!" he called down. Nathanyel looked back down at the Silver Arrow.

"What do you reckon?" It was sizing him up. "My name's Nathanyel. You?" It seemed to be alright with him.

"What are you doing?" Severus shouted irritably.

"His name is Edward!" Nathanyel replied.

"Just get up here!"

"You think we could manage, Edward?" Edward agreed that it was worth a try. Cautiously, Nathanyel called him; he jumped into his hand. Then, with a deep breath, Nathanyel mounted him and kicked off. It was actually rather nice, being in the air. And it was very comforting to ride a broom he could trust.

"Alright, land now!" Severus ordered, soaring back to the ground. Nathanyel followed, grinning a bit as he waited for further instruction. "Well, next thing we've got to do is... Is..." He trailed off, going slightly red. Nathanyel glanced over his shoulder to see Bellatrix Black approaching.

"Ignore her," he muttered.

"Right. Right." Nathanyel thought he heard sniggering from nearby. "Well... First we'll... Er... We'll mount..." He trailed off, grabbing his broom. Nathanyel could practically feel Bellatrix getting closer, and tried to shut out her presence completely as he watched Severus. Then, there was muttering from somewhere close by, though Severus was too distracted to hear it.

And the broom went berserk. It started jerking and bucking wildly, but Severus, turning ever redder, persisted in trying to mount it. Just when Nathanyel thought it couldn't have gotten any worse for him, it did. Bellatrix started laughing. Loudly.

Clenching his jaw, Nathanyel slipped his hand into his pocket and tightly gripped his wand. "Stop it," he growled stiffly, not quite ready to turn around. Bellatrix only laughed louder. With a deep breath, Nathanyel whirled around. "You shut up!" he shouted at her. She probably would have been surprised that he was even speaking to her, but he didn't get a chance to see it, since he found himself being hit by a curse from behind.

He recognized that laughter. James Potter and Sirius Black.

With a long-suffering sigh, he pushed himself to his feet and turned to face them. In the process, he was happy to see that Severus had given up on mounting the bucking broom. "Get the fuck out of here," Severus growled.

"Wow, Page," James muttered, grinning and completely ignoring Severus. "You don't even know how to ride a _broom?_ How pathetic."

"Brooms don't agree with me," Nathanyel replied simply. Peter Pettigrew, standing next to James, laughed nervously. Remus, standing a ways off to the side, grimaced a bit and looked away. He obviously expected a fight to break out.

"We don't much agree with you, either." Nathanyel rolled his eyes.

"Just go away. I'm sure you've got much better things to do than torture us."

"Actually, no. We don't." Letting out a long-suffering sigh, Nathanyel dropped onto his stomach as curses started flying. Pulling out his wand, he started casting bat-bogey curses and a neat shocking hex that Lucius had taught him.

"BREAK IT UP!! I SAID BREAK IT UP, NOW!!!" Madam Hooch came seemingly out of nowhere, ceasing fire and hauling Nathanyel to his feet, along with James, who had been hit with one of his shocking hexes. "WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING!? THIS KIND OF BEHAVIOR IS UNACCEPTABLE!! TWENTY POINTS _EACH_ FROM THE LOT OF YOU!!"

"If you please," Nathanyel interjected calmly, "I'd like to plead self-defense." Madam Hooch opened her mouth, presumably to scold him, when a soft choking sound came from Severus' general direction. Nathanyel look around to see him kneeling on the ground, holding his broom, which was split into three pieces.

"It's... It's..." He trailed off, staring at it in disbelief. Edward was very unhappy about the recent turn of events, as well. Nathanyel felt his stomach wrench.

"They murdered her," Nathanyel muttered.

"Another twenty points from Gryffindor!" Madam Hooch shrilled. "Destruction of property! Disrespect towards enchanted objects! Detention! _Go!_" The three of them fled immediately, but Remus lingered.

"Sorry," he mouthed silently, looking like he truly meant it.

"Mr. Lupin!" Madam Hooch warned, and he was gone.

"Can it be fixed?" Nathanyel asked.

"No," she replied, sounding slightly sympathetic. She must have been a Slytherin. "Mr. Snape. Your broom pieces..." Severus hugged them a bit closer to his chest.

"But... But..."

"Very well. You may keep them." With that, she stalked off across the Quidditch pitch.

-------Severus--------

Severus stared sadly down at what was left of his broom. He'd had the broom for four years. Four wonderful years. And it was gone. Had been, for over a week. He still couldn't get over it, though. There was no replacing his broom. There was no use even trying. "Severus?" He quickly hid the pieces in his trunk and wiped his eyes a bit as Nathanyel entered the dorm, holding his Silver Arrow. "Edward and I have come to a decision." Severus still thought it was sort of creepy that Nathanyel had named his broom. And treated it like an actual person.

"You have?" he asked warily. Approaching slowly, Nathanyel nodded. Then, with a deep breath, he held out his broom.

"You should have Edward." Severus could tell that his mouth was hanging open, but he couldn't seem to shut it. "You like flying better than I do, anyway. You'd make Edward happier than I could." It was still really creepy.

"I... I... Nathanyel... I can't take your broom..."

"Yes you can." He forced it into Severus' hands. "Keep him. I know you're miserable about not having a broom, so... So you can have Edward. If I really wanted to fly, I could always use one of the school brooms."

"No, I can't." He couldn't believe it.

"You can and you will. And make sure you use Silverman's High-Shine Silver-toned broom polish. Edward likes that the best." On that note, Nathanyel scurried from the room, leaving Severus holding Edward. The broom.

"Well... I guess it's just you and me, then, Edward." The broom vibrated, just a bit.

---------------

Nathanyel was out on the Quidditch field, swinging a beater's bat over and over at nothing. Severus watched for a bit, listening to the grumbles of the Slytherin Quidditch team as they tramped into the locker rooms to change. "Honestly, letting that psychopath handle the equipment..."

"He'll probably break it all..."

"Yeah, and lose the snitch..." Severus ignored them, and shuffled over to the stands, where he sat in the front row and watched. Nathanyel just kept swinging. And he was humming something.

"Hmmm hmmm hmmm... Kokorono koede sandanjyuno youni... Utai tsuzuketa..." And he swung with one arm, spun around, and fell on his back. Severus rolled his eyes; grace was definitely not a trait that Nathanyel possessed.

"What are you doing?" Severus called. Nathanyel remained motionless, laying spread-eagle on the ground. Sighing, Severus hoisted himself to his feet and joined Nathanyel out on the pitch, though he refused to lay on his back. "What are you doing?" he repeated.

"The sky's blue today." Severus, irritated, let out a snort.

"I noticed."

"Sometimes it's orange."

"I'm aware of that."

"Or purple." A slow smile spread across his face. "Sometimes green and silver, very early in the morning."

"What's your problem?" Severus snapped, annoyed by the pointless statements.

"Do you know _why_ the sky is colored like this?" Nathanyel asked quietly.

"_No_." He almost added, "And I don't want to," but held his tongue.

"The atmosphere. It blocks out certain types of light on the electromagnetic spectrum." Severus wasn't sure what the hell an electromagnetic spectrum was supposed to be, but he had a feeling it had something to do with muggles. "It's filtered." Nathanyel stretched his hand toward the sky, spreading his fingers. "Like we're in a big fish tank."

"But we aren't," Severus replied, glowering. "So get up, already."

"If you close your eyes just right and roll your eyes up in your head it feels like the ground is falling."

"Have you been hit by a bludger or something?" Nathanyel's sleeve slipped down, just a bit, as he shook his hand. His arm still looked awful, bruised with veins looking ready to burst.

"Father sent me my vitamins. I have to take them every day. It's important." Nathanyel's voice was so mild and bland, though, that he sounded as if he didn't much care.

"You shouldn't drink that stuff. I think it's probably poisoned or something."

"I don't care anymore." He paused, lifting his other arm, which looked just as bad as the first. "I don't care about anything, today." He seemed to be thinking as he traced the outlines of the clouds with his fingers. "Except you."

"Thanks. I'm flattered." He watched for a bit. "What about tomorrow?"

"Maybe I'll care about something new tomorrow. I don't know."

"..." Severus looked up at the sky. Electromagnetic spectrum, huh? "...Let me see your neck." With a sigh, Nathanyel rolled over onto his stomach, and Severus knelt down to inspect the back of his neck. It was red, with a small raised bruise like a pinpoint in the middle. There were a few veins there, too. It didn't look so bad, if he squinted. "You definitely shouldn't be drinking that stuff."

"Like I said," Nathanyel murmured, rolling back over, "I don't care."

"You should."

"You can care for me," he offered. Severus considered for a few moments.

"Alright, fine." He sat down next to Nathanyel, leaned back on his hands, and looked up at the sky. "So what else do you know about this electromagnetic stuff?"

---------------

Severus was alone, for once, since Nathanyel still had double Muggle Studies and his classes were all over for the day. He was just thinking about how much he wanted his birthday to come... November 18th seemed such a long way off, though... Why wouldn't it just get there? Nathanyel acted like he had some big fancy present all planned out, and Severus was getting suspicious. However, if it was indeed something good... Well, then he'd better give Nathanyel some time alone at Hogsmeade. Which was the next day, actually.

Nathanyel would probably be overexcited about his first Hogsmeade trip. Really, they'd been there over the summer. Severus lived there, after all. And it wasn't so great. Not really.

Except for the apothecary. And Honeydukes. And Dervish and Banges.

Alright, so maybe it was alright. But still... Nothing worth getting excited over. Unless you were getting a birthday present.

---------------

"I'm so excited!" Nathanyel bounced a bit on his heels, grinning from ear to ear as they waited in the entrance hall. Severus rolled his eyes; he _knew_ Nathanyel would be far too worked up.

"It's not big deal, really." He shrugged. "So... What are you getting me?"

"Not telling!" Nathanyel winked at him. "It'll be a _big_ surprise." Severus glanced around before leaning in and lowering his voice.

"It had better not be a dildo."

"Don't worry. It's much better than that." They were at the doors now, and Filch was checking them off on his list. It wasn't long before they were walking across the grounds, heading for Hogsmeade. "This will be fun," Nathanyel sighed. "Much better than sitting around in the common room all day."

"So... Where do you want to go first?"

"Honeydukes!"

"I'm not in the mood for sweets. You can go alone." Nathanyel need some time alone to get his present, after all...

"If you insist."

--------Nathanyel-------

Nathanyel entered Honeydukes sweets shop, grinning to himself. Severus hadn't wanted to come, so Nathanyel had promised to get him some Fizzing Whizbees. He sucked in the sweet air, ready to fulfill his sugar addiction. That was when he spotted Remus Lupin, looking at chocolates. Alone. He didn't even need to think about it before he'd approached the boy, but for some reason he was still nervous. "Er... Hullo." Remus looked up and smiled.

"Hello."

"Where're your friends?" He didn't want to get into a fight at the moment.

"Off at Zonko's."

"Why didn't you go with them?"

"I was more in the mood for treats than tricks."

"Ah. Me, too." Silence. "You like chocolate the best or is that for someone else?"

"Honeydukes' chocolate is my favorite," he replied happily, picking out a bar as large as his head. "The fudge is good, too."

"My favorite's acid pops."

"Oh... Isn't that painful?"

"Yes." Nathanyel shrugged as he took a bulk bag and started filling it with the candy in question. He added some blood pops and cockroach clusters, then some Fizzing Whizbees, which were Severus' favorites.

"I've never tried cockroach clusters," Remus said over the chattering students. "Are they good?"

"To die for," Nathanyel hummed, grabbing a bar of chocolate even larger than the one Remus had chosen, and a good amount of fudge to go with it. "I think that's about all I'll need for today. Do you want to take a walk with me?" Remus blinked a bit, then grinned.

"Sure." They paid for their candy and exited the small shop.

"So how's it been over in Gryffindor?"

"Alright. Er... How did Severus manage with his broken broom?"

"I gave him mine." Remus looked thunderstruck, but Nathanyel just shrugged. "I'm not very good at flying. I could just use a school broom, anyway." He was pensive for a moment. "Or a flying umbrella. I snuck into a muggle film once and saw that."

"Muggles think up the strangest things."

"So I missed you. Over the summer." Nathanyel smiled. "I like it better when you're around." Remus looked a bit put off.

"But we hardly ever talk."

"That's no reason not to like you." Nathanyel gave a little sniff. "And it isn't as if I was _pining_." Remus grinned at him.

"Oh." He was still grinning.

"It's Sev's birthday soon, you know."

"Really?" Nathanyel nodded.

"I told him I was getting him something spectacular." Remus tilted his head a bit.

"What are you getting him?"

"No idea." Nathanyel smiled. "But that's the thing of it; I know I'll find something." He skipped a bit. "Do you want to go anywhere?"

"I'm fine just walking." They were heading toward the Shrieking Shack, which was supposed to be terribly haunted, but Nathanyel was sure that if it was, the ghosts would prefer to stay inside the house.

"Do you think the Shrieking Shack's really haunted?" It was within sight now, looming like some sort of... Menacing thing... That looms...

"No," Remus replied rather flippantly. "It's just a bunch of stories." They stopped in front of the Shrieking Shack and silently looked out at it. For someone who didn't believe it was haunted, Remus was getting quite put off. "So... So yeah. This is nice." He turned away and, almost as an afterthought, jumped up on the fence and sat there. Nathanyel joined him, kicking his feet up and studying his dirty shoes.

"Remus?"

"Hm?" Remus swung his legs a bit, intently studying the ground.

"Do you still fancy Severus?" Remus stopped swinging his legs and snapped his head up, looking slightly alarmed. "I don't mind if you do. I was just wondering."

"Oh... Well... Yes. I do." Nathanyel sighed quietly.

"I imagine it would be hard to stop fancying someone, once you started." Remus nodded.

"Have you ever fancied someone?"

"No. I don't think I would enjoy it much, though, so it doesn't bother me."

"You're right. It's not very enjoyable." Remus bit his lip, and looked down again. "Have you ever kissed anyone? On the lips, I mean."

"Nope." Nathanyel leaned back, looking up at a passing cloud. "I don't think kissing is all that fun. People make it out to be better than it really is. That's what Lucius told me, at least." He looked back down at Remus, who was a little closer now.

"Never even held hands?"

"Nuh-uh. Not like _that_, anyway." Remus sighed.

"Neither have I." There was a long time then, when they didn't talk. Nathanyel didn't mind at all; he liked just sitting, and it was nice to do it with someone else. "Has Severus ever kissed?" Remus finally asked.

"Nope. Nothing." Nathanyel frowned. "He fancies Bellatrix Black."

"Oh."

"I don't like her. I can tell there's something off about her."

"Yes," Remus agreed.

"If you're really curious about kissing, though, Lucius told me a lot about what he does. He says he kisses with lots of tongue all the time, and it makes you really horny. But I only get like that when I wake up at night, sometimes, or when I touch myself." Remus was blushing.

"A lot of times I get like that in the shower. With other boys. It's embarrassing."

"I wouldn't mind, if I was in the shower with you. It happens to everyone." He kicked his feet up a bit. "Even girls, but it doesn't show so much with them."

"How do you know?" Remus seemed surprised.

"My cousin, Olivia, she told me. She said she has dreams about the boy near her house who sells fish. Some of them are really weird, though." Remus laughed weakly.

"Oh. Hah."

"Sometimes I have weird dreams like that, too. Do you? Because I'm not even sure if it's normal." Remus looked rather pink.

"Er... Yeah. It's normal." And then Remus grabbed his hand. "Happens to me all the time." It was awfully warm, Remus' hand.

"About Sev?"

"Sometimes." Remus really was awfully nice.

"Sometimes I have strange dreams that make me feel like that, but they aren't... Well, I not sure they're supposed to." He hadn't even told Severus that. "I keep dreaming about wolves." Remus looked uncomfortable.

"Wolves?"

"Yes. Running, and it's cold but hot at the same time, and everything's like the volume's been turned up on it... Then I'm under water, but that's a different part altogether. I don't much like the water part, come to think of it."

"You don't like swimming?"

"No, it's not that." Nathanyel narrowed his eyes a bit. "I like your skin." He wanted more than anything to simply change the subject. "It's warm and soft. A lot softer than Sev's." Remus blushed again.

"Thank you." They fell into an awkward silence.

"... ... ..._Cock_." Remus' mouth fell open as he turned to stare at Nathanyel.

"_Pardon?_"

"Cock." Remus still seemed a bit put off, though he shuffled a little closer.

"Cock, you said?" Nathanyel nodded. "Er... Why?"

"I like the word. _Cock_. Isn't that fun?"

"I... I don't know."

"Go on, say it. COCK!"

"Er... _Cock_."

"Cock!" Nathanyel giggled a bit. "COCK!!!"

"COCK!!" Remus laughed, too.

"COOOOOCK!!" Nathanyel bellowed.

"COOOOOCK!!" Remus repeated, with a long howl. A long, very realistic howl. Blushing, he clamped a hand over his mouth and turned his eyes to the ground. "Sorry. I got a bit carried away."

"That's alright," Nathanyel replied. "I liked it." It was... What was that word Lucius was always using? _Sexy_. "Er... The howling was... Umm... Sexy." He colored when he said it. Just another lovely word to add to his vocabulary.

"...You think so?" Remus asked quietly, and placed his free hand on Nathanyel's thigh, leaning forward.

"Yes."

"Thank you..." Remus leaned forward even more, licking his lips. Nathanyel wondered what he was trying to do.

"OI!!" Then he fell off the fence with a thud. Nathanyel sighed, hopping down to help him up.

"Hello, Severus," he greeted as Remus nervously brushed off his cloak.

"I saw what you were trying to do," Severus hissed coldly, narrowing his eyes at Remus.

"I- I'm sorry." He was looking very pink by then.

"Get out of here before I hex you!"

"Severus, stop it!" Nathanyel insisted, grabbing his arm. Severus sneered.

"He was trying to kiss you." Surprised, Nathanyel took a step back, blinking.

"No he wasn't." He turned to Remus. "Isn't that right?" Remus nodded quickly.

"Oh, yes, that's right. I- I wasn't trying anything, honest." Severus continued to sneer. "Well... I need to go, anyway. Er... Bye." Nathanyel watched him go.

"That wasn't nice," he bit out, more harshly than he'd meant to.

"I don't care!" Severus growled. "I don't... I don't care. He was trying to kiss you!"

"No he wasn't." Remus wouldn't do a thing like that. He still fancied Severus, after all. "He still fancies _you_." Severus turned beet red.

"I-I- _Don't say that!_" Breathing rather heavily he turned away, balling his hands into fists. "I don't like it." He shivered. "I don't like the way he looks at me." There was silence, and Nathanyel supposed that maybe the way Severus acted around Remus wasn't just because he liked other boys.

"...Well... Alright. Do you want to go get some butterbeer or something?"

"In a little while. I... I need to do something. Private." Severus left without saying goodbye.

-------Severus--------

Hogsmeade had been a disaster. Severus was sorry for shouting at Nathanyel, of course, but... He didn't want to apologize. Nathanyel knew, anyway.

"Hi." He walked into the third year dorms rather warily; he didn't want to encounter anyone else. Luckily, Nathanyel was alone, apparently doing homework. "What's that for?"

"Astronomy," Nathanyel murmured. "I like that class. You know, Barty Crouch Jr. is my partner, because no one else likes to work with him. He's not so bad, though." Severus sat down on the bed, and Nathanyel set his star chart aside. They were quiet for a long time. "I know you didn't mean to yell at me," Nathanyel finally sighed. "And I didn't mean to snap at you." Severus nodded.

"So I guess that makes us even."

"I guess." Wordlessly, they agreed that it was settled. "Severus..." Nathanyel was giving him a funny look.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" Severus frowned, feeling apprehensive as Nathanyel leaned forward, eyes focused on a spot near the bottom of his face.

"I was just wondering what it's like to kiss someone." Severus barely had time to register the statement when Nathanyel fell forward, eyes drooping closed. Yelping, he jumped back, and Nathanyel missed, kissing his neck. With a snarl, Severus pushed him away.

"Don't you _ever_ do that again!! Do you hear me!? _NEVER!!_" Nathanyel cringed and backed up against the headboard, his star chart floating to the ground.

"I didn't mean to! Sorry! I'm sorry, okay?" Disgusted, Severus jumped to his feet, wiping his neck off.

"Why do you do things like that?" he insisted.

"I don't know." Nathanyel hugged his pillow close to his chest, looking frightened.

"Don't pretend to be scared! I know you're not! I know you're just acting!" Nathanyel was shaking, but Severus knew he was just pretending. Nathanyel would never be afraid of him. "Why do you have to act like this!?" He didn't answer, just shook his head. "_Answer me!_"

"I- I'm bleeding!" he finally gasped, tossing his pillow to the ground. It had red stains on it. "I'm bleeding!" Severus gaped at the red spots blossoming over his shirt sleeves.

"Nathanyel! I- I'm sorry, just calm down-"

"Where are my vitamins? I need my vitamins, I need to take them-" he lunged for the bedside table.

"No!" Severus caught him and dragged him to the floor. "I'm taking you to the infirmary!"

---------------

"I didn't mean to upset you," Severus muttered. Nathanyel lay in bed in the infirmary, staring at the ceiling.

"I know."

"I'll make it up to you."

"Alright."

"I'll help you practice flying. We can go out to the Quidditch pitch as soon as you're better." Blinking, Nathanyel turned toward him.

"You mean it?"

"Yes, I mean it. I didn't mean to make you- have fits. Or whatever it was."

"...It was the vitamins, wasn't it?" Severus nodded.

"..." They both stared at the ceiling.

---------------

"Aren't you going to get a broom from the broom shed?" Severus asked, eyeing Nathanyel as he stepped out onto the Quidditch pitch. He still had bandages around his arms.

"Nope." Nathanyel grinned. "I got a little something from Hogsmeade to help with that problem." Still smiling, he presented an umbrella from behind his back. "Ta-da!"

"...An umbrella." Nathanyel nodded.

"And it's green!"

"What the hell are you going to use _that_ for!?"

"Flying." Severus gaped. "I got it at Oswald Osgood's Outstanding Oddities!" With that, he opened the umbrella, held it up, and hopped. But he didn't come down. Instead, he began to float away.

"Hey! Hey, come back here!"

"Wheeeee!"

"_Nathanyel!_"

"I feel just like Mary Poppins!" He flew away across the Quidditch pitch, spinning slightly as he went. Severus, despite the fact that he had no idea who Mary Poppins was, followed closely on foot, until he finally got fed up and mounted... Edward.

"Get down on the ground!" Severus insisted.

"No!" Nathanyel replied, glowing. "This is so much fun! I'm so happy!" He laughed a bit and looked up, the umbrella carrying him further away.

"You'll hurt yourself! That thing's not meant to be used!"

"Oh, calm down!" Severus tried to pull him away from the umbrella and onto the broom, but every time he got close enough Nathanyel would spin or jerk away, staying just out of reach. "You should try this!"

"It's dangerous!" Nathanyel floated over the stands, his feet just barely skimming the seats, then turned back toward the Quidditch pitch and began to gently descend. Soon enough, he was back on solid ground; a wave of warm relief washed over Severus as he joined Nathanyel on the pitch. "You could have gotten hurt!"

"So?"

"So I was worried!" Nathanyel smiled warmly.

"There was no need to worry. Promise."

"I didn't want you getting hurt, is all."

"Don't be such a mother."

"I am _not_ a mother!" Nathanyel laughed.

"Could've fooled me!" Severus rolled his eyes.

"Just get a fucking broom." But he was glad that Nathanyel was alright.

---------------

"Happy birthday!" Severus opened his eyes to see Nathanyel standing over him with something very large and lumpy, wrapped in luridly pink paper.

"Get out of here..." he groaned. "I'm trying to sleep."

"But it's your birthday! Come on, we do this every year!" With a bit more groaning and grumbling, Severus sat up in bed. "Here." Nathanyel shoved the lumpy pink thing into his arms and looked at him expectantly.

"Oh... Alright. I'll open it." He tore off the wrapping paper, crumpled it, and threw it aside. It really was horrible. "Oh... My... _Fuck!_"

"You like it?"

"Of course I like it!" It was a distiller, the professional kind that potions masters used. "How... Where?"

"It's my secret." Nathanyel winked knowingly and pressed a finger to his nose.

"Oh, wow." Severus stared at it.

"I know, isn't great?" Nathanyel puffed up with barely contained pride.

"You weren't kidding when you said it was spectacular. Um... Thanks."

"You're welcome." Nathanyel jumped on the bed and hugged him. "What are friends for?"

"For getting good gifts, apparently." Together, they snorted with laughter.

---------------

Christmas at Nathanyel's house was better than usual. Laszlo and his family came, of course, and there was Aunt Gertrude and her gingerbread cookies, and of course Lucius, but Nathanyel's grandfather was absent from the festivities. The atmosphere in the house seemed a lot less tense without him, actually.

They were in the parlor with Lucius, who was reading one of his sex books (gross) and Olivia, who was folding paper with Nathanyel. "Why are you making paper dolls?" Severus scoffed, scanning a bookshelf for something interesting.

"It's called origami," Olivia informed him, rather testily.

"It's fun!" Nathanyel insisted, folding some sort of bird and charming it to flap up to Severus and peck at him.

"No it _isn't_," Severus grumbled, swatting the paper bird away.

"You've never even tried it," Olivia pointed out.

"I don't like to fold paper. It's for babies." Olivia tossed a paper box at him.

"_Lucius_ likes origami," Nathanyel proclaimed. "Don't you, Lucius?"

"Sure," Lucius agreed mildly. Nathanyel then edged up to his chair and held out a piece of red paper. Lucius eyed it warily for a moment, then took it with a long sigh. A few minutes later, he tossed a red paper penis onto the floor in front of Nathanyel, wordlessly turning back to his book.

---------------

Yawning, Severus entered the common room early, noting that it was the first of February; he always payed attention to the first of every month. He wasn't sure why, though. "...What the...?" The common room was filled with moving paper animals, two of every kind. Some of them were even making noises, though not all the animals were making the _right_ sounds. There was a chirping cow and a hiccoughing giraffe, and two aardvarks that crowed incessantly. In the middle of it all sat Nathanyel, folding a pair of butterflies.

"Good morning, Severus." He gaped.

"What are you _doing?_"

"I say we call it Slytherin's ark."

"We? _We?_"

"Yes, we."

"You are _not_ getting me involved in this." Severus flopped down into a squashy armchair in front of the greenish fire, crushing one of the pigs. "Professor Auric is going to go insane when he sees this."

"Naw," Nathanyel dismissed lightly.

He got detention for two weeks.

----------------

"First day of spring!" Severus batted Nathanyel away, concentrating on his Arithmancy homework.

"Get out of here," he muttered, going through his numbers.

"Ooh, that looks exciting," Nathanyel intoned, staring down at his charts. "I can't wait to do that next year."

"You can do it now, if you like." Nathanyel laughed.

"No thanks." Then he grabbed the chart, blew on the ink, and rolled it up. "Come sit with me."

"Fine, but I'm bringing my Transfiguration paper." He crawled up to the fire and sat on the floor. Grunting, Severus joined him.

"What's that?"

"My Ancient Runes assignment." Nathanyel sighed, pointing to a character. "Sev, do you know what this rune means?" Severus glanced briefly at it, then muttered a reply in his usual reserved way, eyes not leaving his Transfiguration essay.

"Yeah. It says, 'Fuck your mama.'" Nathanyel giggled and leaned against him, laughing at the suddenly hilarious symbols upon his parchment. The other students ignored them; they all knew better by then, not to bother the weirdos.

"Or maybe," Nathanyel suggested, "It says 'fuck you.'" Severus felt an inexplicable jolt at the suggestion, not in the least unpleasant.

"Maybe." And his fingers went to Nathanyel's feathery hair, completely of their own accord. Still, everyone else ignored them.

-------Nathanyel--------

With a contented sigh, Nathanyel sat down in the courtyard. It was May, his birthday month. His birthday would be in two weeks. He was looking forward to it; Lucius had promised to get him something grown up, because when he turned fourteen he'd be old enough for a real cock. It was very exciting business. "Hey, what are you doing?" Severus sat down next to him, sucking on a sugar quill.

"I'm just thinking," Nathanyel replied. Severus nodded. "...About my birthday," he then added slyly.

"Oh. Well, don't worry. My gift is going to be a lot better than the one you got me." Nathanyel snorted.

"I doubt it." Severus smirked.

"Trust me, I'll outdo you." Laughing softly, Nathanyel stood and stretched.

"I'd like to see you try." Without waiting for an answer, he skipped off; Muggle Studies was next, and that was always fascinating.

---------------

Nathanyel really hadn't meant to make any trouble. Really. But he'd been tired, and he'd just had one of those weird dreams; he'd wandered off and gotten lost. He'd never bothered to explore the dungeons, but he was starting to think that it would be a good idea.

Then he'd heard voices, though he couldn't quite make out what they were saying. Something about rape, which Lucius had said was when you made someone have sex with you. Nathanyel didn't think he'd appreciate it very much if someone did that to him. In any case, he supposed that he should ask for directions.

That was when everything went wrong. Nathanyel could tell right away that they were three seventh years, two in his house and one in Ravenclaw, and they were angry. But, he needed directions. "Er... Do you-"

"He heard us," the smallest one said to the biggest one. "Didn't you?" That was directed at Nathanyel, and it didn't much sound like a question.

"Well, I just-"

"I knew it!"

"It's very rude to interrupt, you know." There was silence. Apparently, the older boys didn't like being reminded of their manners.

"Shut up." That was the middle one. "You're that barmy kid, Page, aren't you?" Nathanyel nodded. "Let's get rid of him." He'd barely had time to register that _that_ sounded very bad before he was suddenly in an awful lot of pain. A punch to the stomach will do that to a person.

"Ouch," he managed to work out. Then he was hit in the face and slammed against a wall.

He was getting very frightened. They wanted to get rid of him. That meant they wanted to kill him, didn't it? He didn't want to die. That was a bad thing. Very bad. He was most definitely terrified. And in a lot of pain. He was starting to panic, in fact. His skin was prickling, his eyes stung, his neck and arms were sore... There was a strange rushing sound filling his ears, and everything was going black.

If this was what it was like to die, he thought, he didn't much like it.

Then came the scariest part. It was dark, he was having trouble breathing, and he was sure he was just imagining the boggart.

It smiled, reached out, and grabbed his shoulder. _No, no, not a boggart, no_. It wasn't it, it was Him. And He laughed, just a bit, like a child given a gift.

Nathanyel tried to be brave, but it was awfully difficult to do so while in the middle of passing out.

---------------

Nathanyel woke up very gradually and sorely. It felt like waking from a nightmare. Into one.

His head was pounding, he was more sore than ever, and his eyes felt bleary. Besides that, he was standing in the middle of a disaster area. Everything was broken- even the boys who'd attacked him. "Oh, no," Nathanyel muttered.

"We were bad," He whispered gleefully.

Nathanyel winced and turned around, but there was no one there. There was _no one_. He was alone, the only disturbance in the stagnant air the steady sound of water dripping from some far off place.

Some water was red.

It was very cold.

Shivering, he sat down to wait.

He was bleeding.

--------------

"Mr. Page." Professor McGonagall was standing over him, and he was in a bed. The hospital wing. There were bandages around his wrists and forearms, like when Severus had yelled at him and he'd started bleeding. Except that now there were bandages around his neck, too. He shivered.

"It was me," he confessed. There was silence.

"I don't think you quite understand the situation," she pushed on delicately. "Your classmates are... Are..."

"Dead," he offered.

"Yes."

"I did it." She gave him a stern look.

"What happened?"

"I don't remember," he muttered. "Everything went dark and when I woke up... I knew. I know I've done something horrible." She looked lost for words. "You can send me away if you like. Or kill me. I deserve it."

"Mr. Page," she finally intoned, knitting her eyebrows together. "There is no proof of your guilt in the matter. There's no guarantee you even recall things correctly."

"But I do," he answered, and wished would leave him alone. "He said we were bad." She suddenly seemed much more severe.

"There was someone else there?"

"No."

"But you were talking about someone else!" She looked rather frustrated.

"Yes." She's probably expected him to deny it.

"You... You need rest. The Headmaster will be in shortly to speak to you."

"Alright."

-------------

"Are you aware of your actions?" The Headmaster looked at him over his spectacles.

"Yes."

"And were they intentional?"

"No."

"I see." He leaned back in the chair he'd conjured up next to the bed. "Your parents have been informed of the circumstances." Nathanyel felt his stomach drop to his feet. He knew his father would be pleased.

"What's going to happen?" He wanted to know.

"You will not be sent away from this school," Dumbledore replied, almost reading his mind. "The rest will be decided later."

"Am I allowed visitors?" He missed Severus.

"Yes. In fact, I think it would do you a world of good. Mr. Snape has been quite anxious to see you."

"Really?" That cheered him up a bit.

"Indeed. I will return this evening to further discuss the matter. In the meantime, do try to relax." He stood and left, letting Severus into the hospital wing as he did so. Severus was at his side immediately, sitting in Dumbledore's deserted chair and fussing over him.

"Are you alright? What happened? Are you hurt? Do you need something?" Shocked, Nathanyel stared at him.

"You are such a mother." He went just a little red.

"No I'm not!" Nathanyel smiled.

"I'm glad you came." Severus rolled his eyes.

"Why wouldn't I?" Nathanyel only shrugged. "So... I heard that... You killed some seventh years." He looked away.

"Yes."

"...Fuck." There was a long silence between them. "Are you expelled?"

"No." There was a bitter taste in his mouth. "My father has a lot of influence."

"Well... It's not like you _want_ to be expelled, or anything." Nathanyel nodded. "Just don't worry about it."

"Do you think I'm a monster?" He asked abruptly. Severus blinked.

"No, of course not." They were silent for a moment. "I trust you, Nathanyel. I know you didn't want to hurt anyone." Nathanyel could feel the back of his eyes stinging, and reached out to embrace Severus.

"You were right," he muttered, tightly wrapping his arms around Severus' neck.

"About what?"

"Your present is much better than mine."

---------------

His father was there. He knew before he could even see him. He didn't want to know why. "Nathanyel." He opened his eyes to see his father looming over him. His neat brown hair looked a bit disheveled, and his eyes were bright. "Is what I've been hearing about you true?"

"Yes," Nathanyel replied quietly. His teeth looked almost sharp as his face pulled into something halfway between a sneer and a smirk.

"I see. Well, it seems you've turned out to be less disappointing than I'd anticipated." Nathanyel refused to turn away, but he tried not to listen. "Perhaps there's a place for you in this family, after all... In the family _business_..." Those horrible green eyes were full of undiluted pleasure. "Of course, you'll need to be less obtuse... You've a lot to learn." Nathanyel didn't want to learn anything. He just wanted to roll over and go back to sleep and never wake up. "Which is why I'm sending you away this summer." Nathanyel gasped; he tried to hide his dismay, but it was no use. His father's smirk-sneer grew larger. "You'll be with Laszlo for the summer. And, hopefully, Shinji. I expect you to learn." Nathanyel tried to keep his resolve, but it was slowly fading. "You'll make a very lovely weapon." Outright grinning, now, his father turned to go.

Nathanyel waited until he was out of hearing range, then turned onto his stomach and cried into his pillow.

---------------

Nathanyel was in the hospital wing pretty much alone for two days. Severus could only visit when he wasn't busy with classes or assignments, the other students were put in beds in a different ward, and owls kept flying through the windows to deliver hate mail from parents.

On the third morning, he woke up at daybreak. There were the telltale noises of a patient being put to bed, which the ward had been devoid of during his entire stay. He opened his eyes just a crack and turned to his head to the right to see Madam Pomfrey helping Remus into the bed next to him.

Remus looked terrible. He was pale, with dark circles under his eyes, and covered with bruises and cuts. He looked as if he'd been mauled by a wild animal, or something of the sort. Nathanyel watched Madam Pomfrey tut over him for a few minutes, then give him a potion and bustle away. He stared at it forlornly, a crease forming between his eyebrows. "Good morning." Nathanyel raised himself onto his elbows, wincing as his put his weight on his forearms. Remus snapped his head around and, upon seeing him, recoiled slightly. Nathanyel felt as though someone had punched him in the stomach.

"Good morning," Remus croaked. His voice sounded as if he'd been screaming all night long. They stared at each other for a long time. "...Does it hurt?" Nathanyel glanced down at his arms, then back at Remus.

"Yes." There was more staring. "And you?"

"Yes." They watched each other carefully. "Did... Did those boys do that to you?"

"No. My arms have been like this."

"What about your eye?" Nathanyel reached up to touch his eye, and found that it was sore.

"I suppose."

"Is that why you killed them?" It had come out in a rush from Remus' mouth, and he clamped it shut tightly, as if afraid something else would force its way out. Nathanyel hesitated a bit before starting to answer.

"I-"

"Alright, Mr. Lupin!" He quickly dropped down in bed and pretended to be asleep. "You need to drink your sleeping potion!" With a quick glance in his direction, Remus downed the potion in one gulp, then dropped off.

---------------

Sirius was visiting Remus. James and Peter had been there, too, but they'd left. Nathanyel had a visitor, too. One that wasn't welcome.

He kept the sheets pulled over his head the whole time, so they wouldn't know who he was. Remus didn't tell them. "So, how was it, last night?" Sirius whispered.

"I- I'm fine. It was the same as always... You know." Remus sounded hesitant, as if he wanted desperately to change the subject. Curious, Nathanyel lowered the sheets to look at him. Remus looked back and flushed a bit. "Listen, Sirius, I think-"

"Sh! Shut up. It's _him_." Nathanyel bit his lip, looking away. He should have known Sirius would see him. "Hey, Page!"

"Leave me alone, Sirius." He rolled onto his side, trying to pretend that he'd fallen asleep.

"Oh, so we're on a first name basis now?" He didn't answer. "I always knew there was something wrong with you. You're a monster, and now everyone knows it." He curled up into a ball, trying to protect himself against the word. "Three people, Page. That's three dead. How many more are you going to kill, eh? Maybe I should get you first. It would be best for everyone." The bed shifted a little as Sirius leaned on it.

"Leave him alone," Remus murmured weakly from the next bed. Sirius ignored him.

"Come on, Page. Aren't you going to fight me? I'm planning to kill you, and you'll just sit there and let me? Just let me _murder_ you?"

"If you're going to do it then get it over with!" Nathanyel half-shouted, half-sobbed. He threw the sheets away and turned onto his back, ready. "Go on and do it! I don't blame you a single bit!" Sirius backed away a little, his eyebrows raised. "What's the matter!? You want me dead, don't you!? Go ahead and kill me! Come on, I'm ready to die!"

"What's all the commotion back here?" Sirius quickly backed away and took his place by Remus' bed, carefully keeping his eyes averted as Madam Pomfrey hurried over.

"It's nothing," Nathanyel muttered, raising himself onto his elbows. With a bit of a gasp, Madam Pomfrey stepped back. "...Never mind." He dropped back onto the bed and pulled the sheets over his face. "Just a bad dream. I'm alright." Though he knew she was more worried about Remus and Sirius, because they were with him. "I'm alright, really."

"Of course you are," He whispered, sighing happily.

---------------

"Nathanyel?" It was Remus, whispering like he was trying to keep a snake from striking.

"What?" Nathanyel murmured back, keeping his eyes closed.

"What _really_ happened?" He hadn't expected _that_. After all, everyone always assumed that they knew exactly what had gone on.

"I don't know," he answered honestly.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean I don't know!" He didn't like talking about it. "I don't remember! I didn't mean to do anything, it just happened!" There was a long pause.

"..._I_ killed someone, once." Nathanyel just lay there, absorbing it. He tried to feel something, but really he was just numb.

"Was it the same?"

"I... No. I didn't mean for it to happen, either. I couldn't control it. But... I remember." Remus was breathing rather heavily. "You're lucky. That's the worst part, remembering."

"I wouldn't know." He just wanted to sleep, really. Instead, he pulled the covers down and turned to look at Remus; he was staring blankly at the ceiling.

"I don't think you're a monster," he whispered. "I don't think you're a bad person. It was an accident, and you couldn't help it. I just think... I think you're lovely."

"You're wrong about me." He glanced at the bedside table, where a rather enthusiastic letter from his father lay. "And once summer starts, I'll get even worse. My father, he knows." He turned to look at the ceiling, mimicking Remus. "He knows what I really am."

"What _are_ you, then?" He could feel eyes burning his flesh.

"I don't know." He didn't want to talk anymore. "I don't know anymore. I've never known." Someone was stroking his hair.

"It's alright. I know you're not a monster." He turned to see Remus still in bed. "Trust me on that. I know monsters."

"You need to sleep," He muttered. "You're tired."

"I'm tired," Nathanyel repeated apathetically. "I need to sleep." He let his eyes slide shut, moving up into the hand that was still stroking his hair.

"Alright," Remus sighed. "Goodnight."

"Goodnight, Remus."

---------------

"Nathanyel?"

"Remus... I think... Well, you know."

"Yes."

"I'd like us to be... Better acquainted."

"Yes, that would be nice."

"I'd like us to be friends."

"Me, too."

"Thank you... For what you said, that is."

"You're welcome... What are you doing this summer? I'd like you to visit."

"I can't. My father's sending me away."

"Where?"

"To my uncle's. He's nice, and my cousin will be there, too."

"Oh... Wow. Where does he live?"

"A lot of places. Sometimes here, or China, or Japan."

"That sounds exciting."

"It is, I suppose."

"See you later, then."

---------------

He was back in his own dormitory, and Regulus and Mundungus were avoiding him like the plague. Come to think of it, everyone was. Except for Severus, of course. "It's rather empty in here, wouldn't you agree?" Nathanyel nodded, watching Severus pick his way through the dirty laundry strewn about the floor.

"I would," Nathanyel replied.

"...Happy birthday." Nathanyel blinked. He'd lost track of time, in the hospital wing. It was difficult to believe that it was already May 25.

"Thanks."

"This came for you, while you were gone." Severus held out a package that was meticulously wrapped in green paper. Nathanyel took it and checked the card, grinning; it was from Lucius. "It's probably another dildo."

"Naw." Nathanyel opened up the package. "They're... Shorts." He held them up, smiling. "Green!"

"Oh no."

"And look! Lotion!"

"Put that away!"

---------------

"Those are miniscule," Severus criticized, apprehensively watching Nathanyel lounge under a large tree by the lake.

"Lucius gave them to me," Nathanyel argued, shifting. "They're nice and soft, too." Really, they were called shorts for a reason.

"Lucius is a pedophile," Severus muttered, walking away to study for his last final. Nathanyel was done with his finals, surprisingly enough (most of them seemed to be crammed together in one day) and was taking some time out to simply laze around.

"Hullo." He glanced up to see Remus, looking healthier than usual.

"Hello," he greeted, shifting to the side a bit so Remus could sit beside him and lean against the tree, as well. Remus sat down, blushing slightly.

"I like your shorts."

"Thanks." Nathanyel stretched a bit. "They were a birthday gift." Remus, apparently, really _did_ like the shorts; he was staring.

"Er... They're nice."

"They're very comfy," he sighed. "From Lucius. Severus gave me a new Silver Arrow. He says I'm not getting anything else from him as long as I live." Remus nodded. "So are your finals over with?"

"I've got another one in an hour, then I'm finished." Remus moved a bit closer to him, so that their legs were touching. "Looking forward to summer?"

"Not particularly." Nathanyel shrugged. "But it's only two months." Remus nodded.

"Yeah. Two months." He put a hand on Nathanyel's leg, and they sat together until it was time for his final. It was always nice, spending time with Remus.

---------------

Nathanyel only had two days at home before he had to leave. Lucius had arrived the night before he was scheduled to go, and read dirty stories to him. Before he knew it, he was standing in the entrance hall with Lucius, his bags packed, ready to catch the noon train to London, where he would meet Uncle Laszlo.

Lucius glanced down at him, frowning. "I suppose you're looking forward to your trip." He'd intended to lie, but he just couldn't.

"Lucius, I don't want to go away. I'll miss you."

"Oh, calm down," Lucius scolded, rolling his eyes. "You'll be fine. I'm sure Laszlo and... Company... Will treat you alright."

"But I want to stay with _you_." Lucius let out a long-suffering sigh.

"Would it help if I gave you something to remember me by?" Nathanyel nodded. "Alright, come here." Lucius pulled him into the alcove with the green vase and pulled him close. Nathanyel sighed happily and buried his face into the front of Lucius' robes, taking in his scent.

"I love you, Lucius," he whispered.

"Yes, I know." Lucius put his hand inside Nathanyel's pants and started rubbing.

"Oh!" Nathanyel blushed deeply, biting his lip; it felt much better than touching himself. Then his pants were wet, and probably his trousers, too, and Lucius kissed him on the neck.

"Go on, now. Get out of here." Lucius put a hand on his bum and nudged him out of the alcove. "You'll miss the train."

"G-goodbye, Lucius," he muttered shakily.

"I'll see you at Christmas," Lucius replied listlessly, heading for the kitchens.

---------------

Nathanyel sighed as he lay in bed. Uncle Laszlo had taken him to the estate in China, where he was learning all about fighting and martial arts. Sometimes they even trekked into the dense rainforest, traveling the whole day to get to ancient training grounds. Needless to say, he'd never been so sore or tired in his life. And He was hanging around sometimes, when Nathanyel wasn't ready for it, and smirking like He'd won a prize. Nathanyel didn't really like to think about it.

Sighing quietly and covering his mouth, he started to touch himself, as he did every night when the house was asleep. And when there was wetness in his pajamas and the sounds of the night carried him off to sleep, he thought of Lucius. And he smiled.

* * *

First, Remus doesn't quite fancy Nathanyel yet. Just thinks he's awfully cute. As do we all. And for all of you who were freaked out by Lucius' going-away present... Don't worry, it won't lead to anything more. And for those of you who are disappointed by that... Still don't worry, because Lucius finds a new victim in the next chapter.  
  
Kokorono koede sandanjyuno youni... Utai tsuzuketa... = I continued singing... like a shotgun with all my heart... It's from "Ride on Shooting Star" by the Pillows, from the FLCL soundtrack. I was listening to it through most of this chapter, which definitely explains the weirdness...  
  
Just so you guys know where I'm coming from: Me: I think my greatest accomplish would be if I wrote a book and it was banned in every state from Kansas down. Mai: Are you being serious? Me: I actually would be very proud of myself if that happened... I'd be like "hey kids, read this! Bible beaters hate it, so it must be cool!" and every book would come with a free pack of cigarettes and a rub on tattoo laced with LSD. Mai: Nice. Me: Oh and the signed copies would come with an authentic used pair of my panties.  
  
Next chapter: Nathanyel becomes more independent, imitates Severus, and gets a new admirer. Severus, meanwhile, encounters a werewolf, has his pants removed, and goes on Holiday. Plus, Lucius gets laid and Remus loses his virginity.


	4. Super Bonus Chapter! Learning Secret No ...

Hey there! Wow, what a long delay... Well, people are getting worried about this story and think it's been flushed down the toilet, so I thought I'd update to put your minds at ease. I'm not done with chapter four yet, since I can't seem to... Er... Find it... So I wrote this chapter to tide you over. This is basically just Nathanyel's summer after chapter three. It's very Nathanyel-centric, though it does reveal more about Laszlo and Florian. There's also some of Laszlo's PoV, which was pretty fun to write. This is mostly serious stuff, right here. I wasn't planning to reveal any of the information in this chapter in the story, but once I decided to add this chapter I figured it would be a good time to reveal some stuff.  
  
Anyway, sorry for delaying the REAL chapter four, but at least have fun with this little bonus chapter. And forgive the title, it was inspired by Naruto. Heehee.  
  
P.S. - The lines in the middle of the story denote the beginning and end of a flashback.  
  
Disclaimer: J.K. Rowling no jutsu!

* * *

Chapter 4: Super Bonus Chapter!! Learning Secret No Jutsu!!!

* * *

--------Laszlo-------

Laszlo sat on his porch and sighed. Things hadn't gotten off on the right foot. Not at all. Nathanyel was lonely, homesick, and depressed. It really affected his performance. In fact, they'd had to resort to chores in the village as part of the training, and even that seemed to be a bit much for him. Shinji wasn't happy.

And neither was Florian.

While Laszlo didn't particularly like the idea of sending reports of Nathanyel's progress to him, it couldn't be helped. Although he didn't usually seem it, Nathanyel could be stubborn, hot-headed, and completely irrational. It made for a very difficult student. And none of them were exceptionally good teachers in the first place, except for maybe Louis. But he didn't know much at all about these things.

Laszlo frowned to himself as he adjusted his glasses. That wasn't good enough for Florian. Nothing was.

* * *

"Florian? Are you okay?"

"Tch." He shrugged.

"You don't look so good." Laszlo edged a bit closer to him and tried to look at his eyes. Florian just shoved him away.

"What do you know, eh? You're only six." Laszlo crossed his arms.

"Hmph. It looks like I know a lot more than I will when I'm sixteen."

"Shut up." But he was smiling, and that was good.

"Did Dad give you that medicine again?" Florian nodded. "Did you have to go to the lab?" Another nod. "And you're sure you're okay?" Laszlo managed to scramble onto Florian's bed and sit next to him.

"…Yeah. As long as it's not you." Laszlo frowned.

"I don't like this. I… I want to run away, and never come back." He didn't think he'd get very far, though. "Is that bad?"

"No. It's smart." Florian sighed. "I keep hearing tonight's the end of it for me. I promise, after tonight, everything will be fine. I'm going to get you out of here."

"I wouldn't want to go without you."

"Don't be stupid. I can't protect you forever." He stared down at his wrists; Laszlo didn't like to look at them. The veins on Florian's wrists looked swollen and bruised, like they were ready to burst. He even bled sometimes. There was a mark kind of like it on the back of his neck, too. Laszlo had one, as well, and it hurt when he got upset. He didn't even like to think about it. "Especially not from myself."

"It's okay. I'll stay with you." Laszlo hugged him.

"You always were an idiot. You'll just end up like me."

"I don't care." Florian sighed and put an arm around him, frowning.

After that night, Florian was gone most of the time, and He was always around. It was alright, though. Florian always _was_ bad at keeping promises, anyway.

* * *

"Uncle Laszlo? Why are you holding your neck?" Laszlo nearly jumped out of his skin.

"Nathanyel! You're good at sneaking up on people." Nathanyel sat down next to him and have him a scrutinizing look. Those eyes…

"What's wrong with your neck?"

"It's nothing."

"Hmph." Nathanyel scowled at him and leaned forward, narrowing his eyes. Laszlo nearly laughed aloud; the boy was so expressive, it was difficult _not_ to know what he was thinking.

"Alright, then. Let me put it this way: I'll tell you what's wrong with my neck when you tell me what's wrong with yours." Nathanyel took a deep breath and held it, then puffed out his cheeks. "I see. You don't know, then, do you?" Laszlo reached out and slapped his cheeks, causing the air to exit with a rather rude sound. "Well, same here." He stood up and brushed the dirt off the back of his robes. "Come on inside, now. It's getting dark."

Laszlo walked into the house, but Nathanyel didn't follow him. He decided not to push the issue. Nathanyel had a lot to think about, after all.

--------Nathanyel-------

Nathanyel wiped some sweat out of his eyes, then continued punching the wooden target Shinji had set up. He was going to improve, no matter what. All he had to do was practice and work hard. Uncle Laszlo had said that the stronger he got, the better he'd be at controlling himself. He wanted that. "Nathanyel!" Uncle Laszlo was standing by the back door to the house, watching him. "Come inside, now! It's time for dinner!" Nathanyel just kept punching. "Come on! Even Olivia's done for the day!" He tried to shut out the noise and keep going. "_Nathanyel!_" He wasn't going to stop. He was going to make himself into someone to be proud of. He was going to make Uncle Laszlo and Shinji and Lucius and Severus and Olivia all proud of him. He wasn't going to fuck things up anymore.

"Nathanyel!" Uncle Laszlo caught his next punch. "What's gotten into you? Stop this and come inside for dinner."

"No!" Nathanyel yanked his arm out of Uncle Laszlo's grip and continued punching the target. "I'm not stopping! I'm not going to give up."

"I never said you had to." Uncle Laszlo stopped him again. "But you're going to push yourself too hard if you don't at least get something to eat. I don't want you getting worn out."

"I don't care." Nathanyel tried to shake him off, but it wasn't as easy as before.

"Do you want a fight? Is that it?" Nathanyel stopped struggling and frowned down at his feet. "Why won't you rest?"

"I… I need to get stronger. Like you said. I need to train and get better." Uncle Laszlo paused for a moment, then let go of him and stepped back.

"Oh?" He nodded.

"I _am_ tired. But more than that, I'm tired of messing up all the time. I'm tired of making mistakes and making people ashamed of me. I don't want… To be ashamed of myself." He took a deep breath and started punching again. "I want to be strong. I want to be confident. I want to be someone that people can be proud of. I want to be proud of myself. That's all." Uncle Laszlo watched him for a very long time before answering.

"…Alright. Come inside whenever you're ready." and he smiled, and looked very proud.

Nathanyel punched a little harder after that.

---------------

"Hey, Nathanyel." He looked up from his miso ramen to see Olivia standing next to him. "I thought you already ate?"

"I'm eating again," he replied. "Need to keep up my strength." She sat down next to him and watched him eat for a bit. "Something wrong?" He was getting a bit annoyed.

"You're improving really quickly," she replied. He shrugged. "I'm serious. When I say quick, I _mean_ quick." Nathanyel raised an eyebrow and stuffed more noodles in his mouth. "What's with you lately?"

"What do you mean?" He raised the bowl to his mouth and gulped down the broth.

"You're acting like a prick."

"Who's acting like a prick?" He grinned.

"Don't be an arse." She scowled at him.

"I'm not being a prick, I'm just getting involved in my training. Is there something wrong with that?"

"No."

"You don't see me calling you a bitch every time you toss a kunai my way."

"I do not _toss_, I _throw_." Nathanyel just snorted. "Shut it." He liked teasing Olivia; she got angry so easily. Kind of like Severus. It made Nathanyel miss him a little bit less.

"Alright, let's go spar."

---------------

Nathanyel bit his lip, hard, and tightened his fists. He needed to find a way to calm himself down. "You're shaking," Olivia pointed out needlessly.

"I noticed!" Nathanyel took a few deep breaths, but it didn't exactly help.

"Don't worry about it," she advised. "This tournament isn't anything too serious. It's against the rules to kill your opponent, you know." That didn't comfort him. "And you won't be fighting anyone above your level."

"What?" Nathanyel didn't really know much about the tournament.

"There are different ranks that the fighters are grouped into. From the top, it's: S, A, B, C, and D. I'm in B, and you're in C."

"So we're not fighting together?"

"No." That just made him feel worse. "But like I said, killing's not allowed. After all, this tournament is mostly just around for tradition. My mother's side of the family's been participating for years."

"She's in it this year, right?"

"Yeah, S rank." She grinned. Nathanyel gulped.

"So I'm not facing anyone too strong, right?" Olivia rolled her eyes.

"You need to be more confident in yourself. You're good, but you'll never win if you don't think you can. It's a psychological thing."

"Oh."

"Look on the bright side! At least you're not D rank. _That_ would be embarrassing." She nodded her head towards a group of people nearby. "Just a bunch of kids."

"Er… A lot of them look my age." She snorted.

"You're stronger than _them_."

"But… They've probably been training a lot longer than I have."

"It doesn't matter." he glared at her. "For them, I meant." Nathanyel sighed. "You've trained harder, anyway."

"…I'm as good as dead."

"How many times do I have to tell you? There's no killing in this tournament."

"I meant figuratively." She wasn't satisfied with that.

"You'll be fine! Stop worrying!" Somehow, though, Nathanyel knew there was something to worry about.

--------Laszlo-------

Laszlo rubbed his eyes as he put another pot of tea on the table. He was sitting on the porch outside, watching Nathanyel train. The stars were out already, but he didn't look like he was about to stop anytime soon. Laszlo yawned and looked down at his tea. He knew Nathanyel was troubled by what had happened at the tournament, so he's been meaning to talk to him.

Which was why he'd been sitting outside for six hours straight. He always had been the worst sort of coward. But it was something he had to do.

So, he set down his tea, got up, and made his way over to where Nathanyel was practicing with throwing knives. "Nathanyel… We need to talk."

"Later." Laszlo could only thank his experience with Florian for his minute knowledge of how to deal with Nathanyel's problem.

"Not later. Now." He caught Nathanyel's wrist and waited.

"…Fine." Laszlo let him go.

"Come sit and have tea with me. You look tired."

"I'm alright."

"Please." He hesitated.

"Sure." So they sat.

"It's not your fault, you know."

"If I can't control myself, then it's my own fault," he snapped.

"Is this how you always talk to people who try to help you?" There was silence after that. They just sipped their tea and watched each other. Finally, Nathanyel broke the silence.

"Is this how you always carry a conversation?"

"I assure you, I'm laughing on the inside."

"Hmph." Laszlo knew he was doing badly, so he just went for it.

"There's something I need to tell you."

"…It's alright. I understand if you want me to go." Nathanyel frowned down at his tea. "I don't blame you."

"That's not it."

"Is it about the tournament? Because I was disqualified?"

"I told you that wasn't your fault."

"So then whose fault was it? If I was disqualified for malicious intent, one would think it was my fault."

"Nathanyel…"

"So I almost killed someone and it wasn't my fault?"

"No. It wasn't." Nathanyel just scowled at him. "It's partly my fault. The bandages I gave you… To wrap around your arms… They have wards on them. But I didn't make the wards strong enough. And I entered you in that tournament when I should have known you weren't ready."

"So you're disappointed in me?"

"No, of course not. You did very well, except for the insane killing rampage part." He grinned, and Nathanyel hesitantly smiled back. "But you know… This all started with your grandfather." The smiled fell off his face when Laszlo said that. "You… Might not like to hear this, but…" He took a deep breath. "You're so much like Florian was." Nathanyel didn't look happy at all. "It's almost like… You're turning out how he should have." Laszlo was starting to think that it might be a little too early to talk about it, from the look on his face.

"I don't want to be like him," he whispered.

"I know. You're not him, Nathanyel, you're… Yourself. But what's happening to you… The same thing happened to your father."

"_No_."

"Yes. And something similar to me, as well." Then he showed Nathanyel the mark on his neck.

"It doesn't look like mine." Laszlo nodded as he turned back around.

"But Florian's looks like yours." There was silence.

"I don't want to turn into that." Nathanyel was shaking.

"Neither did Florian." He looked frightened. "Listen, Nathanyel. I brought you here to do what I can to stop it. You've been doing excellent with your physical training, but you need more mental discipline. Otherwise…"

"I know."

"I'm sorry. I never wanted something like this to happen again." He didn't know quite what to say next. Nathanyel was progressing so quickly… It was scary. "Are you… Having dreams? About water?"

"…Yes. Blue water. And wolves."

"And… Anything that… Happens?"

"You mean like premonitions?" Laszlo nodded. "I… No."

"I… Well, just don't worry. You won't turn out like Florian." Not if he could help it, at least. "I promise." He hoped it was one he could keep.

"U-Uncle Laszlo… Why…?"

"I don't need a reason." Slowly, Nathanyel nodded. Then, he stood up, walked away, and continued training. Laszlo didn't want to just leave it at that. "Hey. Can I join you?"

"Alright." Well… It was a start.

--------Nathanyel-------

"One… Two… Three… Four…"

"You're doing it wrong."

"Shut up." Nathanyel flicked Olivia's forehead and resumed his pull-ups.

"Oi! Dad!" Uncle Laszlo adjusted his glasses as he raised his eyebrows. "When's Shinji getting here?"

"Your mother is going to be with you today."

"Why?"

"Because she's going to teach you about seals." Olivia snorted.

"Seals?"

"It'll be a good lesson." It was then that Aunt Tsuki joined them. The only thing about her teaching them was that she didn't speak much English. In fact, she knew about as much English as Nathanyel knew Japanese. It was a good thing Uncle Laszlo was there to translate.

It actually did turn out to be a good lesson. "Seals take mental concentration to activate, so you'll have to increase your meditation time." Olivia wasn't too fond of that suggestion. "When used properly, they can be very effective. However, as with all things, their power depends upon your power."

"Borrrrring," Olivia yawned.

"Boring, but useful."

By the end of the lesson, Nathanyel finally had one thing that he was better than Olivia at. It was a very good feeling.

---------------

Nathanyel gulped, hard. Uncle Laszlo had signed him up for another tournament, and he was afraid of a disaster like the last one. It also didn't help that there were some people around who recognized him and gave him a rather wide berth. "Ignore it," Olivia ordered.

"Hm." Shinji nodded; he'd come with them, just in case.

"You'll be fine. You've improved since last time. We signed you up for B rank in this one, actually." Nathanyel was ready to strangle her.

"You _what?_ I'm not as good as you are!"

"I know. But you've got potential."

"I'm dead."

"Well… Look at it this way. It's an opportunity to grow!"

"I'll kill you!" Some of the surrounding people edged away from him. "I'm going to get the shit beaten out of me, I know it."

"You won't. Don't be such a nervous Nellie."

"That's a stupid phrase."

"_You're_ stupid. You _know_ you'll be okay."

"What if I won't?"

"Oh well." She shrugged.

"How very encouraging."

---------------

Nathanyel was very relieved once the tournament was through. He'd been quite successful, in his opinion, since nothing truly horrible had happened. Uncle Laszlo's strengthened wards must have worked. Olivia was very disappointed, though, since he'd only finished tenth out of thirteen. "I beat three people, didn't I?" Nathanyel grumbled.

"But you lost! _Lost!_" He shrugged.

"Oh well."

"You are _so_ out of it." She walked away, frowning. Nathanyel turned back to his ramen, thankful to have some time to himself. Well, not _really_ to himself. He never had _that_ anymore.

"You're boring," He growled, crossing his arms and watching Nathanyel slurp noodles. "You never do anything worth being a part of." Nathanyel ignored Him. "You never even do anything worth witnessing."

"I sure love ramen," Nathanyel proclaimed loudly.

"I want to taste _blood_," He hissed. "I _need_ it." He reached out, baring his teeth.

"Nathanyel, are you in here?" Uncle Laszlo called out. Nathanyel blinked, looking around; He was gone.

"Yes."

"Ah, good, I've been looking for you." Uncle Laszlo sat down next to him, looking slightly worried. "Were you talking to someone?"

"I…" Nathanyel wanted to lie. "I…" But he couldn't. "I can hear… I can _see_… It." He didn't want to say anything more.

"…Oh. Well, that's what I wanted to talk to you about." Uncle Laszlo seemed troubled.

"Do you know what's happening? What's going on?" Nathanyel waited for an answer, but there was only silence. "Why? Where's It coming from?"

"You don't want to hear this."

"I do, I do."

"…It isn't… Real." Nathanyel blinked, not quite sure what that meant.

"What?"

"It's all in your head." _No._

"No! No, it's not! I can see-"

"I _know _you can." Uncle Laszlo took a deep breath. "So could Florian."

"But… But… You mean… I'm mad? That's it, that's all?"

"That isn't all. It's… The things you can do are real. But… You've been seeing someone, right?" Nathanyel nodded. "Someone who looks like you?" He gulped. "That _is_ you. It's just you."

"You're wrong."

"I'm not." Nathanyel was having trouble breathing. "Nathanyel… Calm down."

"I… I'm not insane!"

"I know you're not… But you need to know that you can control yourself." Nathanyel got up from the table. He didn't want to hear any more. He didn't want to talk. "Maybe it was too soon to tell you this."

"It's not true! I'm not mad, I know what I see!"

"Nathanyel, that's not all, you don't understand-"

"Yes I do!"

"Nathanyel-"

"_I'm not mad!_" He was bleeding.

"_Obliviate!_"

---------------

Nathanyel woke up with a pounding headache. He was on the floor, and Uncle Laszlo was kneeling over him. "…What happened?" He had a slightly panicked feeling in his chest, and there was something in the back of his mind that was nagging at him. Something important that he needed to remember.

"You collapsed. I think it might have been from the excitement of the tournament and your fatigue. Tell me, how are the wards holding up?"

"They're fine…" Nathanyel remembered eating ramen… And then He was there… Then everything went blank.

"Are you alright?"

"I'm fine."

"Good." Uncle Laszlo helped him up. "I'm glad."

"Yeah…"

"Do you want to finish your ramen?"

"…Alright…" But he knew there was something he was forgetting.

---------------

Nathanyel didn't want to go back. He knew what would be waiting for him. It wasn't that he was afraid, just that he wasn't stupid.

Well… Maybe a little afraid.

"Here we are." Uncle Laszlo smiled nervously down at him as they stood at the front door. He hadn't actually arrived at the house himself in a long time, so Nathanyel knew that there was something wrong… Something very wrong.

"What's going to happen?" He asked.

"Shh. You'll see." And they entered the house.

"Ah. Finally." Nathanyel narrowed his eyes as his father greeted them. "I've been waiting." The only audible sound was the tapping of his shoes against the floor as he approached. "How are you… Nathanyel?"

Nathanyel didn't answer.

"I see." He turned to Uncle Laszlo. "Was there any improvement?" Uncle Laszlo gave a single nod. "Excellent." He grinned at Nathanyel. "So all my hard work has not gone to waste." He crouched down, then, and took Nathanyel's wrists, examining them. "Bandages?"

"Yes," Uncle Laszlo murmured. "For the trip."

"Oh?" Nathanyel knew right away that he wasn't deceived. "So you're a liar, now, on top of being a coward?" Uncle Laszlo clenched his jaw. "It doesn't matter. Hard work always pays off in the end." He smiled pleasantly at Nathanyel. "Isn't that right, son?" Nathanyel held his tongue. "Come, now, you mustn't be so shy around your father."

Nathanyel didn't want any trouble. He just wanted to go up to his room and stay there until it was time to go back to school. However, things didn't seem to be going that way. His father appeared to be expecting something. Carefully, he made sure his arms and neck were covered.

"You must be smarter than I thought," his father commented blithely. "So… Let's see if you've really improved as much as I've heard." Warily, Nathanyel backed up. "I know you want to attack me." Yes, he did, but not when he was at a disadvantage. "I see the look in your eyes. You hate me, right?" He didn't answer. "You want to kill me, don't you?" He didn't know he was that transparent. "Come on. I won't stop you."

"_Do it_," Uncle Laszlo muttered.

It seemed he had no choice in the matter.

So he did it. He charged his father and punched as hard as he could; he was on the floor before he knew what had happened. "That was good." Nathanyel frowned and got up, then charged again. Once more, he was on his back. "I suppose I shouldn't have expected too much out of _you_."

Growling, Nathanyel stood again, and reached for the knife he'd carried with him on the trip back. He couldn't miss… It was an opportunity he couldn't pass up.

But he missed. The knife hit the wall, and he hit the floor. He pushed himself up onto his hands and knees, but something hit him hard in the ribs, and he fell again. "I suppose it's alright. For _you_ at least."

"I'll kill you," he panted. "I'll _kill_ you." The last thing he saw was a foot rushing at his face.

---------------

"…Lucius?"

"Get up. You've got to go to King's Cross, you know." Nathanyel cracked his eyes open, grinning.

"I knew you'd come."

"Stop acting like an idiot and get up. You're holding everyone up." Nathanyel pushed himself out of bed, wincing slightly at his sore ribs.

"I missed you." Lucius snorted. "Did you miss me?"

"Pff. Just get dressed." Nathanyel grinned; he knew Lucius would miss him.

"Are you coming to the station?"

"No. I'm here on other business. I just thought I'd make sure you weren't missing any limbs while I was at it." He swept his eyes over Nathanyel. "Everything seems to be in place."

"Thanks." He smiled, but Lucius just rolled his eyes.

"I need to get out of here, anyway. See you at Christmas, then."

"Bye, Lucius." Nathanyel managed to slip through Lucius' defenses and give him a short hug.

"I knew you wouldn't change _too_ much."

"You'd be surprised."

"Hn." Lucius swept out of the room, grumbling. Nathanyel sighed.

"Oh well… I guess I'll always be a screw-up."

"You're pathetic," He muttered.

* * *

There ya go. Not exactly what I'd been planning, but now Nathanyel's finally got a goal in life. Granted, it probably won't help his little "condition" much, but… Whatever. Sorry if you couldn't get into this chapter, but the more I thought about it, the more I thought it was important to establish Laszlo as someone close to Nathanyel, and to reveal why Laszlo seemed to be sympathetic to Florian in the few scenes he was in before. So… That's about it.

Oh, and check out this picture of adult Nathanyel I drew! Alright, so it's crap. Still… It's Nathanyel, so there.

deviant art. com/deviation/9064683/


	5. Year Four

Alright, in regards to everyone's comments... I know the whole "Him" thing is confusing, but just keep in mind... whenever it's capitalized, that's not Nathanyel or anyone else mentioned in the scene. Just remember Nathanyel's boggart, the murder scene, and when Uncle Laszlo tells Nathanyel he's a crazy mofo... I'm not revealing any more than that, for now. It'll be explained as the story goes along. And just a hint: pay close attention to any scenes with Laszlo and Florian.

Also, my musical muse for this chapter was (once again) entirely anime. Blame FLCL, Naruto, and Gravitation for any weirdness.

Oh, and I recommend you listen to: Hybrid Rainbow by The Pillows (FLCL) and Shining Collection (Live version) and Sleepless Beauty sacred beauty air mix, both of which are Nittle Grasper songs from Gravitation, which you can download at nittlegrasper. com. And also Super Drive pure silence mix.

Warning: This is a really long-ass chapter. And there are also some explicit parts.

Disclaimer: You know the drill.

* * *

Year Four 

_What is lost cannot be found;_

_What we thought we've always had was never ours to begin with.___

-------Severus--------

Severus had spent the entire summer at home. He'd finished his homework in the first week of holidays, and after that had simply... Hung around. Sometimes he took Edward out for a fly (though why he even called the broom Edward was beyond him) or wrote a letter to Nathanyel. He knew Nathanyel was with Laszlo, but where _that_ was, he had no idea. So, he wrote Nathanyel's name on the envelope, sent an owl out, and hoped it reached him. He wasn't sure if the letters were getting to him, but the owls must have been doing _something_ with them.

He got letters from Nathanyel, of course. Most of them were brief and obviously written in a rush. It seemed as though Nathanyel was very busy, all the time. Severus didn't mind, of course, except that he wished he could find something to keep him busy.

Eventually, he started sending servants and house elves out for potions ingredients, and started experimenting. It was an enjoyable way to pass the time, and it kept his mind off the next school year and O.W.L.s, both of which were looming ever closer.

"Don't worry about it," Nathanyel would write occasionally. "You're smart. You'll get top marks, I'm sure of it." Severus wished _he_ were that confident.

On the last day of summer holidays, he went to Diagon Alley for his school things. He needed new robes, of course, since he was growing so quickly. And then new books, no big deal. Then there was a new store that was playing Japanese music with badly pronounced English words stuck in every once in a while on the wireless, and he stayed there for over an hour, listening, because it reminded him of Nathanyel.

---------------

His trunk was heavier than ever this year, since the teachers had assigned so many new books for the O.W.L.s. Trying to haul it onto the train was going to be a bitch.

"Severus!" He knew that voice; Nathanyel. Severus turned around, and promptly dropped his trunk. "What's wrong?" Nathanyel didn't look much different. His hair was a bit longer now, so his fringe hung in his eyes, and he was a little taller, but... He looked somehow... Meaner. Sharper. There were circles under his eyes, he wasn't smiling, and the way he held himself... He looked tense. Like he expected to be attacked.

"What the fuck happened to you?" he asked, astonished.

"Oi, do you kiss my cousin with that mouth?" He snapped his head around to see Olivia, already dressed in the indistinct Hogwarts uniform that first years wore before being sorted. He scowled.

"I don't _kiss_ him." She rolled her eyes.

"Sure."

"You should get on the train before all the compartments are taken up." Blinking, Severus looked up to see Laszlo standing over them, except that his hair was pulled into a tight ponytail at the back of his head, he was dressed in some sort of Asian looking robes, and he had the same sharp look that Nathanyel had adopted.

"This is Shinji," Nathanyel introduced.

"...Hello," Severus greeted feebly. Shinji was rather intimidating.

"Good day." He inclined his head, then turned to Olivia and Nathanyel. "Have a good year at school."

"Bye Shinji!" Olivia exclaimed, heading for the train. "Tell Mum and Dad bye for me, too, okay?" Shinji nodded.

"Bye, then," Nathanyel muttered, grabbing Severus by the wrist and leading him away.

"You look different," Severus grunted as Nathanyel helped him drag his trunk onto the train. He raised his eyebrows, grabbing Severus' wrist again.

"I'm _not_." His grip was very tight.

"Let's just sit _down_." Severus wrenched his arm away and entered the first empty compartment he saw. "I don't want to start fighting when this is the first time we've seen each other in two months."

"I wasn't going to fight with you." Nathanyel sat down across from him and leaned back in the seat. "Why would you think that?" He still didn't smile.

"Stop that. It's creepy."

"I'm not being creepy." They stared at each other for a while.

"You're different." There was a long pause, and then... Nathanyel took a deep breath and puffed his cheeks out, then dove across the compartment. "Ack!" He landed face first into Severus' foot. "Creep! Get away from me!"

"I just want a huuuuuuug!!!" Nathanyel wailed, his nose bleeding all over the place and drool flying everywhere. "HUG ME!!!!"

"ARRRGH!!! I TAKE IT BACK!!! YOU'RE THE SAME!!!!"

"**_HUG MEEEEEEE!!!!!_**"

---------------

After Severus had gotten his breath back (and hit Nathanyel a few more times) he found himself sucking on some sort of pock-marked candy or whatever it was called, while Nathanyel sat happily enjoying five sticks of it at once with bits of tissue in his nose. "Mmmm, banana pocky!"

"Whatever." Severus had always hated banana flavor.

"Severus?"

"Hm?" He plucked the stick from his mouth when Nathanyel wasn't looking and dropped it out the window.

"I missed you."

"...I guess I might have missed you, too."

"I love you."

"...No. I'm not saying it."

"B-but..." There was an ominous sniff.

"_No_."

"But _Severus_... Please? Just this once?" His eyes were wide and watery, and he was pouting. "Don't you want to express your feelings?"

"That's for girls."

"But I _missed_ you." He dropped his voice to a whisper. "I was lonely." His eyes...

"Alright, alright." Severus checked to make sure no one was standing outside the compartment, then lowered his voice, just to make sure. "I... I... Love... You... I suppose." There was silence. "What? That wasn't good enough?"

"...WAAAAHHHHH!!!!" Nathanyel suddenly wailed. "NOBODY'S EVER SAID THAT TO ME BEFORE!!!!"

"Hey! Shut up!"

"I LOVE YOUUUUUUU!!!!" Severus found himself once again being crushed as Nathanyel pounced on him.

"I _HATE_ YOU!!!"

---------------

Severus was warm, tired, and full from the welcoming feast, and just about ready to drop off. Apparently, though, he couldn't even have peace in his own bed. The curtains twitched aside, and Nathanyel stuck his head through. "What is it?" Severus grumbled.

"Can I sleep with you tonight?" Nathanyel whispered back.

"Wha- _no!_"

"Then can you sleep with me?"

"_No!_" Nathanyel pouted.

"But... Please?"

"Why the hell do you want to sleep with me?"

"Because I'm lonely." Severus just glared at him. "Please? If you come to my dorm, no one will mind. Mundungus and Regulus sleep together all the time."

"...That was something I could have lived happily without knowing." Nathanyel shrugged.

"Please, Severus? I... I..." He bit his lip. "...I'm scared." Severus snorted.

"What are you so afraid of? Go back to bed, and leave me alone." Nathanyel reached out and grabbed him by the sleeve, squeezing his hands into fists.

"I need someone with me. I can't be alone with-" he abruptly stopped and pressed his lips together.

"With... What?"

"...Myself."

"That makes _no_ sense." Nathanyel seemed on the edge of tears, though. "Fine. Fine. I'll sleep with you, alright?" He smiled sweetly, and Severus wanted to punch him. "None of that weird shit you always pull, though."

"I promise, no shit." Groaning, Severus climbed out of bed and followed him down to his dormitory, then made himself comfortable.

"There. Are you better?"

"Mhmm." Nathanyel shuffled a bit closer to him and slid an arm around his waist. "Pet me?" With a long-suffering sigh, Severus reached up and buried his hand in Nathanyel's hair. "Hmm... Night, Severus."

"Just go to sleep, already."

After a few minutes, Severus started to wonder whether Nathanyel _ever_ slept through the night without getting an erection. But then he decided that it was a disgusting subject, which he didn't care to dwell on.

---------------

Severus sighed, frustrated. Ever since Nathanyel had come back from holiday, he'd been... Active. It was irritating. Severus always had to venture out onto the grounds to find him, and it was a very bothersome chore. This time, he managed to corner Olivia and force her to tell him where Nathanyel was.

He found Nathanyel on the opposite side of the lake, where he was concealed by some thick bushes, and nearly passed out. "Oi, are you alright?" He was on all fours, panting.

"I'm... Fine." With what looked like a great amount of difficulty, he pushed himself to his feet. "Punch me."

"...What?"

"I said _punch me!_"

"I know what you said! Why the fuck do I have to punch you?"

"Because..." Nathanyel wheezed. "Because I need... To train."

"..._Why?_"

"Don't ask me stupid questions! Just do it!" Severus didn't see what was fair in punching someone who seemed near collapse, but he also didn't like being called stupid.

"Fine!" He swung his fist, and ended up with a bloody nose.

"Again!"

"You fucking broke my nose!"

"It isn't broken."

"You're... You're fucking out of line, that's what the fuck you fucking are, I'll fucking tell you." Nathanyel made an irritated noise in his throat as he struggled to stand.

"Stop swearing. You sound like a streetwalker."

"I _never_ swear!" Severus protested. "And I don't streetwalk, either." Though it wasn't really necessary to add that.

"Alright, we'll go to Madam Pomfrey, then."

"Good!"

---------------

"I can't fucking believe you broke my sodding nose," Severus grumbled nasally as he held a tissue to his nose while Madam Pomfrey went in search of the necessary potion.

"I'm sorry!" Nathanyel groaned, in the adjacent bed because Madam Pomfrey thought they'd been in a fist fight. "I didn't realize you were so weak!"

"..._I am going to kill you!_"

"Now, boys!" Madam Pomfrey tutted as she bustled back into the room. "I don't want to see any more fighting."

"We weren't fighting," Nathanyel grumbled. "_I_ was training."

"Of course you were, dear. Here, take this." She shoved a potion into his hands. "And this is for you." She gave Severus another potion and ran off.

"This is all your fault," Severus growled as he downed his potion.

"No it isn't," Nathanyel replied lightly, calmly drinking his own potion.

"_What!?_ In what _possible_ fucking way is this _not_ your fault!?"

"_You're_ the one who's weak."

"I- you- _me-_ FUCK YOU!"

"Calm down. I'm only fucking with you." Nathanyel grinned. "But I am sorry. Do you forgive me?"

"...No."

"Alright, then."

---------------

Nathanyel was in the common room, waving his wand at himself and muttering under his breath. Severus frowned. "What are you doing?"

"Self-transfiguration," he replied. "I'm practicing. I want to learn to transfigure myself."

"That's stupid. Why would you do a thing like that?" Nathanyel shrugged.

"I guess so I know myself better."

"You don't make any sense at all." Nathanyel rocked back on his heels, sighed, and continued waving and flicking his wand. "I hope you grow horns from your arse."

---------------

Severus scowled to himself; Nathanyel wouldn't take his hat off, and it was irritating. It wasn't that Severus had a problem with the school uniform hats, it was just that... It was just bothersome. When Severus finally got him alone, he asked about it, scowling. "Why have you got your hat on? Take it off."

"I don't want to." Severus just crossed his arms, glaring. Nathanyel sighed and pulled his hat off. Severus stared.

"Cat ears?" Cat ears. On Nathanyel's head.

"I was practicing. Transfiguration. I was transfiguring myself."

"What?"

"It's not like I don't like them." Nathanyel reached up and touched them, turning a bit pink. "It's just that I didn't think _you_ would. And anyway, I don't want anyone to have another reason to hex me. You know?" Severus sighed.

"So get rid of them."

"I can't. I haven't learned how, yet." Rolling his eyes, Severus stepped forward.

"Here, let me-"

"No!" Nathanyel jumped back, covering his ears. Severus stood watching him, shocked. "I- I don't want you to help me. I did this on my own. I want to fix it on my own." He lowered his voice. "I want to do it by myself." Severus raised his eyebrows.

"You do?" Nathanyel nodded.

"...Alright." So he sat down and watched Nathanyel try to fix it; he was asleep within an hour.

--------Nathanyel-------

"Mr. Page." Professor McGonagall folded her hands on her desk and gave him a serious look. For some reason, she had asked him to stay after class.

"Yes, Minnie?" She cleared her throat a bit, but for the most part ignored him.

"It has come to my attention that your grades have been steadily dropping. You used to be at the head of the class, and your theoretical assignments are still extremely well written, but... Your wand work leaves something to be desired. To put it mildly."

"...I know." He should know. He used to get teased for his shoddy wand work all the time, before... Well. "And what do you suggest I do about it?"

"I _suggest_ you get some extracurricular help, or you'll end up failing your O.W.L.s next year."

"Of course," he muttered. "I'll just find someone who's good at transfiguration, walk up to them, and ask them for help. And then they'll run away screaming."

"I believe you're taking this a bit hard, Mr. Page. Regulus Black-"

"Is just as afraid of me as anyone else! Everyone is! No one will come _near_ me, let alone speak to me long enough for me to ask about _tutoring_. But I suppose that's none of _your_ concern, seeing as how I'm Slytherin and all. So, if you'll excuse me, I've got a very full schedule-"

"Excuse me, Mr. Page, but I believe you owe me a bit more respect, as a professor!"

"Hmph." He decided it was best to just leave.

He didn't need any help, anyway.

---------------

"Don't you love Hogsmeade?" Nathanyel sighed, grinning slightly. Severus shrugged.

"It's alright." He paused then, raising his eyebrows as he turned his head toward a narrow alley between two buildings. Nathanyel followed his gaze to see Remus, crouching down by some garbage and rummaging through the pockets of a very old and dirty pair of trousers. He looked rather desperate.

"What's he doing?" Nathanyel muttered, narrowing his eyes a bit; it was a rather strange sight. Severus narrowed his eyes.

"Probably looking for galleons." Nathanyel raised his eyebrows. "Everyone already knows that Lupin's poor. And I heard the situation's worsened considerably. Everyone's talking about how his father left, and his mother didn't work, so... Well, I'm sure you can imagine." Severus didn't seem worried at all. "Serves him right, fucking Gryffindor." Nathanyel chose not to comment.

"So, what's it been like, being a big bad prefect?"

"It's alright." He eyed Remus. "Aside from the _Gryffindors_."

"Hm." Nathanyel looked over at Remus, too, just as he turned to look at them. He got a weird feeling from the look in Remus' eyes.

"Come on, let's get out of here."

"...If you insist."

---------------

Nathanyel had separated from Severus, since they'd been going to a lot of crowded places where people were giving him weird looks, and he thought he could use some time alone. He was walking along the top of the long fence that separated the Shrieking Shack from the rest of Hogsmeade when he just happened to run into Remus. Not literally, of course, since Remus was on the ground. "Hullo," he greeted. Remus, who happened to be staring at the ground as he walked, jumped a bit and blinked.

"Oh! Hello." He stared at Nathanyel for a moment. "You're... Standing on the fence."

"Yeah, I know."

"...Er... Isn't that difficult?"

"No."

"Ah."

"So what are you up to?" Nathanyel thought it best to keep the conversation on a safe path.

"Nothing, really. I just thought I'd take a walk." Nathanyel gave a slight nod, then squatted so he could look Remus in the eye.

"You seem slightly put off."

"Well... You're on the fence." With a sigh, Nathanyel sat down.

"Better?"

"Yeah." Remus hoisted himself up to sit next to him. "So... I- I guess you really _did_ learn a lot over the summer." Nathanyel nodded. "Did you... Um... Meet anyone nice?"

"Didn't really have a chance." Nathanyel bit his lip, suppressing a grin. "But Lucius wanked me off." Remus turned bright red and made a weird choking noise. "I didn't tell Severus because I knew he'd get angry."

"Y-you- you- _you-_"

"Me."

"Wow." It took Remus a bit longer to calm down. "...Wow." Nathanyel just smiled; he liked it when Remus got flustered. It was funny. "...Was it... Good?"

"Yes." Remus was still blushing. "Very good." Nathanyel thought he might be blushing a little, too. "Did you... Er..."

"Nah." Remus sighed. "But... Wow." He was rather flattered that Remus was so impressed. "Um... So I guess you know a bit about that kind of stuff, now, right?"

"Not much." Remus bit his lip.

"D'you think... You could... could..." He trailed off, turning even redder than before.

"What?"

"Showme," Remus muttered quickly, wringing his hands.

"...Okay..." Nathanyel was surprised, and not quite sure where to begin. "Erm... So... How? Like..." He shuffled a bit closer to Remus and put a hand on the inside of his thigh; Remus seemed to be holding his breath. "...Like this?" Nathanyel slid his hand upwards, and Remus nodded quickly. He slipped his hand up to rest between Remus' legs, carefully watching his face; he looked as if he was being strangled. "Are you alright?" He only nodded. "Alright." Nathanyel pulled his shirt up and nudged his fingers beneath the hem of his pants. Remus' stomach was hot and trembling.

"Mmf," he murmured, gripping the fence so tightly his knuckles turned white. Nathanyel moved his hand a bit lower, discovering... Hair.

"Oh!" he exclaimed in delight. He pushed his other hand up underneath Remus' shirt, extremely pleased to find more hair. "You've got so much hair," he sighed, running his fingers through it, humming happily.

"I- I'm going to fall of the fence," Remus gasped.

"Alright, hold on-"

"OI!" Remus fell backwards off the fence. "_OI!_" Lily Evans, the other Gryffindor prefect, came trotting up to them, looking quite put off. "What were you doing, Remus?" Remus just groaned.

"We were playing a game," Nathanyel replied, holding back a snigger.

"What game?"

"Capture the _ssssnake_." He stuck out his tongue and wriggled it at her; she just rolled her eyes.

"Slytherins," she muttered. Remus had finally gotten to his feet, and began to have a coughing fit. "What's wrong?"

"N-nothing." He was so red that it was difficult to tell the difference between him and his scarlet sweater.

"You look-"

"It's nothing." Nathanyel leaned over and, smirking, stuck his tongue in Remus' ear and wriggled it like before. Remus completely froze, his mouth falling open.

"He'ssss jusssst embarrasssssed," Nathanyel hissed. "We've fallen madly in love."

"No wonder everyone says you're a nutter," she snapped, pushing him off the fence.

"Sssssssss," Nathanyel replied after he'd landed.

"He's just messing around," Remus said a bit defensively, helping him up. "You should work on your sense of humor."

"Whatever. Anyway, we're supposed to make our rounds in half an hour, remember?"

"Oh... Right." He gave Nathanyel an apologetic look. "I guess I'd better go."

"Don't worry about it." Nathanyel leaned on the fence, grinning. "See you later, then."

"Bye." Lily grabbed his arm and dragged him off while he grinned back at Nathanyel.

"Ah, fuck," he muttered after they were gone. He'd really been looking forward to finally getting some real cock.

---------------

Nathanyel was looking out the window during transfiguration (what other class would he be completely ignoring?) when he saw Remus walk out through the front doors of the castle and sit down on the steps. He got the feeling that there was something seriously wrong. "Professor?" She wouldn't answer if he called her "Minnie."

"What is it, Mr. Page?"

"I hope you don't mind, but... I'm going to completely undermine your authority."

"What?" He then stood up and walked out of the classroom. She could have stopped him, but he supposed she was too shocked. He didn't really care; he just wanted to talk to Remus. After all, he had seemed rather off lately. Maybe what everyone was saying about his father leaving really was true.

"Remus?" He looked rather sad.

"What?" Nathanyel sat down next to him, trying to think of a tactful way of bringing up the subject. To his chagrin, there seemed to be none.

"What everyone keeps saying... About your dad... Is it true?" Remus turned pink and looked away, biting his lip. Hard.

"He's just- just away, that's all." Nathanyel watched him carefully. He was a bad liar, sometimes.

"You can tell me the truth. I won't laugh at you or anything." Remus squared his shoulders, but said nothing. "How long has he been gone?"

"Since July," he bit out. Nathanyel didn't think the man was about to come back, but he thought it best not to mention the fact. "I don't want you feeling sorry for me."

"Good, because I _don't_ feel sorry for you," Nathanyel replied truthfully. Remus started, then turned to look at him with an unreadable expression. "It isn't that I don't care," Nathanyel went on. "It's just that I can't really imagine feeling sad about my father leaving. I feel something, but it isn't pity. I just don't like to see you feel bad, that's all." Remus looked grateful, and tearful, too.

"It's my fault," he whispered.

"No it isn't," Nathanyel insisted. He didn't see why anyone would want to leave because of Remus. "He would have left, either way." Remus slowly shook his head, looking ready to cry.

"You don't understand," he replied hoarsely. "I... I... I'm just horrible, alright? I'm terrible, and that's all there is to it."

"Don't say that."

"It's true!" And then Remus _did_ cry, and hugged Nathanyel close and got his shirt very wet. "He left without saying anything! He was just gone!" But Nathanyel didn't mind. "He didn't even say goodbye..." He held Remus tightly and stroked his hair, humming a lullaby that Louis had taught him; it seemed to work. He was glad, because he didn't like to see Remus cry.

---------------

Nathanyel lay on his side in bed, feeling groggy. He was lonely, and a little on the full side. Severus was nowhere to be found... But He was there. Nathanyel was afraid, but he felt too heavy to move. "Look at you," He muttered. "Fucking pathetic."

"I know," Nathanyel whimpered. He wished Severus was there. Severus could help him. "I'm just lonely."

"I'm here."

"I don't want you here," Nathanyel murmured.

"Why not?" He shuffled a little closer.

"I hate you."

"What a joke," He grumbled, reaching out to stroke Nathanyel's neck. "You couldn't live without me, could you?"

"I could." Nathanyel turned his head away as He pulled him closer. "I _want_ to."

"You're lonely, right?" When Nathanyel didn't answer, He reached down and started rubbing. "Is this what you want?" Nathanyel whimpered. "You really _are_ pathetic." Nathanyel shut his eyes tightly and bit his lip as He put a hand inside his pants. "You're so desperate, you'd take it from anyone who offered, wouldn't you?"

"N-no." Nathanyel tried to pull away, but He held on tight.

"I thought you hated me?"

"I do."

"Obviously not that much. Am I changing your mind?" Nathanyel shook his head, shaking as he came.

When he opened his eyes again, He was gone. Nathanyel let out a sigh of relief, but stopped short.

His hand was covered in the aftermath of what had just happened.

---------------

"Souda daiji na mono wa itsumo... Itsumo... Damn." Nathanyel was walking through the deserted hallway, trying to remember the new phrase Olivia had taught him, when he spotted Remus heading in the opposite direction. "Hullo!" he called. Remus grinned at him and stopped to talk.

"Hey," he muttered. "What are you doing?"

"Skiving off transfiguration. You?"

"I'm... Just going back to History of Magic. I was using the bathroom."

"History of Magic?" Remus nodded. "Come ditch with me, then. Binns won't notice." Remus blinked a bit, then looked around as if he expected a teacher to come flying out at them.

"But... I can't."

"Why not? It's just History of Magic, all you have to do is copy someone's notes. And your friends will get your bag for you. So what's the big deal?"

"I'm a prefect." Nathanyel rolled his eyes.

"It doesn't matter if no one finds out, right?"

"Er..."

"Come on, then!" He grabbed Remus' hand and led him away; he had an idea of where to go, and he was sure that no one would find them there.

The shortest west tower was always completely deserted, since its entrance was a secret passage, and no one used the corridor it was in, anyway, not even for snogging. It was a nice day, and the top of the tower had a good view of the grounds and the lake, so they sat outside. "Hey, Nathanyel..." Remus shuffled a bit closer to him. "Can I... That is... Could I... Ask you something?"

"Sure."

"Why... Why did you skive off transfiguration?"

"I just didn't want to deal with it," Nathanyel sighed. "We were changing porcupines to pin cushions and I didn't want to embarrass myself. My wandwork is awful."

"It is?" Remus looked a bit surprised.

"Yeah. And Professor McGonagall says that I need to get someone to tutor me, but no one who can help me will actually come near me. And _she's_ not about to step up to the plate because of... Well, you know. Ever since then, everyone just thinks I'm a walking menace. Like I'm a wild animal about to tear them apart or something." He hated it. He wished they would all just go back to teasing them.

"That's how people always act around me, back home," Remus muttered. "When I came here, no one knew me, and I found friends, but... I'm still afraid I'll make them hate me." He frowned a bit. "That's why I never say anything when they act like... Like..."

"Sadistic arseholes?" Nathanyel suggested.

"Yeah."

"Well, you don't have to worry about that with me. _I'd_ never hate you."

"Thanks." Remus gave him a weak smile. "You know, this will probably sound a little weird, but... I think you understand how... How I feel. A lot of the time."

"That doesn't sound weird." Nathanyel shrugged. "Not to me, at least."

"I'm... I'm glad." They sat in silence until they saw people walking out of the castle, and realized that classes were over.

--------Severus-------

"Severus?"

"What?" Then Severus paused. He was in the showers (alone) and Nathanyel was standing at the entrance, apparently ready for one himself. "What are you doing here? This is the fifth year showers!"

"I know. But I need a shower and... The fourth year showers are... Occupied."

"It's a communal shower," Severus replied flatly, trying feebly to cover his privates.

"I know. But Regulus and Mundungus are doing private things in there." Severus grimaced.

"Fine. Take your shower, then." He turned around and went back to washing his hair as Nathanyel joined him.

They showered together in silence. It wasn't long, though, before Severus began to realize he was being watched. He tried to ignore it, but Nathanyel was just... Staring. Albeit discreetly, but still staring. "Stop it."

"Hmm?" Nathanyel blinked at him.

"I told you to stop staring at me! What the fuck is so intriguing, anyway?"

"Er..." Nathanyel blushed, turning his eyes to the floor. "You have hair. But I don't." Severus looked down, and turned red.

"Oh."

"It's weird. I get made fun of. I mean, no one has a lot... But... They all have at least _some_." He frowned a bit. "You've got plenty of hair. I like it." Severus took a step backward.

"You're not going to start in with any of that weird shit, are you?"

"No. I just... I'm a freak, aren't I?" Severus pursed his lips.

"You're just different, that's all."

"You don't know everything about me." Severus didn't answer. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't be saying things like this."

"It's alright." Nathanyel shrugged and hummed a song while he finished washing up.

Severus thought it best to give him some time alone.

---------------

Severus couldn't stop thinking about the shower with Nathanyel. Not that it had turned him on, or anything. He wasn't surprised that Nathanyel had been looking, but he'd been looking back. Again, it wasn't as if he'd been getting off on it. But... There had been scars. Ones he hadn't seen before because he hadn't had that kind of view. He was worried.

He decided to take a walk. Mostly because Nathanyel was outside.

Severus found him on the far side of the lake, skipping rocks. "Hey."

"Hi," Nathanyel murmured.

"So... You're good at that."

"Hmm." Nathanyel threw one that skipped more times than Severus was willing to count.

"Listen... I noticed... In the shower... Scars. I've never noticed them before."

"Yeah. They're hard to see. You have to look closely."

"I know." Severus watched him skip another rock. "Where did you get them?"

"I don't." He paused and took a deep breath. "I don't _know_."

"You don't?"

"I can't remember."

"Not even... The one on your back?" Nathanyel shook his head and tossed a stone that skipped once and sank. "It looks like you had needles down your spine."

"Connect the dots." Nathanyel frowned. "Or a constellation. I _know_ there was something there... I think it's what I dream about." Severus picked up a rock. "Does that sound weird?"

"No. I... Er... Understand." He threw the rock, and it landed in the water with a loud plopping noise. "...Or not." He sighed. "So you don't remember where they came from at all?"

"No... But..." Nathanyel narrowed his eyes. "I'll bet it was my dad. It's _always_ him." Severus didn't say anything. "I _hate_ him," he spat out. "What I want, more than anything, is to see him dead." He threw a rock down into the water. "I hate him so much it hurts." His hands were balled into fists, shaking.

"Nathanyel..." Severus didn't quite know what to say. "You really _are_ different from before." Nathanyel nodded.

"I'm _better_ now." Severus didn't necessarily agree.

---------------

Olivia and Nathanyel were sitting together in the library, talking about something. Severus couldn't really hear from where he was, but when he joined them, he wished he was deaf. "Souda daiji na mono wa itsumo..." Nathanyel muttered. "Fuck, I always get stuck on that part."

"Katachi no nai mono dake," Olivia sighed, sounding rather exasperated. "We've gone over it a hundred times! Anyway, if you'd just forget it and focus more on actually learning the _language_-"

"Kakashi no... Modo sake?" She grimaced.

"You completely butchered it! And sake is rice liquor! The most important thing is always alcohol? You idiot!"

"Idiot is baka, right?"

"Right, baka!"

"What the _fuck_ are you doing?" Severus interrupted, eyebrows raised.

"I'm _trying_ to teach him Japanese!" Olivia growled. "Katachi no nai mono dake! _Katachi no nai mono dake!_ It's not that difficult!"

"Katachi no nai mono... take?" Nathanyel guessed.

"DAKE!!!! ARRRRGH!!!" Madam Pince made shushing noises at them, scowling.

"The most important thing is always alcohol," Nathanyel muttered.

"Drunk," Severus whispered back.

"ARRRGH!" Olivia seemed a little irritated.

---------------

"Alright, Nathanyel, what is it?" Nathanyel waved his hand around at Severus for a bit, then he held up four fingers. "Ack, you _know_ I hate charades!" Nathanyel just grinned. "Fine, four words." Nathanyel tapped his fist and held up four fingers again. "Four syllables." He nodded, then held up one finger. "First word." He pointed to himself. "I. Alright, do the next one." He grabbed something. "Got. Next one." He did something that made absolutely no sense. "An?" That was right, surprisingly. "Okay, go on." He raised his hands over his head and connected them at the fingertips. "O."

"Yes! You're so good at this, Severus."

"I hate you."

"But at least I got an O on my transfiguration test, right?"

"Shut up. Baka."

"Hey, did Olivia teach you that?"

"Go bury yourself."

Half an hour later, when Severus was walking out to Herbology, he caught sight of Nathanyel buried in the ground. He decided to just ignore it.

--------Remus-------

Nathanyel was out on the grounds, doing some sort of exercise that was indiscernible from the distance. Remus was watching him from the top row of the Quidditch stands while James and Sirius practiced. He wasn't sure why he found Nathanyel so fascinating, but he did. Maybe it was because of what had happened back in spring, or maybe something else. But he just couldn't stop watching. Besides, he thought Nathanyel was sort of... Cute. And nice. And- "Hey!" He jumped, nearly falling off the bench.

"Who- who are you?" An Asian girl in Ravenclaw colors was standing over him with her hands on her hips, a suspicious look on her face.

"I'm Olivia." He just stared at her. "Nathanyel Page's cousin." He blushed, feeling a bit guilty, even though he hadn't done anything. "Why are you staring at him?"

"I... Er..."

"I've seen you around. He told me about you." She raised an eyebrow. "You're not going to cause any trouble, are you?"

"No!" She frowned.

"Then why are you looking over at him? Do you fancy him or something?"

"N-no!" She looked skeptical. "I- I just think..." He knew he was going to say something he'd regret. "I just think he's cute, is all." And he was right.

"Oh?" He grimaced. "How cute?"

"Never mind. Just forget it."

"So what are you going to do, serenade him?"

"No! It's nothing, forget it!"

"Well, I suppose I can't do anything about _denial_."

"I'm not in denial!"

"Whatever. Seeya later, gay boy." She waved a bit as she walked away, and Remus stared at her with his mouth open.

--------Nathanyel-------

The best thing about being home for Christmas was seeing Lucius. Nathanyel had missed him a lot, especially after what had happened. He'd been hoping for another episode like it, but Lucius hadn't laid a single hand on him all week. So, while he sat in the parlor with Lucius, he decided to take matters into his own hands. "Lucius?" Nathanyel shuffled a little closer to him, watching him read in his favorite armchair.

"What?"

"Er..." He wasn't sure how to put it. So, he slid up to Lucius' side and leaned against his leg. "Do you remember when you told me I was ready for a real cock? And when you touched me?" Lucius lowered his book a bit and looked down his nose at Nathanyel, but said nothing. "Why... Why haven't you... Touched me again?"

"...You liked that, did you?" Nathanyel nodded.

"It felt good."

"... Come here." Lucius patted his thigh. Smiling slightly, Nathanyel climbed into his lap, anxiously awaiting the real cock Lucius had been talking about. Lucius looked him over, apparently thinking.

Then Lucius backhanded him. Shocked, Nathanyel recoiled; Lucius had never hit him before. "L-Lucius..."

"Don't give me that look," he snapped. "I know what you're up to."

"What?" Lucius pushed him to the ground and he went sprawling.

"Go on, get to bed," he drawled disdainfully.

"But-"

"Don't go acting like a child just to get what you want. You've got some nerve, trying to manipulate me." Nathanyel pushed himself to his feet, feeling rather disappointed.

"I thought-"

"You thought wrong." Lucius snapped. "Now get out of my sight!" Frowning, Nathanyel hurried out of the room, pausing only once at the door to look back; Lucius was smiling to himself while he read his book.

Nathanyel was glad that he wasn't really angry at him. Maybe Lucius might have even been proud. Even so, he'd need a lot more practice with that manipulation stuff.

---------------

Nathanyel sat in his room, staring at the clock. It was only eight. Severus was doing his homework, with Uncle Laszlo's help. There was nothing to do.

Nothing except...

Nathanyel got up and rummaged around his trunk a bit before he found the cloth-wrapped object he's been looking for; Lucius' dildo. He'd never used it before.

Real cock, eh? If he was ready for that, then he was ready for a dildo. He'd just have to use his fingers first. And he still had the lubricant Lucius had given him for his birthday the year before... Right. It would work.

He just had to think of that real cock.

---------------

He winced as he sat down next to Severus in the study. He hoped it wasn't a bad sign. "Nathanyel."

"Hm?" Severus raised an eyebrow at him before speaking his mind.

"Why are you limping?" Nathanyel blushed.

"I am?"

"OH. MY. GOD."

"What?"

"_What_ did you put up your arse!?" Nathanyel hadn't known that Severus was _that_ observant.

"Nothing!" Severus glared at him. "...Except a dildo."

"You're disgusting."

"_You're_ the one who masturbated in public."

"That was _once!_"

"Well this was once, too!"

"You are _so_ gross." Severus shivered. "Didn't it hurt?"

"Yeah. But I liked it, anyway."

"Ew. Just... Ew."

"Don't knock it until you've tried it." Nathanyel bumped his hips against Severus', just to gross him out a bit more.

"You're a slut."

"And _you're_ a prude."

"Am not!"

"Are too." Nathanyel stuck out his tongue. "Prude old prune."

"At least I'm not a dildo sucking fag like you."

"I didn't _suck_ it, I put it up my bum."

"I can't believe you."

"Wanna go out for lunch?"

"Sure."

---------------

Nathanyel frowned as he ducked into an empty classroom and drank some more polyjuice potion from his hip flask. He also checked himself in a mirror, just to make sure that he hadn't changed back yet. Alright, so it was a bit extreme to knock Severus out and pretend to be him for the day... But Nathanyel was sick of his whining. If he wanted to be with someone, then he was going to be with someone, dammit. Even if he didn't like it at first. Besides, Remus was really nice.

He'd worked with Remus all through potions, and he was certain that he chance would come soon. He'd also gotten a chance to drop some fireworks down James Potter's pants, and was certain he wouldn't be able to sit for a while. And he'd just finished building a snowman that looked like the Headmaster, which was really just because he was bored. It was turning out to be a good day.

Straightening himself up, he took out the box of sweets he'd been keeping in his bag and set off. It wasn't difficult to find Remus, but actually getting his message across... That would be a little tough. Well, he'd just have to wing it. So, he strolled right up to Remus, kissed him on the cheek, and handed him the box of sweets.

"...Hello?" Remus looked absolutely flabbergasted.

"Be my Valentine?" Nathanyel asked. Remus mouthed wordlessly for a few minutes, slowly turning red.

"...A-alright."

"Great!"

"But... It's January."

"So?"

"Just... Making sure you knew."

"Okay, then. I'll see you tomorrow? We can, you know, go on a date or something."

"Uhhhhhmmm... Sure." Remus blushed even more.

"See you then!"

"B-bye, Severus."

---------------

"YOU ARE SUCH AN ARSEHOLE!!!!" Nathanyel ducked as Severus threw his transfiguration book at him.

"You need to get out more! I was just-"

"RUINING MY LIFE!!!!" Nathanyel dodged another text book.

"But Remus is a really nice-"

"FAGGOT!!! HE'S A FAGGOT!!! I AM _NOT_ GAY!!!!" This time it was a hex that was sent his way.

"I think you're overreacting!"

"I AM _NOT_ OVERREACTING!!!!!! NOW GET OVER HERE SO I CAN GUT YOU!!!!!!"

"Eek!" Nathanyel ran out of the dorm room, heading for someplace where there would at least be witnesses to his horrifying death.

---------------

"Go on. Tell him."

"I don't want to!" They were in the library, where Remus was studying by himself.

"Tell him!" Severus hissed. "I'm _not_ going on a date with Lupin!" Nathanyel let out a long sigh, then slunk over to where Remus was sitting and took the seat next to him.

"Hello," he muttered.

"Oh, hullo," Remus replied, smiling. "I have some good news. Severus asked me out." He blushed. "I just... Well, what do you think?"

"...That was me." Remus blinked, looking rather confused.

"W-what?"

"I used polyjuice potion to look like Severus. I got the potion from Lucius and added Severus' hair to it. Then I pretended to be him and asked you to be my Valentine."

"...Why?"

"Because he needs to get out more. You know, loosen up. Besides, you two would looking darling together as a green and yellow fwooper in mid-March."

"You do realize that makes very little sense." Nathanyel nodded. "So... You don't... Fancy me?"

"Naw." Nathanyel grinned. "That would be kind of weird, wouldn't it?"

"Erm... Y-yeah, I guess... Really... Weird." Remus blushed a bit.

"Well, I should go before Severus pops a blood vessel. I'll see you later."

"S-see you."

--------Severus-------

"Alright, get up." Severus glared down at Nathanyel, who happened to be doing one-armed push ups.

"Why?"

"Because you're an idiot, that's why!" Blinking, Nathanyel stood up.

"What is it?"

"I want to talk to you about Lupin." There was a long pause.

"What about him?" Severus wasn't sure how to phrase it. He'd seen the way Lupin had been looking at Nathanyel lately, and the way he colored every time they were near each other. It was sickening.

"I think he fancies you." The little bastard.

"What?" Nathanyel looked taken aback. "That's ridiculous!"

"Lupin fancies you! I wouldn't be surprised if he started sending you little love notes or flowers or something! It's disgusting!"

"You're imagining things."

"No I'm not!"

"Yes you are. I'm going to go take a shower, now, so... Bye." Severus rubbed his temples; it was never easy.

---------------

Severus was getting suspicious; he'd been paying closer attention to Lupin ever since he'd gotten wind of the Gryffindor's feelings for Nathanyel, and he didn't like what he was seeing. Lupin would disappear once a month, and claim he was sick or something stupid. It didn't feel right, and he certainly wasn't going to let the pervert get away with whatever he was doing. And he didn't want Lupin doing any weird shit to Nathanyel, either.

"Hey, Snape." He blinked, surprised at having been pulled from his thoughts by someone other than Nathanyel. Especially when he discovered that the someone was Sirius Black.

"What the fuck do you want?" he snarled, immediately going on the defensive.

"I've noticed that you've been spying on Remus a lot." There was a sort of calm nonchalance about Black that was incredibly irritating.

"I haven't been _spying_." He sneered. "Just observing."

"Well, if you want to _observe_ where he goes on the full moon... I'll tell you."

"...Why?" Black smirked.

"It's a trade-off. You tell me how to get into the prefects' bathroom, and I tell you how to get into the secret passage under the Whomping Willow." He acted surprised for a minute. "Oops. Did I just give something away?"

"Fine!" So, Severus told Black where the prefects' bathroom was, and in turn learned where and when to go to learn about Lupin's extracurricular activities.

He didn't realize that it was on the night of the full moon.

---------------

"Fucker." Severus had prodded the knot on the Whomping Willow with a fallen branch and climbed into the secret passage underneath, which was where he was at the moment. And he'd just hit his head on a piece of rock. "I fucking _hate_ nature," he muttered, stalking on. He'd been walking for some time, so he was absolutely sure that he was close. If nothing else gave it away, it was the weird smell that was floating down the tunnel.

Finally, he saw what looked like a faint light, and sped up. He was almost there... Then he heard footsteps behind him; probably another Gryffindor, trying to stop him.

He broke into a run, though when he heard a snarl he grew a little hesitant. Still, he needed to know what was on the end of the tunnel. So, he kept going.

Finally, he came to the opening at the end of the tunnel. And nearly pissed his pants; there was a _huge_... Monster. Wolf. _Werewolf_. Right fucking _there_. "Fuck."

"Snape!" He felt a hand on his arm, and then he was being dragged away. By the time he'd regained control of his limbs, they were halfway down the secret passage.

Someone had saved him. No, worse. _Potter_ had saved him.

"Fuck you!" He yanked his arm away, rubbing it where Potter had probably left a bruise.

"Are you insane? Come on!" Potter yanked at him again.

"Let go of me!" He pushed Potter away and went around him, prowling as quickly as he could without looking like he was a little pussy running for his life.

"The least you could do is thank me!"

"_Fuck you!_" Severus pushed him again, but this time he pushed back.

_Fucking rocks_.

--------Nathanyel-------

Nathanyel knew something was wrong when he woke up from that dream about wolves, and He was smiling. So, just to be safe, Nathanyel got up to check on Severus. Just in case.

But Severus wasn't in bed. Or in the common room. In fact, he was... Gone. Nathanyel was scared; he didn't want anything bad to happen, but he knew that _something_ had happened. So... He decided to check the hospital wing.

He ran all the way there, and burst in just as Madam Pomfrey was filling out a medical chart. "What happened? Did something happen? Where is he? Is he alright? What happened?" She stared at him as if he was insane. He took a deep breath to calm himself down (really, he was getting worked up over nothing) and started over. "Is Severus here?"

"Mr. Snape is not receiving any visitors at the moment," she replied stiffly.

"What!? What happened!?"

"Nothing, Mr. Page. Now, I suggest you get down to breakfast."

"Wait! I'm sick!" He faked a cough. "I need to lie down!"

"_Go to breakfast_." She shoved him out of the infirmary and slammed the door behind him. So, he sat down on the floor next to it and waited.

---------------

"Mr. Page!" Nathanyel woke with a start, whimpering slightly, to see Madam Pomfrey frowning down at him. "How long have you been here?"

"Since you told me to go away," he replied. She glared at him.

"Honestly," she muttered, "sometimes I think you should have been in Hufflepuff..." But she turned around to go back into the infirmary, and left the door open.

"I can visit, now?"

"Yes. But be quiet!" Nathanyel jumped up and hurried into the room. "It's the last bed." With that, she huffed something about self-transfiguration and bustled out of sight. Swallowing hard, Nathanyel slowly made his way to the end of the ward, his nerve suddenly failing him. What if Severus was disfigured or had limbs missing or something?

But Severus looked alright, aside from some bandages wrapped around his head. When he saw Nathanyel he sat bolt upright, then grabbed his head and slowly lay down again. Nathanyel gave a sigh of relief as he sat down in the empty chair that had been place beside the bed. Apparently, Madam Pomfrey had known he wouldn't leave. "How are you?" Nathanyel asked.

"I- I- Shit, Nathanyel!"

"...You shit yourself?"

"_No!_ Listen, I don't want you hanging around Lupin anymore, got it?" Nathanyel raised his eyebrows, wondering what the sudden outburst was all about.

"Why not?"

"He's... He's a monster." There was silence.

"Don't say that." Nathanyel didn't want to hear something like that from Severus, of all people.

"But it's true!" Severus looked around, then lowered his voice to a whisper. "He's a... A werewolf." It took a few minutes for the information to sink in.

Remus.

A werewolf.

Were_wolf_.

And suddenly he couldn't think of anything but the conversation he'd had with Uncle Laszlo.

_"Are you... Having dreams? About water?"_

"...Yes. Blue water. And wolves."

"And... Anything that... Happens?"

Wolves. Premonitions. Things that _happen_. "Nathanyel? Are you alright?"

"I'm... I'm..." He could lie to Severus. But... He didn't. "I knew."

"..._What?_"

"I knew this would happen." He looked down at Severus, trying not to wince at his furious expression. "You saw him, right? As a werewolf?"

"Yes! They were all trying to kill me, so don't you go trying to defend Lupin or anything! Black told me where to go, and Lupin- Lupin-" He paused and took a deep breath. "Then Potter got cold feet and pulled me back." He sounded... Ashamed. "'I saved your life. You owe me.' That's what he said." Severus covered his face with his hands and stayed like that for a long time.

Nathanyel really wanted to beat the shit out of Sirius Black and James Potter. _Really_. "Remus wouldn't have done it," Nathanyel muttered. "I'm sure he didn't know."

"I _knew_ you'd say something like that!"

"But-"

"Just don't." Severus rolled over. "Leave me alone." Nathanyel frowned; he always fucked up.

With a heavy sigh, he stood up to leave, when he heard his name. After looking around a bit, he caught sight of the privacy curtain a few beds down being twitched aside. Cautiously, he approached; it could always be a trick. He was relieved to find that it was Remus. "Hi." He entered the privacy curtain and sat down on the edge of the bed.

"...I... I wanted to a-apologize," Remus rasped. "Just- just say I'm sorry. I'm sorry. You- you don't have to talk to me anymore. I just- I don't blame you if you hate me, now. That's all I wanted to say." Nathanyel chewed on his lip for a bit.

"You know... I already said I'd never hate you. And I meant it." He offered an encouraging smile. Remus looked a bit surprised, but then he slowly smiled back.

"S-so you don't care that I'm- I'm-"

"No." He reached down and placed a hand on Remus' cheek. "You're my friend, right?" Remus blushed and nodded.

"Thank you." Nathanyel leaned over and hugged him tightly.

"Don't mention it."

---------------

Nathanyel felt the blood draining from his face as he watched Severus, across the sweeping lawn, being stripped of his pants by James Potter, in front of a crowd of laughing onlookers. His veins practically turned to ice when he caught sight of Bellatrix Black in the crowd, laughing louder than most of them. The loudest of all, though, was her cousin. Sirius. Nathanyel clenched his fists, gritting his teeth as he prowled forward. He practically went blind with anger when he caught sight of Remus, prefect's badge glinting in the sun, completely ignoring the situation.

He tried to keep his head, think of something to say. The last thing he wanted, after all, was a fight. But, it was hard, especially when he drew closer and caught sight of the humiliated tears welling up in Severus' eyes. "Put him down," he whispered, stopping just in front of Severus, so he could see him.

"I don't see why we should," James replied lightly, flicking his wand and causing Severus to twitch unpleasantly. Nathanyel had to try hard to stop himself from shaking.

"Because this is a horrible thing to do." The crowd only laughed louder, and he spared a glance for them. Lily Evans, the other Gryffindor prefect, was among them. He was utterly outraged. "Fine. _Fine_."

"Nathanyel, _stop_," Severus hissed, but Nathanyel ignored him, drawing his wand.

"Hold still." He rose it to help Severus down, but before he could even speak the incantation he was knocked off his feet by a disarming spell. Dazedly, he sat up, blinking, to see Sirius with his wand raised.

Very well. If it had come to fighting, then he would just have to fight. Slowly standing, he turned to see where his wand had gone. It was several meters away, too far for him to reach without being hexed. Gulping, he tried to ignore the flutter of nerves through his stomach. He hadn't been in a real fight since the summer, and certainly not up against magic.

"Well, Page?" Sirius called out. "Aren't you going to get your wand?" Nathanyel turned back to him, glowering. All he had to do was remember what he'd learned. It was simple, really. Except... Not. He didn't want to fight. He was afraid.

Keeping his eyes on Sirius, he backed up toward his wand. Perhaps, if he didn't turn his back... But no. The next moment he was on the ground, dodging a spell.

Alright, then. Fuck wands.

James was occupied, Remus refused to get involved, and Pettigrew was useless. So really, he just had to get to Sirius and get in one good hit. In the meantime, though, he's need to move. Fast.

He got up and ran blindly just as another curse hit the spot he'd landed on. Immediately, he found himself heading towards the onlookers, and, wondering whether or not Sirius would curse them just to get at him, decided to keep his course. "Sorry Lily!" he panted quickly as he pulled Lily Evans around in front of him. She gave out a shriek as a curse hit her, and her legs locked together.

"Page!" Sirius and James bellowed together.

"You rotten, dirty snake!" Sirius went on.

"Slytherin!" Nathanyel reminded him, still using Lily as a human shield, biding himself some time to think.

"Come out here and fight fair!"

"You first!" Think, think, think.

"That's _it!_ _Accio Evans!_" Seeing his opportunity, Nathanyel let go of Lily, allowing her to fly towards Sirius, then followed her as quickly as he could.

"Sirius, you dimwit!" James bellowed just before Lily crashed headlong into Sirius. "Evans, are you all right?" He jerked his wand out of the air and rushed towards the heap of limbs and robes, causing Severus to drop to the ground with a sickening thud. Nathanyel, blessing Sirius' lack of foresight, launched himself into the air and planted both feet firmly in James' chest.

He managed to get back on his feet just as Sirius had extracted himself from Lily and charged. He wasn't quite sure what he was going to do until he was actually doing it. One foot on the chest, a kick to the face, a flip, and on the ground again. Sirius dropped like a sack of bricks. "_Fuck_," he muttered, steadying himself. "I can't believe that _worked_."

"Nathanyel, you utter prat!" Severus bellowed, and he winced. He left the three Gryffindors to come to their senses on their own and trotted over to Severus.

"Are you alright? You're not hurt, are you? Do you think you need to go to the hospital wing?"

"_NO!_" Nathanyel winced again. "I do _NOT_ need your help, do you hear me!?" He backed up a little, giving Severus some room to hiss and spit. "I _never_ need your help, ever! I don't need _anyone's_ help! So just stay out of my business, alright!?" With that, Severus turned on his heel and stormed away, leaving his discarded underwear behind.

Sighing, Nathanyel collected the garment along with his wand, and made his way back to the castle, ignoring whatever was going on behind him. It wasn't really important anymore, anyway.

--------Severus-------

Severus sat in his bed with the curtains drawn, fuming. The nerve! First, the Gryffindors- they _exposed_ him- with Bellatrix Black _right there!_ And _then_ Nathanyel had to come and act like some sort of big shot! He didn't need any help. He could have handled it himself. He would have hexed them all straight to hell. "Severus?" It was Nathanyel.

"Go away!" he growled. He wasn't done fuming.

"Severus, please stop sulking."

"I'm _not_ sulking!" He was _fuming!_ There was a difference!

"Let me in? Please?"

"No."

"I have your pants." Severus paused; knowing Nathanyel, he'd have them right in plain sight. Maybe even on his head.

"Fine." He didn't want to be embarrassed even more.

"Hi," Nathanyel muttered, sitting across from him. He held out his hand for the pants. "Oh, right." Nathanyel handed them over. "Anyway... I'm sorry. I didn't mean to embarrass you."

"Well you did!"

"If it had been me up there, you would have done the same thing!" Severus snapped his mouth closed; Nathanyel was right.

"...But _you_ didn't have to."

"Your my best friend. I want to protect you." Severus looked him straight in the eye, meaning to say that he didn't need to be protected, and he could very well take care of himself.

"...Alright." Obviously, that didn't work out too well.

"I love you." Nathanyel lunged forward and hugged him.

"Yeah, well... Whatever." Honestly, Nathanyel acted like such a girl, sometimes. "So I guess now you know the truth about Lupin, huh?" Nathanyel leaned back, frowning.

"He's not a bad person, just..."

"Just a coward, then?" Nathanyel looked away.

"I'm angry at him." Severus certainly hoped so.

"Well... Good." There was silence for a long time.

"...Are you going to visit over holidays?"

"I can't. We're going away again."

"I'll miss you."

"...Whatever." He'd miss Nathanyel, too, though.

--------Nathanyel-------

Nathanyel was on the train home, waiting for Severus to come back from his prefect rounds, when the compartment door slid open. He looked up to see Remus standing there. "Can I... Er... Come in?" Nathanyel didn't answer. After a long pause, he stepped inside and closed the door. "Are you angry at me?" Nathanyel stood up, trying not to let his temper get the best of him.

"What do you think?" He wasn't doing a very good job of it.

"...I couldn't have stopped them," Remus muttered.

"You're so full of shit, I can smell it from across the train!" Nathanyel burst out; he was overcome with the urge to shout and hit things, and... He kicked the door to the compartment, causing it to rattle ominously.

"Nathanyel, I'm sorry! I mean, if Lily couldn't stop them, then obviously I had no chance, either!"

"You could have _tried!_" Remus fell silent, staring at the ground. "You didn't even _try_."

"I'm sorry, Nathanyel. It's just... It's just..."

"You're afraid?" Remus nodded. "I thought you were a Gryffindor." Perhaps that had been a little harsh.

"Well... I- I'm _not_, alright!? I'm not brave, or noble, or- or anywhere near it! What was I supposed to do? Fight my friends?"

"If your friends are doing something wrong, then perhaps that would be the best course of action." Nathanyel raised his eyebrows. "I've done it for you." He tilted his head to the side, taking on an innocent tone. "Or aren't your friends as understanding as us Dark wizards in training?" Remus was flushing.

"I- I've never called you that!"

"You've never bothered defending us, either. I thought you fancied Severus?"

"I don't anymore!"

"It's no reason to just let them do that to him! How would _you_ feel!?"

"I would feel awful! And I do! I- I'm sorry! _I'm sorry!_"

"You wouldn't have to apologize so much," Nathanyel bit out tersely, "if you were actually brave enough to do the right thing, for once." He didn't leave, though. He waited. There was something burning inside him, something that wanted to see Remus break.

"I- I-" He paused, biting his lip. He was close.

"No wonder your father left." That did it.

"I- I didn't know- didn't want- I didn't-" White and trembling, he sat down, on the verge of tears. Nathanyel felt terrible; He wanted to see Remus cry. He leaned over to whisper in Remus' ear.

"Howl for me, wolfboy." Remus cried. Smiling, He left. Nathanyel went with him.

Remus howled.

---------------

"Bye, Severus."

"Have a good summer." Nathanyel watched Severus leave the platform, and stood, waiting, as the crowd thinned. After a bit, he spotted Remus. He didn't want to move; he felt cold, like he was frozen. But before he knew it, he was standing in front of Remus, with nothing to say. Just staring. And he stared back.

"I'm sorry." Nathanyel threw his arms around his shoulders, because he didn't know what else to do. "I didn't mean it." He kissed Remus' forehead over and over. "I didn't mean any of it." He kissed anywhere he could reach, and buried his nose in Remus' hair. Remus was blushing. "You're wonderful, and I'm sorry. Please forgive me."

"I... I don't know..."

"Come stay with me over the summer. Please."

"Maybe..."

"Write me?"

"I'll try..."

I love you.

---------------

Remus was coming to stay with him. He'd gotten the letter two weeks ago, and Remus was arriving that day. Nathanyel spent the entire morning in the entrance hall, staring at the door. Eventually, Lucius joined him. "What the hell are you staring at?"

"The door."

"_Why?_"

"Because my friend's coming." There was a knock. "That's him!" Lucius rolled his eyes as Nathanyel jumped up to answer the door. "Hi, Remus!"

"Hullo." Remus smiled shyly.

"Come in." Nathanyel took his trunk for him and led him inside. "Lucius, this is Remus." Lucius looked Remus up and down, eyeing him like... Well.

"Not bad," he conceded.

"Um, nice to meet you," Remus muttered.

"You too..." Lucius seemed rather impressed. "He's yours?" he asked Nathanyel.

"We're just friends," Nathanyel replied, grinning. Remus blushed deeply.

"Well... I've got things to do." Lucius then left them to their own devices.

"I think he likes you," Nathanyel informed Remus.

"He's- he's very handsome."

"Yup. And he likes boys just like you do, too. Anyway, I'll show you your room."

"Al-alright."

--------Severus-------

Severus glared at his textbook; another boring summer on holiday with his parents. Augh. "Here, take my luggage," his mother ordered. "And don't expect any tips." Scowling, he grabbed her trunk, then, when she was out of sight, he put it in someone else's cart and left it.

He wasn't going to take any shit this summer. He was going to go off on his own and have himself a good time, whether they liked it or not. "Out of the way!" His father pushed him aside, directing the servants in how to carry the luggage properly.

It wasn't like they'd notice he was gone, anyway. So, he stood on the platform, his trunk at his side, and watched the train that was bringing his parents to Wales depart. Then, he walked over to the next platform and got on the London bound train.

He'd always wanted to spend a holiday in the city.

--------Nathanyel-------

"Hey, Lucius." Lucius scowled, but didn't look up. Nathanyel scowled back, but Lucius didn't see it. "Are you going to fuck Remus?" When he said that, Lucius looked up.

"_Excuse_ me?" Nathanyel kept his gaze steady. "Since when do you talk like _that?_"

"Is that a yes or a no?" Lucius reached out and flicked his forehead.

"Don't you give me attitude. I'm the only one here who's halfway decent to you, remember?" Nathanyel sighed and nodded. "And anyway... Yes. Yes, I do believe I _will_ fuck your friend. Why?"

"I... I just wanted to know if he'd be staying with you."

"For one night, yes. Maybe less, if he's not to my liking." Lucius stretched and yawned. "Do you want him for yourself, or something?"

"No. I just think... Well, he'd be safer staying with you." Lucius let out a long groan.

"What, so now I have to _keep_ him? I don't like pets, you know."

"I just thought he'd be better off sleeping in your room. I... I can't protect him." Nathanyel frowned at the thought, but it was true.

"You never asked me to take care of your Snape friend."

"Because he's different. I know I can take care of him. Remus... He's... Just different." Nathanyel bit his lip. "So will you let him stay with you while he's here?"

"I don't know... I suppose if the sex is good..."

"Thanks, Lucius."

"Tch."

--------Severus-------

London really wasn't all it was cracked up to be. Severus had only been there a week and he'd already gotten robbed, trampled, hit by a bus, and nearly raped by a hag. On the bright side, he was staying at the Leaky Cauldron, so he had free access to Diagon Alley and Nocturn Alley. He was having the time of his life, except for those few things that had gone wrong. Really.

He wasn't lonely at all.

And he _hated_ that store with the Japanese music. He hated it every time he visited. In fact, he went every day, just to remind himself of his hatred for it.

Right.

--------Remus-------

Remus sighed as he headed toward Nathanyel's room; he'd been up for a glass of water, even though he wasn't supposed to be wandering around by himself (especially at night) and now he wasn't even sure which floor he was on. "Looking for something?" He jumped a bit, turning to see Lucius Malfoy leaning against the frame of the door he'd just passed.

"Just... Trying to get back to bed," he muttered, keeping his eyes on the floor.

"Why don't you come in for a bit? I've got something to talk to you about." Remus stiffened a bit; had Nathanyel told...? He wouldn't. He _couldn't_. "Well? What are you waiting for?" With a gulp, Remus stepped forward and followed Lucius into his room. "Sit down." He looked up to see Lucius already sitting on the bed.

"Er..."

"You're too shy." Lucius raised an eyebrow. "Or maybe it's just me. Do you always act like you're about to be scolded?"

"Er- no." Remus hurried forward and sat next to Lucius, folding his hands in his lap and staring at them; it was better than staring at Lucius, after all. He didn't want to give the wrong impression. Or the right one, for that matter.

"Nathanyel tells me that you're..." _Oh, no_. "...Gay." Remus blinked, relaxing quite a bit. He was quite surprised that this was all they'd be talking about. He'd thought it would be a lot worse. Well, the current subject would normally be pretty bad, but Lucius was the same way, so... "Is that true?" He nodded, blushing a little. "Do you have a boyfriend, then?"

"N-no." He wasn't sure why Lucius was being so nice to him.

"No? Hm, isn't that a surprise?"

"W-well they're hard to come by," Remus muttered in a rush.

"Really? I'd never noticed." He blushed even more when Lucius started playing with the hair at the nape of his neck. "So you don't have anyone... Special?"

"No. I- er- I've never..." He trailed off, embarrassed.

"Never what?" Lucius leaned in closer. "Never been with someone?" Remus shook his head, trying to ignore the fact that he was getting... Excited. "Not even kissed?" He shook his head again. "My, my..." Remus gulped as he felt teeth tugging on his ear. "It must be so _burdensome_, being a virgin. Wouldn't you like to lose that irritating little label?" He started to shake, not quite sure how to answer.

"I- I-" He winced as his voice squeaked. "I sort of-" He stopped himself there. If he was going to be realistic, then this was a golden opportunity, wasn't it? Nathanyel wasn't about to chase after him, and there weren't many men around who were... Interested. And out of the few that were, even less were attractive. Lucius wasn't just attractive; he was beautiful. And he wanted to... Remus gulped again. "Well, I- I'd like to..."

"But?"

"...Will it hurt?" Lucius chuckled.

"I've found that the pleasure is worth bearing the pain."

"...Alright." Remus gasped as Lucius pulled him into a soft kiss. His first kiss.

"Don't worry... I'll be gentle."

---------------

Remus tried not to shake, but it was a difficult task. He had tears in his eyes, too. It had felt good, yes, but it had hurt, too. And he was tired and sore and felt... Maybe it wasn't such a good idea, after all. "Something wrong?" Lucius was back from the bathroom.

"I- I- I..." He should say something. "...It hurts." That had sounded very babyish, though.

"Hn." Lucius scowled. "Maybe I was too rough with you, then."

"No, I- I'm fine. Just... Just a little sore. That's all. It's- It's nothing, really." Lucius climbed into bed and gave him a scrutinizing look.

"Listen, if it hurts, I've got-"

"No, I'm fine." Remus winced a bit when Lucius scowled at him.

"Well, I know I didn't tear you." Remus shivered at the thought. "But it's probably pretty sore. I'll get something." He really hadn't imagined that Lucius would be so nice to him. Still... Maybe he'd been a bit too hasty... "Here." Lucius had returned rather quickly, with a vial of some sort of purple potion. "Drink it." Remus gulped it down, and although it tasted horrible, it made the soreness go away.

"Th- thank you." Lucius raised an eyebrow.

"That stutter is awfully..." Irritating. "..._Cute_. Sort of annoying. But I'm sure it'll be gone soon enough." Remus made room for him as he lay down. "You'd best get back to sleep. You'll need it, if you're going to try to keep up with _that_ little tit." Remus could tell that there was at least a little affection behind the insult toward Nathanyel. "Good night." Lucius put an arm around his shoulders and pulled him a little closer.

"G'night, Lucius." He really didn't know why he'd had any doubts in the first place.

-------Nathanyel--------

"Good morning!" Lucius and Remus were already at the table. "What's for breakfast?"

"It doesn't matter," Lucius dismissed. "You'd eat it, anyway." Nathanyel shrugged and sat across from them, grinning a bit when he noticed that Lucius had his arm around Remus.

"So you had a good night?" Remus turned red.

"Er... I- I-"

"Stop right there," Lucius sighed. "Yes, we did. And you need to speak more slowly, you'll stutter less."

"I- I don't stutter that much... Anymore." Remus blushed.

"Just when you're nervous, right?" Lucius started playing with his ear, and he went even redder. "Which is, what? All the time? You need to calm down."

"Sorry."

"What are you apologizing for?" He leaned over and bit Remus' ear. "Just sit there and look pretty, alright?" Remus looked ready to explode, he was so red.

"O-okay."

"I don't believe it."

"Stop being mean," Nathanyel scolded.

"What? So there's something wrong with teasing, now?" Lucius pinched Remus' cheek and put on a falsely apologetic expression. "It just means I care." Then he stood up. "But I've got better things to do than hang around kids, anyway." After he was gone, Nathanyel gave Remus an encouraging smile.

"You must be pretty good. I could tell Lucius was happy." Remus blushed again and smiled back.

"Thanks."

--------Severus-------

Severus stared down at the dead pigeon on the street as he ate his lunch, wondering if anyone was going to clean it up or at least move it out of the way. But the people walking by didn't even seem to notice it. Not unless the stepped on it, that is. And when they stepped on it, they made a pretty funny scene.

"Hey." He looked up, blinking. "Fancy seeing you here." Olivia was standing with her hands on her hips, wearing some weird muggle kit.

"What the fuck?"

"Precisely my thoughts. Weren't you supposed to be on holiday?"

"I am." He turned back to his pigeon.

"Right. And suddenly watching a dead pigeon being stepped on is a holiday?"

"Mind your own business!"

"Why aren't you staying with Nathanyel?" She sat down in the chair across from him, glancing at the pigeon.

"Because, I didn't feel like it. Besides, he's probably having the time of his life without me."

"Well, he _did_ invite Remus to stay." Severus nearly dropped his sandwich.

"He _what?_"

"Oh. I guess you didn't know. Well, I've got to get going. Nice seeing you!"

"Fuck!" Someone had just kicked the pigeon away, and it landed right in his lap.

--------Remus-------

Remus stared at the ground as he walked. He didn't want to attract any attention; he'd already been warned about that.

"Oof!" He paused, his mouth dropping open as Nathanyel came rolling down the main staircase, to his right. He had a bloody nose and a split lip when he pushed himself up.

"Nathanyel?" He turned towards Remus and suddenly looked very frightened. "Are you-"

"Get out of here!"

"What?" He got his answer when Nathanyel's father came practically flying down the stairs, grabbed him by the hair, and slammed his face into the floor.

"You little fucker," the man growled. "If you think you're so tough, why don't you fight back?" He ground his knee into Nathanyel's back as he spoke. "Don't you _ever_ fucking talk to me like that again, hear me?"

Remus knew he wasn't brave. He never _had_ been. He'd never had a short temper, either. But his temper snapped and for some reason he was a lot braver than usual, because he found himself jumping onto the back of a man he barely knew.

When he hit the floor he realized it had been a very stupid thing to do. When he was being kicked in the stomach he realized that bravery was really just a temporary lapse in intelligence. And when he tried to get up and a foot was stamping down on his face he realized that Nathanyel's father was very strong.

--------Nathanyel-------

"Remus? Remus, wake up." Nathanyel shook him a little.

"Hmm?" Remus finally opened his eyes, then let out a long moan.

"I've got to clean up your cuts. Sit up." Grunting, Remus slowly sat up.

"I didn't think I could feel this sore unless it was the full moon."

"Hmm." Nathanyel began to wipe away the dried blood from the cuts on his forehead and lip. "You're alright, then? Just sore?"

"Yes."

"I'm glad."

"You look awful." Nathanyel shrugged.

"I'm fine," he lied. "I just... I'm sore, too." He wanted his father dead.

"Hey, what are you doing in here?" Lucius stuck his head through the doorway, looking suspicious.

"Just getting cleaned up."

"Tch!" Lucius left and shut the door behind him.

"...He didn't really seem to care," Remus muttered. He seemed upset.

"Lucius is just used to it, that's all." Remus still didn't look too happy. "_I_ care," he grumbled, getting a bit angry at Remus, for some reason.

"I know." Remus swallowed heavily while Nathanyel rubbed at his lower lip with his thumb. "I-I care, too."

"Thanks. Do you bite your lip a lot?"

"Sometimes."

"Oh." Remus looked rather flushed. "Do you feel dizzy or anything? You look red."

"Er... N-no."

"Good, then." They were silent for a bit.

"I... I guess now I know why you couldn't understand why I was so upset about my dad leaving." Remus let out a nervous little laugh.

"Yeah." Nathanyel wasn't quite sure how to respond. 'I want to kill my father' seemed a bit harsh.

"Alright, you two; I've got just what you need." Lucius was back, holding two goblets full of potion. "Drink it." They did so without hesitation. Nathanyel sighed quietly as a soothing warm sensation spread through his body. "Nathanyel, I want to see you in the hall for a moment."

Nathanyel smiled briefly at Remus before following Lucius out into the hall. "What is it?" Lucius closed the bedroom door and ushered him a bit further away.

"I want you to listen _closely_ to me. Alright?" Nathanyel nodded. "I mean it."

"I'm listening." Lucius scowled almost as well as Severus.

"You can't go around doing and saying things that'll get your arse kicked. This time you got your friend involved, and next time will be worse. You're going to end up getting yourself killed." Nathanyel frowned and glared at the wall; he really wasn't that stupid. "Look at me." Lucius took him by the chin and pulled him closer. "You need to learn how to be discreet." He ran his thumb up and down Nathanyel's jaw. "And while you're doing that, you should also learn to read people better. Now, go take care of your friend." He turned to go.

"I thought you had something going with him." Lucius just laughed and walked away. But then, Nathanyel should have known better. He just hoped that Remus did.

--------Severus-------

Severus marked off another notch on his count down to the start of the new school year. The city had most certainly _not_ been kind to him, and Diagon Alley was getting boring. Besides that, he was tired of Arthur Weasley saying hello to him on his daily walk every afternoon. Just because he happened to pass the place the man ate lunch at didn't mean they were suddenly acquaintances. He'd met Weasley _once_ and that was it.

And Florean Fortescue's constant cheerfulness always put a damper on his dessert. He wanted to eat his ice cream in peace, not have a chat about the geezer's exploits in whatever country it was during whatever war he'd been fighting.

All in all, he was ready to go back to Hogwarts. At least Nathanyel was _interesting_. And he knew how to sit quietly, even if it was only for a short amount of time. Severus frowned to himself. Lupin, of all people, was over there. If any had happened...

"Why the long face?" the mirror croaked. "Maybe a shower would cheer you up, dear." Severus took a sheet off the bed and covered the mirror with it.

He most certainly was _not_ in the mood.

--------Remus--------

"Remus! Hey, Remus!"

"Hmm?" Nathanyel took him by the wrist and pulled him to his feet.

"Guess what."

"What?"

"There's a carnival in town, with spinning cups and upside down rides and a _huge_ Ferris wheel. You wanna go tonight?"

"Sure." Remus grinned.

"Great! It'll be loads of fun, promise. Anyway, I gotta go get a few things done, so stick around with Uncle Laszlo or Lucius, alright?"

"Sure."

"Okay."

---------------

Remus found Nathanyel in the entrance hall at dusk, holding a brown paper bag and bouncing on the balls of his feet. "We're going?"

"Yup." Nathanyel grinned.

"I... Don't have any money." Remus flushed, embarrassed.

"It's alright. We'll sneak in where we can and otherwise I'll pay for you." He nodded his head toward the door. "Let's go." So they did.

---------------

The carnival was wonderful. There were games, rides, food stands... Everything. Remus had never been anywhere so lovely.

And he'd never had lovelier company. "What do you want to do now?" Nathanyel asked, tearing a chunk of what was apparently cotton candy off a stick and shoving it in his mouth.

"What's in the bag?" Nathanyel still hadn't shown him the contents of the brown paper bag.

"It's for the Ferris wheel."

"Well... Let's go on the Ferris wheel, then." Nathanyel smiled and he smiled back.

Remus wasn't sure what to expect, but Nathanyel had told him that the Ferris wheel was nice and slow. And the stars were out, extra bright because of the new moon, so it would be a nice view.

When they were about to get on, Nathanyel whispered something to the operator and slipped him a few paper notes of muggle money. Then, they got into one of the compartments and waited. "This isn't so bad," Remus stated once the ride had started.

"Yeah." They went around a few times, but then it just... Stopped.

"...What's happening? Is this normal?"

"I asked him to stop it when we were at the top."

"Oh." Grinning, Nathanyel held up the brown paper bag and pulled a bottle out of it.

"Ta-da!"

"What is it?" Nathanyel opened the bottle and took a swig.

"Just some red wine. We're celebrating tonight, you know."

"Why?"

"Well, lots of things. New moon... You and Lucius... Your O.W.L.s... You staying here. You know."

"What about you?"

"Eh." He shrugged. "I just haven't got anything to celebrate."

"Nothing?"

"Nothing but you." He winked, and Remus blushed. "You want some?"

"From the bottle?"

"Sure. It's no worse than kissing, and you've done that plenty of times with Lucius, right?"

"Right." Remus looked down at his feet and frowned; he really didn't want to think about that at the moment.

"So you want some?"

"Sure." Remus took the bottle and chugged. It burned his throat, but it made him think of kissing Nathanyel, and that was a good thing. "How long is it going to stay stopped?" Nathanyel shrugged as he took the bottle and drank from it.

"Dunno. How long with it take to finish the bottle?" Remus couldn't help but grin. "Hey, what's that?" He looked down to see a crowd gathering around the base of the Ferris wheel.

"We must be stuck," Remus muttered, watching the people mill around.

"Wonderful." Nathanyel leaned over the edge of the compartment and squinted down into the masses of people. "I want my money back!" he shouted. The Ferris wheel operator made a rude gesture and walked away. "I guess we're here for the night," he sighed, slumping back in his seat. "Oh well." Remus took another swig from the wine bottle. "It's a good thing I brought two."

Remus wasn't sure exactly when he'd gotten drunk, but he knew that he had and that Nathanyel had gotten even more drunk. They were pissed. That was a fact. And when Remus got pissed, as he soon found out, he was very loose-tongued. "Nathanyel."

"What?"

"We're on a furris wheel."

"Fffffffffffffffffff." They were most definitely pissed. "Fffffuck."

"Heh."

"Have you ever fucked? Like on top?"

"Nope." Remus shook his head, but stopped quickly because it made him dizzy. "You?"

"Nuh-uh. Not even kissed." Nathanyel yawned.

"What about Sev'rus?"

"He doesn't like boysss."

"Oh. D'you like boys?"

"Prob'ly. Why?" Remus hesitated, trying to grasp the words. Meanwhile, Nathanyel yawned again.

"Can... Can I kiss you?"

"Huh?" Nathanyel turned his head to look at Remus. "Kiss?" Remus nodded. "I... Dunno."

"It'll be okay." Remus leaned toward him and put an arm around his waist. "Promise."

"I dunno..." Remus pressed against him and nuzzled his hair.

"Please?"

"Okay." Nathanyel turned towards him. It took him a few tries to find Nathanyel's mouth, but he did, and it was wonderful; he held Nathanyel's head in one hand and sucked on his tongue. He tasted like wine and cotton candy. "Mmf," Nathanyel muttered when they were done.

"Mmm," Remus agreed as Nathanyel leaned against him. It took him a while to get his thoughts together. There was something he wanted to say... He let his eyelids droop as he breathed in Nathanyel's scent. "...I love you," he whispered.

Nathanyel snored softly.

---------------

Remus cracked his eyes open the next morning to see a hairy, disgruntled carnival worker standing over him. "Ride's over," he growled. Ignoring his pounding headache, Remus manage to wake up Nathanyel and drag him off the Ferris wheel.

"Fuck," Nathanyel muttered, leaning heavily against him.

"Hn," Remus concurred.

They leaned on each other all the way back to Nathanyel's house, and once they'd arrived Remus helped him to his bedroom. Then he crawled into bed with Nathanyel because, quite frankly, he felt too much like he'd had another encounter with Mr. Page to go all the way back to his own room.

---------------

Remus woke up for the second time that morning feeling a little better, but not much. He was in Nathanyel's bed, which was something he realized only after laying awake for about ten minutes. After his epiphany, his pushed himself up, rubbing at his eyes and wondering why the sunlight from the window was so bright. "Good morning." He looked up to see Nathanyel, fresh from the shower, drying himself off. At that moment, Remus knew that he was the luckiest bastard in the entirety of the United Kingdom.

"Good morning," he replied, trying (and failing) to keep his eyes from wandering much lower than what was appropriate. "Er... What time is it?"

"About half past eleven. You really slept late."

"Don't you feel at all sick?"

"I got a hangover remedy from Lucius." He grabbed a bottle from atop the wardrobe and tossed it to Remus. "Trust me, it works." Remus didn't hesitate to down it. And it really _did_ work.

"Wow," he muttered. "I feel better."

"Yeah, it's great, right?" Remus found himself staring again.

"Yeah... Really... Um, what?" Nathanyel gave him a puzzled look, then grabbed a pair of pants from his underwear drawer. Remus cursed the person who first thought up clothes, then concentrated on composing himself. "So... About... Last night." The subject needed to be breached.

"That carnival was so much fun! We should go again, sometime." Nathanyel started looking for clothes to wear.

"Well, yes, but... The Ferris wheel, after we got, you know, pissed... Well..."

"...Huh?" Remus immediately stopped, his heart sinking when he caught sight of Nathanyel's confused expression. "...What happened?"

"...N-nothing. Never mind." He didn't want to bring it up if Nathanyel couldn't even remember.

"What did I do?" He already had a shirt on.

"It was nothing. Just forget it."

"But-"

"I-I should get cleaned up. I'll... I'll see you later." He hurried out of the room before he had another chance to embarrass himself. Besides, he needed some time to himself to sulk.

--------Nathanyel-------

Nathanyel was worried. Ever since they'd gone to the carnival, Remus had been acting strange. He hardly ever spoke to Nathanyel or even looked him in the eye. It was like... He was upset over something.

Nathanyel knew he'd done something he shouldn't have at the carnival, but he couldn't remember what it was. All he remembered was sitting on the Ferris wheel with Remus and getting completely pissed. But when he tried to remember more... It was just a blank.

He _had_ to apologize. There was no way he couldn't. If only... If only he was good at that kind of thing. If only he could remember what he'd done!

After gathering up the proper amount of resolve, he made his way up to Remus' room and knocked on the door. in." He went in.

Remus was sitting on the bed, reading. When Nathanyel walked in, he set down the book and looked up like a deer in the face of a predator. "Er... Hi."

"Hey," Remus replied.

"I... Wanted to talk to you about... About the other night."

"Don't worry about it," Remus said quickly. "It's fine. Really. Just forget it."

"I already have. That' why I wanted to talk to you." They simply stared at each other for a bit.

"Sit down." Nathanyel sat down on the bed next to Remus.

"I don't remember what I did, but... I'm sorry. I don't like you acting like this."

"Like what?"

"Like you're angry at me."

"I'm not angry at you." Nathanyel bit his lip.

"Then why are you avoiding me? What did I do?"

"It was nothing!"

"Whatever it was, I'm sorry. I don't want you to be upset anymore."

"I'm alright." Nathanyel wasn't sure if he was telling the truth. "Honestly, I am."

"...Okay. I just... I don't want you to avoid me anymore." It was too reminiscent of how everyone acted after he'd...

"I won't. I was just... Embarrassed, that's all. I was really drunk, and I made a fool of myself." He grinned.

"So we're good?"

"Yes." Nathanyel smiled back.

"I'm glad," he sighed, leaning against Remus. "I was worried, you know. I was afraid you hated me." He nuzzled Remus' neck.

"I-I could never hate you."

"I'm glad." He hugged Remus.

"Er... I... I... I have diarrhea!" Remus jumped up, pulling his shirt down over his crotch and running out of the room. Nathanyel just assumed he'd eaten something bad.

--------Remus-------

Remus was lying awake in bed, Lucius sound asleep beside him. He actually looked rather innocent when he was asleep. Though why he insisted on staying together every night, Remus was unsure of.

He was also unsure of the nature of their relationship. Were they... Lovers? Boyfriends, maybe? Or was it just casual sex? It _had_ been about a month, after all. Well, judging by Lucius' behavior, probably casual sex. But then again, Lucius never really behaved normally, so it was difficult to judge. "What are you doing?" Lucius cracked one eye open to glare at him.

"Nothing."

"You woke me up." He really didn't see how that was possible.

"You woke up on your own." Lucius snorted. "Hey... Lucius?"

"What now?"

"How- how do you feel about me?"

"You're a good fuck," Lucius muttered, burying his face in his pillow. "And you're pretty cute. So, yeah, I guess I don't hate you." Remus grinned. "So go to sleep."

"Alright, alright." He really needed to stop over thinking things.

--------Nathanyel-------

"Hey, Remus. What's that picture?" Remus jumped a bit as Nathanyel entered the room, pressing the photograph against his chest.

"Nothing. I'm just... I'm okay." He looked like he'd been crying.

"Is it... Your dad?" Remus hesitated before nodding. "...Can I see?" Very slowly, he held out the picture. Nathanyel stepped forward and took it, looking down. Remus looked a lot like his father. Except that he had bright blue eyes, with amber spots. "He's got nice eyes," Nathanyel commented, not quite sure what to say.

"Yeah."

"What was his name?"

"...Randolf." They were silent for a bit.

"You're lucky," Nathanyel finally sighed.

"...Lucky?" Remus looked puzzled.

"You're lucky he left. If he'd stayed, he'd have probably just ended up being trouble for you. So stop worrying about it, okay?" Nathanyel really hadn't expected Remus to hit him. After all, Remus never hit anyone. But that's what he did. And he shouted, too.

"Don't talk like you know everything!! You don't!! You don't know him, you don't know _anything_, so just shut up!!" He was panting.

"...Sorry." Nathanyel got up and left; Remus obviously needed some time alone.

---------------

"Nathanyel?" Remus knocked lightly on the door, even though it was open.

"You can come in," Nathanyel replied, trying to remember the properties of asphodel. Remus walked in and stood in the middle of the room, his hands behind his back.

"I'm... I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. I just got... Angry. I'm sorry."

"It's alright." Nathanyel set down his quill and looked up, trying to be mature. "I shouldn't have said what I did... It's like you told me, I don't know your dad. So... I don't blame you." Remus bit his lip, still looking upset.

"But I still shouldn't have hit you. I didn't want to hurt you. I don't like to see you hurt."

"..." Nathanyel watched the ink dry on his parchment. "...Your stutter's going away."

"Yeah." The silence that followed was oppressive.

"It's okay, really. I don't mind being hit." Nathanyel shook out his parchment and set it aside. "I'm used to it."

"I know." He felt the bed sink a bit, but he didn't look up. "I'm so sorry. I really am."

"...I know you are."

"Do you forgive me?"

"I already said it's okay." He felt warmth against his body as an arm slid around his waist.

"But do you _forgive_ me?"

"Of course I do." And it was the truth.

"Do you think..." Remus rested his other hand on Nathanyel's thigh. "Do you think... I could make it up to you?" Nathanyel blushed.

"It's alright. You don't have to." He was starting to get randy.

"But I want to..." Remus was pressing up against him, sucking on his ear lobe and rubbing his thigh. "Mmm, you're so..." He trailed off, pushing Nathanyel onto his back. "I want to fuck you," he rasped.

"R-Remus?" His voice was low and hoarse... And sexy.

"Spread you legs."

"But-"

"_Now_." Trembling, Nathanyel did as he was told.

"A-are you alright?"

"I'm going to fuck you so hard, you won't be able to stand for a week."

"Oh..." Although he was a bit concerned for Remus... Well, he couldn't argue with _that_. "If you insist." He gasped when Remus pushed his shirt up and suddenly bit his nipple, _hard_. He liked it; it made him feel like every hair on his head was standing on end... Among other things. He hardly realized that Remus was pulling down his trousers, he felt so good. "Yes, fuck me," he whimpered, spreading his legs even wider.

"Touch yourself." Nathanyel obediently followed the order, reaching down. "That's perfect." He pushed himself up on his free elbow and watched as Remus pushed his own trousers down to his knees.

"Mmph," he gasped, biting his lip; it was such a beautiful cock. It wasn't much longer than his, but it was very... Wide. It stuck out, red and wet and surrounded by hair, like an animal in heat. "Please, I can't..." Remus growled as he leaned down and bit his neck, pressing and rubbing against him. Nathanyel mewled softly, gripping his back and panting.

"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING!?" Nathanyel let out a squeak of surprise and tried to sit up, but Remus didn't seem quite ready to stop yet.

"L-Lucius?" He was standing seething in the doorway.

"It's the full moon!"

"_Now?_"

"Yes, now!"

"Eeek!" The erection was gone in an instant. "Get him off me!"

"Don't be a girl!" Lucius hauled Remus up by the back of the collar and tossed him on the floor, then grabbed Nathanyel and ran. After he'd locked and warded the room, he turned to glare at Nathanyel. "You'd let anyone with half a boner into your pants, wouldn't you?"

"No!" he protested, trying to pull up his trousers.

"Face it, Nathanyel. You're a slut."

"I'm _not_. It's just... Well, he was so_ forceful_." He had really liked that.

"Just face the facts, you were begging for it."

"I _wasn't!_"

"Oh?" Lucius raised an eyebrow as a wicked grin spread over his face. "Why don't you prove it?" Nathanyel had barely processed the comment before Lucius pinned him against the wall and pressed a thigh between his legs.

"Eep!" Nathanyel hadn't meant to make that particular sound, but at the moment it was all he could muster.

"Are you going to let me do this right in the hallway?" Lucius asked quietly, moving his leg in a very intoxicating way.

"No, I- ah!" Nathanyel blushed, biting his fist.

"And you're a quick shot, to boost."

"That's not fair! It was left over from Remus!"

"Tch." Lucius reached out to rest a hand on top of his head. "Never mind. You're alright anyway, for a slut."

"You're a slut, too," Nathanyel muttered, pouting.

"I know." Lucius pulled him a bit closer. "So I guess tonight's the slut's night out?"

"Yeah." They fell silent at the sound of Remus howling.

"You know... _He's_ a slut, too."

--------Remus-------

Remus woke up naked, cold, and aching all over. As per usual on the morning after the full moon. What was unusual was the fact that he woke up to Nathanyel and Lucius both crouching over him with identical expressions on their faces. He'd never noticed before, but they kind of looked alike. "He's done for," Nathanyel muttered.

"I'll give him another minute," Lucius replied.

"The blood loss is too great."

"It was bound to happen, sooner or later."

"It'll be a nice funeral service." Remus glanced back and forth between them.

"...You're arseholes," he grumbled.

"It was _his_ idea," Lucius groused, pointing at Nathanyel. "That's why it was so _stupid_." Nathanyel took a deep breath and puffed out his cheeks. So he reached out and slapped them. Nathanyel crossed his eyes as all the air squelched out of his mouth, then dissolved into rather offensive sounding guffaws.

..._Why on earth do I love you?_

"What... Happened?"

"You're a slut," Lucius clarified. "And so is the moron."

"...Oh." He remembered.

"Nathanyel, stop fucking around and get him into bed. I'll go see if Laszlo's still here."

"Fine." Nathanyel stopped making weird faces and carefully gathered Remus into his arms. "But don't take too long."

"Hn." Lucius was gone by the time he'd gotten Remus into bed. It was rather awkward, actually. Remus was extremely embarrassed about his behavior.

"Er..." He cleared his throat. "About last night... Well... That was kind of... The full moon. I get a little... Uncontrollable. I'm sorry."

"No need to apologize," Nathanyel reassured him.

"It's just... I normally wouldn't... Well, you know." He blushed and turned away.

"If you want to finish later, it's fine with me." Remus started, then hesitantly looked up at Nathanyel; he looked back with a friendly smile on his face.

"W-what do you mean? You fancy me?"

"Hmm, nope. Just thought you'd like to finish." He shrugged. Remus bit his lip and looked away.

"No. That's alright." He was pretty disappointed. But he wasn't going to be a slut. Even if he was naked under the sheets and longing for Nathanyel to join him.

"...Heehee. I can see your peenie sticking up." With a childish grin on his face, Nathanyel reached out and poked it through the covers.

"Ack! Stop it!"

"Gahahaha! Peenie!" Love really _was_ blind. "Peeeeeenie!" And stupid, too.

--------Nathanyel-------

Nathanyel was reading with Lucius in his room when Remus walked in, looking a bit worried. "Where were you?" Nathanyel asked, the same time as Lucius. The question was followed by tense silence. He knew right then that there was something wrong.

"I just woke up," Remus murmured, rubbing his arms and grimacing. "And look." He rolled up his sleeves to show them needle punctures in the crook of each elbow. Nathanyel was getting very frightened.

"L-Lucius?" Lucius would know what to do.

"He'll be fine," Lucius informed him tensely. "Your Snape friend is here all the time and _he's_ fine. Besides, it looks like he only had blood drawn." Blood drawn.

_Fuck_.

"You don't understand, Lucius," Nathanyel muttered shakily, trying to stay calm. "Remus is... He's... He's..." He trailed off, glancing at Remus. "He's different." Lucius raised an eyebrow, also turning his attention to Remus.

"How different?" Remus turned red and looked down at the floor, muttering something. "Hmm?" Lucius inquired.

"I'm a werewolf, alright!?" Remus burst out. There was silence.

"And they drew blood," Nathanyel reminded him. Lucius pursed his lips.

"This is bad," was all he said before sweeping out of the room.

"...What should we do?" Remus asked nervously.

"Just... Stay here." They stood staring at each other for a while.

"I'm scared," Remus finally whispered.

"So am I," Nathanyel replied. He hesitated slightly, then stepped forward and pulled Remus into a hug. "I won't let anything happen, I promise." Remus trembled a bit and nuzzled his neck.

"Thanks." He wrapped his arms around Nathanyel's waist and pressed up against him.

"Are we interrupting something?" Lucius was standing in the doorway, Uncle Laszlo next to him. Remus jumped back, blushing.

"May I see your arms?" Uncle Laszlo asked him kindly. Remus hesitated before slowly rolling up his sleeves and holding his arms out. Uncle Laszlo adjusted his glasses and bent down to inspect them. "Hmm... Lucius was right, you've only had blood drawn." He stared down at the puncture wounds a bit more before straightening up. "You've got about two weeks until they find out for sure that you're... What they're looking for." Remus bit his lip and grabbed Nathanyel's hand, squeezing. "You'll have to leave soon... And never come back." Uncle Laszlo took off his glasses and polished them with his handkerchief. "I'm sorry." Then he left.

"Well... I guess that's it, then," Lucius sighed. "Now... Get out of my room."

After they'd left the house for a walk, Remus grabbed Nathanyel's hand again and stopped him. "Listen... When I hit you... You didn't do anything wrong. It was me." He took a tentative step forward. "I'm sorry. I didn't want you to think I hate you or anything."

"I know you don't." He smiled, and Remus smiled back. "You wanna go to the diner and get some of those hamburger things?"

"Sure." If Remus had to leave soon, then Nathanyel thought they might as well have a good time while he was still there.

---------------

"Mmmmm, ice cream." They were at Florean Fortescue's, their school books and potions ingredients beside them. They'd decided that the best course of action was to just go school shopping in Diagon Alley and have Remus' mother take him home from there.

"You didn't have to buy me any," Remus muttered, licking his cone.

"Shut it," Nathanyel replied happily. "I wanted to. Besides, who complains about free ice cream, anyway?"

"But you didn't have to."

"I told you already- I wanted to." Remus sighed, then gave him a hesitant smile. "I knew you'd cave." They ate their ice cream in comfortable silence for a while, then... "You know, I heard this stuff goes straight to your badunkadunk."

"...Your _what!?_"

"Badunkadunk. You know, bum."

"That's... The most ridiculous thing I've ever heard." Nathanyel grinned.

"I know. I eat ice cream all the time and I, for one, think I have a magnificent backside." Remus snorted into his ice cream, nearly choking as it went up his nose.

"Well, it _does_ run in the family." Lucius approached them, smirking slightly. "Anyway, we've got to get going. It's late, and I have things to do." He then pointed over his shoulder to a wispy looking woman who was shuffling her feet nervously. "And your mother looks to be in a hurry, too," he informed Remus. "So, come on, Nathanyel. Remus... It was nice fucking you." He turned to go, but then paused when Nathanyel hesitated.

"Lucius seems really torn up over our parting," Remus muttered.

"He'll miss you," Nathanyel assured him. "He's just emotionally repressed. Anyway... You'll be alright?" Remus nodded. "Okay... So, um... I wanted to say something, but... I forget, so... Well, Olivia taught me to say this thing in Japanese... What was it? Souda daiji na mono wa itsumo katachi no nai mono dake. Soooo... You know." Remus stared at him.

"I have no idea what that means."

"Heh, I guess not." Lucius scowled at him, pointing at his watch. "Anyway, I gotta go, so I'll see you on September first, okay?"

"Alright..."

"I'll explain it later. Bye!"

"Bye." Nathanyel hoped that Remus remembered it better than he did.

In the meantime, he'd have to ask Olivia what it meant, again.

* * *

Sorry I didn't go into detail on Nathanyel's first time with the dildo, but I thought that since there's so many sexual scenes in this chapter that the dildo thing might be pushing it. So, if you really want to read it... Just say so in your review. If I get enough requests, I'll write the scene and put it up on my livejournal. 

Credit for the "bury yourself" thing goes to Maki Murakami. Gravitation is my manga soulmate. 3. And "Souda daiji na mono wa itsumo; katachi no nai mono dake" is a line from "Kanashimi wo yasashisa ni," an opening theme from Naruto. It means "The most important thing is always; without any shape." About that, yeah.

Next chapter: Nathanyel and Severus start a business (wink) Severus discovers that he's not as straight as he thought, and Remus decides that he'd rather do drugs than homework any day.


	6. Year Five

I've been getting some requests for a Lucius/Nathanyel scene, so just to address that... Don't worry about it.

Also, I've gotten rid of the little notifications when the PoV changes. You know like "--Severus--" and stuff. Why? Because it's stupid and I hate it. It's easy enough to tell the point of view just by reading, anyway. And it makes me feel much better; too bad I didn't do it earlier. I shiver in disgust at my idiotic actions.

Anyway, be warned: this is a long chapter. That being said, have fun with it.

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**Year 5**

_These are my enticements, and they are sufficient to conquer all fear of danger or death..._

_- Mary Wollstonecraft Shelley, Frankenstein_

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Lucius had actually agreed to take Nathanyel to the train station for the school train, and Nathanyel was ecstatic. "Alright, rule number one: don't embarrass me."

"I won't." Nathanyel grinned as they stepped through the barrier. "Hey, maybe we'll see Remus."

"Hm." Lucius scanned the area, making a disgusted noise in his throat. "Augh, _children_."

"C'mon, let's go look for Severus." Nathanyel eyed him for a bit. "Or Remus."

"Whatever." Nathanyel smiled. "What? You think I actually _wanted_ to come with you? Please." Lucius snorted. It was easy to see that he was looking for someone, though.

"Hey, _there_ he is!" Nathanyel pointed out Remus talking to the other Gryffindors.

"Good, let's go." Really, Lucius was so easy to read, sometimes.

"Hullo," Nathanyel greeted pleasantly, enjoying Remus' surprised expression.

"Oh, hi. Er... Hello, Lucius." Without so much as a greeting, Lucius stepped forward and pulled Remus into a kiss. "Mmf!" And not a very chaste one, either. "...Mmm..." Nathanyel held back a chuckle at the looks on the other Gryffindors' faces.

"I should have known," Lucius muttered as he pulled away. "You're such a slut." But he looked happy.

"_You_ kissed _me_," Remus replied quietly, blushing.

"Hn. And I've got better things to do than suck on some kid's face." He kissed Remus again, just a little bit. "But you wanted a proper goodbye, so there. Goodbye."

"Bye, Lucius."

"Don't you tits go around making trouble," he muttered, sauntering off.

"WHAT WAS THAT!?" Sirius Black exclaimed.

"_Ewwww!_" James Potter groaned.

Peter Pettigrew looked as if he was silently resisting the urge to vomit.

"Aww, that was sweet," Nathanyel sighed. Remus blushed.

"It was just a kiss."

"_Just a kiss?_" Sirius worked out.

"I think it looked more like true love," Nathanyel commented airily, grinning at how red James looked.

"_You_-"

"We can't all have an eye for matches. I suppose I'm just wise beyond my years."

"You- you- _Slytherin!_"

"I sure am. See you lovely ladies later." Nathanyel smiled at Remus and slipped into the crowd; the last thing he wanted was a public confrontation.

---------------

Severus scowled to himself, eyes skimming along the crowd, searching for some sign of Nathanyel. Knowing him, he was probably running away from an assailant.

"What are you looking for?"

"None of your business."

"Why not?" Nathanyel leaned forward until all of his weight was resting on Severus' shoulder.

"Get off me! You're heavy." Severus pushed him away, letting out an indignant huff. "Where were you, anyway?"

"Watching Lucius and Remus snog." Severus immediately felt himself go numb from a mixture of shock and disgust. "What?"

"I... You... I think I'm going to vomit."

"Don't be so... Hyperbolic."

"Hyperbolic?"

"Exactly." He glared at Nathanyel. "Let's get on the train."

"Fine. It's still gross, though." Nathanyel rolled his eyes as they dragged their trunks onto the train and took seats in the last compartment. "What's with the bandages on your hands, anyway?" Nathanyel blinked, looking a bit put off.

"What? Oh, these." He pulled up one sleeve of his sweater to look at them. "Uncle Laszlo did it for me."

"Hn." Severus didn't like it when Nathanyel kept things from him. "And that turtleneck looks stupid. What are you hiding, a love bite from Lupin?"

"Oh, please!" He blushed a little and turned away.

"Well, are you?" Severus pushed; he wasn't liking where the conversation was going. In fact, he was starting to get quite pissed off.

"No! Just- just more bandages." Nathanyel was hiding something from him; he knew it. "You're not suspicious, are you?"

"No," he lied.

They lapsed into silence, the train's whistle sounding from up ahead. They'd been in motion for a good ten minutes before Nathanyel tried to start a conversation.

"So... Good summer?"

"I suppose." Severus crossed his arms and glared out the window. "Probably not as good as yours."

"Where'd you go?" Nathanyel was ignoring his jabs, as usual.

"London."

"Sounds nice."

"It was." There was a pregnant pause in which he let out an irritated grunt.

"Hey, Severus... We're still friends, right?" Severus blinked, scowling; the question had taken him by surprise.

"Why wouldn't we be?" he grumbled.

"Well, we fight an awful lot. Like rivals, you know?" Severus just snorted. "It's just that we're different, I guess. We're opposites."

"Whatever you say." Nathanyel smiled.

"I'm glad you agree. I was afraid you wouldn't want to be friends anymore."

"What?" Severus looked up at him, brows knitting together. Nathanyel just shrugged.

"Since you seem kind of angry with me."

"...Yeah, but... I'm always angry at you. Don't worry about it."

"Alright."

"...Does it hurt?"

"Huh?" Severus tried not to get annoyed.

"Your... Whatever. Under the bandages."

"Oh!" Nathanyel looked pensive for a moment, his eyes turning to the ceiling. "Well... No, not really. Why?"

"Just wondering."

"Were you worried?"

"_No_."

"You _were!_" Severus growled.

"That's not true and you know it!"

"Maybe." Nathanyel crossed his arms and sat back, shrewdly examining him. "Maybe not."

"You're not even making sense."

"Maybe... Maybe not."

"...I'm glad I didn't have to put up with you all summer." Although it was another lie.

"Severus!" Nathanyel whined. "How can you say such a cruel thing to me?"

"Quite easily, actually."

"You've trampled my soul and burned my heart to ashes."

"Good to know."

"I'm happy we're together again."

"Whatever."

---------------

Nathanyel stared down at the sweets piled up in his lap; he wanted to eat, but it didn't feel right without Severus. He would be back soon from his prefect rounds or orgy or whatever they did, but it still felt off.

Despite his reservations, he was just about to give in to his sweet tooth when the compartment door slid open.

"Hullo."

"Hi, Remus." They stared at each other for a bit. "Doing your rounds?"

"Yeah... So how are you?"

"Alright, I guess. At least the train has big compartments."

"Huh?"

"I'm a bit claustrophobic."

"Oh." Remus offered a nervous smile. "I didn't know." Nathanyel shrugged.

"So, how are the new prefects?"

"They're alright. A bit snotty, but not too bad."

"If you have any trouble, let me know." He gave Remus a reassuring smile. "I'll put the fear of God into them."

"Er... Sounds good."

"So... Are you looking forward to dropping a few classes?"

"Yes," Remus sighed. "I'll be so relieved not to have potions."

"You know, you never told me what you chose for your career."

"Well, er... It's stupid, really, compared to everyone else... But... I want to be a teacher."

"That sounds nice." Nathanyel grinned. "It fits you."

"Thanks." Remus blushed. "Anyway, I should get on with the rounds. I'll... See you around."

"Sure."

---------------

Severus rolled his eyes, catching sight of Nathanyel laying spread-eagle on the Quidditch field. They'd only been back for a little over a day, and already he was starting up with that nonsense. "What are you doing? Staring at the sky again?" Nathanyel nodded. "Why do you always have to be so weird?" Severus waited for an answer, but got none. "What's with you, lately, anyway?"

"I just like this better. That's all."

"Like _what_ better?"

"You wouldn't understand."

"Perhaps because... Hmm... _You won't explain it to me_."

"Have you ever tried alchemy?"

"What? What are you talking about? Don't change the subject!"

"You have to give to get. What would you give up?"

"What are you even talking about?"

"You'll see." Severus crossed his arms, glaring.

"Send me an owl when you decide to start making sense." Nathanyel saluted him.

---------------

Severus was a bit concerned. Nathanyel had been acting stranger than usual, and he wasn't sure what the cause was. They had only been together for a couple of weeks, but the evidence was there.

It could have been whatever he had to wear those bandages for, but there were other things that didn't match up. For instance, when no one else was around he looked as though he was listening to something. Sometimes it was as if someone was speaking to him about something serious, and other times he would sway as if to music.

Severus wished he knew more about the situation; at least then he might have been able to think of something to do. Nathanyel, however, just seemed to be caught up in some secret world of his own. Normally, it wouldn't have been a bad thing, but when dead mice and bats started showing up in odd places he began to wonder. And when Nathanyel had admitted that he was afraid to sleep, he began to think.

He just didn't like where things seemed to be heading. Perhaps it had been something that happened over the summer, or perhaps it had been a long time coming. Either way, the future did not seem very bright.

That was why Severus started to make sure he knew where Nathanyel was and watched him, even when they weren't together. Just in case.

---------------

Nathanyel hadn't been able to sleep, and whenever he tried he'd always... Get afraid. So he decided to take a walk to clear his mind. There was a chance that he'd get caught by Filch, but he didn't really care.

He'd made it up to the fourth floor when he heard voices. At first, he was wary, but then he recognized them. Gryffindors. There were shuffling footsteps, some whispers, and then a long pause. Nathanyel stopped and waited; he knew they'd seen him. "Page?" Sirius Black stepped out from around the corner. "Fancy seeing you out this late at night."

"Yes, amazing," Nathanyel agreed placidly. "Did you want something?"

"Just to talk," James Potter replied, joining his friend.

"I'm not in the mood." He just wanted to be left in peace.

"But we wanted to talk to you about Remus." He frowned.

"You see," Sirius went on, "we thought that, since he's so friendly with you, well... You can't be all bad, right? So, we'd like to call a truce." Nathanyel was immediately suspicious.

"You would?"

"Yes."

"Really?"

"Of course."

"You're sure?"

"_Yes!_" Nathanyel hesitated.

"Really?" They looked rather disgruntled.

"Listen," James growled, "do you want to call a truce or not?"

"I suppose."

"Alright, then."

"I'm glad we've resolved our differences," Nathanyel sighed. "Anyway... Goodnight."

"Wait!" Sirius called.

"What?" Nathanyel paused, staring curiously at them.

"We'd like to, you know, seal the deal."

"Do you want a big wet kiss?"

"No!" James wrinkled his nose. "Just a friendly handshake." Nathanyel was still suspicious, but he didn't think any harm could come of something as simple as a handshake.

"Fine." He stepped forward to shake hands with Sirius, wondering why it seemed so important to them.

He found out when he felt himself being flung toward the wall. He braced himself for impact, trying not to fall as he tripped backwards into a bundle of mops.

"Goodnight, Page." Then everything went dark.

It took Nathanyel a moment to regain his balance, and that was when it hit him full force; they'd locked him inside a closet. _Alone_. Alone with _Him_.

"Guess he won't be needing this," James Potter's voice chuckled as the muffled sound of wood hitting stone reached his ears. Trying not to panic, Nathanyel searched his robes for his wand; he found nothing.

"Let me out!" It was worth a try, at least; his demand, however, was only met with laughter. "Let me the fuck out!"

"Panicking, are we?" He muttered, leaning against Nathanyel's back. "There's really no need for that."

"Open the Goddammed door!" He threw himself at the door, only one thought present in his mind; he had to get out.

"Say please," Sirius jeered from the other side.

"Pretty please with sugar on top," James joined in.

"_Open this fucking door!_" He backed up as far as he could and charged; a sharp pain shot through his shoulder, and the door didn't budge.

"Idiot," He admonished, grabbing Nathanyel by the collar. "Just give up." He tugged, hard.

"No!" Nathanyel scrabbled at the door, hit it, tried to yank the doorknob off; anything. "No, no, _no!_"

"Spoiled brat. Do what you're told." Nathanyel knew that he was already bleeding; he also knew that there was no longer anyone at the other side of the door.

He gave up on words and decided that indiscriminate screaming was the best course of action.

---------------

Severus frowned down at his scrambled eggs; Nathanyel was gone, and he didn't know where. He was sure that there was something wrong, but he really didn't have anything to go on. He'd bet anything, though, that it had something to do with those Gryffindors.

"Hey." He lurched forward as someone punched him rather roughly on the shoulder.

"Good morning, Olivia," he replied through clenched teeth.

"Where's Nathanyel?"

"I don't know."

"What do you mean you don't know?"

"I mean he's gone and I don't know where he is."

"Do _they?_" She nodded towards the Gryffindor table.

"Doubtless."

"I'll go interrogate, then."

"Hold on, a minute. Wait until after breakfast."

"Why? We're going to pound them either way, right?"

"Don't be so barbaric."

"Please. As if the thought hadn't crossed your mind."

"Well, true. But you don't have to phrase it as if you're some sort of butch prison dyke."

"I'm sure you meant no offense by that."

"Of course."

"So what do you suggest?"

"Get them in the entrance hall after breakfast; they always leave before everyone else, so we won't have an audience."

"But that's the best part."

"I demand silence."

"I'll silence _you_ if you keep-"

"They're leaving!"

Severus watched as three of them stood from the table, exchanging a few words with Lupin, who was staying behind, and left. Without a word, he left his breakfast to cool and headed for the entrance hall, Olivia at his heels.

"Severus!" He nearly fell over when Lupin grabbed him by the wrist.

"Let go of me!" Severus pulled his arm away, glaring.

"I'm sorry, it's just- have you seen Nathanyel?"

"No."

"I think James and Sirius did something. I- I have a bad feeling."

"I don't care what kind of feeling you have; now leave me alone."

"What do you know?" Olivia demanded, completely ignoring Severus.

"Not much, but I know where they were headed. We can look around and see if we find anything." Severus knew that no good would come of the situation.

"I don't like it," he grumbled.

"Well, too bad," Olivia snapped. "_I'm_ going. If you're too stubborn, then you can just stay here and rot like a girly little sissy boy." Severus glared at her.

"Where are we going?"

"The fourth floor," Lupin replied, looking relieved.

---------------

They'd been looking around for a while, but they couldn't find anything. Corridor after corridor produced no results, and classes had already started. "If I get detention, the both of you are paying," Olivia grumbled.

"Same here," Severus replied.

"I don't care," Lupin muttered. "I just hope he's alright." Severus rolled his eyes at the same time as Olivia.

"Say, I've got an idea," Olivia suddenly spoke up. "Where's the nearest broom closet on this floor?"

"Just down the next corridor."

"...Fuck," Severus observed, as they sped up.

They slowed down a bit as they traveled down the hallway, checking each door, just to be safe. Severus knew that Olivia was right, though. Especially when one of the doors shook a little as a thud and some scrabbling sounded behind it. "This is it, I suppose," Lupin stated nervously. Olivia let out an irritated sigh and unlocked the door, swinging it open.

"What's that smell?" Severus sniffed the stale air wafting out at them from the closet, grimacing.

"Vomit," Lupin replied. "And urine."

"...Ew."

"Blood, too." There was a strange sound coming from the corner, and something was moving.

"Nathanyel? Is that you?" It was; and he was crawling toward them.

"Augh, he looks disgusting," Olivia muttered as they all backed up a little. "What happened to his fingers?" Lupin cleared his throat and pointed to a series of scratch marks on the door. "Oof. Nathanyel, are you alright?" He didn't answer.

"He looks like he's going to eat us," Severus muttered, stepping back a bit more than the others.

"That's ridiculous," Lupin replied, cautiously approaching. "Nathanyel?" He held out his hand and offered a smile while Nathanyel stared at him. "Are you feeling alright? Do you want me to help you?" It looked as if he was about to speak, but instead he lunged at Lupin, knocking him to the ground and biting rather hard into the crook of his neck. "Argh!" Severus couldn't help feeling a bit smug at the fact that he had been right.

"I think he's commenced his mating rituals," Olivia marveled, watching him lick at the blood drawn from Lupin's neck.

"Er... A little help, here?" Lupin asked, rather politely for someone in his position.

"I thought you fancied him."

"Not while he's displaying carnivorous tendencies and covered in his own urine."

"Right."

"And vomit."

"So we smell," Severus grumbled, holding his nose.

"I've got a question," Olivia replied, approaching the two on the floor. "Why is everyone acting so calm about this?"

"Personally, I don't care if he eats Lupin. In fact, I would prefer it."

"Well, I certainly don't want to be eaten," Lupin grunted, trying to push Nathanyel away and instead suffering another bite on his arm.

"Hold on," Olivia sighed, fishing around in her bag. After a few moments of searching, she finally pulled out some sort of blunt wooden instrument. As if it was something she did on a daily basis, she approached Nathanyel and hit him over the head so hard with it that it produced an audible crack.

"That worked quite well," Severus commented, watching Nathanyel slump over, unconscious.

"He's got a soft head," she replied.

"This is so fucked up," Lupin complained, pushing Nathanyel's limp body off of himself.

"It would be even more fucked up if you turned into a zombie."

"Don't say things like that."

"We should get him to the infirmary," Severus reminded them.

"Well, of course," Lupin replied, rather defensively. "What did you think we were planning to do?"

"Dump the body in the woods and pretend this never happened?"

"You know," Olivia speculated, "that sounds like a fairly good-"

"Don't finish that sentence," Lupin grunted, pushing himself up off the floor and searching his robes for his wand. It wasn't long before they were levitating Nathanyel down the hallway, covering their noses. "I'm going to kill them," Lupin was muttering to himself. "I'll kill them, nice and slow... They're dead, they're dead, they're dead..."

"You know," Olivia whispered to Severus, "I never figured him for the insane type."

"Which one?"

"Remus, obviously. Anyone can see that Nathanyel's the insane type."

"Really? Because I wasn't convinced by the animalistic behavior and the fact that he urinated on Lupin."

"I didn't notice that."

"I might have made that part up."

"No," Lupin interrupted wearily, "he was marking his territory." A slightly disgusted silence fell over the group.

At least, it did until Severus burst out laughing.

-----------------

Madam Pomfrey had been fairly shocked when she'd seen the state that Nathanyel was in, and immediately set about to cleaning him up and treating his "mysterious" head wound. Once she noticed the wounds Lupin had suffered, she ushered him away as well, leaving Severus and Olivia to wait for her verdict. "What if he infected Remus with something?"

"What?" Severus asked incredulously.

"Well, it's possible that he could have contracted a virus that causes madness."

"As in, his family's genes?"

"Don't be so harsh. It's my family, too."

"Apparently the women in your family are all ball-twisting lesbians."

"Excuse me, but I prefer men."

"Probably all men like Pettigrew."

"At least men like that don't argue with you for no particular reason."

"I don't do that."

"Yes you do. And so does Nathanyel. I think he picked it up from you."

"Nathanyel... Well, what he did to Lupin didn't look much like arguing to me." Olivia frowned.

"How do you think they knew about his... You know." Severus hadn't really given that much thought. However, once it occurred to him, it was simple to see the answer.

"Lupin."

"He wouldn't do something like that to Nathanyel."

"It doesn't matter. He's a Gryffindor and a nitwit, and probably doesn't think he's at all responsible."

"Well, we don't know-"

"_I_ know." Severus crossed his arms and glared at her. She just snorted and leaned back in her seat.

"Fine. You are _obviously_ always right, so why should I bother to argue with you?"

"Precisely."

"Mr. Snape, Miss Page." They both looked up as Madam Pomfrey approached. "You two should get on to your classes, now. You can come back to see them after dinner."

"But-"

"I won't accept any excuses," she interrupted. "You need to go to class." Grumbling, Severus followed Olivia out of the infirmary.

---------------

Nathanyel stared at the inside of his sheets, wondering if it was possible to suffocate under them; probably not. He felt a bit clammy, and rather sore, and his fingers were throbbing, but he was fine. The bandages around his neck were rather uncomfortable, and the ones around his arms were a bit too tight, but he was alright. Really, there was nothing to worry about. It was just an isolated incident.

Remus sneezed next to him. He knew it was Remus with him; it was quite easy to identify him, even without looking. It was just... Remus. "Are you awake?" There was some rustling, and an intake of breath.

"...Nathanyel?" Remus tugged down the sheets and stared at him. "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine." Nathanyel smiled at him and tried not to make him worry. "Just tired. That's all."

"Do you need anything?"

"No. Are _you_ alright?"

"Don't worry about me."

"I think I might have bitten you."

"You did."

"Does it hurt?"

"It's fine." Nathanyel eyed the bandage at the base of Remus' neck.

"Did I take a lot out of you?"

"Not enough to leave a scar."

"Will it get infected?"

"No."

"Oh. Good." They lapsed into temporary silence; Nathanyel tried not to look at Remus, and he was fairly sure that Remus was trying not to look at him.

"So. You... Er... Urinated on me."

"...I did?" Nathanyel blinked, staring at him.

"Yes. Marking territory, I think it's called."

"You'd better watch out, then. I'm the jealous type, you know." He chuckled a bit as his joke fell flat on its face. They continued to stare at each other for a bit more before Remus quite suddenly broke the silence.

"Do you- do you..." He blushed and looked away. "D'you fancy me, or something?" Nathanyel wasn't quite sure what to say, at first; to be honest, he hadn't been expecting it.

"I... No. Why?"

"Oh... Well... I thought that since..."

"Right. Right... I... Er... Sorry."

"Yeah." The situation had most definitely become awkward.

"So... How is... Everything?"

"It's good."

"And your friends?" Nathanyel hadn't given them much thought before that moment; however, upon posing the question, he realized that revenge was quite necessary.

"They're alright."

"Hm. Not for long, I suppose you should know."

"Tell me about it! I'm going to- wait- are you going to do something?"

"Yes."

"I wish you wouldn't."

"Why not?"

"I can handle it."

"Yes, but I can handle it better." Remus raised his eyebrows, looking a bit annoyed.

"And how would you define _better?_"

"More efficiently," Nathanyel replied calmly. "Anyway, which bones do you think I should break?"

"Nathanyel..."

"Because I was thinking that it would be good to go for... Oh... All of them."

"_Nathanyel_. No."

"No what?"

"You aren't going to do anything."

"Of course I am. What's the use of knowing over a dozen different ways to kill a man with my bare hands when I never get to use it?"

"You are _not_ going to kill them!" Nathanyel grinned. "_Are_ you?"

"I suppose not. It would upset you. However, I do plan on _some_ kind of revenge. Perhaps I should bring out the heavy silverware..."

"What?"

"Oh, nothing. Just talking to myself."

"What's the heavy silverware? You're not planning on _stabbing_ anyone, are you?"

"Stabbing? How crude. I am an excellent marksman, I'll have you know, and I shall be using my skill to its fullest."

"_You're what?_"

"Don't worry about a thing. I've got it all under control."

"You most certainly do _not!_" Remus snapped, looking more than annoyed at that point.

"Oh, calm down. You sound like Severus."

"...Are you insane?" He seemed very... Out of sorts. "Why are you talking like this? Is this what you think about?" Nathanyel tilted his head to the side, carefully studying him; Remus was easy to recognize, yes, but extremely difficult to understand. Remus seemed to care a lot about things that he shouldn't. Or, at least, things that Nathanyel didn't think he should. And he didn't have a temper, or that much of a libido from what he could judge, and he was always honest and loyal and understated in a very... Nice sort of way. He sort of reminded Nathanyel of Uncle Laszlo, but they were different. Remus had more self-control and thought things out and never seemed to do a lot of selfish things.

Nathanyel had never known that people like Remus actually existed. It was rather refreshing, actually. Sometimes Nathanyel wondered why or how, but most of the time he was grateful.

"Hello? Nathanyel?"

"Hello, Remus."

"Are you feeling alright?"

"I'm fine. I was just thinking." Remus sighed heavily, running a hand through his hair. "Remus? Will you be my friend?"

"I already _am_."

"Officially, I mean. I'd give you a ring, but I don't have one on me at the moment." Remus sighed again.

"Of course."

"Thank you."

"You're very welcome."

"I feel much better, now."

---------------

"Tell me how this sounds."

"Hm?" Nathanyel looked up from his book, raising his eyebrows at Severus. "How what sounds?" Severus sat down on the bed next to him.

"It's... Er... I'm going to ask Bellatrix out. But I want it to sound... Poetic."

"How utterly ludicrous." Nathanyel suppressed a smile as Severus glared at him. "I'm just kidding."

"Right. Well, this is what I have so far." Severus cleared his throat. "I've admired you from afar for what seems like years. I feel as though our hearts beat together in the cyclical motion of life. Er... Would you... Hey!" Nathanyel was laughing rather loudly.

"Oh, Severus! Be my cycle!"

"Stop that!"

"I'll always menstruate just for you!"

"_Nathanyel!_" Severus hit him with a pillow. "It isn't funny!"

"S-sorry..." It took him a minute or so to calm down, and when he finally did Severus was still looking rather murderous.

"Well?"

"Cyclical isn't a very romantic word."

"It's good enough!"

"That was really awful, Sevums."

"Don't call me that."

"Sorry, but it was." Nathanyel leaned forward, sighing. "I don't think you should go through with it." Severus narrowed his eyes at him.

"Why not?"

"You're going to recite bad poetry to a person who either hates you or doesn't even know you exist. This can only end in disaster."

"Since when do you know about all the mysteries of the world? I thought love triumphed over all."

"Are you in love with her?"

"...What?" Nathanyel scowled at him.

"Are you in love with her?" he repeated.

"No. I fancy her."

"Then don't ask her out," Nathanyel concluded. "You don't love her, so you can live without her. She's not right for you, anyway."

"What is your problem?" Severus growled.

"I don't want you to get hurt."

"Yeah, well... I won't. Just you watch." Nathanyel shook his head as Severus stormed out of the room.

---------------

"Well? How did it go?" Nathanyel marked his place as Severus crawled onto the bed, flopping on his back.

"Disastrous," he groaned.

"What happened?"

"She laughed at me. A lot."

"I told you she didn't fancy you." Severus glared at him.

"Thanks for the comfort."

"Sorry." Nathanyel searched for something better to say. "_I_ would have said yes."

"That's more creepy than comforting."

"Sue me." Nathanyel crawled up to Severus and sat on his stomach. "Can you breathe?"

"Unfortunately."

"Good."

"...I know why she laughed at me." Nathanyel raised his eyebrows. "It's because I'm ugly."

"You're not ugly." He punched Severus lightly on the chest.

"Yes I am."

"You may think you're ugly, but I don't."

"Please. I'm greasy and I have a gigantic nose."

"You just have overactive glands. I read about it somewhere." Severus continued to glare at him. "And anyway, I like your nose. It's very regal."

"What's so regal about it?"

"It's like a hawk, sort of."

"Just what I wanted, to be lumped together with a bird."

"It's a compliment! I mean, I'm comparing you to a very regal and graceful bird." Severus snorted.

"It's a bit difficult to be graceful when you're over six feet tall."

"Yeah, well... It's also a bit difficult to get a date when you're shorter than most of the girls in the school."

"Not the first years."

"Hoho." Nathanyel grinned, rubbing at his bandages. "Do you feel any better?"

"A bit."

"See? I can cheer you up."

"Sure. Now, get off me."

"I don't think so." Nathanyel leaned forward until he was sprawled on top of Severus, looking him in the eye.

"You know, I never noticed it before, but... You have rings in your eyes."

"Huh?"

"Your eyes... The irises have rings in them, around the pupil."

"I suppose so."

"It's sort of... Nice looking."

"Thank you."

"Concentric circles."

"Right, they're very cyclical." Severus scowled. "You know, we match. I have rings _under_ my eyes, too."

"That's because you're not getting enough sleep."

"So you're my mother now?"

"No. I just think you could do with a bit more sleep."

"What can I say? I'm a night person." Grinning, Nathanyel rubbed his nose against Severus'. "Eskimo kisses!"

"You're a buffoon."

---------------

"I've decided what I'm going to do." Severus grunted and shifted in his armchair, concentrating heavily on his notes. "Are you listening?"

"Sure." Nathanyel frowned, sitting in the chair beside him.

"You're not." He snatched the notes away, holding them above his head. "Listen to me."

"...Nathanyel."

"Yes?"

"You are five feet and four inches tall."

"And?"

"_I_ am six feet tall." Severus grabbed the notes. "I can still reach the notes."

"It was worth a shot."

"Shorty."

"I'm still growing."

"So what were you talking about before?" Nathanyel stared at the common room fire, gathering his thoughts.

"I've decided what I'm going to do about James Potter and Sirius Black."

"Kill them?"

"Close, but no."

"Damn."

"I'm going to show them what they're most afraid of."

"Do you _know_ what that is?"

"Yes. So, do you think I should kill Lily Evans or just pretend to?"

"...What?"

"You heard me."

"Just pretend to, I suppose. How do you do that, anyway?"

"Not sure. I'll figure something out."

"Are you going to get me involved in any of this?"

"Nope."

"Good." Severus paused to scribble something down. "So... What is Black afraid of, then?"

"Hm. Well, I've got that down, but I think Regulus would be a bit vexed if I tried to kill him." Severus stared, his mouth slightly open. "I suppose I'll pretend for him, too."

"Wait- are you sure?"

"When am I ever _not_ sure?"

"...Right. Well, both of their fears are stupid."

"It's very Gryffindor of them to be most afraid of the deaths of loved ones."

"I know." Severus rolled his eyes.

"Makes me feel kind of inhuman." Nathanyel sighed. "Oh, well. Anyway, I'm going to go get my knives ready." He hoped that Remus wouldn't be angry.

---------------

Remus was angry. Remus was _extremely_ angry. However, he tried not to show it. He may have been frowning a bit more than usual, but that was all. Besides, he couldn't exactly blame Nathanyel for what he'd done. He didn't approve of it, but he understood it, at least. Nathanyel was a Slytherin, after all, and Slytherins did have a rather large appetite for revenge.

Still, he was angry. It was stupid to put other people in danger; Lily and Regulus were alright, of course, but they were still in the hospital wing. He supposed that Madam Pomfrey thought they would be shaken up after what had happened, but he'd seen them, and they were more pissed off than anything else.

He tapped his foot, frowning severely to himself as he stood next to the gargoyle that served as the entrance to the Headmaster's office. Nathanyel could be expelled, or even arrested for attempted murder, the idiot. What had been going through his mind, Remus had no idea. It was no wonder that everyone called him a twit, really.

"I can't believe that I'm in love with such a fucking moron," he muttered to himself, pinching the bridge of his nose. Sometimes life just wasn't fair.

"Hullo, Remus!" Snapping out of his thoughts, he belatedly noticed the gargoyle hopping aside and Nathanyel emerging with Professor McGonagall behind him.

"Hi." Nathanyel's face fell at his tone.

"You aren't angry with me, are you?"

"Come along, Mr. Page," McGonagall interrupted, motioning for him to follow her.

"Sorry, Remus. I have to go."

"You're expelled?"

"Nah." Nathanyel's hand nudged his in a friendly gesture. "I'm not leaving just yet." With an apologetic smile, he gave his hand a small squeeze, then turned to follow McGonagall.

Remus tried to calm the blush in his face, but he could still feel it burning; his heart was pounding rather loudly, as well. After all was said and done, he was still just as lovesick as ever. "Bollocks."

---------------

"I've had it." Severus looked up from his potions assignment, waiting for Nathanyel to finish. "Everyone was afraid of me. Right?"

"...Yes," he answered slowly.

"But not anymore. They've all chalked it up to an accident, haven't they?"

"You're talking about what happened in your third year?" Nathanyel nodded. "Well, wasn't it?"

"That's not the point!" Severus shuffled a bit closer to the opposite end of the bed; he didn't want to get sprayed with anything. "They're not afraid anymore!"

"I thought you didn't like it when people were afraid of you." Nathanyel scowled, his eyes narrowing.

"I hated it."

"So why are you angry, then?"

"I hate being pushed around even more." Severus raised an eyebrow at him. "They say that I'm not a real Slytherin."

"You're not?"

"I _am_. And I'll prove it."

"What about what you just did to Potter and Black? No one's afraid of you after that?"

"No." He sounded rather like a sullen child.

"You know, you're not yourself, lately."

"I don't _care_." Nathanyel glared at him for so long that he started to get a bit nervous. "Make this." Severus glanced down at the parchment Nathanyel had shoved into his hands.

"A potion?"

"Yes."

"I don't have-"

"It doesn't matter. Just do it." He was gone before Severus could protest further.

"What an arse," he muttered to himself, scanning the list of ingredients; he didn't like the way Nathanyel had been acting, lately.

And he didn't like being pushed around, either.

---------------

"Remus. _Remus_." Remus looked up from his homework, his shoulders tense and face tired. "How are you?"

"I'm alright." Nathanyel offered a weak smile, then glanced around the library to make sure it was deserted.

"I have something for you." Slowly, Remus set down his quill.

"You do?"

"Sure I do." Nathanyel sat down next to him, feeling a bit more confident.

"What is it?"

"One second." He rummaged around in his pocket, pushing aside candies and notes to reach his goal. "Aha." He presented the vial to Remus.

"You know I'm no good with potions."

"I made it just for you." Remus hesitated before taking the vial.

"You made it for me?" he echoed.

"Yeah. Just for you."

"What... Should I use it for?"

"It'll help on the full moon, with the pain."

"It will?"

"That's what I made it for."

"Do I just... Drink it?"

"An injection would probably work better, but I can't just grab a syringe from the infirmary. Madam Pomfrey guards those rather well, you know."

"Oh."

"Are you happy?"

"I won't know until I try it."

"Tell me after, then."

"Alright." Remus stared at the potion a while longer. "Is it safe to drink?"

"Yes. I tested it myself."

"Does it taste alright?"

"There's no taste."

"Ah." He finally smiled back. "Thank you."

"I just wanted to help you. You're my friend, after all." Remus kept smiling.

---------------

"Nathanyel... Where did you get all that money?" Nathanyel was sitting on his bed, counting out a small pile of galleons.

"We started a business, remember?" Severus stared at him for a bit.

"What? All I did was make potions for you." Which had really been irritating him; he didn't like being told what to do, especially when he didn't know the details of the situation.

"Yes, and people are buying them rather willingly."

"You've been selling my potions?"

"Yes."

"I looked over the ingredients, you know. You're selling painkillers with hallucinogenic side effects."

"I know. It's amazing the price people will pay for drugs."

"...You're a drug dealer."

"Yes. And you're a drug _producer_. We'll make so much money!"

"Is this how you're going to make people afraid of you again?"

"Hm?"

"You heard me." Nathanyel frowned. "Is it?"

"Perhaps."

"It's stupid."

"Shut up."

"I can't believe you thought-"

"I'm _not_ stupid."

"I never said-"

"Don't lie to me." He was scowling. "I'm not just some carefree idiot without a thought in my head."

"Nathanyel. I did _not_ say that."

"I know it's what you think of me." He narrowed his eyes, expression dangerously close to a snarl. "It's the way you treat me. You think I can't even tell what's happening around me half the time." Severus remained silent, waiting for the verdict. "That's not how I am. Alright?"

"Alright."

"I'm glad we could sort this matter out."

"I need a drink." Severus tried not to shake as he left the room.

---------------

Severus glared at Nathanyel from across the common room. He had decided not to talk to him for a while, just to see what would happen. He hoped the result would be Nathanyel begging to have him back, but judging by recent events, it didn't seem likely. However, he would not be the one to go crawling back. He didn't like how things had been lately; Nathanyel was starting to get rather pushy, and he wasn't going to take it anymore. At least, not until he saw a profit. He had a feeling that he was only getting ten percent, and that was completely unacceptable.

Still, it wasn't just about the money. He wanted an even partnership, split halfway in every aspect. If they were going to start a business, they were going to do it _right_. Besides, even though he would never admit it, his feelings were sort of... Hurt.

However, this tactic didn't seem to be getting him anywhere. It had been almost four days, and he hadn't heard a peep out of Nathanyel. He was contemplating moving on to a new strategy, actually. Perhaps violence would get him somewhere; Nathanyel seemed to understand that rather well. Or maybe he could write to Lucius. Although, that idea was most certainly not his best; he'd probably get laughed at, at best, poisoned at worst.

"Severus." Poisoning actually didn't sound like such a bad idea. "Severus." But maybe that was a little harsh. He didn't want to _kill_ Nathanyel, after all. "_Severus_."

"...Nathanyel." Severus looked up, blinking at Nathanyel's scowl. "Would you fucking smile already?"

"Am I supposed to be smiling during a fight?"

"...Fight?" Nathanyel nodded; Severus got out of the way as fast as possible. "Merlin's fucking beard!" Nathanyel's foot sailed through the air, its target no longer present. "What the fuck do you think you're doing?"

"You want to fight, right?" Nathanyel approached. "So fight me." Gulping, Severus pressed himself against the far wall, trying to ignore the stares being directed their way. "If you aren't going to talk to me, then you're going to fight me. I won't be ignored."

"What the fuck is your problem, lately!?" He was definitely losing it.

"You are." Nathanyel had gotten rather close; so close that they were almost touching, in fact.

"How am I your problem?" Severus snapped.

"I don't want you to patronize me or call me stupid anymore."

"Well, I don't want you to tell me what the fuck to do all the time!"

"I don't want you telling me what to do, either." There was silence as they stared each other down. "Well? Are you going to talk to me, or do I have to break your nose again?"

"...Fine. I won't ignore you anymore." Nathanyel's face broke into a wide grin.

"Good. I'm glad."

Severus wondered if maybe he should have fought back.

---------------

"So, what's our income for the week?"

"I'm not done counting. Give me a minute or two, alright?"

"Fine." Severus scowled down at the ledger he'd put together; he and Nathanyel had compromised on a lot of things, but it was rather difficult, getting used to their new system. Apparently, Nathanyel wanted respect; unfortunately, Severus wasn't exactly the respectful type. It strained things a bit, but at least it was better than fighting all the time. "Hey, Nathanyel." However, he was more concerned about business than personal matters at the moment.

"Yes?"

"My figures haven't exactly been adding up for the past few weeks." He raised an eyebrow, waiting.

"Well, you must be calculating them wrong."

"That's not possible." The only sound that filled the room was the clinking of the galleons and sickles. "You've been handing out freebies, haven't you?"

"I'll do as I please."

"No you _won't!_ Dammit, I spend a lot of time on these potions, you know! I don't have to do this!"

"You want the money, don't you?"

"Of course I do! That's why I'm yelling at you for handing out free _product!_"

"You make it sound like we're selling hair gel. They're drugs, and you know it."

"Fine! _Drugs!_ And do you know which ones you happen to be throwing away? No, not the acid, not the speed, not the _fucking_ marijuana you get from your goddamned junkie cousin, but _my_ custom made _painkillers!_ Do you have any _fucking_ idea how much we're losing, just from the few vials you give away?"

"...Er... Nothing?"

"_A LOT!_"

"Alright, then."

"Who are you giving the potions to?"

"Hm?"

"_You heard me!_" Nathanyel rolled his eyes, remaining completely nonchalant.

"Remus." Severus was absolutely certain that a small part of his brain had just exploded.

"_What?_"

"It helps when he transforms."

"You must be fucking kidding me!"

"I'm not."

"You are un-fucking-believable!"

"Thank you."

"That is _not_ a compliment!" Severus resisted the urge to tear his own hair out. "Are you even _listening_ to me!?"

"You seem a bit wound up. You should take a few moments to calm down."

"You-"

"Deep, calming breaths, Severus. Deep, calming breaths." Severus paused in his tirade to follow the advice, and eventually managed to calm down enough to not have a rage-induced headache.

"Alright. I'm calm. Now, stop giving Lupin free handouts." Nathanyel frowned, his brow wrinkling.

"I can't start charging him. He couldn't afford it."

"He'll find a way, trust me." Nathanyel only continued to give him that completely consternated look. Severus could tell that he knew that it was costing them way too much to give Lupin free painkillers. However, for some unexplicable reason, he'd always had a soft spot for the flea-bitten horse's arse. "At least sell at cost," Severus finally sighed.

"Alright. I'll see what I can do."

"Thank you."

"You're welcome." They worked in silence for the rest of the evening; Severus wasn't particularly in the mood to talk, anyway.

---------------

Severus growled lowly to himself as he stood facing Lupin in the darkened hallway; he should have known that Nathanyel would back out of their agreement like a Hufflepuff. "I can't do it," he'd said. "Remus is my _friend_." Severus snorted. Honestly, the things that came out of that utter dolt's mouth, sometimes.

"Er... Is there something wrong... Severus?" Lupin shifted a bit, his prefect's badge glinting briefly in the sparse candlelight. He supposed being a prefect didn't count for very much, anymore; they were both proof of that.

"It's about this." Severus held up a vial of the painkillers; Lupin eyed it nervously, licking his lips. Severus shuddered slightly. "This is a product of my intense, time-consuming labor." Lupin seemed to be paying more attention to the vial than him. "And my time costs money." That seemed to snap the rabid beast out of his trance.

"What?"

"_This_-" he waved the vial a bit- "is no longer free. You'll have to pay for it, just like everyone else. And let me tell you, you've chosen the wrong drug to get hooked on, because this is currently the most expensive item on our menu." Lupin didn't seem to be comprehending him very well.

"But... But Nathanyel-"

"Has already consented to this decision."

"He... Has?"

"What? Did you think that just because you fancy the twit he'd pick up on it and give you a break? Think again, Lupin. _My_ potions cost money, and not a small amount of it, either. So, either you pay up, or the well runs dry. Am I understood?" Lupin nodded, looking rather dumbstruck. "Here." Severus shoved the vial into his hands, trying not to touch him in the process. "It's your last hand-out. From here on in, it'll be costing you. I suggest you start saving up." Severus then promptly spun around and stalked away. He was sure that he'd handled the situation perfectly.

---------------

"Well?" Severus rolled his eyes as he entered the fifth year dorms.

"I made it sound like it was entirely my idea and I pushed you into it."

"Thank you, Sev'rus," Nathanyel trilled like a small child.

"You'd _better_ thank me." Severus dropped down onto Nathanyel's bed and yawned. "Where are the fags?"

"Regulus said that they were going camping for the night."

"...Ew."

"I don't think he wants to be around me."

"I don't blame him." Nathanyel smiled.

"You mean that affectionately, don't you?"

"Of course."

"It's nice that we can talk like this. I feel as if the business had strained our relationship." Personally, Severus didn't think that the business was the only thing causing strain. "Hey, Severus?"

"What?" Nathanyel stretched out on his stomach, groaning a bit.

"Have you ever thought about what life will be like after school?"

"Once or twice." Severus watched Nathanyel chew on his lip, apparently lost in thought.

"What do you think about?"

"I think that I'm going to abandon my family and my house, become poorer than the Weasley family, and perhaps borrow from you a bit."

"Really? That's actually what I was planning to do." They stared at each other for a while.

"...Seriously?"

"Yeah."

"Well, I guess that's the end of the mooching part of the plan."

"I guess so." Nathanyel stared up at him with something bordering on adoration. "We'll be together, though, right?" Severus was getting a feeling in his stomach that he thought could either be nausea or tapeworms. Either one was a possibility, really.

"Sure." Nathanyel dragged himself forward until his head was resting in Severus' lap.

"Together forever."

"You think?"

"Mhmm." Nathanyel was asleep in a matter of seconds.

"If you get a boner, I'm throwing you down the stairs." It was useless, though; Nathanyel couldn't hear him. It was an empty threat, anyway.

---------------

"Hey, Remus." Nathanyel caught him in the courtyard, the day before they were supposed to leave for Christmas holiday; he was holding the gift he'd picked out behind his back, trying to hide it from view.

"Oh, hi." Remus offered up a weak smile. "I, er, was looking for you."

"Yeah, me too." They stared at each other for a bit, shuffling their feet in the snow.

"I... Have something for you." Staring at the ground, Remus held out a bright green envelope.

"Thanks! I have something, too." Nathanyel revealed his significantly larger package.

"Er..."

"Want to sit down?"

"Sure." They sat together on a bench that was sheltered by an overhang, and exchanged gifts. Remus seemed rather embarrassed about it, actually. "I didn't really get anything... Just a card..." Nathanyel answered with a shrug as he carefully opened the envelope and slid the card out.

"Remus... Thank you." He thought it was the most beautiful thing anyone had ever given him; there were trees covered in snow, and the lake... He hadn't known that Remus could draw. "This is... The best." He opened it up, eagerly reading the inside; he'd never gotten a real Christmas card before, and he was very excited.

"I know it's just a bunch of sappy crap, but... I dunno, I just couldn't think of anything cool to write, you know?" Nathanyel smiled at him, extremely happy.

"It's the best thing I've ever gotten." Remus blushed, looking rather proud.

"Right. Er... I'll open yours, now." He awkwardly ripped the wrapping paper off, blinking at the massive Honeydukes' chocolate gift basket. "Wow."

"I thought I'd get you something useful." Remus grinned.

"Thanks. This is really great."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah." Remus smiled at him, then, and held his hand.

He felt sort of sorry that he had to leave the next day.

---------------

The holidays were always a nice time of year for Nathanyel; he was able to go home and see Lucius and Uncle Laszlo, and Severus always came with him. The only downside was trying to keep Severus from being brutally murdered, but they had been successful so far, so he wasn't too worried. His most difficult challenge this year would involve his quest for some real cock.

"Lucius?" Nathanyel sat next to him on the sofa, watching him read. "Are you really getting married in the summer?" Lucius grunted. "Is that a yes or a no?"

"It's a yes," he snapped irritably. "Now leave me alone!"

"But I have something to ask you." Looking rather agitated, Lucius slowly lowered his book and turned his attention to Nathanyel.

"Yes?"

"When are you going to fuck me?"

"Don't be a pervert," Lucius admonished, scowling.

"But I thought you were going to fuck me."

"And what brought you to that conclusion?"

"Maybe your habit of leading me on." Nathanyel waited patiently for an answer.

"Hn." Lucius narrowed his eyes, a sneer crossing his face. "You've developed quite an ego."

"No I haven't," he argued half-heartedly.

"Then why would you think that you're even worth the trouble?"

"Your behavior. I've analyzed it." Lucius snorted. "No, really. I have."

"Alright, give me an example."

"You watch me from the corner of your eye a lot, and when I sit close to you, you fidget. And you brought me off twice, which was really quite a tip off."

"Maybe I'm just a horny pervert."

"I _know_ you're just a horny pervert. And horny perverts fuck other horny perverts, right?" Lucius didn't reply. "So when are you going to fuck me?"

"I am _not_ going to fuck you." Nathanyel frowned a bit as he snapped his book shut and stood up. "And _that_ is _final!_" He swept out of the room, his ears slightly red.

---------------

"Hah! Go fish!" Severus scowled as an exploding snap card nearly burned off his eyebrows. Olivia snorted from the corner, where she was reading.

"Must we play this ridiculous muggle game with _exploding_ cards?"

"You're just trying to wimp out because you're losing." There was a moment of tense silence between them.

"Oh, it's on now, bitch."

"What the hell are you idiots doing?" They both looked up to see Lucius standing over them, his arms crossed and a rather unpleasant expression on his face.

"Hullo, Lucius," Nathanyel chirped, grinning. Olivia rolled her eyes.

"Listen up, you ungracious animals," Lucius sniffed. "You need to behave. Narcissa is coming for Christmas, and I don't want anything unpleasant or unusual happening."

"_What?_"

"You heard me! No antics, no pranks, no nothing!"

"But-"

"No buts, either! I want this to go as smoothly as possible."

"She can't come here for Christmas!" Nathanyel continued to protest.

"And why not?"

"Because... Because she's a girl and girls have cooties!" Nathanyel grunted in pain as Olivia's book made contact with the back of his head.

"Stop being an arse, Nathanyel," Lucius scolded. "She's coming here for Christmas, and that is that." With a rather indignant sniff, Lucius swept out of the room.

"Hey! I've got a pair!" Severus exclaimed.

---------------

Nathanyel paused as he was passing by the room Narcissa was staying in. The door was open, and he could see her sitting at the vanity, applying rather generous amounts of powder to her face. He thought that it was about time he used a few intimidation techniques, just to get across exactly who was more important to Lucius.

"Hullo, Narcissa." He let himself in, slipping his hands into his pockets.

"Oh, hi." She didn't bother to look at him.

"What are you doing?" Slowly, he sauntered up to her.

"Just putting on my makeup."

"I see." He stopped behind her, carefully studying her face in the mirror. "You know, I don't think-"

"Oh my!" Nathanyel paused, wondering what was wrong. "You have a black eye!"

"Oh."

"That won't do for Christmas dinner at all."

"But-" Narcissa was out of her seat and pushing him down into it before he could even finish the thought.

"Hold still, now." He was suddenly being assaulted by some gigantic... Puff. "I'll have that gone in no time."

"Alright."

"Oh!" She paused, clasping her hands together as if being struck by a sudden thought. "I've just had a marvelous idea!"

"...What?"

"Don't you worry your little head. I've got everything under control!" She dropped the puffball and picked up... A stick of... _Margarita's Magical No-Smudge Lip Mask_.

"Are you-"

"Don't talk! Just make an 'o' with your mouth. Go on!" Slowly, Nathanyel opened his mouth. "Perfect! Oh, you're going to look soooo _cute!_ You were _made_ for glam, Nathanyel! You'll look just like that bloke from the Fab Fighters!"

"Or David Bowie." Which, quite frankly, he wouldn't mind.

"Close your eyes! I need to do your eyeshadow!" Nathanyel quickly relented, putting in his best effort to stay still. "And I have the perfect outfit for you, too!"

Twenty minutes and a lot of sparkles later, Narcissa finally let him see himself in the mirror. "Oh, my," he muttered, barely recognizing himself.

"You look so good! Ooooh, I need to get Lucius! Stay right there." She rushed out of the room with a bounce in her step. Nathanyel was fairly sure that she was a bit unstable. He supposed that she would fit in the family rather well, then. "Lucius!" He could hear her from down the hall. "Come and see what I've done with your cousin! He's simply _adorable!_" An indistinct, irritated reply sounded before footsteps were headed his way.

"Dear, sweet Merlin." Lucius had just entered the room behind Narcissa.

"What in the _hell_ are you thinking?" Severus had joined them. "Why the fuck are you dressed like a _girl?_"

"It's _called_ glam, Severus," Narcissa sniffed indignantly. "And I do say that I did a rather good job."

"He's got silver sparkles and red lipstick and _eyeshadow!_ And women's clothing!"

"It shows off his shoulders rather well."

"Why? _Why?_"

"I _do_ feel rather pretty," Nathanyel sighed. "Like David Bowie."

"You are... An arse."

"But he _does_ look pretty," Lucius agreed grudgingly.

"Argh!" Severus threw his arms up in the air and stomped away.

"Severus, hold on!" Nathanyel ran out after him. "What's the problem?"

"You look like a freak!"

"I _am_ a freak."

"You're an _idiot_." Nathanyel just grinned.

"You know you like me this way."

"I don't-" Severus snapped his mouth shut as the tapping of shoes approached. "Oh, no." Nathanyel turned to face his father, squaring his shoulders.

Looking between the two of them, he stared intently, as if contemplating something. Then, very gradually, he lifted his hand to his face and rubbed at his forehead as if relieving a headache. "I am too tired right now to give you a proper beating, so I'll only say this once. Get out of my sight, and into something _normal_." Nathanyel sensed weakness; exhaustion. He was at an advantage.

"No." The silence roared in his ears.

"Pardon?"

"_No_." In two quick strides, he was directly in front of Nathanyel, firmly gripping his hair.

"Aha! I knew I'd find you up here!" Uncle Laszlo, unfortunately, had chosen that moment to enter the scene. "Oh!" He hesitated slightly, then approached them. "Florian, stop it." There was no answer. "_Let go_, Florian. Please. Now is not the time for this." Nathanyel tensed, reaching behind himself. "_Florian_." He had the knife out and to his father's neck before Uncle Laszlo could advance; the entire hallway was thick with tension. "_Must you always fight like animals!?_" Uncle Laszlo suddenly roared. "There are _people_ here, it is the _holidays!_ There is no _time!_ Do you _understand!?_" Slowly, Florian loosened his grip. "We need to go _now,_ Florian! Please!" With a heavy scowl, he pushed Nathanyel away and swept off down the corridor.

"You keep a fucking _knife_ with you!?" Severus burst out.

"Nathanyel." Uncle Laszlo's voice was quiet, but demanded attention. "Do you _like_ to fight with him? Do you _want_ to get hurt? Killed, maybe?"

"I'm sorry," Nathanyel replied quietly, avoiding his eyes and slowly putting his knife away.

"Just... Go get changed."

"But-"

"_Please_."

"Yes, Uncle Laszlo." Nathanyel watched him go, then relaxed, sighing.

"I'll never understand your family," Severus grumbled, still looking a bit shaken up.

"Hm. I need to talk to Lucius."

"Fine. I'll be taking a nap."

Feeling rather disappointed in recent events, Nathanyel shuffled down the corridor to Lucius' room. "Lucius?" He stuck his head through the doorway, watching as Lucius glared at him from the bed.

"What?"

"I wanna come in."

"Go ahead." Nathanyel closed the door behind him, approaching the bed. "What do you want?"

"I wanted to talk to you." Lucius scowled. "I'm selling some potions that Severus made, you know." The scowl was replaced by a rather interested expression.

"You're selling his potions?"

"Among other things. Severus got a perfect score on his potions O.W.L.s, after all." Lucius suddenly looked interested.

"Really? He's good then?"

"Oh, yes. Extremely. _I_ think he's even better than the professor, but don't tell him I said that."

"Hmm... Maybe I should talk to him. After all, you wouldn't be singing his praises so highly if he didn't have some small amount of talent."

"You know I have good taste." Lucius looked a bit skeptical. "Anyway... I was wondering if you could take us to Knockturn Alley after Christmas. You know, for ingredients." Nathanyel shuffled his feet a bit.

"Alright. You'll probably get into trouble if I'm not with you, anyway." Lucius turned his attention back to the book he had been reading.

"Lucius..." Nathanyel had been worried, lately, and it was time he voiced his concerns. "After you get married... Will you still come to see me?" He sat down on the bed, wriggling between Lucius' legs.

"Are you worried that I'll run off and leave you behind?" Nathanyel nodded. "Don't. I doubt I _could_ leave, even if I wanted to."

"So you'll still visit?"

"Yes." Nathanyel took a deep breath, then pressed his lips together and held it. "What are you doing?" He lunged forward and wrapped his arms around Lucius' neck. "Oh."

"I'm happy."

"So I see."

"...Lucius?"

"I'm not going to fuck you."

"I wasn't going to ask that."

"Alright, then. Go ahead."

"_Why_ won't you fuck me?"

"Why do you want me to fuck you in the first place?"

"Because the first time is supposed to be something special with someone you love very much. So I want you to fuck me."

"It's supposed to be a different kind of love, you know."

"It doesn't matter. It's love, all the same."

"But do you love me like a wife loves her husband?"

"No."

"How do you love me?"

"I love you like a Nathanyel loves a Lucius."

"...That doesn't make any sense."

"Since when do I make sense?" Nathanyel pulled back to grin at him.

"I suppose you're right," Lucius admitted, looking a bit frustrated.

"So will you think it over, then?"

"...Open your trousers."

"Huh?" Nathanyel blushed, wondering if perhaps he'd persuaded Lucius at last.

"You heard me." Lucius raised an eyebrow, waiting. Slowly, Nathanyel reached down and unbuttoned his trousers. "Spread your legs a bit wider." Gulping, Nathanyel did as he was told. "That looks about right. Keep them like that." He nodded as Lucius slid him off of his lap, backing up to observe him a bit. "What do you think I'm going to do?"

"Er... Something nice?" Nathanyel was already getting aroused.

"I suppose it is."

"Really?"

"Really." Nathanyel gasped when he suddenly felt Lucius' face in his lap.

"Nngh!" he practically gurgled at the strange new sensation. Lucius paused for a moment to glare at him.

"You should consider this a gift," he scolded. "So just shut up and enjoy it." Nathanyel nodded and bit his fist to keep himself quiet. It wasn't long before he was done, anyway.

"L-Lucius..." He was in awe.

"Ng!" Lucius spat on the floor. "You taste like shit."

"That was... Lovely."

"I'm glad you enjoyed it." Lucius wiped his mouth, grimacing.

"How did you do that?"

"Guess." Nathanyel grinned, feeling a bit shy.

"Could I do it to you?"

"Christ, no."

"Please?"

"Why don't you ask Snape? I'm sure he'd happily oblige."

"No he wouldn't. He doesn't like boys." Lucius shrugged.

"He's probably lying."

"So can I?" Nathanyel hoped so.

"_No_. Now get out of my sight. I think I'm going to be sick."

"Okay."

"And don't talk to me at dinner."

"Alright."

---------------

"Where the hell were you at dinner?" Nathanyel shrugged, staring at the mirror. "Admiring Narcissa's handy work, eh?" Nathanyel shrugged again, fidgeting a bit with the sheets on his bed. "So what did you talk to Lucius about?" Severus sat on the bed with him, the corner of his mouth twitching up a bit.

"You seem happy."

"I'm very full."

"Uncle Laszlo checked your food for you, right?"

"Yes. Oh, and Lucius was talking to me."

"What about?"

"About my potions. You told him?" Nathanyel nodded. "He said he knows someone who might be interested. Some bigshot, or something. I think he might set me up with an apprenticeship."

"That's very exciting."

"I know." Nathanyel stared into his lap, wondering if it would feel different if Severus did it. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing." He'd like to do it to Severus.

"Nothing?"

"Yeah..." It couldn't hurt to ask, he supposed. "Severus..."

"What is it?"

"I look like a girl, don't I?" Severus slowly looked up at him, eyebrows raised.

"Yes."

"So then... Let's... Do things." Nathanyel put a hand on his thigh and nudged it.

"That's _not_ funny."

"I'm not joking."

Nathanyel soon found himself locked out of his own room.

---------------

Nathanyel stared at the Christmas card Remus had given him. Things had been getting so complicated, lately. Lucius was marrying Narcissa, which he wasn't happy about at all, and he was starting to have a whole slew of weird dreams. He didn't even know why he'd been dreaming so much. They weren't really sexual dreams, just... Very strange. He had a feeling that there was some sort of meaning to all of it.

He just didn't want to think about all of that. What he really wanted to concentrate on was what Lucius had shown him. He didn't have anyone to do it with, so he had resolved to do it to himself. He was extremely felxible, but he'd had to work on it since Christmas.

He'd finally gotten it figured out, though. It felt kind of weird at first, but it was very easy to get used to. Lucius was right, though; he _did_ taste pretty bad.

---------------

Nathanyel stared at Professor Auric; he stared back. "Well?" the Professor snapped. Nathanyel leaned back in his seat, keeping his gaze steady.

"Hmm... Let me think... What do I want to be when I grow up?" Nathanyel wound his fingers together, narrowing his eyes. "There are so many possibilities... I don't even know where to start." Professor Auric scowled at him.

"Pick something."

"How about an exciting profession in the field of research?"

"Here." Professor Auric shoved a few packets under his nose. "Now go."

"Hn."

He didn't see the point of choosing a career so early on. Most of the students were bound to change their minds by the time they left school. It was completely pointless, and he didn't want to have anything to do with it. However, it wasn't exactly his choice.

"Hey, Page." He looked up from his new packets as he entered the common room, surprised to see that Mundungus, of all people, had called out to him.

"Yeah?" He sat down in front of the fire, spreading out the packets on the floor and organizing them in alphabetical order.

"What'd you pick?"

"I said research."

"What kind?"

"The easy kind." He sighed. "And you?"

"I said I wanted to work in the deepest bowels of the wizarding society's underground."

"And?"

"And the good Professor kicked me out of his office."

"I don't think anyone likes this time of year."

"Most certainly not." Nathanyel nodded, flipping through a packet that was advertising a job in the Department of Mysteries at the Ministry of Magic; needless to say, there wasn't a lot of information in it.

"So... Why are you talking to me?"

"I was hoping to get on your good side."

"Because?"

"I want a piece of the action. Just a tiny slice."

"I'm afraid not."

"Oh, come on. I've got plenty of connections. I could be a great help!"

"For what price?"

"Ah, you've got me there."

"Exactly. I can't afford you, and you know it."

"Ah, such is the life of an experienced veteran."

"I'm sure." Nathanyel scanned over the list of required courses for an unspeakable.

"Well, I'd better be getting back to the old ball and chain."

"Good luck with that."

"Whatever." Nathanyel wasn't exactly paying attention; he was more interested in the packet, really. Mostly because a job at the Ministry would mean he could be close to Lucius.

Besides, a career in magical research didn't sound too bad to him.

---------------

Nathanyel sat with Severus, counting up revenues and thinking about the way things were going. He thought that maybe he'd like to talk about it, actually. "Severus?"

"Hm?"

"I need to talk." Severus groaned.

"Alright," he muttered. "Just dive right in." So he did.

"I've never been strong." He frowned, staring down at his hands. "But... What I want..." What _did_ he want? "I don't want to be weak. I don't want to always be running from something... Or someone."

"Shut up. You're talking like a Gryffindor."

"It's true, though. But, I don't want to fight, either. I just want... To live."

"What are you talking about?"

"I want to be the kind of person who doesn't have to fight, because no one will challenge him. That's how I want to be."

"It's a stupid goal."

"_You're_ a stupid goal."

"Stop spewing nonsense." Nathanyel knew, though, that it wasn't nonsense.

---------------

"Are you going to stay with me?" Severus frowned, glancing up from the figures on the parchment.

"What?" Nathanyel continued to stare down at the small stack of gold in his lap.

"Will you stay with me?" The wind coming from the open window was rather irritating.

"What kind of dumbarse question is that?" And he hated squashy beds.

"Just answer it." Severus hesitated, trying to see his face.

"...Yes." Nathanyel coughed.

"If you stay with me..." Severus waited.

"Yeah?"

"...I will..."

"You'll what?"

"I'll turn against you."

"Idiot." Nathanyel snapped his head up, frowning.

"I'm not." Severus frowned back.

"You _are_. All you ever do is talk about what's going to happen. Well, either that or utter nonsense. So just shut up. You _don't_ know what will happen in the future, so _don't_ talk about it." He couldn't read the expression on Nathanyel's face, but he hoped it meant that the discussion was over.

"How do you know?" Severus suppressed a snort.

"How do I know _what?_"

"How do you know that I don't know what will happen in the future?"

"Shut it. I can see when you're bluffing."

"Can you?" Scowling, Severus turned back to the parchment at his feet.

He had always been a bit of a sore loser.

---------------

"Severus? Severus, what's wrong?" His eyes were red and he looked as if he'd been crying. "If it has anything to do with those damn Gryffindors-"

"No," he interrupted. "My parents." And he tossed a letter onto the floor. "We're moving. I'm leaving." Nathanyel frowned, not quite believing it.

"But... Where-"

"Durmstrang. They're moving and putting me in Durmstrang. Merlin, they'll eat me alive down there!"

"Talk to them! Curse them! You can stay with me, you don't have to leave!"

"Yes I do," he sighed. "Just about the only way to stop them would be to kill them." Nathanyel bit his lip, hard, trying not to cry.

"But-"

"But nothing!" Severus snapped. "I'm going away and that is all there it to it."

"You _can't_ go," Nathanyel whispered, sitting next to him. "I _need_ you."

"I'm sorry," Severus murmured. "I can't do anything about it."

"You can't even visit for the summer?"

"No."

"...I love you." He leaned over and hugged Severus tightly.

"Yeah. You, too."

---------------

Nathanyel knew that something needed to be done. And if he didn't take matters into his own hands, then Severus would be gone. He'd been thinking about it the entire train ride, even on the way home, and he'd come to a conclusion: he couldn't let that happen; it was _not_ an option.

That's why he did something he'd never done before; never _wanted_ to do before. He went to his father. "Father?"

"What?" He was in his study, looking through papers at the low table in front of the sofa.

"I need something." Very slowly, he looked up.

"Do you?"

"I need you to do a job for me. I'll pay you." Just as slowly, he leaned back and grinned, clasping his hands together.

"Oh, really?" Nathanyel nodded.

"I need you to off Vivian and Octavius Snape. No one else, though- I don't want you getting carried away." He laughed.

"If you insist. And how much are you willing to pay?" Nathanyel briefly touched the money bag at his side- just to check.

"One thousand galleons."

"You must be more of a little shithead than I thought, if you assume I'm that cheap."

"I meant one thousand _each_." There was a short silence as they stared each other down.

"Alright."

"If you fuck up and hurt Severus, you're not getting paid." He let out another one of his unpleasant chuckles, eyeing Nathanyel the way a teacher looks at an insolent child.

"You don't seem to understand. You pay me, and _then_ I do the job." Nathanyel hesitated slightly.

"Here." He tossed the money bag onto the table. "It's one thousand. You get the rest when the job is done- _right_."

"Alright." Florian took the bag and looked inside it. "But you need to learn to keep that attitude of yours in check. Give me this kind of trouble again, I'll kick your arse."

"Fine," Nathanyel bit out, leaving. It was done; now all he had to do was wait.

---------------

The letter came around five o' clock on a Tuesday. _"Come over at seven. I've already arranged a portkey."_ There was a tiny stub of a candle in the envelope. So, at seven, he went. Severus was waiting for him when he arrived.

"What's wrong?"

"It's... My parents..."

"What about them?" Nathanyel asked quietly, sitting on the bed with him.

"They... They're dead. I'm staying."

"Oh, wow. I'm sorry..." Severus nodded. "How do you feel?"

"I feel... Blank. I don't really feel anything. I mean, I'm relieved that I'm staying, of course, but... Well, my parents dying, it's just something that happened."

"Well... I'm glad you're staying."

"Me too." There was silence between them. "They were murdered, you know. I... I keep thinking I might be next."

"Don't worry; I'll take care of you." Severus just rolled his eyes.

"Sure you will."

"I promise." And he meant it.

---------------

"Severus is coming to stay with us," Nathanyel announced as he entered the parlor.

"Wonderful," Lucius drawled. "Now, be a nice boy and say hello to our guests."

"...What?"

"Narcissa, her sister Bellatrix, and their cousins. I believe you know them from school." Regulus and Sirius were both seated in the parlor, looking rather bored. Bellatrix, meanwhile, was whispering something to Narcissa that he was sure was something unflattering about him. He was just grateful that Severus wasn't present.

"Hello." Nathanyel didn't particularly wish to stay.

"Come sit down." Without waiting for an answer, Lucius grabbed him by the wrist and pulled him onto the sofa. "My dear, beloved cousin." Nathanyel was a bit suspicious when Lucius gave him a pat on the back, false cheer dripping from his voice.

"Are you drunk?"

"Ahahaha! Such spirit and wit!" There was _definitely_ something wrong.

"Seriously, though. Are you?"

"You're so funny, Nathanyel!" Lucius leaned a bit closer to whisper in his ear. "If this doesn't go well, the marriage is off, so play nice." Nathanyel was suddenly struck with the wicked urge to disobey his orders.

"Oh, Lucius!" He replied in an extremely stiff voice. "We are just like two peas in a pod. Ohohoho! Ha." Then he put his hand in Lucius' lap.

"...Nathanyel!" Lucius exclaimed through gritted teeth, wrapping his fingers tightly around his arm. "You are certainly a joker, aren't you?" Nathanyel soon found his hand back in his own lap.

"Aren't they absolutely charming?" Narcissa asked her sister, looking blissfully ignorant of the entire situation.

"Yeah, about as charming as a jarvey with fleas," Sirius grumbled, glaring.

"Sirius! Be nice, now. We're guests here, after all!" Nathanyel put his hand back in Lucius' lap while she wasn't looking.

"Whatever." He stood up and stalked out of the room, hands shoved in his pockets.

"Why don't you join him?" Lucius suggested tensely, pushing Nathanyel off the sofa.

"Alright." Nathanyel shrugged, and left the way Sirius had.

At the sound of a door closing, he wandered out into the entrance hall, wondering if he should follow the sound or not. In the end, his curiosity won out, and he walked out the front door. He hadn't expected to find Sirius still there, but he was sitting right out on the porch.

"What the fuck do you want?" And he didn't have very good manners.

"We're going to be in-laws soon, you know." He just thought he'd put it out there.

"Yeah, no shit." Sirius pulled out a white and red box, opening it and pulling out... A cigarette. Nathanyel had seen them before.

"Spare one?" It couldn't hurt to try, after all.

"...Fine." Nathanyel sat down next to him and took the cigarette he offered. "I suppose you need a light, too?"

"Yup." Sirius handed him a lighter, and soon he was coughing on his very first fag.

"Moron." Sirius seemed to have a considerably larger amount of experience.

"Heartless beast," Nathanyel countered, taking another drag. Really, aside from the coughing, it wasn't so bad.

"What the hell is wrong with you, anyway? Are you actually mentally ill, or just a jackarse?"

"A little of both."

"I don't even know what you're doing out here. What exactly did you have in mind?"

"Well, I was bored and I thought this might be interesting. Unfortunately, it's not."

"Sorry to disappoint you."

"You should be. Though, while I'm out here, I might as well ask you something."

"And that would be?"

"Why aren't you afraid of me?"

"The same reason no one else is particularly afraid of you: you're a loser. You are a moronic buffoon of a person, and nobody takes you seriously."

"...I hate you."

"I hate you, too."

"Thanks for the fag."

"Don't mention it." Nathanyel stood up, brushed himself off, and went for a walk.

He could use the exercise, anyway.

---------------

Severus sighed, scuffing the bottom of his shoes on the ground. Nathanyel had invited him to stay for the summer after the untimely death of his parents, and so far it had been pretty normal. Well, normal for Nathanyel's family, at least. However, the arse in question was nowhere to be seen, so he'd decided to go out on the town and find something interesting to do. Unfortunately... There was nothing interesting to do. At all.

Well... Except for one particular pastime he enjoyed above all others.

Ogling the local girls.

There was one in particular that caught his eye, and he was rather glad she did. It was a girl with very short blond hair, wearing a school uniform. He supposed she must take summer classes, or something of the sort. And it was a rather chilly evening, which explained the oversized jumper. Though it did little to explain the ultra short pleated skirt. If only a little bit of wind picked up, he could get a flash of knickers... And those legs weren't bad on the eyes. Not at all. In fact, he found himself blushing at the thought of what he could do with those legs.

Unless she was ugly. She was facing the opposite direction, completely absorbed in her cigarette. A bit of wind picked up, blowing her skirt to the side and... Now_ that _was a nice bum. And a nice bum clad in lacy red knickers, no less.

Severus sidled a bit closer to her. And then a bit closer still. He just _had_ to say hello. Or something. _Anything_. She was just… Rrow. To put it lightly. "Got a fag?" he asked lightly, trying to sound cool. She reached into the side of her blessedly red knickers, grabbed a half-empty pack, and handed it to him. He took one. "Er... And a light?" She took out a silver box that had been stuffed in with the cigarettes, flipped the lid open, and pressed a button. A little flame flickered into life just long enough to light his cigarette, then died. He took a puff and, trying very hard not to cough, attempted to get a peek at her face. He still couldn't see it. "Thanks," he wheezed out, his throat burning. He handed back the cigarettes and the little fire box, hoping he'd be able to finish a fag without coughing a lung up. "My friend smokes these." She nodded. "They're... Er... Not what I'm used to."

"Well, you don't smoke." Severus felt his mouth drop open as she turned around to smile at him. He. _He_ turned around. Nathanyel. In a skirt. And _red knickers!?_

"_Nathanyel!?_" He choked out.

"You were checking out my bum." Severus mouthed wordlessly. "And my smashing gams, as well," he added a bit proudly.

"What the hell are smashing gams?"

"Gams are legs." Nathanyel rolled his eyes. "What'd you think they were, breasts?"

"You- You- You're-"

"In disguise. Shh." He took a long drag from his cigarette. "I hate this town."

"You're wearing a _skirt!_"

"I'm aware."

"I thought you were a _girl!_"

"Something I was also aware of." Severus decided that it was best to give up, rather than push the subject.

"Fine." They were nice knickers, though. "Could I...?"

"Sure." Nathanyel flashed him and winked. A few local boys just coming out of the grocery store let out a few appreciative whoops. "Alright, let's get out of here before someone challenges you for my hand." He took Severus by the wrist and led him off, while the wind blew his skirt up.

Severus would never admit it, but he was enjoying the view.

---------------

"Where are you headed?" Severus yawned. He noticed that Nathanyel was dressed in the weird clothes that he usually wore when he was out getting his arse kicked by Olivia.

"Oh, I'm just going out to train with Olivia and Uncle Laszlo. You're welcome to come, but I made sure Lucius could prevent your untimely death in case you didn't want to."

"Well... What are you doing?"

"We're going to repeatedly plunge our hands into basins of scalding hot water, practice close range physical combat, then climb trees."

"...Climb trees?"

"It's for agility and stealth," Olivia clarified.

"Thanks, but no thanks. I'd rather not spend my day voluntarily injuring myself."

"Alright, then," Nathanyel sighed. "We'll be back for a late dinner. See you later."

"Have a nice day."

---------------

"Hey."

"Hm?" Nathanyel glanced up from his homework, then immediately snapped his head back down. "Father," he greeted stiffly.

"What are you doing?" He seemed deceptively calm.

"Homework."

"Hn. Good." He crouched down next to Nathanyel, shrewdly observing the parchment.

"What do you want?" Nathanyel was trying to keep his quill from shaking, but his efforts weren't very successful.

"I just wanted to check on your progress." Nathanyel bit his tongue, hard. "Have you been experiencing any fatigue or muscular aches lately?"

"Mhmm." He could taste blood in his mouth.

"Excellent. And regeneration, how's that? How quickly do you heal?"

"It's normal."

"Hm."

"I've got work to do. Just leave me alone, alright?"

"That's no way to talk to your father. I should think you want to be punished."

"Oh, yes. Spank me, Daddy."

The black eye was worth it.

---------------

Nathanyel sat in the parlor, staring at the floor as his father continued the check up that had been cut short the day before. "How much longer will this take?"

"Just a minute or two." He tried not to get fidgety, but it was difficult when all he wanted to do was lash out.

"Why do we have to do this, anyway?"

"To make sure there's nothing wrong with you. You're useless, otherwise."

"Useless?" His father smirked.

"Well... All you're good for is killing." He reached up to scratch his chin, looking pensive. "The sooner you realize that, the better off you'll be." Then Nathanyel _did_ lash out.

---------------

"Where did you get that fat lip?" Nathanyel shrugged as he shuffled into Lucius' room. "You were acting up again, weren't you?" He shrugged again.

"You're such a moron," Severus griped from the corner, still deeply involved in his book.

"A 'Grade A' imbecile," Lucius agreed, walking over to his desk and taking a potion from the top drawer. "Here." He shoved it into Nathanyel's hands, then returned to his seat on the bed.

"Thanks." Nathanyel joined him, taking a sip from the bottle; it tasted like sour shit. "What's in this?"

"You're probably better off not knowing."

"Hm." He was feeling rather sleepy.

"The side effects are drowsiness and nausea," Severus informed them.

"Oh." He leaned against Lucius, shutting his eyes. "A nap couldn't hurt."

"That worked rather quickly," Lucius muttered.

Nathanyel smiled and moved a bit closer; Lucius was very warm.

---------------

"I'm so fucking nervous." Nathanyel blinked.

"Why?"

"Look at this supply list! Dress robes! That means there's going to be a ball."

"And?"

"I can't dance!"

"I'll teach you." Severus raised an eyebrow, wary.

"I meant slow dancing."

"Like I said, I can teach you. Lucius taught me how, and you know how much girls like him." Severus hated to admit it, but even if Lucius didn't much like girls, they loved him.

"...Fine. But teach me how to dance with a _girl_."

"Alright. You be the girl."

"_What!?_"

"Well, I can't show you how it's done unless you play the girl's part. Then we can switch and you can try what I showed you."

"...Okay. Are... Are we going to use music? I'd feel rather stupid if we didn't."

"Sure. Let's go into the ballroom and do it; no one will see us there." Severus let out a long sigh.

"Alright." He was actually feeling rather apprehensive.

Nathanyel led him into the ballroom, which was like a larger version of the dining room, with hardwood floors and a fairy-light chandelier. "Puh." Nathanyel had said he'd always hated it. "I say we do some David Bowie."

And so, Severus found himself standing stupidly in the middle of the room, David Bowie singing in the background. "What first?" he asked, eyeing Nathanyel warily.

"Well, first we get into position." He stepped forward and put his hand on Severus' waist. "Remember, you're the girl this time around." Severus rolled his eyes. "Hand on my shoulder and..." Nathanyel trailed off and grabbed his free hand. "Now we can dance." Severus gulped.

"Right."

"I lead. You just follow along." Nathanyel looked down at their geet and Severus followed his example. "Step like this... One, two, three, four." Severus dearly hoped that no one would walk in on them. They'd only just started, and already he was embarrassed.

"I can't get it."

"Just relax and follow step; count in your head if you need to." They continued silently for a while and eventually Severus got the hang of it. "See? It's easy." Nathanyel beamed proudly up at him. "Now onto the next part."

"You mean there's more?"

"Don't worry, this is the easy part. Just watch what I do, and keep dancing." Sighing, Severus turned his attention back to their feet. It wasn't long before he became aware of the fact that Nathanyel was slowly drawing him closer. Perhaps it was just the next part, but...

"Nathanyel... Why are you putting your _other_ hand on my waist?"

"So I can pull you closer, like this." And he did so.

"Why?"

"This is what you do with a girl. Be sure to go slowly, though, or you'll get slapped."

"I'd get slapped, anyway."

"No you wouldn't." It could have just been his imagination, but he could have sworn that Nathanyel's hands were slowly inching downward.

"Nathanyel..." Then they were on his arse. "Why are your hands on my bum?"

"This is how you slow dance with a girl. Trust me, they like it."

"How do _you_ know?"

"Lucius told me." Severus rolled his eyes.

"Fine. Can we switch, now?"

"Alright. You've got a nice bum, by the way."

"Shut up!" Nathanyel rolled his eyes.

"Okay, I'm the girl, now, and you've got to lead. Come on, then." Suppressing a groan, Severus placed his hands on Nathanyel's waist. "That's wrong."

"Ugh, do I really have to hit on you?"

"Yes. You'll never learn, otherwise." Rolling his eyes, Severus grabbed Nathanyel's hand.

"Better?"

"Much." The track changed and they started to sway. "You're doing very well. Except..."

"Fine!" Severus snarled. Feeling deeply disturbed over the circumstances, he slowly moved into the... Second position. With both his hands on Nathanyel's waist, he felt awfully _gay_.

"That's excellent," Nathanyel praised, grinning. "Well, go on. You know what's next."

"_No!_" He blinked, looking surprised. "I am _not_ putting my hands on your arse!"

"Fine, then," he replied calmly. "Don't learn to dance. Embarrass yourself in front of everyone. It isn't any concern of mine." Severus hesitated, trying to delay the inevitable.

"...Alright. I'll do it."

"Slowly, now." Scowling fiercely, he began to slide his hands down.

"This is disgusting."

"Thanks."

"You know what I mean." And... There. They'd reached their destination. It... Actually wasn't so bad. He could imagine it being a girl's bum. After all, an arse was an arse, he supposed. It was, all things considered, a nice arse. His body seemed to be agreeing with the sentiment, too.

"You're blushing," Nathanyel giggled, puffing warm breath onto his neck.

"So are you," he argued. Though, it didn't look half bad.

"I like dancing." Nathanyel pressed closer to him, face flushed, and he almost died from embarrassment. "Oh!" Nathanyel bit his lip, looking down. "It's..."

"Shut up!" Severus tried not to seem too put off. Nathanyel, meanwhile, was looking rather pleased. Smiling slyly, he pulled himself up against Severus and- "Oh, Merlin!" Severus pried himself away, glaring. "What is _wrong_ with you!?"

"You were turned on, too." He pouted, looking slightly hurt.

"Yes, but I didn't make a show of it!" Nathanyel snorted a bit, then stalked away to turn off the music. "Oh, are you angry, now?"

"No." He slammed the record player shut. "Not in the least."

"You're overreacting."

"Don't be a hypocrite." He sighed. "Let's just go finish our summer assignments."

"Alright. Fine."

"Fine."

---------------

Nathanyel sat uncomfortably on the church pew, trying to sit up straight, but wanting to just slump down and go to sleep. He'd never much liked weddings. It wasn't that he was cold-hearted or anything, it was just that he'd never actually been to a wedding where the bride and groom were in love; he used to think that it was a bit of a necessity, but apparently only money and power counted among purebloods.

He checked his watch again. The wedding was due to begin about half an hour ago and neither the groom nor the bride had made an appearance. He wasn't really surprised about the groom not showing up; Lucius may have normally been punctual, but he was in no hurry to be married. Considering his preferences, Nathanyel doubted he ever would be. But Lucius would show; after all, he had a duty to his blood line and, besides that, he was surprisingly possessive of his bride-to-be. Nathanyel was wondering what was holding Narcissa up; from the few times he'd met her he's deduced that she was very... Obsessive compulsive.

Deciding that it would be at least another half hour until things got started, Nathanyel stood and made his way towards the bathroom. On the way he passed Severus, who gave him an inquisitive look, but he only shrugged. Severus had only come because he had nowhere else to go, and he wasn't exactly thrilled to be there.

After relieving himself, Nathanyel was all set to get back to his seat, but then he heard something: loud sobbing. Curious, he made his way down the corridor and through a slightly ajar door, shutting it softly behind him. He was inside the room that the bride had fixed herself up in, and she was currently sitting on a cushioned stool, sobbing her eyes out and clutching an empty bottle of wedding wine. There was nobody else there, but someone was bound to come back sooner or later. "Er... Sorry... Didn't know you were... Right." Nathanyel made to leave, but then Narcissa called after him.

"W-wait- hic!" Nathanyel turned around and carefully approached, hoping she didn't vomit or pass out.

"Are you alright?" he asked kindly, trying not to grimace as she sniffled obnoxiously.

"N-no!" she wailed, bursting into tears again.

"Er... What's wrong?" He knew he'd regret asking.

"L-Lucius w-was k-kissing another woman!" Narcissa sobbed, blowing her nose loudly on her handkerchief. Meanwhile, Nathanyel was making a mental list of all the men at the wedding with long hair. "He ch-cheats on me, I know it!" Her makeup was starting to run something fierce. "Oh, why can't h-he be a good, n-nice boy like you, Nathan-hic?" Nathanyel's eyes widened a bit and he quickly looked around the room to check again if there was anyone else present. There was no one; he gulped.

"Er... Well... He has his good points..." Nathanyel started backing away, but then her hand shot out and closed around his wrist in a vice-like grip.

"Not like you, Nathanyel..." He tried to discreetly pry his arm away from her. "You're so kind and gentle..."

"No I'm not," he insisted, almost tripping over himself in an effort to escape. "I'm- ruthless- and- and heartless- oof!" He tripped backwards over a stool and toppled to the ground, Narcissa landing on top of him. She dug her thigh painfully into his groin, obviously thinking it was sexy, as he struggled to regain his breath.

"Have you ever been with a _real_ woman, Nathanyel?" she asked huskily, the stench of alcohol pungent on her breath.

"I don't think-"

"Sh." She placed a finger over his mouth, smiling strangely at him, and he was just judging his best escape route when her lips suddenly smashed into his.

"Mmpf!" He twisted and struggled beneath her, trying to get away, but she apparently thought his movements were meant to be seductive. Her hands clamped tightly on his shoulders as she forced her tongue into his mouth, practically slobbering all over him and thrusting it in so far that he had to struggle not to gag. It wasn't exactly due to a gag reflex, though. He was about to bite her tongue clean off when the door opened. Shit. Lucius was going to kill him.

"What the fuck-"

"-Do you think you're doing, Page?" Narcissa rolled drunkenly off him, trying to look innocent, and he immediately jumped to his feet, shaking as he wiped his mouth. Severus and Sirius Black were standing in the doorway; they were both more shocked than they'd ever been before, which was evident since they had finished each other's sentences. Severus was staring at him with something akin to awe, while Sirius was in an outright seething rage- even though he didn't particularly like Narcissa, or the fact that she was marrying Lucius Malfoy, he was still very angry. To put it mildly.

"I... Er..." Nathanyel glanced at Narcissa, who was giggling on the floor. "She's drunk," he squeaked weakly, before falling to the floor in a dead faint.

---------------

"Hey! Nathanyel! Merlin, you're an idiot..." Nathanyel woke up to a stinging sensation spreading across his cheek, which he supposed was from a slap.

"Well, _that_ worked rather well." Slowly, he cracked his eyes open to see that he was surrounded by a crowd. Severus and Lucius were both leaning over him, while Regulus and Mundungus stood back a ways, trying to avoid eye contact with Sirius.

"...What's going on?"

"You're at my wedding," Lucius drawled, scowling. "However, _you_ were the one kissing the bride, as I hear it." Nathanyel groaned as he remembered... The incident. He couldn't believe that it had been his first kiss. It was a memorable moment, indeed, but not in a good way.

"It was against my will," he groaned, pushing himself up. "I was molested."

"And you fainted like a little girl," Severus added.

"Yes, and it was quite a pain carrying you out," Regulus sighed.

"He felt up your arse, by the way," Mundungus yawned.

"Would you fags shut it?" Sirius growled.

"Watch it, Black," Severus shot back.

"What are you going to do, Snape? Hex me?"

"The both of you need to shut up," Nathanyel grumbled, leaning heavily against Lucius. "Now."

"Truer words have never been spoken," Lucius sighed. "Anyway, you all get back to where you're supposed to be. I need to talk to the nitwit." He led Nathanyel out of the room and down the corridor to another one.

"This is your dressing room?"

"Yes." Lucius sat him down in a rather comfortable chair, then crossed his arms and glared. "Explain."

"I told you, already. She was drunk and she attacked me." Lucius raised an eyebrow. "Come on, Lucius. You know I wouldn't do something like _that_ with _her_."

"Hm. Well, you do seem rather fond of men."

"I am." Lucius sighed.

"I suppose I can't hold you responsible, then."

"You aren't angry?"

"No." Nathanyel felt extremely relieved. "Anyway... Hold still."

"Why? What are you- oh!" Lucius had grabbed him rather forcefully and begun kissing his neck. "Are you- are you-"

"I'll fuck you, now." He was staring at Nathanyel rather intensely. "It's what you wanted, right?"

"...Would you kiss me?" Nathanyel was suddenly feeling rather shy, for some reason.

"I just did."

"I mean... On the lips." Lucius rolled his eyes.

"Please. There are better places to be kissed."

"But... Lucius..."

"Alright, alright. But if I kiss you, I won't fuck you. It's either or." Nathanyel bit his lip, thinking; it should have been easy to decide, but it just wasn't.

"Then... Then it's nothing." Lucius looked surprised. "I've been thinking a lot, and I've decided that I love you. Not like before, how a Nathanyel loves a Lucius. More like how a person loves another person more than anything else. So it has to be both together, or not at all. Otherwise, it just isn't."

"You've never made much sense."

"I know." Lucius took Nathanyel by the waist and pulled him into his lap. "Neither have you, though."

"Right." Nathanyel leaned in close to him, feeling rather... Content.

"Lucius... If I were a woman, would you marry me?" Lucius gave him a strange look.

"You're a weirdo, Nathanyel."

"Yeah. I guess I am." He tried to get a little closer and held onto Lucius tightly. "But I guess I just don't want to lose you." Lucius didn't say anything back.

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Well, that's it for this chapter. I know, it was super long, but… Well, I guess now you know what took so long. Anyway (64 pages later) I'm rather proud of it. Just… Seeing it… Like… THIS! Anyway, the next chapter will be the last one, so get ready to cry. I'll probably write a sequel, though.

Next chapter: Severus gets his first kiss, Nathanyel experiences the wonders of a friends crush, Remus gets addicted to painkillers, and Lucius hates married life. Sounds good, no? No.


	7. Year Six

GOD this took a long time. Much thanks to audrey1nd AKA Rachel Satowsky for helping me sort some things out! Anyway... This chapter is a full 177 pages long, including the double spacing for each new paragraph... So, if you don't like long chapters, I guess that's too bad for you. For those of you who like long chapters, ta-da! I'm finally at the last installment... Anyway, as for content, there are more Remus scenes, and a new POV to mix it up a little. Not as much Severus as usual... Lots of Nathanyel, though. Oh, and to warn you ahead of time... I stuck some cheesy song lyrics at the end. I deserve a little reward for finally finishing it, don't you think? So... Here it is.

Disclaimer: You know the drill.

  
  
  
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**Year 6**

  
  
  
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_Happy Rebirthday._

  
  
  
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Nathanyel rested his head against the cold window of the train as he watched the scenery speed by. He was alone, which he didn't have any objections to, and thinking. Mostly about his life. He needed to think more about what he needed to do, rather than what he wanted to do. He had to be responsible.

Lucius knew how to do that.

He supposed it would be easier, now, to be more responsible. Uncle Laszlo had escorted him and Olivia to the platform, and given him warded bandages to last him until Christmas. If he ever bled or even felt like he needed them, they were at hand.

"Hey." Severus sat down next to him, his rounds apparently over with. "You'll never believe who made head boy and girl." He rolled his eyes; Nathanyel grunted. "Lupin and Evans. Is that a bunch of crap or what?"

"Hm."

"Is there something wrong?"

"Where were you the other night?" It was rather abrupt of him, but he wanted to know.

"Lucius took me to this meeting thing."

"What kind of meeting?" He knew very well what kind it was, though.

"It was some rally about the superiority of purebloods, stuff like that. It was pretty boring, to tell you the truth. However, something rather exciting _did_ happen."

"Go on, I'm listening."

"The leader of the group- calls himself the Dark Lord or something- he's interested in my potions!"

"Get out."

"Really! And, apparently, I've got an amazing amount of skill or some such bollocks. Anyway, he's going to give me a job and everything- says I'll be in a position of power- I was really just checking out Bellatrix, but when I heard that-"

"I get the picture."

"You don't sound happy for me."

"I'm just tired, that's all. I'm happy for you, really."

"Well... Thanks."

Nathanyel smiled at him. "Don't mention it."

---------------

Severus was helping Nathanyel unpack, which he was very grateful for. The long train ride and large meal afterwards had made him rather drousy, so he didn't feel his best. "Hey." Severus held up the package of bandages that Uncle Laszlo had given him. "What are these?"

"Oh! I almost forgot to tell you. Those are some warded bandages that Uncle Laszlo gave me, in case I start bleeding or acting up. Just wrap them around my forearms and neck if I can't do it, alright?"

Severus raised an eyebrow. "...Alright. But... What will happen if I don't?"

"I'm not sure. I might try to kill you, though."

"Oh."

"Yes, very."

"How can something be very 'oh?' That makes absolutely no grammatical sense."

"I assumed that by 'oh' you meant 'that's kind of creepy and more than a little bit weird.' Either that, or you wanted to call me an idiot."

"I was _not_ about to call you an idiot."

"Good."

------------

"Hey, Severus."

Severus tried not to groan as Nathanyel interrupted his first homework assignment of the year; he knew it wouldn't be the last time.

"What is it?" he grumbled, leaning back in his chair and staring into the common room fire.

"What's your favorite name for a girl?"

He blinked, looking over at Nathanyel. He was laying on his stomach on the hearth rug, swinging his feet in the air. "Why? Are you planning on getting a sex change?" He certainly wouldn't be surprised.

"No. I'm going to have a daughter someday and I need ideas for her name."

Severus rolled his eyes. "How do you know you're going to have a daughter?"

"Because I just do. Now, tell me your favorite girl's name."

"Fine." He thought for a bit. "Nadia."

"That's pretty. Why do you like it?"

"I don't know. It sounds... Sort of exotic, I guess. And sexy. If I met an intelligent, attractive woman with that name, I'd probably-"

"Cream your pants?"

"Among other things, yes."

"Would you marry her?"

"Perhaps."

Nathanyel grinned at him. "What about your second choice?"

"My second choice for what?" Severus asked, wishing he could just get back to his essay.

"For a girl's name."

"I don't know... Josephyne. With a 'y.'"

"You like those exotic names, eh?" Nathanyel looked over his shoulder, grinning at him.

"Whatever."

"Nadia Josephyne Page. How does that sound?"

"I really don't care."

"Would you marry her?"

"Will you shut up, already? I'm trying to work."

Nathanyel stuck his tongue out at him, then turned back to the fire. "I'll bet you would."

Severus kicked him.

---------------

"Guess what?"

Severus really did _not_ want to guess.

"Never mind! I'll show you!" And then he had a buldging pouch of gold dropped in front of him, spilling out onto his bed. "_That's_ what!" Nathanyel seemed excited.

"That's how much we sold?" He asked, shocked by the amount of gold.

"Yes! Look, look, look!"

"Merlin." He _did_ look. And he touched, too. A pile of gold, silver, and bronze was sitting right in front of him. "Who payed in knuts?"

"Remus."

"I should have known."

"Don't talk like that about him."

"How much did we make?"

"I haven't counted it all yet." Nathanyel hopping onto the bed, grinning widely. "I think I'm getting really good at this. I think some of them are afraid of me."

"Yeah, the first years."

Nathanyel punched him in the arm. "Very funny! Anyway, I made a list of new orders. Look!" He pulled a long scroll out of his pocket, unrolling it. "We also need some new supplies. When's the next Hogsmeade weekend?"

"Not until October," Severus replied, scanning the list carefully. "And I know for sure that I don't have some of the ingredients on this list."

"Do you think we'll find any of them in the Forbidden Forest?"

Severus suppressed the urge to smack Nathanyel across the face. "We are _not_ going into the forest to gather ingredients for drugs."

"What about the greenhouses? We could steal from them."

"Now _that's_ more like it."

"When do you next have Herbology?"

"Tomorrow, actually. Greenhouse three."

"Great! You can scout out the greenhouse, see if there's anything we need in there, and then I'll sneak in and get it."

"Why just you?" Severus raised his eyebrows, trying to instigate a reaction; it was easier to read Nathanyel when he was irritated.

"Because you don't have any experience," Nathanyel immediately dismissed. "And if you want to learn, then this certainly isn't the job to do so on. The greenhouses are probably guarded with a number of spells and wards, and-"

"And you couldn't break them even if you tried," Severus pointed out.

"Olivia can help me."

"Why _her?_"

"Because she's better for the job than you are."

"There is no way that I'm getting left out. _I_ will help you break the wards, and _that_ is final." Severus crossed his arms, glaring at Nathanyel and daring him to argue.

"Fine, but you have to keep watch outside."

"Alright, fair enough."

"And don't forget to check out the greenhouse, tomorrow."

"I won't."

"Okay, it's all settled, then. We'll go in tomorrow night."

"Sounds good to me."

---------------

Severus kept a perfectly stony face under the intense glare of their Head of House.

"You have been reported as attempting to steal from greenhouse three. You have been caught out of bed in the middle of the night, outside the castle, trying to pilfer school property. This does not bode well for either of you."

"But we were just out there to snog, honest!" Nathanyel protested, acting completely innocent. "Don't you have any compassion for young love?"

"_No_."

"You can't prove we were trying to steal. This is ridiculous!"

"I most certainly _can_."

"Oh? How?"

"And why should I tell you?"

"Because we have a right to know. Besides that, I think you're bluffing."

"How can you tell?" He narrowed his eyes, his face perfectly calm.

"Your neck," Nathanyel replied, tapping his own throat. "Your adams' apple bobs a bit when you lie."

"...Get out of my office."

"Thank you, sir." Grinning, Nathanyel jumped up and dragged Severus with him, sprinting out of the office.

"That was close," Severus sighed.

"Yup. It's a good thing they didn't search us too thoroughly." Winking, Nathanyel ran off toward the common room.

"...Ew," Severus muttered to himself, following.

---------------

"Hey, Olivia." Nathanyel trotted up to her, waving. She was on her way to the greenhouses, and he was on his way to the castle, so he thought he'd try to make her late. Just to annoy her.

"What is it now? I have Herbology, you know." She crossed her arms, glaring at him, daring him to keep her past the bell.

"Severus and I are working on something new... We'll call it a 'study aid.' I was just wondering if you could maybe, you know, spread the word. I know how much you Ravenclaws like to study, after all."

"That's it?" she asked, annoyed. "That's all you wanted to say? You just wanted me to advertise your drug business?"

"Well, also..." He let out a long sigh, holding his hand to his heart. "I wanted to say... To say that..." He lunged forward, capturing her in a hug. "I loooooove you! MWAH!" He gave her a great, sloppy kiss on her cheek as the bell rang for classes to start.

"Stop slobbering on me!"

He stumbled back as he found his face coming in contact with a rather powerful fist.

"You've made me late, _again!_ You bastard!" With that, she ran off toward the greenhouses.

Nathanyel grinned as he checked to make sure all his teeth were still in place. He always loved to irritate her.

---------------

Nathanyel yawned, blinking. He didn't need to look at the clock to know that he'd woken up in the middle of the night again. It was starting to become an irritating habit, especially when he couldn't get back to sleep. He could already tell that this would be one of those nights.

"Hey, Regulus."

He paused in the middle of rolling over when he heard Mundungus. He hadn't expected them to be up so late, and if they were, he hadn't expected them to be doing anything that didn't warrant a barrage of silencing charms.

"What is it?" Regulus sounded about as exhausted as he felt.

"Where _were_ you?"

Nathanyel found _that_ question rather interesting. After all, it wasn't often that Regulus spent his nights away from Mundungus.

"I was talking to someone, that's all. You've heard all those rumors about this new group... Death Munchers or something like that."

"Death _Eaters_," Mundungus corrected, a motherly note in his voice that Nathanyel had never heard before. "And from what I've gathered so far, they're dangerous."

"Yeah, well, I've been invited to a meeting. I don't know when quite yet, but it sounds interesting. I'm going to check it out."

"Don't do anything stupid."

"I'll be fine."

A few more words were exchanged before Mundungus ushered him to bed, for once not to fuck him silly. Nathanyel frowned up at the canopy of his bed, reminded of Lucius and his persuasive agruments in favor of that group, and of Severus' interest in them. He certainly didn't owe Regulus anything. In fact, if anyone had asked, he'd have said that Regulus owed _him_. However, he was well aware of the possibility that Regulus would _not_ be fine at that meeting, and for a very specific reason.

He didn't mind writing a letter. He wasn't about to go back to sleep, and he was planning on writing to Lucius, anyway. Besides, it was something to keep him occupied.

---------------

Nathanyel stared at Severus, although he was trying not to be too obvious. Especially since he was sort of... Borrowing the seventh year showers. Regulus and Mundungus were at it again, and he had just finished sparring with Olivia. He was sweaty, sore, and unwilling to wait for a hot, relaxing shower. Besides that, he was worried about Severus and all this Death Eater business. "How come you've never told me where the prefects' bathroom is?"

Severus was starting to notice the staring, and he had to cover it up, somehow.

"Because you'd probably be in there every night, and then _I'd_ be the one in trouble for it." Severus scowled at him, trying to cover up the fact that he was doing everything he could not to fully face Nathanyel.

"I suppose so." He understood why Severus was so uncomfortable; after all, he had no reason not to be.

"Anyway, you might start telling other people."

"That's not true."

"Yes it is," Severus insisted, sounding frustrated. "You take advantage. That's just the way you are."

"You're right, then, I guess."

That was probably why Severus always stayed on the other end of the shower. He was right, of course. Nathanyel had always been the type to take advantage.

---------------

"So, Olivia... What's your first Hogsmeade weekend like?" Nathanyel nudged her, grinning at the way she bristled and shoved him away.

"I don't want to be seen with you in public," she growled angrily.

"Why?"

"Because you're _annoying_."

"Aww." Nathanyel kept on grinning. "But you're my iddy bitty baby cousin! I have to protect you!"

"Protect _this_." Her punch was only narrowly avoided.

"You're in an awfully bad mood today."

"I know that."

"How about we go somewhere fun, eh? Just the two of us. I've finished my chores, and I'm ready for some excitement."

"Nathanyel..." Olivia let out a frustrated sigh, massaging her temples. "You just don't quit, do you?"

"Mmm..." Nathanyel pretended to be thinking rather intensely. "Nope."

"Fine. Dad told me about this place we can go to."

"Japanese?"

"Yes."

"Wheee!"

"Apparently Mum likes it a lot."

About an hour later, Nathanyel found himself in a club that was most definitely off the beaten trail. He'd had no idea that Hogsmeade had such a large Japanese population.

"Well?" Olivia shouted over the music. "Will you leave me alone, now?"

"Sure!" Nathanyel began to dance.

---------------

Severus found Nathanyel as dark was falling, rip-roaring drunk and singing horrible karaoke to a bunch of weird asian people. He should have known better, when it was Olivia who had directed him to the club. After a healthy amount of swearing, pushing, and backhanding, Severus managed to drag Nathanyel out of the club and head back to the castle.

"Heeyyy, Sev'rus," Nathanyel grumbled, squinting up at him as he tried to get him moving. "You are my... Bestest friend."

"That's nice," Severus grunted, trying to support Nathanyel's weight while at the same time not getting a face full of bad breath.

"I think... You're... Allll sexy-like," Nathanyel continued, leaning heavily against him. "Let's do it."

"Argh!" Severus leaned back, trying to avoid Nathanyel's tongue. "Cut that out!" Another backhand did the trick.

"Sorry."

"Just... Try to walk."

"M'kay."

"And don't do anything like that again."

"Right, ssssexy Sevvie." Nathanyel giggled, trying to grope him.

"Get off me!"

"Wheeeeee!"

It really wasn't worth the trouble, trying to help Nathanyel out. Still, he supposed it was the right thing to do.

---------------

"Ugh. I've got a splitting headache." Nathanyel dropped into the chair next to Severus in the common room, squinting. "You got any hangover remedies?"

"You did it to yourself," Severus replied stiffly, still trying to forget Nathanyel's highly inappropriate behavior the night before.

"I don't remember a thing after that crowd-surfing stunt... I think I hit my head." Nathanyel scratched at his neck, yawning. "Where were you all day, anyway?"

"I had more important things to do than get pissed with a bunch of weird Japs," Severus grumbled.

"Hey, that's very derogatory."

"Whatever."

"And it's called _fun_." Nathanyel plucked the book he'd been reading out of his hands, snorting. "You should try it some time."

"Maybe _you_ should try getting a _life_," Severus bit back, grabbing for the book. Even with a hangover, though, Nathanyel's reflexes were better than his.

"I _have_ a life. _You_ need to get out more."

"Fuck you."

"Next time we go into Hogsmeade, you're going to have some fun. Alright?"

"Just give me the book."

"Promise me."

"Fine." Severus scowled at him, grabbing for the book.

"It's a promise, then?"

"Yes! It's a promise!"

Nathanyel handed him the book, grinning. "You know you want to have fun instead of holing yourself up in here all the time."

"This _is_ fun. Now, leave me alone."

"What's so fun about that book?"

"It's interesting, and I'm getting to a very good part." Severus tried to shoo him away, burying his nose further in the book.

"Is it porny?"

"_No_."

"Then it's not interesting." Nathanyel slid out of his chair and positioned himself on the floor next to Severus' legs. "I want to _do_ something," he complained like a spoiled child- which he was.

"Then go do something. I am already involved with this." Severus tried to nudge him away, but he wouldn't budge.

"Are you angry at me?"

"No. I'm just disgusted with you."

"Why?"

"You're an awful, terrible drunk. I'm still traumatized by your disgusting behavior."

"You wouldn't feel that way if you were drunk, too, once in a while."

"Why do you even bother?" Severus lowered his book to glare at Nathanyel, who didn't seem to notice his scathing look at all.

"I just do." He punched Severus in the leg, a sign that the topic should be changed. Severus tried not to let on that it rather hurt. "Oh."

"I'll leave you to your book."

"Thank you."

After that, nothing more was said. Severus found it relaxing, actually, to read with Nathanyel cuddled up against his legs like a cat. It was better than reading alone, at least.

---------------

Severus was in the library, studying. The full weight of the upcoming N.E.W.T. exams had finally hit him, mostly in the form of constant testing, and it was only adding to the stress he was already under. Between school, the "business", and Nathanyel's antics, he was already yearning for the Christmas holidays.

"Whatchya doing?" Nathanyel leaned on the back of his chair, peering over his shoulder.

"Studying."

"What for?"

"N.E.W.T.s."

"What?" Nathanyel reached around and snatched the book from right beneath his nose. "Those aren't in, like, a million years! Relax and have some fun, for once."

"Hmph," Severus grumbled, trying to grab the book back. "Not all of us can just walk into a test and instantly pass it. Some people need to study."

"And some people need to get out more." Nathanyel raised his eyebrows suggestively.

"Will you get away from me, already?" Although, Severus _did_ sort of want to get the hell out of the library.

"Come on. Let's go lock ourselves in a darkened classroom and do whatever feels right."

Severus jumped out of his seat when he realized that Nathanyel wasn't kidding; perhaps it was the hand on his thigh that had tipped him off.

"What's the matter?"

"Are you _drunk?_"

"Hmmm... Maybe."

"Nathanyel!" Severus was painfully aware of the fact that he sounded like an angry mother scolding her child.

"I was just kidding. I'm not really drunk." Nathanyel leaned in close to him, grinning. "Why? Do you want me to be?"

"Ew."

"I'd let you take advantage of me." Nathanyel winked.

Severus hit him in the face with his textbook and stomped out of the library; he was fed up with all that queer stuff Nathanyel had been pulling lately. He wasn't going to take it anymore.

And he was also fed up with getting aroused when Nathanyel tried to molest him.

---------------

Remus sighed as he sat in a darkened classroom in the charms corridor; it was past midnight, already, and there was no sign of Nathanyel. He'd been waiting for nearly an hour for his painkillers, and besides that... He just wanted to see Nathanyel. He knew he was just being an idiot, but he couldn't help it. His father had told him once that falling in love was like getting a new job... That he would be afraid to start it, but in the end he'd never want to quit. His father had always come up with the strangest analogies.

The only thing about it was... He didn't know _why_. It was like God was playing a joke on him, or something. Sure, Nathanyel was kind of cute, but he acted like a complete fool and was constantly trying to be something he wasn't and had absolutely no idea who or what he even _wanted_ to be and never _ever_ put anyone before himself... So what was there to love, really? A weird-looking smile (at best) and a sort of snortish laugh and a completely childish personality... Although he did have his moments. Those times when he could be really sweet and Remus just wanted to hold him... Or those times when he could be so absolutely hilarious and Remus just wanted to kiss him... Or then there were those times when he could be unbelievably tempting and Remus just wanted to pounce on him.

"Sorry I'm late!"

Or those times when he could be totally careless and Remus just wanted to smack him. "It's alright." Although he never showed it.

"It's just that a whole bunch of stuff happened, you wouldn't be interested." Nathanyel sat down next to him offering up an apologetic grin. "Sorry."

"I already said it's fine," Remus muttered.

"You should have worn a sweater; it's rather chilly, don't you think?"

Or the times when he thought he knew everything and Remus just wanted to tell him that he didn't. "I'm fine."

"Good. I was sort of worried, you know." Nathanyel leaned against him a bit, sniffling. "The windows are all open."

Or the times when he seemed to really care and Remus just wanted to tell him that... He was in love.

"I have your... You know." Nathanyel handed the vial to him, sighing. "You don't have to pay me anything, this time."

"Why not?" Remus knew how closely Severus monitored the ledgers.

"It's on me."

"No, I can't take your money."

"Just shut up," Nathanyel murmured, taking his hand. "I already put the money in the pot."

Remus could feel himself blushing. "Thanks."

"I'm so tired tonight... Usually I can't sleep at all, you know?"

"Not really," Remus admitted. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah. Say, you want to... I don't know..."

"What?"

Nathanyel leaned his head against Remus' shoulder, yawning. "You wanna carry me back to bed?"

"Very funny," Remus replied, although he wanted to take him up on his offer.

"I thought so." Nathanyel pulled away, stretching as he stood up. "Anyway... Goodnight."

"I'll see you tomorrow?" Remus blurted, before he could stop himself.

"Yeah." Nathanyel smiled. "I'll see you tomorrow, then."

Remus waited for him to leave before relaxing. "I'm an idiot," he told himself. "A complete and total fool."

---------------

Severus watched as Nathanyel scribbled in the ledger, his eyebrows furrowed. He'd been quiet (for him, at least) all day. "You know, we've changed a lot."

"Really?" Nathanyel hummed, his eyes not leaving the book in front of him.

"Yeah. Especially you."

"You think so?" Nathanyel looked up, raising his eyebrows.

"Yup. You're just... I don't know." Severus shrugged.

"I'm not really that different."

"Well... When we were younger, you didn't really want people to notice you at all. Now you want everyone to be afraid of you. What's changed?"

"I've just woken up."

"...Right." Severus thought it best to drop the subject.

"I'm the same, really."

He didn't reply.

---------------

Severus sat by the dormitory window, staring out at the grounds. The seventh year dorms had been rather empty at night, lately; he briefly wondered where Rosier, Avery and Nott had been getting to, but soon came to the realization that he didn't care. Nathanyel was usually bothering him about this time, though. He wondered what had happened... Until he heard the creak of the door opening. "Where the hell have you been?" he asked, not turning around.

Nathanyel didn't answer him. Instead, there was a popping noise. Loud... Like someone cracking his knuckles. He turned around, and Nathanyel was there, straightening up. His spine cracked as he did so. His neck cracked, his elbows, and his knuckles. His pupils looked very small.

"What are you doing?"

"You're Severus," he croaked.

Severus blinked, looking around the room. There had to be something wrong. "...Yes," he replied hesitantly.

A slow, sort of sharp smile stretched across Nathanyel's face. He looked like he was ready to pounce... But not in a good way.

"Are you alright?"

"I am very much alright." He cracked his neck in the other direction. "Very, very alright."

Severus took a step back.

"You're afraid." He seemed rather pleased with that.

"I... What is _wrong_ with you?"

"I'm not what you think." He took a step forward, a sharp glint in his eyes. "I'm new."

"Stop it."

"I never liked you," he rasped harshly. "You and your hard angles and your soft insides... Like an insect. I could cut you open and everything would be warm and sticky." He tilted his head to the side; his neck cracked again. "Maybe I will."

"What are you-"

"I could cut you open and climb inside and wear you like a blanket." He sounded dreamy, as if this was something he'd wanted to do for a long time. "And poke your eyeballs out and lick the blood from the sockets, and push my finger into your navel until it goes all the way through and I touch your spine."

Severus gulped, backing up against the wall.

"I want to. I want to take you and squeeze you until everything just seeps out your ears." He lowered his head and looked up at Severus almost... coquettishly. "And maybe when I'm done... You can be my little doll, and I'll put stuffing in you and play dress-up."

That eerie smile still on his face, he reached out and brushed a thumb against Severus' cheek. Then, quite abruptly, he let out a strangled grunt and fell back, grasping his throat. He started choking and gagging, face going red, then sank to the floor.

"Nathanyel?"

He was hunched over on all fours, looking ready to vomit, not a single breath of air coming out.

"Nathanyel!"

And then he slumped, went sort of limp, gasped for air, and began sobbing. "Don't touch him..." It was barely a whisper. "Stay away... D-don't..." He choked again, just a bit, took several rasping breaths. "I'm sorry, Severus. I'm sorry." He didn't say anything after that, and neither did Severus.

---------------

"Nathanyel?" Severus approached hesitantly; he didn't want to scare him off.

"Yeah?" Nathanyel looked up from the newspaper he'd been reading.

"Um... Are we alone?" Severus cast a wary look in the direction of the other two beds in the dormitory.

"Yup. Mundungus and Regulus went out."

"Oh. Good." Severus shuffled his feet a bit, feeling awkward. "Listen, we need to talk about that freaky shit that went on last night."

"Yeah?" Nathanyel replied distantly.

"What the hell is going on with you?"

"It's nothing. You don't have to worry about me." Nathanyel turned back to the newspaper. "My dad's in the papers, today."

"...Is he?" Severus didn't like the way the conversation was going; it was never a good thing when Nathanyel mentioned his father.

"He's being investigated."

"What for?"

"Killing people." Nathanyel stared down at the paper, his mouth locked in a frown. "I hope they catch him. I hope they send him to the dementors and he gets the kiss."

"Stop reading that," Severus snapped, suddenly feeling rather... Protective. He took the newspaper away and folded it up. "It's getting you upset."

"Sorry." Nathanyel frowned at him.

"You look awful, by the way."

It was true; Nathanyel looked scrawnier than ever, and he was starting to get lines under his eyes. He was pale and mean-looking, and people were starting to avoid him in the corridors. Severus also suspected that he hadn't been getting much sleep as of late, and he hardly ever saw him eat, anymore.

"Are you going to tell me what happened last night?"

"It was..." Nathanyel trailed off, narrowing his eyes. "It was _him_."

"Him?"

"He's worse than my father."

"Worse?" Severus was only getting more confused.

"He says horrible things to me. He says he's going to kill you, and Remus and Lucius and Olivia and-"

"Who are you talking about?"

"_Him!_"

"Who is he?"

"_Me_." Nathanyel looked ready to cry. "He looks just like me and tells me I shouldn't exist and I think he _is_ me, but he shouldn't be, and whenever I _bleed_-"

"When you bleed?" Severus interrupted again.

"Yes. When I bleed."

"What happens when you bleed?"

"He's there."

"Nathanyel..."

"I know. You think I'm crazy."

"Well... Yeah."

"Maybe it's all in my head."

"Yeah."

"But it's still real to me. And it's real enough to hurt you. That's why I have to keep wearing Uncle Laszlo's bandages."

"Right."

"Do you forgive me?"

"...Sure."

Severus wasn't quite sure what to think.

---------------

Nathanyel sat sucking on a stick of banana pocky while he went over his star chart for Astronomy. He left the bed curtain open, since no one was awake at such a late hour. He needed to get some air, anyway. "Page." The raspy whisper had come from the doorway; it was followed by heavy footsteps approaching him.

"Hello, Regulus," he replied. Regulus dropped down onto his bed, staring at him and looking like complete shite. "You alright?"i

"Your cousin told me you asked him to keep an eye on me. Is that true?" Nathanyel wasn't sure why Lucius would bring _that_ up at one of those meetings, even if he had done the favor. "Well?"

"...Yes." There was a long period of silence as Regulus seemed to size him up.

"Why?"

"I thought a guy like you might need a bit of help." He glanced towards Mundungus' bed. "If you get me."

"Yeah. I get you." He frowned. "I've never been nice to you or anything."

"It doesn't matter."

"...You know... You're alright. I mean, you're soft... But I'm glad." Regulus leaned forward and gave him a shaky pat on the shoulder.

"...I'll go see if Severus has anything for you."

"Thanks."

---------------

Nathanyel was worried about the upcoming Yule Ball; why was there even going to be a dance in the first place? He didn't really see any particular reason for there to be one. In any case, he had nothing to wear, and even if he did, it wasn't as if he had any clue when it came to formal wear. That was why he'd written to Lucius, asking for advice.

He wondered if Lucius was angry at him because of what happened at the wedding, since he hadn't gotten any response as of yet. He hoped not.

"Hey, Page. What are you doing?" Regulus pulled his bed curtain aside, peeking in. "Not wanking, I hope."

"Unfortunately, no." Nathanyel sat up, stretching. "Are you ever going to call me by my given name?"

"That would just be weird."

"What happened to Mundungus, anyway?"

"I don't know. He's been acting up lately." Regulus took a seat next to him, sniffing his sheets. "Are these clean?"

"Yes. So, what do you want?"

"What? We can't just 'hang out,' as they say?"

"Uhuh." Nathanyel eyed him, still suspicious.

"Well, you know, after you helped me out like that, I figured... You know... I owed it to you to be a little nicer."

"That's sweet, but I don't need you hanging around me just because you feel obligated." Nathanyel slid off the bed, straightening his clothes out. He was a busy person, after all.

"Stop being such a shit," Regulus grumbled. "You don't have to act like a jerk just because you're a drug dealer, you know. You're never going to make friends like that."

"I don't care. I've got better things to do, anyway."

"Money, money, money. That's all people care about, these days." Regulus let out a long sigh. "It's such a shame."

"I'm not in a good mood right now," Nathanyel warned, lighting up a cigarette. It had been a while since he'd smoked one.

"Ew, is that one of those fag things? Those are so gross."

"I don't care."

"And I'll bet they're bad for you, too. I mean, you _are_ inhaling smoke."

"Stop being such a grandmother," Nathanyel snapped, leaving and slamming the door behind him.

He'd woken up on the wrong side of the bed... And besides, his neck was so itchy; it was driving him crazy.

---------------

Nathanyel was venting to Olivia about his worries concerning the Yule Ball as they walked together between classes. There were so many things he needed; new robes, a haircut, new shoes, a _date_... She didn't seem too compassionate.

"I'd better show up, just to keep an eye on you," she sighed, frowning.

"You're too young to just go. You need to get a date." Nathanyel spotted Remus, then, but he was with his friends. Still... A date... But no, he needed to take a girl.

"I can get a date easily. Just you watch."

"I'm waiting," he replied, still feeling doubtful.

"Hey, Remus." She was just approaching Remus, out of nowhere.

"Erm- what are you doing?"

"Hello, Olivia," Remus replied pleasantly.

"Introduce me to your friends," she commanded (and it was easy to tell that it was a command, not a request.)

"Well... This is James-"

"No good," she replied. "Narcissist."

"Er... Sorry about that."

James looked rather put off.

"And this is Sirius-"

"Womanizer," she sighed.

"And this is Peter-"

"He looks a bit pathetic, but I suppose he'll do." She turned to Peter, ignoring the glares being directed at her. "It's your lucky day. You're taking me to the Yule Ball."

"Huh?" Peter replied, looking a bit stunned.

"I know, you've been desperate to ask me out, but you couldn't muster the courage. It's excusable."

"But-"

"Of course! I know we should get to know each other a little better. That's why you're walking me to my next class."

"I-"

"Hold these." She dumped her books into his arms.

"Sorry about this," Nathanyel apologized as Olivia dragged Peter off. "Anyway, I've got to go. Bye!" He ran after Olivia, rather surprised by the entire turn of events.

"What is it?" Olivia growled as he caught up.

"You're really serious about this?"

"Yes, and this is my class, so you can go now." She took her books back from Peter, who was looking rather dazed.

"But I was just talking to you about the dance and getting a date and-"

"Do you want me to set you up?" she snapped.

"Okay." He wasn't about to turn down some much needed help.

"Hold on." She entered the classroom and emerged almost immediately with a short, red-headed girl. "Nathanyel, this is Loretta DiMarco. Loretta, this is my cousin, Nathanyel Page. He will be escorting you to the Yule Ball. After class, he will meet you in order to walk you to your next destination."

"Hi," Nathanyel greeted awkwardly.

"I thought it would be difficult to get someone shorter than you, but I got lucky." Olivia kissed Peter goodbye, then dragged Loretta back into the classroom.

Nathanyel turned to Peter, his eyebrows raised. "Are you as confused as I am?"

"Yeah."

---------------

Loretta turned out to not be so bad. Nathanyel had been rather awkward with her, of course, since she was a girl and he'd never been very good with them. Still, he'd tried his best to be charming and... Well... Not an ass. She didn't seem to buy it, though. All those Ravenclaws were ever impressed by was books and brains. Well, at least he had a date.

"What's the matter?" Severus sat down next to him, staring at the ledger.

"Nothing. Just worrying about the dance. Do you have a date yet?"

"Nope."

"Want me to ask Olivia to set you up?"

"Definitely not."

"Fine. So who are you going to ask?" Nathanyel leaned in to look over his shoulder.

"I asked Bellatrix, already, actually."

"She has a boyfriend," Nathanyel reminded him.

"Yeah. I know that _now_." Severus didn't seem terribly upset about it, though.

"You don't seem too unhappy. Are you over her or something?"

"I don't know. Probably."

Nathanyel felt inexplicably happy at that.

---------------

Nathanyel walked into the Three Broomsticks, his hands stuck in his pockets. Lucius had finally written back, offering to meet him in Hogsmeade, which was extremely unusual. Not once had Lucius ever made any particular effort to see him. Perhaps it was a side effect of being married.

Either way, it was the first time that Nathanyel was going to be seeing him since the wedding, and he was a little nervous. So nervous, in fact, that he nearly jumped out of his skin when he felt a hand on his shoulder.

"There you are." It was Lucius, of course. "Come on, I've got a table already."

Nathanyel could already feel himself blushing as he thought of the way he'd humiliated himself in the past. As soon as they were seated, he called Madam Rosmerta over to ask for a glass of water.

"So. You wrote to me for... Fashion advice."

"Yes."

"I see."

"And... You came all the way up here."

"Oh, please," Lucius dismissed with a wave of his hand. "I work at the Ministry; it's no great feat to get ahold of a portkey."

"Yeah. I guess not."

"What's wrong with you? Are you still all worked up about Narcissa?"

"No." Nathanyel leaned back in his seat, searching his pocket for his pack of cigarettes.

"Hmph. Anyway, I needed to get away from her for a while, and this was the perfect excuse."

"Uhuh." Nathanyel wondered why it was that he even bothered with smoking in the first place.

"Is that a muggle thing?" Lucius narrowed his eyes, leaning forward to inspect the cigarette.

"Yes." Nathanyel inhaled deeply, hoping that he wouldn't get as sick as he did the last time. "Why? Is that a crime?"

"It should be," Lucius grumbled as Rosmerta came back with a glass of water. "I'd like a bottle of your finest firewhiskey," he ordered, before turning back to the conversation. "As I was saying... Narcissa is a gigantic pain in my arse."

"So that's how it is?"

"How _what _is"

Nathanyel gave a small shrug. "Married life."

"Dear Merlin, yes! It's _awful_." Lucius scowled a bit and tapped his fingers on the top of the table. "She takes my money and goes shopping with it, _all day_, and then when I get home from work she tries to give me massages-"

"That doesn't sound too bad."

"Narcissa is in no way good at massaging. And lastly, I have to-" he shuddered- "share a _marital bed_."

"Ewwww. You have to-"

"Yes."

"Gross."

"I know."

"Hey..." A thought had just occurred to Nathanyel. "That means..."

"What?" Lucius grumbled.

"...That you saw her _boobies!_"

Lucius hit him.

---------------

Nathanyel stared warily at the store Lucius had led him to; the window was filled with the latest fashions in formal wear, and there were people inside who looked... Stuffy. "I'm not so sure this is the place for me," Nathanyel muttered as they stepped inside.

"Nonsense," Lucius snorted.

"Right." Nathanyel wandered around with Lucius, dismissing nearly every article of clothing he spotted. All the robes were... Elegant. And... Sophisticated.

"You need to look good for this dance," Lucius was saying, eyeing Nathanyel with a healthy amount of skepticism in his gaze. "If that's even possible," he added.

"Of course it's possible," Nathanyel insisted, grooming himself in a nearby mirror. "I _always_ look good."

"I'm certain." Lucius perused the elegant garments that were lined up on the racks. "Augh, yellow. Certainly not your color, nor mine, for that matter."

Nathanyel rolled his eyes. To be truthful, nothing in the store was quite his style, but Lucius knew fashion, and he was in desperate need of some help. Besides, he'd been missing Lucius, lately. "Hey, what about this?"

Lucius turned around and promptly knocked the robes out of his hand. "Hot pink? Are you kidding?"

"Um... No. Should I be?"

"_Yes_."

"Oh. Sorry." Nathanyel hadn't realized that Lucius could be such a... Clothing Nazi.

"Now _this_ is much better." He pulled out a set of dark blue robes with some sort of embroidery around the cuffs, closely inspecting it. "It'll need to be altered. You're too short for it."

"Thanks."

"Here, hold this." Lucius shoved the robe into his arms and continued browsing.

"Am I going to get to pick anything out?"

"Merlin, no! Why do you think _I'm_ here?"

"Well, I just thought-"

"How do you feel about grey?"

"So-so, I suppose."

"Good, take these."

It was another two hours before Lucius decided that the grey robes looked the best, although the fact that he paid for them completely made up for the lost time. Nathanyel wondered why, though. Lucius had never really made a show of getting him anything before, and certainly hadn't visited him. "What are you doing here?"

"Hm?" Lucius seemed surprised. "I wanted to get out."

"You've never done anything like this before," Nathanyel pointed out.

"You'll understand it when you're married."

"So it's because you're married?"

"Drop it."

"Alright."

Lucius placed a hand on his shoulder, leading him in an almost... Possessive way.

Nathanyel blushed.

---------------

Nathanyel crossed his arms, shifting uncomfortably in his stiff formal robes. Slate grey hadn't exactly been the color he'd had in mind, but Lucius had picked it out, and apparently it was supposed to be very sophisticated.

However, he wasn't exactly a big fan of sophistication. It was, basically, a reminder of everthing about his life that he hated. So, standing against the wall and feeling sophisticated while everyone around him danced and laughed and had fun wasn't his idea of a rip-roaring time.

"What's _your_ problem?" Olivia stomped up to him, dragging Peter Pettigrew along in her iron grip.

"I feel like a... A square."

"I assure you that you are perfectly circular."

"That's not funny," he grumbled.

"What happened to Loretta?"

"She dumped me."

"You got dumped on a first date?" she scoffed.

"My first date ever," Nathanyel sighed. "Oh well."

"If you don't care, then why are you acting like such a sad sack?"

"Oh, come on. I look _sophisticated_."

"And this is a bad thing because...?"

"It's not me!" he huffed.

"Then go change!" She stormed off, still dragging a rather frightened looking Pettigrew.

"Hm... That's not a bad idea," he muttered to himself, heading for the door.

"Hey, Nathanyel!" Severus cut him off, looking angry. "Where are you going?"

"I'm going to go change."

"Into _what?_"

"Myself." Grinning, Nathanyel ran off.

---------------

Remus stared down at the punch on the refreshment table, wondering how much firewhiskey James and Sirius had poured into it. He supposed that it didn't matter, since he wasn't planning on drinking any of it, anyway. It was only two hours into the Yule Ball and he was already bored out of his mind and ready to go to bed.

"Hi, Remus." He started, turning to see Nathanyel, dressed up like some sort of perverted procelain doll.

"You're..." He couldn't think of anything to say.

"I decided to come as myself," Nathanyel replied decisively. "It's the holiday season, after all."

"Yes. It is." Remus swallowed shallowly as Nathanyel smiled at him, literally sparkling under the candlelight. "Do you... Want to go for a walk?" He wasn't sure why he was even bothering to ask; he knew that he didn't stand a chance.

"Sure." Nathanyel would probably hold his hand and talk about how he was such a good friend. In a strange sort of way, it hurt to hear it. "Let's go before Severus sees." As he had predicted, Nathanyel took his hand and led him outside, into the enchanted garden. He vaguely wondered how many couples were snogging in the bushes, and how many of them were actually with the person they really wanted.

"I've never seen you made up before. You look pretty." He felt like they were a couple, walking under the moonlight, hands twined together.

"Thanks. You look very handsome." Nathanyel walked a bit closer to him, and he tried not to let his breath quicken.

"Thank you." He wasn't sure where to go from there.

"No need to be so courteous." Nathanyel sat down on a stone bench, lightly tugging his hand. Remus smiled nervously and joined him, his mind starting to fill with blind hope. "Did you come with anyone?" By the look on Nathanyel's face, he seemed to be quite aware of the double entendre.

"No. And you?" Remus ignored it; he knew already that there was really no rhyme or reason to Nathanyel's flirting.

"Nope. I suggested to Severus that we come as friends, but he seemed to think that it was too dorky. I guess I'm just a big fat fag." Nathanyel grinned, shrugging as a small shiver swept through him.

"Are you cold?" Remus wouldn't be surprised; he was wearing a rather skimpy outfit. Leather pants, a corset, long gloves... All in bright red.

"It's nothing."

"Here." Remus removed his cloak and draped it over his shoulders. Smiling, Nathanyel pulled it tighter around himself and shuffled a bit closer.

"You're such a gentleman. If I didn't know any better, I'd think you were courting me like a proper lad."

"Nah." Remus blushed, hoping it was hidden by the darkness. "Do you remember-" he began suddenly, but cut himself off. On second thought, it was best to keep to small talk.

"Do I remember what?" Nathanyel leaned in closer, apparently anxious to hear. Remus shivered a bit at the proximity, slightly distracted by the brilliant red lips hovering so close to him. "_You're_ cold, now." Nathanyel threw part of the cloak over him, sliding closer and pressing tightly to his side. "We'll share."

"Okay." Suppressing a gulp and cursing his own bold stupidity, Remus carefully slid an arm around his waist.

"So continue. What do I remember?" Nathanyel was staring up at him, almost coquettishly.

"Do you remember... When we went to that carnival? And got drunk on the ferris wheel?"

"Yeah, I remember!" He let out a short spurt of laughter. "That was a fun time, wasn't it?" Remus nodded. "Stuck up on top of that thing all night long... If I wasn't so drunk I might have tried something on you." Nathanyel winked playfully, while Remus blushed at the thought. Although, Nathanyel didn't quite remember that _he_ had tried something.

"Well, I was just thinking that this is a lot like that time."

"How so?"

"We're stuck outside together, while a crowd of people mills around nearby, oblivious to anything we do..." He was digging his own grave, and he knew it. If only he could think of a way to stop his mindless rambling. "The only difference is that this time, we're on the ground." He just had to leave it at that, and he would be fine. "And we're not drunk." He wished there was a subtle way to just take his arm back and walk away.

"You make a good point." Nathanyel wriggled in his grasp, turning to face him, blushing prettily. "Well, I'm not drunk this time. So maybe I _will_ try something." He leaned in close, brushing his nose against Remus'.

"Alright." Remus wasn't really thinking by that point; all he could focus on was the hot breath against his face, Nathanyel pressing close to him...

"Nathanyel!" And that was as far as it got. "Where the fuck are you, you git? _Nathanyel!_"

"Oops!" Nathanyel jumped up, the cloak sliding off his shoulders; Remus pulled his arm, which had suddenly gotten rather cold, back to his side. "Erm... That's Sev. I should go." Remus nodded, not trusting himself to talk. "I'll see you around, okay?" Remus nodded again, wondering if he should be angry at Nathanyel's deceptively casual and innocent demeanor. "M'kay. Bye!" Waving, he ran off, leaving Remus still sitting on the bench with his cloak only half-covering him.

"Bye..." he called back weakly, aware that his voice wouldn't carry far enough to be heard. He had come so close to getting Nathanyel to recognize him as something more than a friend, and just like that it had been snatched away. He supposed he should feel bitter at the cruelty of fate.

However, he only felt excitement from the encounter, and even had a little bit of hope left. More than anything, though, he was horny. And _that_ was a problem that only he himself could solve.

---------------

Severus sighed, watching the crowd dancing maniacally to the rather bad music provided. He'd found Nathanyel outside, dressed up like some sort of demented hooker. It was extremely disturbing, and he was in a rather sour mood, seeing as he didn't have a date and Nathanyel refused to change back into normal clothing.

"Perk up," Nathanyel prompted, shoving a cup of punch into his hands. "It's spiked, by the way."

"Oh." Severus downed it in one gulp. "This is such a waste of time."

"Not really; it's a good opportunity to try to get laid."

Severus raised his eyebrows. "Dressed like _that?_"

"Yeah." Nathanyel stretched, grinning at a fifth-year boy who happened to be staring. "I think I'll go introduce myself."

"Don't be a slut," Severus grumbled.

"If you want me to yourself, all you have to do is say so."

"I think not."

"Alright, then." Nathanyel bounded off to flirt shamelessly with the rather apprehensive looking boy.

Severus scowled angrily as he watched the exchange go on; the boy was blushing furiously as Nathanyel dragged him out onto the dance floor. He was acting like such an ass, dressed up like that and hitting on anything that looked in his direction. It wasn't that Severus was jealous, because he wasn't. It was just that... He didn't like it when Nathanyel acted so irresponsibly, with no consideration for how it would affect either of their reputations.

"Hey!" Nathanyel was back.

"What happened?"

"Absolutely nothing. That's why I'm back."

"Oh."

"Have some more punch."

"Alright."

"Then when you're drunk enough I can take advantage of you."

Severus spat out his punch and left the refreshment table for safer ground.

---------------

Severus sat on Nathanyel's bed, going over some figures while Nathanyel scribbled equations to calculate their monthly profit for the year on a spare piece of parchment. David Bowie softly sang "Ziggy Stardust" from the record player that Nathanyel had fished out of a dumpster in a muggle town and charmed. Severus thought idly that his parents would be rolling in their graves if they knew he'd been listening to muggle music.

Severus let out a long sigh; he was currently feeling sorry for himself. He was in seventh year, eighteen already, and he hadn't even been kissed. This fact had been made quite clear to him at the Yule Ball, which Nathanyel had dragged him to, where almost everyone had at one point paired up and started snogging. "What's the matter?" Nathanyel interrupted his pity fest.

"I've never been kissed," Severus stated. "Is that pathetic, or what?"

"Not really," Nathanyel replied. "_I've_ never been kissed."

"Yes you have!" Severus protested.

"That doesn't count," he replied, almost automatically. Nathanyel didn't like to discuss the fiasco that had occurred just before the Lucius' wedding, when the bride had gotten drunk, sobbed herself silly, and apparently caused a lot of trouble for him. He had been absolutely mortified after the incident, especially since Severus always suspected that he had a bit of a thing for Lucius.

"Fine. But even that stupid damned Gryffindor Pettigrew's been kissed! I mean, I admit that I'm not much of a catch, but I've got to be better than _that!_"

"Severus." Nathanyel slammed his quill down. "If you want to be kissed so much, then go out and kiss someone. Otherwise, shut the hell up, because I've got one hell of a hangover." Severus blinked.

"No one would let me kiss her."

"How do you know? You've never tried, have you?" Severus shook his head. "Well, maybe a girl's wanted to kiss you, but was too intimidated! Maybe you should try to make the first move for once!" Severus opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out. "Just go out, find a girl, and kiss her! It's that simple! Now, leave me alone with that crap; I've got important things to do." Severus remained speechless for a bit, listening to the record switch to "All the Young Dudes." He wondered how Nathanyel had managed to mix up the songs like that.

"...But," he finally managed to force out, "anyone I tried to kiss would slap me across the face and run away screaming."

"Well find someone who doesn't!" Nathanyel was apparently in a foul mood, which was most likely because they didn't have as much of a profit as he'd expected.

Severus sat and thought for a bit. There was only one person he could think of who wouldn't cause him physical harm due to an attempted kiss, but there was one problem. He wasn't gay. Severus just didn't like blokes. And it would be weird to kiss his friend. Severus leaned his chin on his hand and sighed again; Nathanyel actually looked rather effeminate. So he could pretend that he was kissing a girl. That would work, wouldn't it? After all, his lips looked rather soft and full at the moment, and he _had_ just said to kiss someone. Except that is was gross.

He _did_ want to get a kiss, though.

And Nathanyel really _did_ look like a girl.

Well, there was nothing else for it. "Nathanyel?"

"Hm?" Nathanyel looked up, and Severus took his opportunity. He grabbed Nathanyel by the shoulders and pulled him forward, capturing his lips in a tentative kiss. Nathanyel tensed for a moment, then relaxed and leaned into his mouth, which was a bit of a surprise, though a pleasant one. Severus slid a hand around his waist and buried a hand in his hair, forgetting that it was Nathanyel he was kissing as he dragged his tongue across those soft lips. With a quiet moan, the mouth opened for him, and he plunged his tongue inside, going on instinct and what he'd read in his mother's naughty books. He was starting to get extremely aroused when suddenly something that felt suspiciously like what was growing in his own pants pressed against his stomach and jerked him back to reality.

Severus broke the kiss as quickly as he could, going redder than he thought he'd ever been before and panting slightly. "Sorry!" he gasped. "I- I kind of- I didn't realize-" Nathanyel interrupted him with a short laugh.

"No wonder everyone keeps saying you're a nancy boy," he chuckled, picking up his calculations again and sucking on the tip of his quill. For some reason, there was something very sensual about the act- Severus shook the thought out of his head.

"I'm not a nancy boy!" he snarled. "I don't like men!" Nathanyel eyed his persistent erection.

"Doesn't seem it to me." Mouthing in wordless rage, Severus quickly covered his arousal and glared at him.

"Well, you were just as hard!" he bit out. Nathanyel shrugged.

"Because it felt nice," he replied. "You know I was just teasing, right?"

"Apparently not." Severus sneered.

"Listen, Severus, I know you fancy me, but that doesn't change anything between us." Severus was back to being outraged, and astonished.

"_What?_" Nathanyel hummed a bit, tapping his quill on the parchment.

"All the young dudes, carry the news," he murmured along with the music, swaying slightly. "Boog-a-loo dudes, carry the news..."

"Fine." Severus stood up, balling his hands into fists. "Don't answer me." He headed for the door, but Nathanyel called after him.

"Severus." He turned around, crossing his arms and waiting for an apology. "Kick your shoes off," he stated simply. Then he resumed swaying and humming along with David Bowie, obviously oblivious to the rest of the world. Severus let out an exasperated snort and stormed out, slamming the door, missing the amused smile that Nathanyel sent after him.

---------------

"Hey, Remus." Nathanyel approached, sitting beside him with a small grin on his face.

"Hi," Remus replied, scooting closer to Nathanyel for warmth on the ice cold bench. He wished that the courtyard was somehow heated or shielded from the weather.

"Guess what."

Remus always knew that when he had to guess what Nathanyel had been doing, it had something to do with sex. "What?"

"I had my first official kiss."

Remus raised his eyebrows; in a way, he was rather disappointed that he wasn't the one to give that kiss. "Oh?"

"Yup. Severus kissed me. I know that it won't happen again, though. He's always been rather paranoid when it comes to that stuff."

"Then why did he kiss you?"

"I told him to."

"Oh."

"Anyway, I rather like kissing. In fact, I should like to kiss someone again some time soon." Nathanyel carefully studied the ground, biting his lip.

"I see."

"Well, not just someone, really."

"No?" Remus could feel his heart racing; he hoped that Nathanyel was saying what he thought he was.

"I'd really like... That is to say..." Nathanyel paused, took a deep breath, and turned to him, blushing. "Would you kiss me?"

Remus couldn't believe it. "What?"

"I'm sorry. It's just-"

"No, no. I mean... I'm just rather... Floored."

"Right. You don't have to. I was wondering, is all..." Nathanyel wrung his hands together, staring up at him with a pleading expression. "Please don't be angry at me."

"I... I'm not. I'll... Kiss you." Remus leaned forward before he could change his mind, carefully pressing his lips to Nathanyel's. He nearly melted when Nathanyel let out a small gasp of surprise against his mouth, at the same time leaning into him. The action was so innocent and trusting, that it was difficult to believe that the boy he was kissing was... Well. There was no need for him to think about _that_ kind of thing, surely.

When he pulled away, Nathanyel was flushed and shyly staring at him from beneath his eyelashes. Slowly, he slid his tongue out and licked his lips, eyes fixed on Remus. Finally, he released a tiny sigh before asking, "Again?"

The second time, Remus was much less hesitant in initiating the kiss. However, he still wasn't sure of how far to go, and so he kept it close-lipped. That was why he was so surprised when he felt Nathanyel's tongue pushing against his lips, and then into his mouth. He wasn't surprised, though, that Nathanyel had absolutely no idea what he was doing.

It was still better than he could have imagined.

---------------

Remus wandered into the common room, still rather dazed from his encounter with Nathanyel. They'd parted ways after someone had almost caught them, but Nathanyel wanted to see him again.

Nathanyel. Wanted. To. See. Him.

"Oi, Remus!"

He was snapped out of his blissful daze by Sirius slapping him on the back. "Hello, Sirius."

"I was just-" Sirius paused, staring at him.

"...What is it?"

"Is that a love bite?"

"No!" Remus quickly slapped a hand to his neck, trying to cover the mark that Nathanyel had left. Remus hadn't expected him to be so adventurous, but he had always liked surprises.

"It _is!_ Moony, you scoundrel!" Sirius gave him a hearty punch in the arm, grinning like a mad man.

"I swear, it isn't!" Remus lied, still trying to cover it.

"What is it, then?"

"Just a bruise. I fell."

"On your neck?"

"It happens!"

"Right." Sirius' grin only widened. "Whatever you say."

"What are you guys talking about?" Peter asked curiously, approaching.

"Remus has a love bite," Sirius informed him.

"From a girl or a bloke?" Peter replied calmly. They both turned to Remus, eyebrows raised.

"...Well... A bloke." Remus did his best to keep up his courage. "Is that a problem?"

"Nope," Sirius replied. "It's just that girls are much hotter."

"I agree," Peter stated. "I mean, I don't see what the attraction is for you, Moony. Why would you want to do anything with someone who has all the same parts, anyway?"

"He's got a point," Sirius pointed out.

"Yeah, well..." Remus tried to think of something to say in his defense. "Well... Why would you want to put your prick in a hole that has blood pouring out of it once a month?"

"Better than sticking it in a hole that someone _shits_ out of," Peter countered.

"And I thought you did that, too, anyway," Sirius added.

"Hey!" Remus punched him, though not that hard.

"Well, when you think about it, it _is_ awfully similar to-"

"That's enough," Remus interrupted, frowning. "Where's James, by the way?" He thought it best to change the subject.

"He's off chasing Evans again," Peter sighed. "He should just give it up, already."

"You see, that's why you never get any girls," Sirius informed him. "You just aren't the romantic type."

"I could get a girl if I really tried," Peter argued, taking on a defensive tone.

"Yeah, I'll believe it when I see it."

"Hello! I already _have_ one!"

"More like _she_ has _you_."

Remus left them to their argument, heading for the showers. After such a long day, he needed to unwind a bit.

---------------

"Olivia!" Nathanyel tore through the library, luckily out of Madam Pince's wand range. "OliviaOliviaOliviaguesswhatohmygodI'mSOGAYNOW!" He dove into the chair across from her as she raised her eyebrows at him from over the top of her book.

"You're so... Gay... Now," she repeated, a healthy amount of consternation apparent in her voice.

"Yes."

"...Why?"

"You have to keep this a super total secret, okay?"

"Okay."

"I..." Nathanyel paused to build up the suspense. However, when Olivia looked more annoyed than suspended, he continued. "I kissed Remus."

"What?"

"I was so so so so so so so so so-"

"Wrap it up."

"-So nervous, but it was great and wonderful and I really like kissing boys especially Remus because he has lots and lots of _hair_." Nathanyel took a deep breath and let out a loud throaty moan. "HAIR!"

"I've noticed. Most people do have hair."

"Not _that_ kind, but you know on his face and his body and _I wanna touch it!_" He was excited, to say the least.

"Have you been testing anything on yourself?"

"No."

"...Right." Olivia snapped her book shut and massaged her temples. "Nathanyel, have you any idea how disturbing this conversation is to me?"

"I think Remus is HOT."

"No."

"And _sexy_." Nathanyel giggled.

"Go be gay somewhere else. You're irritating me, and grossing me out."

"But you're the only person I can tell because it's a super big secret that I have a boner from snogging Remus and I want to lick him all over and be naked right now."

"Nathanyel, I'm going to give you the best advice in the whole wide world right now, so listen carefully." Anxious to hear what she had to say, he leaned forward. "Take a nice, cold shower and meditate. Calm yourself down. Then, come back here and talk to me like a normal human being."

"...Alright. Can do. Right." He stood up, took a few calming breaths, then headed out of the library. It didn't take long, though, for him to dissolve into girlish giggles again.

---------------

"Remus." Nathanyel grabbed Remus in the Charms corridor and hauled him off to the nearest secret passage before he could raise any protest.

"What are you doing? Nathanyel, I have to get to a class, and N.E.W.T. exams are coming up, and-"

"Take off your shirt." Nathanyel crossed his arms, waiting.

"...I'm sorry, what?"

"I said, 'take off your shirt.'"

"Are you drunk?"

"You're not going to your class until it comes off." Nathanyel continued to wait, tapping his foot impatiently.

"Why the hell do you want me to take my shirt off?" Remus asked defensively, grabbing at the front of his shirt as if to make sure it stayed buttoned.

"I want to see it."

"See _what?_"

"_Hair_."

Remus just stared at him, eyebrows raised.

"Give it to me now!" Nathanyel reached out, making grabbing motions. "I want it!"

"...Nathanyel..." Remus paused, rubbing at his eyebrow. "I'm going to class now."

"Nooooo I wanna see it! I know you have it!"

"You've been drinking, haven't you? Is that it? Or doing drugs?"

"_I want it now!_" Nathanyel lunged at him, only narrowly missing.

"I'm going to class, Nathanyel!"

"No!"

"Yes!"

"But I want to lick you!"

"This is _not_ appropriate!"

"Just let me have a little peek? Please?"

"_No!_" Protectively holding his shirt closed, Remus darted out of the secret passage, leaving Nathanyel to sulk.

He'd really wanted to see it.

---------------

"Remus?"

He jumped, his heart racing. "Nathanyel." He couldn't think of what else to say. Nathanyel had caught him off-guard, meeting him outside his Charms class.

"I was just wondering if, erm..." Nathanyel looked away, scratching at the back of his neck. "If we could just... Go somewhere to talk?"

"Er..." Remus checked to make sure that no one was nearby or watching. "Yeah, sure."

"Are you fine with a trip to the West Tower?"

"Yeah. That's fine."

He followed Nathanyel through the halls, jumping at any sign of another person approaching. After all, it could always be one of his friends, and it would be easy to track him down with the Marauder's Map. The walk to the West Tower was awkwardly silent, although he held onto the dying hope of another encounter like the one in the courtyard.

When they got to the West Tower, Remus was pleasantly surprised to find that Nathanyel veered off into one of the abandoned observatory rooms rather than heading straight to the top. It was more private, and warmer, so there might be a chance of some type of clothing removal. Hopefully on Nathanyel's part.

"Okay." Nathanyel rubbed his hands together, looking a little nervous. "Will you take off your shirt, now?"

"What?" Remus blinked, once again caught off guard.

"Your shirt. Take it off." Nathanyel stared at him. "Please?" he added, apparently as an afterthought.

"...Er..." It was the second time Nathanyel had done something like this, and he was rather confused. What exactly was supposed to be going on, he had no idea. He'd known that Nathanyel had rather strange tastes, especially when it came to sexual matters, but he was rather wary. Besides that, he was embarrassed.

He'd always been embarrassed of his scars. When he'd had sex with Lucius, he hadn't given the issue a second thought because he was certain that Lucius was the type to do it clothed. When he'd discovered otherwise, he'd been extremely hesitant. However, Lucius hadn't minded. "Just as long as you're a good fuck," he'd said. But he was the only person Remus had ever undressed for in an encounter.

"I'd really like it if you took your shirt off," Nathanyel continued, obviously thinking a more polite approach would work better.

"What do you want, exactly?" He thought back to their previous encounter, rather puzzled by Nathanyel's behavior. "Just to see my... Hair?"

"And touch it!" Nathanyel exclaimed, a strange glint in his eyes.

"I..." Perhaps it would be best to tell the truth. He wasn't sure how Nathanyel would react to his scars, but he was sure that if he put his foot down everything would turn out his way. "No. I refuse." He crossed his arms, daring Nathanyel to challenge him.

"Why not?" Nathanyel was pouting like a petulant child.

"Because... I'm uncomfortable."

"I've always found you to be rather warm and cozy."

Remus glared.

"What's so uncomfortable, then?"

"I... I just don't look good, that's all."

"That isn't true and you know it."

"And how do you know it isn't true?"

"Because Lucius wouldn't fuck you if you didn't look good," Nathanyel stated simply.

"Oh." Remus winced slightly. He didn't often like to speak about Lucius, especially not after the incident on the train platform at King's Cross.

"So take if off before I do." Nathanyel grabbed his shirt, tugging on it. He jumped away, frowning.

"No. I have..." He lowered his voice, embarrassed. "...Scars."

"...Oh." Nathanyel blushed, chewing on his bottom lip. "I have them, too."

"Hm?" Remus raised his eyebrows, a bit skeptical. He'd seen Nathanyel in the nude before (which he'd rather enjoyed) and he hadn't noticed anything.

"On my back," he clarified. "And my arms and my neck."

When he thought about it, it sort of made sense. Nathanyel had never actually bared his back to him while shirtless, and always seemed to have those bandages around his arms and neck lately.

"I don't like to show people, either." Nathanyel blushed, his eyes falling to the floor. A moment ago, he'd been practically trying to rip Remus' shirt off, and all of a sudden he'd gotten shy?

"So you know how I feel, then," Remus pointed out, hoping that would be the end of the discussion.

"Yeah." Nathanyel continued to stare at the floor, his cheeks tinged pink. "I'll show you mine if you show me yours," he finally blurted out.

"Huh?" Remus was taken by surprise again, and reminded himself that when it came to Nathanyel, he should expect anything to happen.

"I mean... I trust you. And... And I'd like to see yours, really. I don't know anyone else with scars. Maybe you have some like mine." He was still blushing. "If you want, that is."

"Erm..." Remus had a feeling that he was going to regret his decision later. "Alright."

Swallowing loudly, Nathanyel took a step back and began to undo the buttons on his shirt. Remus watched on in fascination as the shirt was dropped onto the floor, and Nathanyel averted his attention to a spot on the wall. He'd gotten a bit more muscular than Remus remembered, though it was wiry and he was still as thin and pale as ever. His arms and neck were, of course, covered by those eternal bandages of his.

"Ready?" he asked nervously.

"Yeah," Remus replied, his curiosity spiking.

Slowly, Nathanyel turned around, his shoulders tensing. "Ta-da," he muttered weakly.

"Where'd you get these?" Remus was a little shocked.

Nathanyel's scars weren't the jagged, reckless results of his own brutally inflicted slashes. They were the careful, calculated marks of incisions and explorations. There were some raised pinprick-like scars, which puzzled him; he didn't think that needles left scars. Perhaps it had been something else. "I don't know," Nathanyel murmured. "They're just there. Sometimes I wake up with new ones."

Remus felt a shiver run through his body, remembering his stay at Nathanyel's house. The eerie atmosphere; the cold, almost sterile environment; the feeling he'd had almost all the time of being watched; it had all been rather unsettling. He wouldn't doubt that Nathanyel's own father was the source of the scarring. There was something almost ritualistic about it... Possessive, even. Like he was branded.

"I just... Feel weird, letting other people see."

"Yeah," Remus agreed, unable to tear his eyes away.

"You can see more, if you want."

"There's more?" Remus muttered, looking up at the back of Nathanyel's head.

"Here." His fingers were at the bandages around his neck, untying the tiny knot on the side and slowly unraveling them. Remus gulped as they fell limp, like a strange necklace, revealing a rather brutal mark on the back of his neck. "I know it's from my father. He has one just like it." Nathanyel sounded much calmer than Remus had ever experienced before.

"It looks painful," Remus replied. He stared at the mark, a livid and precise point, right at the center of the skin revealed, surrounded by spidery, vein-like scars. It looked to him like a volcano errupting; something harsh and violent and at the same time captivating.

"Sometimes, it is. Most of the time it's just itchy." Nathanyel began wrapping it up, working quickly and quietly. "The bandages help."

"...I... Er..." Remus wanted to ask more questions, but he doubted that Nathanyel would answer them. "I guess it's my turn, then." He shivered a bit as he unbuttoned his shirt; he wondered briefly how he'd let himself get talked into this in the first place. "Um... Right. This is... It." He felt himself blushing under Nathanyel's careful scrutiny.

"What's this one?" Nathanyel reached out to brush his fingers over the patch of toughened skin on his side.

"It's from when I..." He trailed off, trying not to flinch away.

"So that's what a werewolf bite looks like?"

"Er... Yeah." He looked away, trying not to show the redness on his face.

"I like it."

Remus would have protested that there was nothing to like, but he was too shocked by the fact that Nathanyel had leaned over and licked it to say much of anything. "Y-you don't have to..."

"You're nervous?" Nathanyel leaned back on his heels. "There are lots of scars, but that's the one you hate the most, right?"

Remus nodded, afraid that he'd stutter again if he spoke.

"I know how that can be." Nathanyel scratched the back of his neck, looking pensively up at him.

"So... What now?"

Nathanyel stretched out his arms like a child wanting to be picked up. "Kiss me?"

Remus thought that he must have looked like a glowing cherry as he leaned down.

"Wait!"

He stopped dead, afraid he'd done something wrong.

"I want an Eskimo kiss, first."

"An Eskimo kiss?" Remus was relieved that he hadn't ruined the moment. "What's that?"

Grinning, Nathanyel leaned forward and rubbed his nose against Remus'. "Eskimo kisses."

"Oh." Remus smiled back, feeling rather fond of the Eskimo kiss.

"Now give me a regular kiss."

Remus moaned a bit as Nathanyel ran his fingers through the hair on his chest.

---------------

"We've been snogging a lot." Nathanyel watched as Remus choked on his sandwich.

"Um, yeah," he replied, once he'd gotten his breathing under control.

"Is this a date?" He was referring to the small picnic they were currently having together at the top of the shortest west tower; it had become something of a meeting place for them.

"Well, er... I don't know what you mean by that."

"I just... Well, we're only friends, right?"

"Right."

Nathanyel didn't say anything for a long time; he wondered if it was possible that what he was doing with Remus could be considered a relationship. If so, what kind? He wasn't really sure how he felt about the idea of being... Boyfriends. He also didn't know what Remus thought about it. The obvious conclusion to come to in such a situation, therefor, was that he should stop thinking about it so much. "I want to touch you," he said out loud.

"What?" Luckily, Remus had finished his sandwich, already. "What do you mean?"

"I want to touch your cock," Nathanyel clarified. "Right now."

"You're sure?"

"Yeah." His stomach felt tight, like being nervous, but different.

"Alright." Remus grunted as Nathanyel climbed on top of him.

"I want you," Nathanyel whispered as he carefully unbuttoned Remus' trousers; he was fairly sure that he was supposed to say something to that effect. He could already feel himself blushing, before he'd even done anything; Remus was just as lovely as he remembered.

"You, too," Remus replied quietly, kissing him.

When Remus was done, Nathanyel used the picnic blanket to clean up; it wasn't like he never washed the thing, anyway.

"Your turn," Remus murmured, pushing him down onto his back.

---------------

"You've been disappearing an awful lot, lately."

"Hm?" Nathanyel looked up to find Severus glaring at him.

"Where have you been going, anyway?" he prodded, sounding suspicious.

"Booty calls," Nathanyel answered truthfully, turning back to his essay about the theory behind apparating.

"Seriously," Severus insisted, pulling the essay out of his hands. "Tell me."

"I already did," Nathanyel insisted. "I've been getting an awful lot of good snogging in, lately. That's all."

"That can't be."

"Why not?" Nathanyel snatched his essay back, feeling rather indignant at the implication.

"Who'd snog _you?_"

"You would."

"Shh!"

"Anyway, I've just been feeling a lot more confident, lately." He finished up his conclusion with a flourish. "And it's none of your business what I do with my free time, anyway." He was in a sassy mood.

"Yeah, well... I've just been wondering, that's all." Severus crossed his arms, looking rather sour.

Nathanyel knew that it was his way of saying that he'd missed him.

---------------

"How was it?"

"How was what?" Nathanyel looked up to see Regulus standing over him, watching as he sat on his bed and studied.

"Your meeting with your new boyfriend," Regulus clarified slyly, shoving him over and sitting down next to him.

"How do you know what I do with my free time?" Nathanyel grumbled, eyeing him suspiciously.

"I have my sources." Regulus grinned, nudging him playfully. "So have you gone all the way, yet?"

"No, and it's none of your business, anyway."

"Oh, come on."

"No! Leave me alone!"

"Fine." Regulus crossed his arms and pouting. "I guess I'll just sit here and sulk."

"...Get off my bed."

Nathanyel was starting to understand how Severus felt around him.

---------------

Nathanyel was meeting Remus that night to give him his painkillers; well... More like sell him his painkillers. Still, he was excited about seeing Remus, and found himself practically skipping down the hallway. Remus was actually sitting, waiting for him in the corridor, rather than their usual classroom. "Hi, Remus!" he greeted, immediately admonishing himself for letting his voice get too loud.

"Hello," he greeted, licking his lips.

Nathanyel felt a little puzzled at that as he approached, but shrugged it off. "I got your stuff," he informed Remus, kneeling in front of him.

"You look sexy tonight." Remus bit him.

"Umm... Thanks." He shifted a bit, feeling eyes on him. "...Remus? Is there something wrong?"

Remus had a feral look in his eyes, and was staring at him with a strange expression on his face. "Hm?"

Nathanyel frowned a bit. "Are you alright?" He leaned forward, placing a hand on Remus' forehead; it felt a little warm.

"I'm fine," Remus muttered grabbing his hand and pulling it down. Nathanyel blushed furiously when Remus put it somewhere much warmer. "Just a little... Excited. You could help calm me down." He'd never acted so bold before; Nathanyel wondered if maybe it had something to do with the almost-full moon.

"I don't think we should... In the middle of the corridor... Like this..." Nathanyel trailed off when Remus reached out and placed two fingers on his lips, slowly coaxing them open.

"Suck," he ordered.

Gasping, Nathanyel tried to pull back. "Really, you can't just-" He was cut off when Remus grabbed him by the hair on the back of his head and worked the fingers back into his mouth.

"Suck them," Remus murmured, breath tickling his ear. Nathanyel did as he was told, letting out a soft whimper when he felt Remus' hand between his legs. "That's it," Remus coaxed, "just like that. You're very good at this."

Nathanyel closed his eyes, pressing back against the weight on his crotch, desperately suckling and licking the fingers in his mouth. He let out a disappointed groan when his erection was suddenly left to fend for itself, but the rustling sound of clothing that followed sent an excited shiver down his spine. Then, the hand was back in his hair, and Remus was gently pulling him back. Eyes immediately traveling down, he bit his lip at the sight of Remus pointing up at him, red and swollen.

"I think you know what to do."

His head was being guided down, closer and closer. Nathanyel gulped nervously; he knew exactly what to do, but he'd never done it to another person before. "I'm not sure we should- in the middle- hey!" It was rubbing against his cheek, hot and damp. "S-stop it!"

"Don't worry, Nathanyel," Remus encouraged. "I know you'll be good at it."

"But someone might-"

"You're not the kind of person who worries. Just forget about that." Remus let go of his head, holding his hands up in a gesture of surrender. "We can stop, if you don't want to do it, but it would be silly to worry for nothing. Don't you agree?"

Nathanyel gulped, looking down; it was hot and wet and _waiting_. "...Yes..." Nathanyel slid his tongue out and licked it, smiling to himself as Remus moaned.

"Faster." And then it was in his mouth, completely filling it, his jaw aching as he pushed to fit more and more in. Remus hissed and pulled his hair and thrust up _hard_ into him; he had to brace himself to keep from collapsing. "You're- you're so good," Remus babbled. "Like that, yes, just right, so good!" It was filling his throat, twitching and spurting; hot, slippery liquid was running down his throat, and he could barely swallow it all.

Finally, Remus let go of his hair, and he reeled back, coughing as some of the stuff dribbled from his mouth. Swallowing several times, he was finally able to clear his throat, panting. "You- you are so- so _dead_," he managed to gasp out, before lunging at Remus. "What was _that?_" Nathanyel demanded, grabbing him by the collar.

"It was bloody brilliant," he muttered, grinning.

"You practically rammed it down my throat!"

"You _said_ yes, didn't you?"

"I did, but I told you to stop before that, right? _Right?_"

"And I _did_, so you could make a decision, and we both know how that turned out. Besides, you liked it," Remus pointed out. "You're still turned on."

"But- I- you-" Nathanyel abruptly found himself on his back.

"Just relax. I'll make it up to you." Remus was pulling down his trousers, and then his pants, and-

"Oh!" A strong, slippery tongue was on him, lapping at him, sliding up and down. "R-Remus..." Hot, strange wetness was all around him; a _mouth_ was on him, and he was mewling and bucking as fingers slid up behind him. Fingers still damp with his own saliva were stroking him, working at his entrance, sliding inside. Letting out a long moan, Nathanyel arched, mouth working wordlessly.

He was in ecstasy; he was beyond wonderful. He was warm and tingling and his muscles were clenching and Remus was drinking it all up. He was shouting and writhing, and someone was bound to hear, but all that mattered was this _feeling_, this moment.

And then it was done. "Mmm, you taste awfully good." Remus was leaning over him, licking his lips. He felt tired, dizzy, and more content than he thought he'd ever been. "I don't know what you were complaining about. You were worse than I was."

"Hm?"

"You almost choked me to death."

"You deserved it," Nathanyel croaked.

Remus only shrugged, looking thoughtful. "I was thinking," he announced unnecessarily, stroking Nathanyel's stomach, "you could come up to my dorm." He slipped his hand up higher and began petting a nipple. "Wouldn't that be fun?"

Nathanyel shivered, letting his eyes drop closed.

"And I'd really like it. Better than the floor, at least." Remus was blushing, something of his normal self showing through.

"It was your idea to do it here," Nathanyel protested weakly.

"I know. But you can't seriously prefer it, can you?"

"Hmph. You've never been this confident before." He pushed himself up, batting Remus' hand away from his chest. "Is this all just the moon?"

"If it was all just the moon," Remus whispered, leaning close, "then I would have fucked you already."

Nathanyel shuddered, a knot forming in his stomach. "Alright. Let's go." He scrambled to pull his trousers up as Remus helped him stand, pulling insistently at his wrist. When he'd had time to get his own clothing back into proper order, Nathanyel had no idea.

"Hurry."

His stomach felt like it was going to crawl right out of his navel; he was finally going to get some real cock, he was going to bed with Remus, he was-

"Hold on a minute." Remus pushed him into an alcove and started rubbing up against him.

"But we're not there, yet," Nathanyel muttered, digging his fingers into Remus' arm.

"I know, but... I'm really impatient tonight. Sorry." Remus leaned forward and kissed him, hard. He would have protested more, but then Remus' tongue was sliding into his mouth, exploring, stroking. It was difficult to think straight with all the different sensations that were washing over him.

It was easy to do so, however, when they were interrupted by a loud meow. "Fucker," Nathanyel muttered instinctually, catching a glimpse of Mrs. Norris scampering away.

"Dorm," Remus gasped.

"Yeah," he agreed, and they were off running.

"Where are they?" It was definitely Filch's voice.

"This way!" Remus hissed, pulling Nathanyel behind a tapestry and leading him down a long flight of stairs. "We'll probably- end up- on the first floor," he panted.

"Then we can go to Slytherin," Nathanyel replied.

Remus abruptly stopped, glancing back at him with raised eyebrows. "_Slytherin?_"

"Trust me."

Remus hesitated a bit, then continued on.

"...This is Major Tom to ground control... I'm stepping through the door... Hmm hmmm..."

"...I'm starting to doubt my decision, here."

"Sorry. I'm just excited!"

Remus smiled warmly at him.

It took Nathanyel all his self-control not to skip through the dungeons to the common room. Then, it took even more self-control not to skip to his dormitory. He did have a bounce in his step, though.

"You're sure no one will hear us?" Remus muttered as Nathanyel pushed him onto the bed and closed the curtains.

"There are silencing spells around each bed." He began stripping immediately. "Take off your shirt."

"Er... Alright."

Grinning, Nathanyel finished undressing and crawled under the sheets. "I'm happy," he informed Remus.

"I can see." Looking rather happy himself, he crawled forward and tried to tug the sheets down.

"Oh no you don't! This is the Naked Club, and you're not allowed in until you take all your clothes off."

Remus rolled his eyes, but began undoing his trousers. "You're impossible, sometimes."

"I'm impossible _all_ the time."

Remus let out a heavy sigh as he practically tore off his pants. "Alright, move over."

"Eat me."

"Don't mind if I do." Remus grinned as he climbed under the sheets and pulled Nathanyel closer.

"Hey there, Mr. Nakey," Nathanyel giggled.

"Hello there, _Mrs_. Nakey."

"Hey! I'm not a girl! Girls are icky!"

Remus just laughed and kissed him. Nathanyel couldn't help but dissolve into heady sighs.

"I guess I forgive you," he breathed.

"Good. I wouldn't want you to be angry at me."

"Kiss me some more. I love it when you kiss me." Nathanyel leaned forward, hoping for his request to be fulfilled.

"What would you do for a kiss?"

"Don't say that!"

"Why not?"

"Because I want a kiss now!"

"Then come and get it."

Nathanyel huffed indignantly; he refused to be the one doing the chasing. "Then I guess we won't... _Do_ it." He felt a little juvenile using that kind of terminology, but he was feeling a bit shy about the matter.

"You mean... You wanted to..." Remus trailed off, blushing.

"Yeah," Nathanyel murmured, feeling his own face go red. "So... Do you want to?" He could feel his stomach squirming at the thought of actually going through with it... But there was no way that _Remus_ would... He could handle it, though.

"Well, yeah," Remus replied, clearing his throat a bit. "O-of course." He straightened up, looking like he was trying to regain some of his composure.

"Um... What now? I mean, you've done it before, so you would know." Nathanyel scratched the back of his neck, sitting up. He could _handle_ it.

"We need lubricant."

Nathanyel froze, staring with wide eyes at Remus. "W-what?" They were really going to _do it?_

"We need... You know... _Lubricant_. For..."

"Yeah. I know that." Gulping, Nathanyel crawled to the foot of the bed and pushed the curtains aside, rummaging through his trunk. His hands were shaking, and he was sort of cold, even though he was sweating.

"What's this?" Remus had crawled up beside him and pulled out the dildo from Lucius.

Nathanyel felt himself blushing, his chest clenching painfully.

"Looks like fun." Remus laughed and put it back in the trunk, disappearing behind the curtains again.

Nathanyel scrambled to find the lubricant, finally getting ahold of it and scooting up to Remus, wondering if they were really going to do _it_.

"Thanks," Remus muttered warmly, taking it and spreading some over his fingers. "Come here."

Nathanyel's first instinct was to back away; he could actually feel the hair on the back of his neck standing up. Instead, he inched forward, hunching his shoulders defensively. He felt the same way he had when he was punished as a child; he didn't know why.

"You're afraid," Remus stated flatly, frowning a bit.

"No," Nathanyel denied, even though he couldn't stop shaking.

"We could stop, if you want."

"No," he repeated.

"Well, whenever you feel-"

"I'm fine." He could tell that it was obvious he wasn't, but he didn't want Remus to think that he was a cold fish or a hypocrite. He didn't want to disappoint Remus. Besides, he could handle it.

"You're sure?"

"Yeah." Taking a deep breath, he forced himself to move forward, kissing Remus. It didn't help to calm his nerves at all.

"Kneel up a little bit."

Bracing himself on Remus' shoulders, he rose onto his knees, craning to look behind him as he felt Remus reach around. He could feel fingers brushing against his... His...

"Stop." It was rather sudden and bland, as if someone else had said it; surely his panicked mind couldn't produce something that sounded so calm.

Remus immediately pulled away, steadying Nathanyel to help him sit back down.

"I'm sorry."

"It's alright if you're not ready. I don't want to force you into anything you don't want to do."

"But I _do_," Nathanyel protested, relaxing even as he spoke at the knowledge that they weren't going to... _Do it_.

"I'm not angry," Remus murmured, leaning forward to kiss him. "Just relax, alright? I don't mind at all, really."

"Sorry," Nathanyel repeated, disappointed that he'd backed out.

"Do you want to... Do other things?"

"Hmm." Nathanyel leaned forward and began to touch Remus.

"Thanks," was all Remus seemed to be able to say, and then he was quiet the rest of the time. When he was done, it was rather awkward. "Are you..."

"I'm fine," Nathanyel replied.

"Oh." Remus shifted uncomfortably, blushing. "I feel a bit bad. I mean, I- well what happened before- and... I got to, er..."

"Finish?" Nathanyel offered as a modest alternative to the word he had in mind.

"Yeah. I got to finish twice, but you only did it once."

"Once was enough," he assured Remus. "Are you hungry?"

"Er... A bit. I know how to get into the kitchens, if you'd like."

"That would be nice." Nathanyel sprung up, looking for his clothes. He wondered how things could have turned so awkward, after all that... What was it that Lucius would call it? Passion, he supposed. "Do you-" He was cut off as Remus kissed him, hard.

Nathanyel grabbed his hand and squeezed it, hard.

Maybe finishing twice wasn't such a bad idea, after all. Besides, he wasn't _that_ hungry.

---------------

Nathanyel tapped his quill against the parchment. He couldn't stop _thinking_. He couldn't stop thinking about Remus and sex and his arms and... Everything. He'd written to Uncle Laszlo, because Olivia didn't really understand those kinds of things and Severus didn't understand _anything_, and Remus... He didn't want to scare Remus away.

Uncle Laszlo's reply had come very quickly, and advised him to distract himself. That was why Nathanyel had decided to distract himself by _learning_ something. He'd asked Uncle Laszlo for help, because he knew that nothing he learned in school would be any good. He needed something that would... Exhaust him.

That was why his bag was packed with only necessities, and he was planning to leave without a word during the Quidditch game the next day. No one would notice until it was too late. He was certain that Severus would worry, but it would only be a week.

It was necessary.

Really, it was.

---------------

"Hey! Hey, Nathanyel!" Remus ran to catch up with him, breathing heavily. "Where are you going? It's the middle of a Quidditch game." Nathanyel bit his lip, pulling his hat tighter over his head.

"Well, I was thinking I should leave. And no one will notice during a Quidditch match, right?" He grinned. "I could use a walk, anyway."

"Wait! Where are you going?"

"Dunno, dun' care." Nathanyel adjusted his bag, then turned and kept walking.

"You can't just _leave_. Don't you care about anything?"

"I'll come back. I just need to go for a while."

"But-"

"Don't worry. You said I'm not the type to worry, right? So I'm not worried. And if I'm not worried about myself, then you shouldn't be worried either, see?" Remus blinked, looking confused.

"What? You're not even making sense."

"Huh. Imagine that." Remus was following him by that point.

"Nathanyel, you can't just leave. You could get hurt, or killed, and if you even come back in one piece you'll spend the rest of the year in detention, and-"

"It doesn't matter."

"But I'll miss you." Nathanyel paused and turned around, tilting his head.

"You'll miss me? Really?"

"Well... Yeah." For some reason, it made Nathanyel happy to hear Remus say it.

"I'll miss you, too." Smiling, he took Remus by the shoulders and kissed him, balancing on his toes. "See you later, okay?"

"...Okay." Waving, Nathanyel headed for the narrow road that led into Hogsmeade; he planned to travel through the town and into the mountains... And after that... Well, like he'd said, he didn't know.

---------------

"Nathanyel Page," Minerva McGonagall called out. There was silence. "Nathanyel Page," she repeated, glancing up from her attendance list.

Mundungus Fletcher twitched a bit, and Regulus Black looked guiltily in the other direction.

"Does anyone know where Nathanyel Page might be?" she inquired, raising her eyebrows.

A few students fidgeted and averted their eyes, but no one said anything.

"...Maybe he's sick," Black muttered after a few moments of terse silence.

"Yeah, sick," Fletcher echoed.

"I think he's in the infirmary," Mary Jordan added. There were a few murmurs of assent, but Minerva knew a lie when she heard one.

"Very well," she accepted in clipped tones. "I hope that at least one of you will be responsible for giving him his assignment."

Black slowly raised his hand.

"Alright, Mr. Black. You'll stay after class, then."

By the end of class, she had planned out exactly how she was going to squeeze the information from Black. Slytherins tended to be protective of each other, despite their differences, but most of them cracked easily under pressure. "Ah, Mr. Black." She offered him a tight smile, which he did not return. "Tell me, what exactly is wrong with Mr. Page?"

The boy shrugged, looking unconcerned.

"I see." She folded her hands on her desk and gave him a severe look over her spectacles. "I do not believe that Mr. Page is actually in the infirmary," she informed him firmly. "Am I correct?"

"Yes," he muttered apathetically.

She leaned back, blinking; it had been a lot easier than she'd anticipated. "Well, then... Where is he?" Black shrugged again.

"Dunno. Haven't seen him since the Quidditch match."

"But that was on Saturday!"

"Yeah. Haven't seen him."

She raised her eyebrows.

"You're asking the wrong person, anyway. We don't really talk." Black let out a bored sigh. "He's weird, like that." Apparently, he didn't actually know anything. "So what was that assignment?"

An hour later, Minerva sat in the staffroom, sipping her tea. She'd talked to Poppy, just to be sure, and Page hadn't been in the infirmary at all since the Quidditch match. She'd gone to Albus, but he, of course, had no idea where the Slytherin had gotten to. She supposed she'd gotten too used to the idea that Albus knew everything.

"Ah, good day, Minerva." Filius entered the room, pouring himself some tea and taking the seat across the table from her.

"Hello, Filius," she greeted half-heartedly. She wasn't quite in the mood for Filius' bright chatter; she was more in the mood for berating herself. She was the head of Gryffindor, yes, but she was also the Deputy Headmistress, and that meant that she was responsible for every student. She hadn't exactly acted responsibly in regards to the Page boy, though. In her defense, it was quite difficult; he was much like his father had been at that age. Although, at least his father had been able to transfigure a teapot into a turtle. She wondered briefly how he'd even managed to get a high enough grade on his O.W.L.s to pass on to N.E.W.T. level classes, but she'd heard rumors of eastern techniques. He certainly didn't seem to be using them in class.

"Is there something wrong, Minerva?"

She was snapped out of her reverie by Filius' ever upbeat voice; she did tend to let her mind wander when she was out of sorts.

"It's nothing much..." She frowned at her tea. "Just the Page boy."

"Ah, yes. I'd heard he was nowhere to be found." Gossip certainly traveled quickly in the school. "I've spoken to his cousin, but she won't say a word to me. Perhaps you could get something out of her?"

Minerva blinked, snapping her eyes up to look sharply at him; she'd forgotten that Page had a cousin in Ravenclaw. "Perhaps I will. Do you know where she might be, now?"

And so, after talking Filius into fetching the girl from the Ravenclaw common room, Minerva found herself in her office, facing a stony-faced Ravenclaw. "What is it?" the girl finally grunted, scowling.

Minerva, feeling a bit indignant at her rudeness, composed herself. "It seems that your cousin has decided to... Take off."

"And you want to know where he is." She frowned.

"Yes."

"Ask Remus Lupin." After that, she wouldn't say anything further.

So, with a long suffering sigh, Minerva made her way up to the Gryffindor common room, cursing the students and their little games and wild goose chases. Upon entering the common room, she felt several pairs of eyes on her, but ignored them, instead fixating on the four boys in front of the fire. "Mr. Lupin." She approached, eyeing them all cautiously. "I would like a word with you."

Potter and Black gave each other puzzled looks, while Pettigrew narrowed his eyes.

"...Yes, Professor." Slowly, Lupin stood and followed her out of the common room.

"Where is Nathanyel Page?" She was fed up with all the half-answers she'd gotten; she just wanted to get straight to the point and get it over with.

"What?" Lupin's eyes widened a bit.

"I do not wish to repeat myself," Minerva worked out.

"I- I don't know." She scowled.

"I have talked to four different people about the subject, and I've been led to believe that _you_, Mr. Lupin, have the answers that I need. Now, please, I am asking you kindly- _tell me_."

He shuffled his feet a bit, chewing his lip. "He didn't tell me where he was going. He just... Left, during the Quidditch match. He said he could use a walk."

Minerva must have had a rather severe expression on her face, because when he finally looked at her he flushed and looked away again.

"He said he would come back, though."

"Mr. Lupin, don't you think it would have been _wise_ to stop him?"

"I couldn't have stopped him," Lupin muttered so softly that it was barely audible.

"You couldn't have stopped him?" Minerva repeated, disbelieving. "Not only are you _Head Boy_, but you are also a year above him! Not to mention the boy's wandwork is awful!"

"When Nathanyel wants to do something, he does it. You can't stop him."

"What do you mean?"

"He doesn't let things get in his way," Lupin answered simply. "He's a Slytherin, after all."

Minerva wasn't quite sure whether to strangle Lupin or to give him detention. "So you just let him go only God knows where with nothing but the clothes on his back?"

"He had a bag with him." Lupin shuffled his feet again. "He said not to worry, so I'm not worried. He'll be back."

Throwing her hands up in exasperation, Minerva gave in. "Alright. You may return to the common room." She turned and headed back to the staffroom, intent on another cup of tea; she just needed to calm down. Page was a Slytherin, after all, and therefor his own head of house's responsibility. Still, she couldn't help but think that she'd failed somewhere.

She just didn't understand how a student could be missing for three days without any teachers noticing. Or even _caring_.

Scratch the tea. What she needed was chocolate biscuits, and soon. Changing her course, she headed to the kitchens for a light snack. "That damned Slytherin, always giving me trouble..."

---------------

Nathanyel sneezed, his eyes watering. Either he was allergic to the weeds growing at either side of the dirt road he was traveling along, or someone was talking about him. It didn't really matter, though; what mattered was that he was hungry and wanted something to eat- immediately.

"What to eat?" he grumbled out loud to himself, checking his bag. He had precisely one stick of pocky and a slab of questionable dried meat.

He was about to go for the ugly meat when he heard some rustling in the nearby bushes. He tensed, facing the source, ready to strike when... A rabbit hopped out.

"Aww, aren't you cute?" he cooed, immediately going for the knife in his belt. "How about a snack?" He placed some dried meat on the ground and back away a little, waiting.

The rabbit took one tentative hop forward.

"That's it. Don't be afraid," he encouraged it.

It took another two hops forward.

Nathanyel felt kind of bad when he heard the thump of the knife he'd thrown making contact, killing the rabbit.

"Poor thing," he sighed as he skinned it.

---------------

"Hullo, Minnie."

She scowled, turning to lecture whomever was addressing her so disrespectfully.

"Did you miss me?" Nathanyel Page was standing in the open doorway, a crumpled cigarette hanging from his mouth as he grinned so widely that his nose crinkled and his eyes almost shut completely. He looked like he hadn't showered the entire time he'd been gone, and she could swear that some of the stains on his clothing were blood.

"..." She stared at him, shocked; he just kept on grinning. "..._MR. PAGE!_"

He jumped, the cigarette nearly falling from his mouth.

"Where have you been?"

"Er... Bye!" He made a beeline for the dungeons, but she intercepted him.

"You're coming straight to the headmaster's office!"

"...Hmph." He grabbed the strange straw hat hanging over his back and placed it on his head. "I don't wanna."

She stared at him, fully taking in his attire for the first time. "...What on earth are you wearing?"

"My traveling clothes."

She reached up to pinch the bridge of her nose. "Follow me."

With a long sigh, he fell into step beside her as she made her way toward Albus' office. "So, you wanna go out for drinks to celebrate my triumphant return?"

She paused, glancing down at him as he wriggled his eyebrows suggestively. "Mr. Page! That kind of behavior is inappropriate and uncalled for!"

He pouted. "I'll win your heart, someday."

She decided it would be best to ignore him, and continued her trek. Like she would ever even consider that kind of thing with someone so _short_, anyway.

"I missed you, too, by the way."

She also thought it best not to let him see that she was pleased by his return.

Albus was a bit less harsh than she, though he did have a sharp edge in his eyes. But perhaps that was because his reputation for being omnipotent had been compromised. "Nathanyel, do you understand the seriousness of your actions?"

"Nope." Page adjusted his weird hat and leaned back in his seat. "Could I have been killed, maybe?"

"Yes."

"Cool." There was a long silence. "Er... Just kidding?"

"Tell me, where have you been this past week?" Albus touched his fingertips together, leaning forward.

"I was just taking a walk, getting some fresh air." Page shrugged. "You know, that sort of thing."

"Mr. Page," Minerva warned.

"Why did you leave?" Albus asked, his tone calm.

"Well, I had to walk, and if I didn't, then I wouldn't, so I did."

Minerva tried her hardest not to let the statement frustrate her.

"I see," Albus replied serenely.

"Why were you _really_ gone?" Minerva asked, crossing her arms and aiming a suspicious look at him.

"Fine," he sighed, rolling his eyes. "I was undergoing the rigorous seven day training of a secret technique, the name of which I dare not utter aloud." The statement was followed by utter silence.

"_What?_" Minerva finally asked.

"Unutterable secret technique," he repeated.

"...Albus?"

"I believe that it would be appropriate for us to delegate punishment to Professor Auric, seeing as he _is_ Nathanyel's head of house. Minerva, would you be so kind as to escort him to Niccolo's office?"

Ignoring Page's grin, she bid Albus farewell and led the boy out of the office.

"Hey, Minnie."

Suppressing a growl, she turned her head slightly to look back at him. "Yes?"

"...Did you really miss me?"

She paused, her lips thinning. It was such a ridiculous question, but... He looked like an actual child with the cigarette gone from his mouth, holding the hat in his hands and fidgeting shyly with it. "What would you do if I said yes?"

"I would be a good boy." He placed a hand over his heart, beaming at her. "I swear."

"...Alright, then." He was silent the rest of the way, except for the tapping sounds of his shoes as he skipped along behind her.

---------------

"Hi, Remus."

"Welcome back."

Nathanyel grinned, wiping his forehead with his sleeve. "How's tricks?"

"Fine, I suppose." Remus gave a half-hearted shrug, not looking up from his book.

Nathanyel watched him for a bit, then knelt down beside him to read over his shoulder. "...Remus?"

"Hm?"

"Kiss me?"

The book lay forgotten in the grass, its place unmarked.

---------------

"Nathanyel?"

"Hm?" Nathanyel shuffled closer to Remus, basking in the warmth provided by an extra body nearby.

"Why didn't you tell me where you were going?"

"Because I didn't quite know, myself."

"Oh."

"That reminds me! I got you something."

"What?"

Nathanyel searched his pockets a bit before finally pulling out a slightly wilted bunch of wildflowers. "A bouquet for the lovely maiden," he proclaimed, handing it to Remus.

"Thank you."

"You like it?"

"Of course." Remus kissed him. "They're lovely."

Nathanyel beamed, a warm sensation in his stomach. "I promise not to leave again."

"I'm keeping you to it, you know."

"Good."

---------------

Remus sighed as he sat beneath his favorite tree, Nathanyel pressed up against him. It had only been a week since he'd left, but Remus had missed him terribly and was quite glad to have company again.

"I had a lot of time to think, while I was away," Nathanyel murmured to him.

"Really?"

"Yeah. And I realized that our relationship isn't exactly equal."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean... You're so open with me, and so warm and kind... And I'm just... Me. And I left without telling you why or for how long and I probably upset you and I'm sorry."

"It's alright," Remus answered truthfully. "As long as you always come back, it's alright."

"And I will," Nathanyel hummed, kissing his cheek. "But I want to make it up to you."

"How?"

"By telling you a secret."

"Oh?" Remus was rather intrigued by the direction the conversation was heading in.

"I'm going to tell you something that I've never told anyone."

"...Alright." Remus moved a bit closer, watching him intently.

"It's just... I want you to know that I've kept this a secret for a really long time, and for a while I didn't even know it, myself. I hate to admit it, but... I just... Well, it's the kind of secret you tell someone really special, you know?"

"Nathanyel... I don't know what to say, really."

"You don't have to say anything. I just wanted to tell you something personal. I feel like I owe it to you, really."

"You don't owe me anything."

"I do. And this is something that not even Lucius knows. I try to forget it, a lot of the time. So... I'm going to tell you, now. If you don't mind, that is."

"It's up to you. It is your secret, after all."

"I'll tell you, then."

"Then I'll listen."

"I used to love him. My father, that is." Nathanyel sat and stared down at the ground, looking completely hopeless and hollow.

Remus waited silently, because he somehow knew that it was the right thing to do.

"Sometimes I'd pretend that we were a normal family that did normal things," Nathanyel finally continued. "Sometimes, when I used to have nightmares all the time, I'd want to call for him, even though I couldn't." Nathanyel leaned on Remus, grabbing his hand and squeezing it tightly. "Sometimes I still do. Sometimes I think I love him, like a son should love a father and be loved back."

"It's alright, Nathanyel." Remus squeezed back and held him close. "You don't have to tell me anything more."

"Good." Nathanyel was crying. "Because I really, really hate him."

"I know," was all Remus could manage, and they sat there together for a long time.

---------------

"Hey, Olivia." Nathanyel sat down next to her in the courtyard, yawning. "How's Peter?"

"I dumped him," Olivia replied, seemingly unconcerned.

"Why?"

"He wanted me to put out." She turned a page in the book she was reading, a scowl crossing her face. "Although, I wouldn't expect a tramp like you to understand."

"Hey!"

"Slut."

"For your information, I happen to technically still be a virgin!"

"Meaning?"

"You know. I haven't... _Done it_."

She raised an eyebrow. "Are you counting bottom?"

"Yes!"

"Cold feet?"

"..._Yes_."

"Wimp."

"I don't have to sit here and take your insults." He stood up, brushing himself off. "I have better things to do, anyway."

"Like what?"

"Like beating up your sleazy ex-boyfriend, who is soon to be ex-living."

"That was so cheesy. But thank you, anyway."

"You're welcome." Nathanyel cracked his knuckles. "No one tries to make my little cousin put out and gets away with it."

"Just get it over with, already."

"Alright. Be back in a jiffy."

"He's hiding from you, by the way!" Olivia called after him.

---------------

Nathanyel was walking down the Charms corridor when he saw Lily Evans in front of him, stomping along in her normal too-fast gait, although she seemed rather irritated.

"Hey, Evans," he greeted amiably, extending the olive branch, since she was good friends with Remus.

She scowled at him, quickening her pace; Nathanyel honestly didn't see what he'd done to deserve such a rude greeting.

"Where's Remus?"

"In the hospital wing," she replied shortly.

"Huh? Why?"

"He coughed up blood in charms class," she snapped, turning and marching through the nearest door.

Nathanyel had a feeling that he was somehow the cause.

---------------

Nathanyel glanced around, surprised not to see Madam Pomfrey running any chores. Remus was laying awake in a bed by the window, looking very tired; he already had some rather large bandages on and a bruise sprouting over his cheek. "How are you?" Nathanyel made his way to the bed as quietly as possible.

"I've been better," Remus croaked.

"I see." Carefully, Nathanyel leaned down to kiss him. "Did that make you feel better?"

"A little. Another would be nice." Remus buried his fingers in his hair and kissed him again; it was indeed rather nice. "I like kissing you."

"I like it, too." They kissed one more time, just for good measure. "Do you need anything?"

"No, that's alright."

"...Nice bandages."

"Thanks. Yours, too." Nathanyel glanced at his arms.

"Thank you."

"I think I read about that. It's used to constrict... Whatever it's on. Are you trying to make your arms smaller?"

"No. They're small enough, already."

"They're rather sexy."

"Nah..." Remus sat up a bit to kiss him again.

"_You're_ sexy."

"So are you." Another kiss.

"Would you lay down with me?"

"Sure." Still trying to keep quiet, Nathanyel pulled off his shoes and socks, setting them neatly beside the bed before climbing under the sheets. "You're so warm."

"Mmm." Remus pulled him close and started playing with his hair; it felt almost as good as when Severus pet him. "Nathanyel?"

"Huhm?"

"Do you like me?"

"Of course I like you. You're my friend." Remus was silent. "Why? You still want to be friends, don't you?"

"Yes, I do. It's just..." He trailed off. "...Never mind. It's not important."

"Are you sure?"

"I'm sure."

"Alright." Sighing, Nathanyel reached up under his shirt, stroking his chest; he absolutely loved all the hair Remus had. "Remus."

"What is it?"

"Hi."

"...Hullo."

---------------

"Page!"

"Ah, if it isn't Lily Evans." Nathanyel turned around to address her. "To what do I owe this pleasure?"

"I need you to do me a favor."

He was intrigued. "Oh? And I thought you hated me."

"Yes, I do, but... You see- it's rather complicated."

"Please, do enlighten me."

"I need... I need to make James Potter jealous."

"Ah, I see. The stirrings of young love."

She blushed slightly. "Shut up already and listen! I need someone to pretend to date me, and... Well, I'm asking you."

"I had deduced that." Nathanyel tilted his head, surveying her thoughtfully. "And why would you choose me for such a task?"

"I need someone that he hates. Someone believable. Someone like you."

"And why would I consent to this?"

"I could pay you."

"How much?"

"Ten galleons sound good?"

"Peanuts." Nathanyel crossed his arms.

"Well, there's also the look on his face when he sees you with me. Assuming he becomes jealous in the first place, that is."

"And this is supposed to suffice?"

"Yes."

"...Very well." He could use a little light-hearted fun, anyway.

"Alright, you'll accompany me to Hogsmeade tomorrow. You will meet me in the entrance hall at promptly seven and we will walk there together."

"I charge extra for snogging."

"Please."

"Though I think I'll be generous and include hand-holding in the initial cost."

"Alright, it's a deal."

"So it is."

------------

"Eh? Is that Page?"

Remus looked up from his butterbeer at what Sirius had said, eyes scanning the crowd of happily chattering students. Nathanyel was cutting a path through them, leading Lily Evans to the bar. They were _holding hands_. "Why's he with Lily?" Remus wondered out loud, hoping that Nathanyel hadn't suddenly developed any sort of curiosity toward the opposite sex.

"What?" James followed his gaze, mouth dropping slightly open at the sight. "Why is _she_ with _him?_ What the hell is going on?"

"It's called dating," Peter replied mildly, taking no interest whatsoever in the situation.

"How can she be dating _him?_ _I'm_ a much better catch!"

"Watch out, or your head might not fit through the door when we leave."

"Shut it, Peter."

"He's got a point," Remus defended, wondering when it was that Peter had stopped being impressed by James and why he hadn't noticed. "Lily can date whoever she wants."

"Not _Page_, though!"

"Why?" Remus tried not to bristle. "What's wrong with him?"

"He's an idiot," Sirius informed him. "And crazy, too."

"Actually, he isn't stupid," Peter replied, surprisingly enough. Remus had to wonder what was going on with him, that he was so... Defiant. "He gives all his old notes to Olivia."

"And you've read them?" Sirius raised his eyebrows.

"She can't read his handwriting, so she made me copy them for her."

"You really _were_ pussy-whipped."

"Minus the pussy."

James was still glaring at Nathanyel and Lily.

"Don't talk like that," Remus muttered, watching them as well. "She's still a person."

"I wonder if Page is getting any," Peter stated mildly.

"Hey!" James had heard _that_, at least. "Don't you talk about Evans like that!"

Remus wasn't in the mood to stay in the conversation; he was going to _kill_ Nathanyel.

"Look at them, getting drinks at the bar. Who does he think he is?"

"Righto," Sirius agreed.

"Someone should put him in his place!"

"I'll do it," Remus growled, standing up from the table and stalking toward the couple before any protests could be raised.

"Hi, Remus!" Lily greeted, immediately catching sight of him.

"Hullo!" Nathanyel chimed in cheerfully, raising a mug of butterbeer to him.

"We need to talk," he replied.

"Right, then," Lily interjected quickly, steering him away by his elbow. Once they were out of earshot of Nathanyel, she sighed and relaxed. "You wanted to talk? Talk to me."

"Alright. What's going on?" Remus crossed his arms, frowning slightly.

"Hm?" Lily looked politely confused. "I'm sorry, but I don't know what you mean."

"I know you fancy James," he replied. "Why are you here with _Nathanyel_, of all people?"

"Is there something wrong with that?" she asked lightly, seemingly unconcerned.

"No, it's just that..." He trailed off, trying to think of a valid response. He wanted to say, "He's mine," but that wouldn't really go over well. "It's just that I don't see why you're out with Nathanyel, when you have feelings for James."

"It's my little secret, I suppose." She smiled over his shoulder, waving at Nathanyel.

"Does he fancy you or something?" Remus grumbled, his jealousy getting the best of him.

"We're on a date, aren't we?"

"It seems that way." Remus was grinding his teeth by then; he was normally very in control of his temper, but he'd been having a bad week and it didn't look like it was getting any better.

"I don't see why you're getting so bent out of shape over it," she replied, raising an eyebrow.

"Has he told you he's been seeing someone else?" Remus finally snapped. He realized even as he was saying it that it had been a mistake.

"He is?" She seemed surprised. "I didn't know. Who is it?"

Remus remained silent, clenching his jaw.

"Oh my God." She leaned to the side, looking at Nathanyel over his shoulder again before returning to their conversation. "_Him_ and _you?_" she whispered incredulously.

"...Yes." The last thing he wanted was pity, and from Lily, of all people.

"I just- that's- are you serious?"

"Do I look like I'm joking?"

"Right." She glanced around again, her brow furrowed. "Listen to me, Remus. This is all an act."

"Well, I- what?" He hadn't been expecting that.

"I'm trying to make James jealous. I asked Page to help me out, and he agreed; for a fee, that is. If I'd known that you were seeing him, I'd have never brought it up."

"Oh. Well. Er." Remus wasn't sure what to say to that. "It's alright. I mean... All for a good cause, eh?"

"Thanks for understanding."

"Right."

"Do you think he'll try anything weird on me?"

"I'd bet my life on it," Remus sighed as Lily made a face. He wished he could see what Nathanyel was doing over at the bar.

"Does he normally get into confrontations with big, burly, intimidating men?"

"No, why- shit." Remus turned around to see Nathanyel apparently ready to fight a man who perfectly matched Lily's description. And people were placing _bets_. "What the hell is he trying to do, kill himself?"

"I'd better go handle it," Lily sighed, rolling up her sleeves and walking over to the scene. Remus followed, hoping for a miracle.

"...I could beat you blindfolded," Nathanyel was insisting calmly to the extremely large man.

"What are you doing?" Lily insisted.

"We're going to arm wrestle," Nathanyel informed her. "Oh, and I'll add her to the pot."

Remus pinched the bridge of his nose in exasperation as Nathanyel pointed to Lily. The large man was eyeing her with a rather interested expression, on top of it.

"It's a deal," he growled. "You lose, your girl's mine."

"Whatever," Nathanyel replied, shrugging nonchalantly.

"Are you out of your mind?" Lily shrilled.

"Did you just bet Evans in an arm wrestling match?" James roared as he pushed his way through the crowd.

"Please," Nathanyel yawned, carefully inspecting his nails. "It's not as if I'm going to _lose_."

Remus felt extremely bad for Lily at that point.

"Of course you're going to lose!" James shouted in his face. "Look at you! You're a scrawny little piece of nothing, and _he's_..." James trailed off as the large man growled at him. "Right. I'll let you two get on with it, then."

"Thank you," Nathanyel replied haughtily, stretching his arms out. "Are you ready, Mr. Smithee?"

The large man grunted and dropped his elbow onto the closest table, beckoning Nathanyel. He obeyed silently, carefully getting himself into the same position at the opposite side of the table.

Remus, due to his overwhelming sense of dread, turned away. He couldn't watch. Even when he heard someone shout the signal to start, and the bar exploded into a bunch of cheers, and Madam Rosmerta was waving her money about in the air, he couldn't look. When he heard the inevitable thump and shout of pain that signaled the large man's victory, he felt sick.

"Holy shit! That scrawny little kid did it!"

He didn't recall the large man being either scrawny or a little kid.

"Page, what the fuck was that?" James sounded rather angry. Perhaps that other person had been mistaken. "How the _hell_ did you win?"

Remus whirled around just in time to see the large man shuffling out the door, carefully nursing his abused right arm, while Nathanyel was bowing to the crowd from atop a table. "...Did I miss something?" Remus asked, feeling a bit dazed.

"He won," Lily informed him, looking the way he felt. "Page _won_. But... How?"

"How did I win, you all ask?" Nathanyel suddenly piped up, apparently soaking up the attention like a sponge. "It was the love that burns deep in my heart for my bird!"

"He has a bird?" Remus muttered.

"Get up here, Lily-pie!"

"Lily-pie?" Remus grumbled.

"Wow, he's pretty good," Lily mused as she was jostled forward and pushed up onto the table. It was at that point that Nathanyel pulled her into a very deep and passionate kiss.

"I'm going to kill him," Remus growled.

The man next to him nudged him. "So you lost a lot of money, too, eh?"

---------------

"We're following them."

Remus looked up from his butterbeer, frowning; he'd been sulking and James was interrupting him.

"You're insane," Peter grumbled.

"It's called being in love," Sirius corrected him, pulling him up. "Now come on. Let's go."

"Are you sure this is a good idea?" Remus asked as he followed them out of the inn. "And I haven't finished my drink, by the way."

"If we don't leave now, we're going to lose them," James insisted, practically jogging down the darkened road.

Remus gritted his teeth as he heard Lily laughing in the distance.

"We're catching up!"

"I don't want to-" Remus paused, his blood boiling as he caught sight of Lily, walking along on Nathanyel's arm and _laughing_ like that, like they were a _couple_.

"What's that sound?" Peter suddenly asked, looking confused.

"It's Remus," Sirius replied, staring at Remus with a strange expression on his face. "Calm down, mate. We can hear your teeth grinding together."

"Sorry," Remus grunted.

"...So what do you say we stop off at that place I mentioned?" Nathanyel's voice drifted over, smooth and charming and completely out of character.

"Sure," Lily agreed readily.

Remus took the lead in their little chase.

"See how enthusiastic he is?" James practically whined. "Why can't you guys get into it like that?"

"Because you're a moron," Sirius jokingly replied.

"Can't argue with that," Peter sighed.

"Hurry up!" Remus hissed.

"See?" James insisted. "Remus feels my pain!"

"Shh!" Remus bit out, stopping them all in their tracks. Nathanyel and Lily had gone down a darkened alleyway and stopped in front of a small door guarded by a rather fearsome looking man. Nathanyel said something to him that Remus couldn't make out, and then he stepped aside to let them in.

"It's a bouncer," Peter clarified for them.

"We know that," Sirius replied, a bit harshly so.

"Looks like we need a password to get in," Remus whispered to them.

"What do you think the password is?" James asked, sounding anxious.

"I don't know. It can't hurt to try, though. Right?"

No one answered him.

"Fine. I'll go by myself." Remus emerged from the corner they'd been hiding behind and made his way down the alley, feeling a bit jumpy. It wasn't long before his friends were following him, though. He stopped in front of the man, gulping nervously.

The man opened his mouth and... Spoke complete gibberish.

"What was that?" James whispered to him.

"Erm..." It seemed like familiar gibberish, though. "Japanese, I think."

The man spoke again, his tone a bit more harsh.

"Er..." What words did he know in Japanese? "Er..." He had to think of something. "Er... Ai shiteru?" He found himself, James, Sirius, and Peter all being dragged down the alley by the man and dumped in the garbage at the corner.

"Merlin, Remus," Sirius griped as he stood up and brushed a rotting banana peel off his shoulder. "What did you _say_ to that guy?"

"It must have been pretty bad," Peter muttered, grimacing at a wet spot of what smelled like rotten milk on his bum.

"Yeah," James agree, spitting and coughing.

"Well..." Remus strained to remember what the phrase meant. "I think..."

They all leaned close, curious to hear.

"...I think... I told him that... I love him."

He didn't appreciate the groans that answered his confession.

---------------

Remus was furious; he was furious about Nathanyel's behavior the previous night, he was furious about being thrown into a pile of garbage, and he absolutely _seething_ about unintentionally telling a large Japanese man that he loved him.

That was why he was stomping across the grounds toward Nathanyel, who was hanging around outside the third greenhouse in a very suspicious manner. "We need to talk!" he commanded as soon as he was within a reasonable distance.

"Eh?" Nathanyel turned around, looking confused.

"Come on." Remus grabbed him and dragged him around to the back of the greenhouse.

"Well, _this_ is rather unexpected," Nathanyel stated blandly as he was being dragged off to his doom. "And sexy."

"Don't give me that crap!" Remus let go of him and crossed his arms, glaring.

"What's the matter?"

"You know what you did last night!" Remus felt for a moment like he was scolding a puppy.

"I do?" Nathanyel tilted his head a bit, looking a bit like a puppy.

"I can't believe you kissed Lily."

"Why not?" Nathanyel asked innocently. "She's paying me, and kissing is extra, so I might as well make it convincing."

"But you _can't_ kiss her!" Remus insisted, frowning.

"Why not?"

"Because... Because... You're mine!"

Nathanyel blinked a few times, looking a bit caught off guard, before a devious grin slowly crept across his face. "I'm _yours?_" he asked quietly, lazily approaching.

"Well... Yes." Remus could feel himself blushing already; he couldn't tell whether Nathanyel was horny or angry, although there didn't seem to be much of a difference, anyway.

"Say it again." Apparently, he was horny.

"Um... You're mine."

"I like that," Nathanyel breathed, pressing up against him. "Are you going to put me in a collar and leash?"

"That's... Rather kinky."

"Only by a Gryffindor's standards," Nathanyel giggled, licking his neck. "Are you going to bend me over your knee and spank me for being such a bad boy?"

"I- um- I don't know," Remus muttered, rather overwhelmed. "I mean, I don't want to hurt you and-"

"You won't," Nathanyel purred, rubbing up against him. "Why don't you dominate me? I love it so much when you get rough."

"Er... Okay."

"Take off your clothes."

"What?"

"_Now_."

Remus hoped, as he was dragged to the ground, that Nathanyel was a "bad boy" much more often.

---------------

"So..." Remus couldn't keep his curiosity suppressed. "How did you beat that big guy in the Three Broomsticks."

"Easy," Nathanyel replied, grinning. "I took off my bandages."

"How did that help?"

"I've just been figuring a few things out, lately," he replied mysteriously. "Anyway, I've got a treat for you."

"Really?" Remus supposed that it couldn't hurt to drop the subject, just for the moment. "What is it?"

"I'm going to take you dancing."

"Huh?" Remus blinked, feeling a bit puzzled.

"Don't worry about it. I've got a place."

"Oh. Alright."

"I wanna put my mouth on your peenie again," Nathanyel suddenly exclaimed, diving on top of him.

Remus wondered if he'd ever truly understand the way Nathanyel's mind worked.

---------------

Nathanyel sat in Transfiguration class, staring at the completely unchanged rabbit on his desk. It would figure, wouldn't it, that he'd have a rabbit for the assignment. He wondered if he could just eat it and lie. Say he made it disappear, or something; at least then it would seem like he had done _something_.

"Do you want some pointers?" Regulus asked. His rabbit had already been neatly transformed into a plate of baklava.

"We were supposed to be turning them into squirrels," Nathanyel pointed out.

"I know, but I was hungry." Regulus took a bite out of it. "Want some?"

"No thanks."

"You sure?"

"No. Tell me something."

"Try jerking your wand a bit at the end, like this." Regulus gave a perfectly calculated demonstration.

"Right." Nathanyel repeated the move, copying it perfectly; however, the only result was a bit of throbbing from his bandaged arm.

"Are you sure you're concentrating hard enough?"

"Yeah."

"Well... I don't know what the problem is, then." Regulus shrugged.

"I just need to practice," Nathanyel insisted, more trying to reassure himself. "Just watch." He waved his wand again, concentrating with all his might, and his arm throbbed again, but nothing else happened.

"What's with the bandages, anyway?" Regulus asked.

"I don't know," Nathanyel replied slowly, staring down at the bandages on his right arms. Perhaps... If he tried... It couldn't hurt to just take one side off, could it?

Very carefully, ignoring whatever it was that Regulus was saying, he unwrapped the bandages from his wand arm. He could see that it was bruised and the vein was protruding so much that it looked ready to burst. It was tingling and itching and he got that tight feeling in his arm like he just need to _move_ it. With a deep breath, he concentrated on the rabbit and swung his wand.

Sitting on the table before him was a politely confused squirrel, lightly spattered with blood. A girl in front of him jumped up and shrieked, causing a general commotion, but... He'd done it. For the first time in years he'd actually _done it_.

"Wow, you really pulled it off!" Regulus exclaimed.

"What the fuck is up with that arm?" Mundungus questioned, taking interest in their conversation for the first time.

"Ew, you're right," Regulus agreed. "It's bleeding all over."

"But I did it!" Nathanyel exclaimed, staring down at his squirrel. "...But why isn't it moving?"

"Page... Your squirrel's dead."

"Mr. Page?" Professor McGonagall had gotten up to their table, looking rather put off. "What's going on?"

"My squirrel died," Nathanyel muttered, disappointed. "Will I get points off?"

She blinked. "You mean you actually managed to transfigure it?"

---------------

"I heard you finally did something right," Severus said as he caught up to Nathanyel in the hallway.

"Yeah, I transfigured a rabbit into a squirrel!" he replied excitedly, apparently unfazed by Severus' healthy skepticism.

"I see." Severus highly doubted that Nathanyel would suddenly be able to pull off a perfect transfiguration, for no apparent reason. There must have been some sort of catalyst, something to help him. "A perfect transfiguration."

"Yup," Nathanyel hummed proudly.

"And nothing went wrong?" Severus raised an eyebrow when Nathanyel turned a little pink. "Nothing at all?"

"Well... There was this one thing..."

"Go on," Severus replied, crossing his arms.

"It died."

"It died?" he repeated, puzzled. "How?"

"I don't know," Nathanyel replied casually, although Severus could tell from his demeanor that he was hiding something.

"You don't know, huh?" he prodded suspiciously.

"Nope." Nathanyel shrugged. "It just keeled over."

"That's awfully strange."

"Yup."

"So, you didn't do anything... Unusual... To it?"

"Don't make me kiss you again," Nathanyel suddenly threatened narrowing his eyes.

Severus backed up a little, put off. "Fine. Sorry."

"Apology accepted." Nathanyel fished around in his pocket for a bit before pulling out a box of those disgusting muggle things- cigarettes- and lighting one up. "Want one?"

"Ew. No." Severus grimaced at it. "How can you put those things in your mouth, anyway?"

Nathanyel shrugged.

"You're just gross all around, I guess," he sighed.

"I guess."

"...So." Severus glanced over at him again, wondering if maybe he could prod some information out of him. "About this person you keep disappearing with-"

"Hold on a second, I think I see the Bloody Baron." With that, Nathanyel ran off in pursuit of the Bloody Baron, trying to pass through him. "Come back, Mr. Baron!"

Severus let out a frustrated sigh and pinched the bridge of his nose.

---------------

"Hi, Nathanyel," Remus greeted, shutting the door behind him.

"Hi." Nathanyel had been thinking a lot about new things to try with Remus, and he'd recently come up with something phenomenal. That was why he'd invited Remus to meet him in their usual empty classroom.

"So... What did you want to talk about?"

It was time to reveal his marvelous plan. "You want to be a teacher, right?" He grinned.

"Yes," Remus replied, blinking in slight confusion.

"So..." Nathanyel sauntered up to him and twirled his tie around his hand. "Maybe I should call you 'Professor.'"

"Er..." Remus was blushing rather brightly. "That sounds... Erm..."

"I'll bet you'd like that. I'll bet you'd love to see me all dressed up like a little schoolgirl."

Remus gulped.

"Oh, Professor," Nathanyel gasped, pressing himself against Remus and gyrating his hips. "I've been so bad... Won't you please give me detention?" He slid a thigh between Remus' legs and began rubbing.

"Oh... Christ..." Remus grabbed him by the collar and pulled downard. "Detention," he muttered. "Ten points from Slytherin."

Nathanyel sank to his knees and nuzzled Remus' crotch, grinning to himself.

He really was a genius.

---------------

"Olivia!" Nathanyel jogged up to her, happy to have caught her between classes.

"What is it?" she snapped. "I'm in a hurry."

"I need to borrow one of your school skirts." She stared at him for a bit after he said that.

"Why?"

"It's for Remus."

"Don't you have one?"

"I ruined it."

"Oh, for the love of..." She crossed her arms, rolling her eyes. "Fine. But don't give it back."

"Thank you! I love you!"

"Don't touch me, you freak!" She planted a right hook on his jaw before running off to whatever class she had next.

Nathanyel was very grateful for her generosity. However, he was not at all grateful for the trip he then needed to take to the infirmary.

---------------

"Hey, Nathanyel!" Severus could feel the frown spreading across his face as he stopped Nathanyel from running through the common room exit.

"Yeah?" Nathanyel backpedalled a little bit and walked up to his chair, staring down at him.

Severus could feel his jaw twitching. "What are you wearing?"

"A tiny little skirt," Nathanyel replied proudly, and began posing as if to show it off. "I know how much you like them."

"Shut up!" he growled, blushing. He hated it when Nathanyel acted like such a poof.

"I look good, right?"

"No you don't! You look-"

A loud whistle interrupted him. "Looking good, Page!" Mundungus Fletcher called across the room.

Severus slid down in his chair as he felt several pairs of eyes turn toward them.

"Wow, nice arse!" Regulus Black added.

Nathanyel bowed and giggled as the common room began to fill with cat calls.

When one boy insisted that Nathanyel "show him a good time," Severus got fed up.

"Just get the hell out of here!" he growled, looking away as Nathanyel flashed the entire common room. "You're fucking embarrassing!"

"Fine," Nathanyel replied, sauntering away.

Severus knew that he was never going to live this down.

---------------

"H-hey, Remus?"

"It's Professor Lupin."

"P-Professor?"

"Yes?" Remus licked his lips, grinning.

"Are you... Licking my asshole?"

"Yes. Would you like me to stop?"

"...No."

Nathanyel once again congratulated himself; the skirt was a fucking fantastic idea.

---------------

"What were you wearing that thing for, anyway?"

Nathanyel grunted; he'd only just changed out of the skirt, mostly because it was _very_ stained, at least for the moment, and had collapsed on his bed, useless. Useless, spent, and utterly content.

"That's not a real answer." And Severus had come in to bother him.

"Fuck me," Nathanyel moaned, arching his back.

"That's not going to work," Severus snapped, hitting him. "I'm not leaving."

It was worth a try, at least. He had hoped that if it didn't work, he'd at least get what he'd asked for.

"What was the skirt for?"

"My booty call has a fetish," he finally answered, pulling his shirt off. Why was the dormitory so hot, anyway?

"Do you have to strip in front of me?" Severus complained.

"Come here," Nathanyel grunted; he was starting to feel fed up.

"Why?" Severus asked cautiously, although he slid up next to Nathanyel, anyway.

"You'll see," Nathanyel muttered, blinking hard a few times to keep him focused. "Just sit still." He reached out and patted Severus' chest.

"What the hell are you doing?"

"You'll _see_." Nathanyel kept patting, feeling around until he found the exact position of Severus' nipples. Then, he withdrew his hands.

"Are you done?"

"No." Nathanyel reached out with both hands, found his nipples, and squeezed.

With a yelp, Severus jumped back, blushing. "What the fuck are you doing?"

Nathanyel grinned, chuckling a bit. "Instant erection," he replied, eyeing the bulge in Severus' trousers.

"_Fuck you!_" Severus stormed out of the room, fuming.

---------------

Severus had been gone for over half an hour, leaving Nathanyel to relax in solitude. However, he couldn't seem to fall asleep, no matter how groggy he'd been feeling. In the boredom that resulted from trying to fall asleep and failing, his thoughts had turned to Remus. He was thinking of all the little things about him, like the way his nose twitched when he smelled something good, or how he squinted when he laughed, or when he smiled and sighed after... Finishing.

Nathanyel wondered when they'd meet up again; he tried to remember if they'd scheduled anything. That was when he realized that he had to give Remus his painkillers in two nights.

He felt a guilty pang in his chest; he'd meant well in the beginning, he really had. But now... Things had gotten out of hand. He'd known for a while that they had. Remus was looking paler, more tired, lately, and he knew why. But Severus said that the ingredients he'd added weren't all that bad.

Perhaps he'd lied.

Remus had coughed up blood, after all. He'd been in the infirmary, even. And still Nathanyel kept selling that stuff to him.

He wiped his eyes with his sheets; he wanted to _help_ Remus.

And that was what he was going to do.

---------------

Remus was sitting in the empty classroom where he was supposed to meet Nathanyel, waiting patiently; it was the night Nathanyel was going to give him his painkillers, and he was an hour late. Remus didn't blame him; he must have had something important come up.

Still, the minutes ticked by like hours, and he found himself getting more anxious as time went on. The stuff was only supposed to help his transformations, but he really _liked_ it. A lot. He thought that maybe he might be getting a bit of an addiction, but it was for a good cause, wasn't it? Besides, it wasn't as if it was _hurting_ him or anything.

He was just starting to give up hope that he would get his dose when Nathanyel strode through the door, smoking. "That's bad for you," he pointed out playfully.

Nathanyel glared at him.

"Um... So. I have... Er..." Remus held up his money bag.

"Shut up."

_That_ certainly startled him.

"Put your money back." Nathanyel was in front of him before he could blink, dropping ashes on him in a rather menacing fashion.

"Why?"

"I'm not selling you anything anymore," he clarified.

"What? You- you can't do that! What is Severus saying, now?"

"Nothing." Nathanyel inhaled sharply, burning up a good portion of his cigarette. "It's my decision entirely."

"What are you talking about?" Remus was starting to get a little annoyed.

"Get up."

"But you-"

"Get up." Nathanyel leaned down and blew smoke in his face. "Or else."

Remus scrambled to his feet, confused and more than a little angry. "Have you gone mad?"

Nathanyel backhanded him. "Calm down."

"I _am_ calm! You're the one who just hit me! What the hell-"

Nathanyel effectively cut him off by slamming him against the wall and holding the lit cigarette far too close to his face for comfort. "It's called tough love."

"In what way is this loving?"

"You've got two choices." Nathanyel looked awfully demonic, with smoke billowing around him like that. "You could either go to the infirmary where Madam Pomfrey is waiting to treat you, or..."

"Or?"

"Or I can blind you."

"_What?_"

"Don't think I won't."

"What is _wrong_ with you?" Remus shrieked, struggling. Really, this could _not_ be happening- Nathanyel was going to _blind_ him?

"What's wrong with _you_ is more the issue."

"There's nothing wrong with me!" Remus insisted, wanting more and more every second to just lash out.

"You're a drug addict."

"I am _not!_ They're just the painkillers you made for me!" Remus felt rather justified in his anger, but once he got a good look at Nathanyel's face, the more dominant emotion became dread. "Just painkillers... Right?"

Nathanyel let him go and backed away, refusing to meet his eye. "Sorry."

"What do you mean, 'sorry?'"

"The stuff I've been selling you's been laced for a pretty long time." Nathanyel shrugged, almost as if to just write it off. "I mean... It's easier to get addicted that way. Then we make more money. You know?"

Remus punched him. "You're a fucking bastard!" He didn't even care if anyone heard him. "Did _you_ know _that?_"

"Yeah." Nathanyel dropped his cigarette and ground it out under his shoe. He didn't even seem perturbed by the punch to his jaw. "I already informed Madam Pomfrey of the situation, so... You want to go, or not?"

"Well... You can't exactly blind me anymore, not with your cigarette ground out."

"I never said I was going to use _that_." Nathanyel leveled an even, apathetic gaze at him. "Well? Are you going to let me take you down there? It _is_ for your own good."

"Since when are you the ultimate authority on what's good for me?" Remus insisted, still outraged at the entire situation.

"Well... Most people _do_ know that drugs aren't so good for you."

"You don't have to threaten to blind me over it, though!"

"Yes I do."

"Why?"

"Because it's tough love."

Remus was ready to scream. In fact, he did.

"It _is_ rather tough," Nathanyel agreed.

"Why do you need tough love? Is there even a _point?_"

"Well, yeah. If I don't act like a bastard, then I'll probably cry or something, and I'm supposed to be _helping_ you, not ruining your robes. Anyway, let's go before I really _do_ blind you."

"And how were you planning to blind me?" Remus asked wearily as he followed Nathanyel out of the room, wondering how he let himself even get into these situations.

"Isn't it obvious?" Nathanyel asked casually, glancing back at him.

"No."

"Oh, come on. I'm sure you could at least _guess_. I haven't got any weapons on me, so it should be pretty easy."

"I _thought_ you were going to use the cigarette."

"Try again." Nathanyel acted as if it was some sort of weird game.

"Um... With a spell?" Remus threw out, knowing that the only way Nathanyel could possibly blind anyone with a wand (intentionally, at least) would be by poking his eyes out.

"_No_," Nathanyel snorted, apparently amused. "I can't believe you can't get this."

"Well, then, _tell me_."

"I was going to tear your eyeballs out of your head with my bare hands! Duh!"

"...What?" Remus found himself stumbling an awful lot.

"Oh, please, like it's really _that_ surprising. How else would I blind you?"

"In some less gruesome and cruel manner?" Remus suggested.

"Nah. And it's a surprisingly quick-"

"Stop right there. We're going to the infirmary, so you don't have to tell me any more." Remus thought he might be nauseous.

"Alright. Oh, and Remus?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm glad you're doing this."

Remus thought that he must be an idiot for swooning at a time like this.

---------------

Remus woke up a week later from a very deep sleep; he'd been sedated for most of his stay in the infirmary. Madam Pomfrey had been giving him a potion to speed up the entire process of... Well, hell, he would call it. In any case, it intensified the effects of withdrawal, which meant that he spent most of the time that he wasn't passed out vomiting and generally feeling like Satan had just taken a huge shit on top of him.

On the bright side, he was constantly getting visitors. The fact that he had vomited on several of them didn't seem to deter them, either. His earliest visitor was always Sirius, because he had the least classes. Then Peter joined them, and soon after him came James. Lily came along rather frequently, too, or so he'd heard, although never regularly. Even _Olivia_ had visited, and apparently fancied him on top of that, which was indeed very strange. However, he was rarely awake for the visits, and was later informed by Madam Pomfrey as she shook her head and complained about the lack of concern for a patient's privacy. Still, when he _was_ awake, they all made him feel better.

He hadn't seen Nathanyel once, though. At first, he'd thought that Nathanyel wasn't visiting him and that they'd probably never speak again. However, upon asking Madam Pomfrey about him, Remus found out that he'd been visiting as well, but only in the early mornings and nights. Unfortunately, due to the sedatives, Remus had no way of keeping himself awake for the visits. He wanted the kind of company that only Nathanyel could offer him... Not exactly sexual, it was just that... Nathanyel was so _intimate_, in a way. Like family, almost. Even like... They were married.

"Hey, check out this trick I picked up from McGonagall," James announced proudly; he and Lily were visiting at the moment, and had been at his side for a good hour.

"Don't you even think about it," Lily reprimanded sternly. "This is an _infirmary_, with sick people, including your friend! You could hurt someone."

"Aw, there's nothing to worry about," James tried to reassure her.

"_No_." Lily crossed her arms, glaring.

"...Alright," James sighed, giving in.

Remus watched the exchange in silence, thankful that Madam Pomfrey had given him medicine to help him with his nausea. He hadn't been able to eat much because of it, so she was trying to remedy that at the moment. Speaking of whom...

"Alright, everybody out," she announced.

"But we've only been here an hour," James practically whined.

"An hour is plenty long enough," Madam Pomfrey informed him. "Now, the both of you need to leave and let the poor boy rest."

"She's right," Remus spoke up, before any more protests could be raised. "Although, I'd like to have a word with you in private, Lily." He caught the suspicious look that James was giving him out of the corner of his eye and cleared his throat. "Official prefect business and all." He really just wanted to ask about Nathanyel, though.

"Well, go ahead," Lily prompted as soon as James had left.

"Er... It's really not prefect business," Remus clarified.

"I'd suspected as much."

"It's more about... Nathanyel. I figured I'd ask you, since you're the only one who's on fairly good terms with him."

"Why don't you ask his cousin? She visits you."

"She doesn't really _speak_ to me. I woke up when she was there once and she sort of threatened me, but in a 'get well' card kind of way... And... Well, it was just weird. And I've heard she _fancies_ me."

"Really? I'd had no idea."

"Madam Pomfrey likes to gossip."

"Aha. That explains a lot."

"Yes. Anyway, about Nathanyel..." Remus gave Lily his best puppy dog eyes, hoping that it was enough to get something out of her.

"Well, I _did_ see him sneaking in here once, while you were alseep." She seemed contemplative.

"And?"

"And... I don't know. He held your hand."

"That's helpful."

"What do you want from me, the guy's life story?" She crossed her arms glaring at him. "If he wants to talk to you, then he will. I don't see why you even want him to, though- he's the whole reason you're in here!"

"So I guess this means you're not on such good terms with Nathanyel anymore?" Remus ventured.

"Of course not! He could have killed you with that stuff he was giving you!"

"Do you have any idea what was in it? Because no one else will tell me."

"I'd heard there was some kind of hallucinogenic in there, and a lot of experimental drugs. I mean, half the school's a bunch of damn guinea pigs to those two idiots, and no one's doing anything about it! It pisses me off!"

"Give them a break," Remus sighed, pulling his bedspread up his chest a bit further. "They aren't really bad people, just... Misguided."

"You're too optimistic for your own good," Lily grumbled. "Just because someone's cute or nice to you doesn't mean he's a good person."

"You think Nathanyel's cute?"

"No!"

"You _did_ date him."

"That was a complete sham!"

"That's rather hurtful." Nathanyel pulled the privacy curtain around Remus' bed aside, carefully stepping in.

Remus found himself holding his breath, and immediately willed himself to calm down.

"Our relationship meant a lot to me," Nathanyel went on, pulling up a chair and putting on a dramatic pout. "You were my first girlfriend. If it wasn't for you, I wouldn't know anything about the birds and the bees."

"You seem to like sticking with the bees just fine," Lily shot back. "I don't see why you're so upset over the birds."

"And here I thought you liked me," he sighed, slumping in his chair. "This is awfully bad news."

"I don't associate with immoral bastards who prey on their own friends," Lily replied stiffly, almost jumping out of her chair. "Anyway, I have to go." With that, she stomped out of the hospital wing.

"She's wound rather tight," Nathanyel pointed out.

"I suppose," Remus muttered. "She's just angry about the whole drug thing."

"Yeah... She should be, but... You should be, too. Are you?" Nathanyel wasn't looking him in the eye.

"Yeah." Remus didn't see a reason for him not to be angry.

"It's understandable. I _am_ a complete shit, after all."

"True," he agreed.

"Are you planning on forgiving me anytime soon?"

"Of course." Remus didn't try to sit up, but he held out his hand and waited until Nathanyel took it. "We're... Friends. Right?"

"Right." Nathanyel seemed relieved. "You smell, by the way."

"I've been vomiting a lot."

"Ew." Nathanyel wrinkled his nose, then leaned down and kissed him (which made absolutely no sense, by the way.) "Only a true friend would kiss you on the mouth after you've been vomiting," he clarified.

"A true friend would use tongue," Remus suggested hopefully.

"I suppose I owe it to you," Nathanyel sighed. "Although, that _would_ be really gross."

"You don't actually have to."

"Phew." Nathanyel leaned back, stretching his legs. "So how much longer are you in here?"

"Just another week," Remus sighed. "Do you promise to visit me when I'm actually conscious more often?"

"I thought you wouldn't want to see me."

"That's not true."

"Good, because it's not true for me, either."

"...Yeah. Good." Remus wondered if the way Nathanyel looked at him would ever fail to give him butterflies in his stomach. It normally didn't make him projectile vomit, at least.

Still... Nathanyel deserved it.

---------------

Remus sighed, leaning back against the tree that he was sitting under with Nathanyel; he'd only been out of the hospital wing for two days, and things were already getting back to normal. In fact, Nathanyel's birthday was the upcoming Saturday.

"What do you want for your birthday, Nathanyel?" he asked, after wracking his brain for a decent idea.

"You shouldn't get me anything," Nathanyel dismissed immediately.

"No, I want to."

"Well... In that case... I want to be pampered."

"Pampered?" Remus raised his eyebrows.

"Yeah. But don't worry about it."

"No, no! I could- er- do that." He paused, waiting for Nathanyel to give him the details. "Er... How do you want to be pampered, exactly?"

"Take me out on a date."

Remus could feel the blood rushing up to his face. "A date?" he practically squeaked.

"Yeah. My first real date."

"Um... O-okay."

"I want to spend my birthday money and go out to dinner and then you can give me a kiss goodnight."

"Just a kiss?"

"Ladies don't put out on a first date."

---------------

"So what do you want to do for your birthday?" Severus was checking the ledger over, while Nathanyel... Laid about and did nothing.

"Eh," Nathanyel replied.

"Eh? What the hell kind of answer is that?"

"The 'eh' kind."

Severus decided to convey his annoyance through a snort.

"Well... We can do something in the morning, I guess."

"Why the morning?" Severus growled, glaring; Nathanyel was _not_ blowing him off.

"I have an afternoon engagement." Nathanyel _was_ blowing him off.

"With whom?" He could feel his hackles rising, although he wasn't _jealous_; he was just angry that Nathanyel hadn't mentioned anything sooner.

"No one important," Nathanyel replied, humming; he'd been doing that an awful lot, lately- hanging around and doing nothing, with a goofy look on his face, humming things. It was disgusting and irritating and Severus _hated_ it.

"You mean the floozy you've been sneaking off with almost every night?" Severus grumbled, glaring.

"Yup."

"...Fuck you." Severus slammed the ledger close and stormed out of the room, ignoring Nathanyel's puzzled stare.

He was _not_ jealous.

---------------

"Lily!" Nathanyel waved to her and approached, grinning. The more he got to know Lily, the more he liked her; in fact, he'd recently come to the conclusion that she was probably what the perfect woman would be like.

"What the hell do you want?"

He loved a woman with a proper temper. "I just wanted to know how things were going with your acquisition of the Moron." It was their code name for James Potter.

"We have a date," she replied, glaring at him. "Your services are no longer needed."

"Well, congratulations!"

She was still glaring at him.

"Er... What is it?"

"I don't like you," she replied, rather unnecessarily.

"I know," Nathanyel informed her, grinning; he knew she had a soft spot for him. She had to. He _was_ awfully cute, after all. "Anyway... Good luck."

"Thanks." She sounded sincere. "And... Well, it was pretty decent of you to... You know, with Remus."

"I'm glad you think so."

"Right. Well... I have to go."

"Until we meet again," Nathanyel replied, taking her hand and kissing it.

"Weirdo," she muttered as she walked away.

Nathanyel decided that when he got married, he wanted his wife to be a strong woman like Lily. Although, he preferred brunettes.

---------------

"Happy Birthday," Severus grumbled, shoving his gift into Nathanyel's face.

"For me?" Nathanyel gasped dramatically, admiring the package. "It's just too much!"

"Open the damn thing, already," Severus growled, resisting the urge to hit him. It was his birthday, after all.

"Oh, right." Nathanyel tore through the packaging, making a complete mess of it, then let out a noise that sounded kind of like a dying cat and hugged the vibrator close to him. "OHMYGODIT'STHEBESTPRESENTEVER!" he shrieked.

Severus blushed, the embarrassment of actually buying the thing washing over him once more. "Whatever," he grumbled.

"I have a question, though," Nathanyel stated, calming down considerably.

"What?" Severus thought he might sink into the ground and die if Nathanyel didn't put the damn thing away.

"What am I supposed to use a clitoris stimulator for?"

To hell with birthdays; Severus smacked him, anyway.

---------------

"This was the best birthday ever," Nathanyel sighed, leaning his head on Remus' shoulder.

"Yeah?" Remus put an arm around his shoulders, thinking that it was the best _day_ ever.

"Remus?"

"Yeah?"

"Would you... I don't know... Say stuff to me?"

"What do you mean?" Remus shifted a bit closer to Nathanyel and kissed his temple.

"You know. Sweet talk." He grabbed Remus' hand and squeezed it. "Please?"

"You're lovely, you know that?"

"Perfect," Nathanyel hummed. "That's just right."

"You're beautiful," Remus murmured in his ear. "Beautiful and sweet and wonderful. I want to just stay like this forever."

"Me too," Nathanyel replied, pressing against him. "I wish we were married."

Remus blushed. "Why? Are you in love with me?"

"Hold me," he replied. "Closer."

Remus kissed him on the forehead. "You're all mine. My sweetheart. Right?"

"Right."

Remus held him as close as he could, content to stay the way they were. It just felt right.

---------------

Nathanyel sighed as he held Remus' hand while they walked down the hallway. It had definitely been his best birthday ever. He didn't want it to end, and he most certainly didn't want Remus to leave. "Hold on." They had reached the stairwell where they had to go their separate ways.

"Yeah?"

"I need to kiss you goodbye."

"Alright." Remus was grinning.

Nathanyel threw his arms around Remus' shoulders and gave him a peck on the lips. "Goodbye."

"Bye," Remus replied, the corner of his mouth turning up in a small smile. He stepped back to leave, but Nathanyel stopped him.

"I'm not done!"

"You're not?"

"Nope." Nathnayel gave him another kiss.

"Now?"

"No." Nathanyel kissed him again, and again. He wasn't sure when it turned into a snogging session, but he was rather enjoying himself.

"Who's down there?"

They broke apart just in time to get caught by Filch. Nathanyel wasn't sure if he'd seen anything, but his eyes seemed to be bulging more than usual. Remus gulped, turning slightly red.

"Turn out your pockets," Filch growled.

Nathanyel sighed as he handed over some lip gloss and an exploding galleon. Remus, meanwhile, only had a few chocolates and a blank piece of parchment.

"Hmm." Filch was closely inspecting the parchment, his lips pursed.

"It's just some spare parchment," Remus informed him, a bit too quickly to be innocent.

"To my office," Filch growled, apparently picking up on the same thing. Or maybe it was just about the exploding galleon.

Nathanyel could see the whole way down that Remus was hopelessly nervous; he kept twitching and looking at the floor. He could feel an idea popping up in his head, the kind that would cause some trouble.

"I'm so dead," Remus whispered as they entered Filch's office and sat down in front of his desk. He was watching with an expression that looked like horror on his face as Filch stashed the blank parchment and the other trinkets they'd been carrying in his cabinet and locked it.

"You kids will never learn," he began, and Nathanyel stopped listening, because he knew it would be some long-winded speech about "proper" punishments.

Instead, Nathanyel acted on the rather naughty idea that he'd gotten into his head. As soon as Filch turned around to admire the painting of the old geezer behind his desk, Nathanyel placed a hand on top of Remus' knee.

"...Keep my shackles right where I can reach..." Filch was saying as Nathanyel slid his hand up Remus' thigh.

"Stop that," Remus hissed, his eyes locked on the oblivious Filch.

Nathanyel leaned over and began to nibble on his ear. "He won't notice," he muttered.

Suddenly, a loud crash and some insane cackling interrupted Filch's long-winded speech, and Nathanyel broke away from Remus just in time.

"Peeves," Filch growled, sweeping out of the doorway without another word, Mrs. Norris at his heels.

"Well, that was close," Nathanyel sighed as soon as he was out the door. "Let's get out of here before we get into some real trouble."

"But when he comes back-"

"He probably won't even remember us," Nathanyel dismissed, yanking Remus out of his chair and leading him into the nearest secret passage. "I'm not going to let that old sac ruin my best birthday ever." He pulled Remus closer, kissing him.

---------------

"What is _this?_" Nathanyel didn't even bother to look up from his book at the sound of Severus' voice.

"Probably nothing of any particular importance." He was glad the dormitory was empty, since it seemed as if Severus was on the verge of a temper tantrum.

"Really? Because it _looks_ like a note from _Lupin_ telling you to meet him in the west tower for a quick snog!"

It took Nathanyel a moment to absorb what had just been said, at which time his insides immediately froze. "Wait... What?" He set down his book, staring up at Severus.

"I found it in my potions book that you borrowed. Are you fucking Lupin? No, wait- is _he_ fucking _you?_" Nathanyel narrowed his eyes, shock giving way to indignant anger. It was his business what he did, really. Severus had no right to be outraged by the idea.

"So what if he is? Are you _jealous?_"

"My _God!_ I can't believe you let a _werewolf_ fuck you!"

"Shut it! I never said we did it!" It seemed rather important to let Severus know that they hadn't gone quite that far yet. "But anyway, what's it to you if we shared a few quick snogs, or if I sucked him off once or twice?"

"Oh, gross!"

"And he sucked me off right back!"

"I don't want to hear this!"

"Then don't fucking ask!"

"Then maybe I fucking _won't!_" They glared at each other.

"Remus and I will do as we please, at our own discretion," Nathanyel stated evenly. "End of discussion."

"...What?" Severus was slowly turning red. "No! _No!_ _Not_ end of discussion! You can't just go running around with some flea-bitten mutt of a Gryffindor! You'll get diseases! What if he bites you? Besides, Lupin's such a fucking _git_-"

"Stop! Don't say things like that!"

"Well it's fucking true!"

"No it isn't!" Nathanyel stood up, glaring at Severus. "You're just paranoid and jealous and sexually repressed!"

"What? Since when?"

"Since always! You can't fucking wank without a sheet covering yourself!"

"I told you that in confidence!"

"Don't forget you were half-drunk!"

"At least I don't get off from my cousin's used dildo!"

"Just shut the fuck up already! Fuck off! I _knew_ you would do this, I _knew_ it!"

"Well, la-dee-fucking-da! _Fine!_ I'll leave you and Lupin to fuck all the fuck you fucking want you cock-loving piece of sodding shit!"

"Fine!"

"You stupid fucking poofter! Your voice makes me nauseous; I feel like vomiting just being _near_ you! I hope I never fucking see you _again!_"

"_Good!_"

"GOOD!" Severus slammed the door behind him.

Nathanyel ran to the bathroom before he was sick all over the floor.

---------------

"Remus! Remus!" Nathanyel caught up to him and grabbed his hand. "I've got something to talk to you about." Remus turned around to stare at him, a deep blush creeping up his face. "...Is there something wrong?"

"Er... My hand..." The other Gryffindors had stopped as well, and were glaring at him.

"It's very soft today," Nathanyel complimented, kissing him.

"N-Nathanyel-"

"Come with me." He led Remus off, ignoring any protests that were raised.

"What was that?" Remus seemed a bit put off.

"It was a public display of affection," Nathanyel replied casually.

"But- right in front of- and-"

"Would you have preferred a firm slap on the rear?" He took the time to listen to their erratic footsteps echoing through the hall.

"...So what happened?"

"Hold on." Nathanyel stopped at the last door in the deserted corridor and checked inside, then pulled Remus into the empty classroom and kissed him. Hard.

"Mmph!" Remus pushed him away. "I thought you wanted to talk?"

"I did. I do. Severus and I are fighting." Nathanyel kissed him again, pressing as close to him as possible; he found himself pushed away once more.

"Wait- what? So then why are you attacking me?"

"I'm not attacking you. I'm snogging you."

"But- didn't you want to talk about it?"

"I want to snog you, too."

"Well, pick one!" Nathanyel backed up a bit and thought for a moment of the pros and the cons of each choice.

"I choose the snogging." He moved in again.

"Wait!" Then he paused. "Isn't there something wrong?"

"Yes."

"And you don't want to talk about it?"

"I thought the snogging would be more advantageous."

"...I need to get to class."

"But-"

"Goodbye, Nathanyel." Remus left. Just like that.

Nathanyel was not happy.

---------------

"What were you doing kissing Page?"

Remus winced at Sirius' harsh greeting; he knew that half the corridor had seen, and he could hear the other students twittering behind his back as he hurried through the common room.

"Are you going to answer?" James asked, sounding just as pissed off.

"Look," Remus suddenly grumbled, building up his nerve, "I don't know where that came from." If there was one thing that Remus could do well, it was to lie. "He just kissed me, out of nowhere. He fancies me, you know. He's just a weirdo, anyway, right?"

"I thought you were friends with him," Peter replied, still sounding a bit suspicious.

"Yeah," Remus shot back immediately, "but that doesn't mean he isn't weird."

"What a little nutter," Sirius agreed, crossing his arms. "Can you believe he did that?"

"Yeah," James agreed, apparently believing the lie as well. "You want us to beat him up?"

"Nah." Remus could feel relief washing over him; the rumors would stop soon enough, of course. Everyone always listened to James and Sirius. "He's just one of those socially inept people. I feel kind of bad for him, you know?"

James and Sirius both voiced their agreement; Peter only nodded.

"I let him down pretty easily, though," Remus went on, his confidence growing as they climbed up to the dorm room. "I'll tell you all about it..."

He wondered if he wasn't getting a little carried away.

---------------

"You are absolutely-"

"Shut it!" Nathanyel wailed. The last thing he needed at the moment was _Him_ waxing philosophical about the ways of the warrior. He'd been crying into his pillow, hoping desperately to accidentally smother himself, and didn't fancy being interrupted. Especially since it had been a while since he'd cried, and he felt like a right pansy doing so.

"Aha! I _knew_ something was up!" The bedcurtain was thrown aside to reveal Regulus standing over him with a triumphant glint in his eye.

"Go. Away." Nathanyel wiped his face, pulling it away from the pillow enough to scowl.

"What are you crying for? What made you lose that new tough-guy disposition of yours, eh? Was it a mean, nasty Gryffindor?"

"Go fuck yourself!"

"I'm afraid the position has already been filled."

Nathanyel sniffed loudly before replying. "Speaking of whom, where is Mundungus?"

"Dung's out closing a deal. So, seeing as my endless source of juicy gossip is currently missing, why don't you indulge me?"

"I hate indulging the whims of others." Nathanyel hugged his pillow tighter to himself, pretending that it wasn't slimy and sopping wet.

"Won't you make an exception for your beloved roommate?"

"_Fuck off_."

Regulus rolled his eyes. "You really know how to ruin a good mood, don't you?"

Nathanyel chose not to reply.

"Oi! Reg!" Mundungus burst through the door. "I just heard Page kissed Lupin in the- oh, hello, Page."

"Go fuck each other!" Nathanyel covered his face tightly with the pillow and screamed into it.

"You fancy _Lupin?_" Regulus gasped dramatically.

"Really, of all people..." Mundungus added.

"I do _not_ fancy him!" Nathanyel growled into his pillow.

"What, then?" Regulus prodded curiously.

"I... We had something going. And Severus found out. We had a huge row, and he said he never wanted to see me again and that the sound of my voice made him nauseous."

"I couldn't describe the feeling of being near you better myself," Mundungus commented lightly.

Nathanyel ignored him. "Then I figured he'd tell everyone, just out of spite- so it was no big deal- and I kissed- but he- and then- I tried- and-" Nathanyel cut himself off, falling silent with the effort of trying not to sob.

"Hmmm... Absolutely fascinating. Go on." Regulus had perched carefully beside him on the bed, while Mundungus occupied the entire right half.

"Yeah, go on," he agreed. "I've got nothing better to do." Nathanyel took a moment to calm down before he spoke again.

"I only have two friends. And neither of them ever want to see me again. Ever. Forever."

"On the bright side, they don't have to be around you anymore," Mundungus offered.

"Oh, how absolutely cruel," Regulus admonished fondly.

"Will the both of you leave me alone, now?" He'd rather be alone with _Him_ than _them_.

"No, no- we need to offer comfort and psychological evaluation," Regulus informed him, sounding far too excited.

"Since when are you interested in my life?"

"Since I finished all my homework for the week and the gossip well dried up. You're our only source of amusement, Page."

"I think there's at least _one_ other thing that amuses _me_," Mundungus rejoined suggestively.

"Oh, you're naughty."

"You know I am, baby."

"You dirty little bitch."

"I'll fuck you right here."

"You wouldn't!"

"I know you want it."

"Oh, my-"

"_Get the fuck away from me!_" Nathanyel nearly screamed, whipping the pillow off his face and tossing it wherever his instincts told him.

"That was _quite_ unnecessary," Regulus sniffed, picking feathers out of his hair. "Just because _you_ aren't getting laid-"

"I just want to be left alone!"

"How utterly ridiculous. If you wanted to be left alone, you wouldn't be sobbing into a pillow like a little girl on her first period. Isn't that right, Dung?"

"Absolutely."

"So, what would you prescribe?"

"A threesome."

"You're awful!"

"And you're up for it."

"Don't you know it."

"How about it, Page?"

"No thanks," Nathanyel groaned.

"Maybe Severus wants a threesome," Regulus speculated.

"Obviously not, if he's so jealous," Mundungus snorted.

"Lupin could want a threesome."

"Doubtful. He's too straight-laced."

"Maybe Page wants a threesome with Severus and Lupin."

"I wouldn't mind it," Nathanyel interjected.

"Ha! You see?"

"He's just humoring you, you daft cow." Mundungus rolled his eyes.

"What? How dare you!" Regulus crossed his arms, looking rather offended.

"You dirty little slut."

"I most certainly am _not!_"

"You want my cock in your mouth, don't you?"

"Oh! Don't get fresh with me in public!"

"This isn't public, it's a bedroom, and beds are made for fucking."

"Such awful language for such an upstanding young man."

"You know you want me to fuck you through the mattress."

"For Merlin's sake!" Nathanyel grumbled, trying to crawl over Regulus to make his escape. "Just fuck already!"

"Are you sure you don't want to join us?" Regulus asked politely.

"Yes!"

"If you change your mind-"

"Just leave it," Mundungus grunted. "And shuck your kit."

"Oh, my..."

Nathanyel let out a sigh of relief as he shut the door behind him. There was nothing quite like hearing Mundungus and Regulus' dirty talk to put things in perspective.

---------------

"...Lupin." Severus had wandered out onto the grounds sometime past midnight, certain that he would go without sleep for the night. Apparently, Lupin had been experiencing the same.

"Severus?" He looked rather dumbstruck.

"Yes. I'm talking to you. It's absolutely amazing."

"...Sorry." Lupin looked away, towards the lake, leaning back against the tree.

"Nathanyel was just telling me about your apparently quite satisfying sex life together." Lupin blanched. "Would you mind telling me... Why?"

"...Why... What?"

"Why you are so damn interested in him?" Severus crossed his arms, glaring. He was trying to be civil, and it was taking a great deal of effort.

"I just... I..." Lupin bit his lip, staring down at his feet. "I just... Love him." Severus redirected his efforts to trying not to strangle him.

"I... See..."

"Sorry."

"You should be." Lupin winced. "What, exactly, were you thinking, anyway? _How?_ How could you even- I can't-" Severus cut himself off, mentally gathering himself. "You are absolutely incomprehensible. Are you a _masochist_, Lupin? Or maybe a sadist? Or maybe looking for a replacement for whatever amount of affection you lost when your father-"

"Don't talk about my father," Lupin interrupted quietly, tensely.

"Aha. So that's your weak spot, is it?" Lupin glared out at the lake, his jaw set.

"Don't. Talk. About. Him."

"Bitter, are you? Maybe a little angry that Daddy left you and Mommy all alone?" It felt surprisingly good to be taking so many shots at the... _Werewolf_.

"You wouldn't understand."

"Understand what? Being abandoned? Being ignored?" Lupin remained silent. "Right. You're absolutely correct. There is no way I, of all people, could possibly understand such a thing." His sarcasm was evident. They both remained silent for a long moment.

"...Do you know how to play the harmonica?" Lupin asked, breaking the silence.

"Excuse me?"

"It's a muggle instrument." Lupin fished around in his pocket for a bit before pulling out a rectangular silver... thing. He put it up to his lips and blew, making a sort of tinny sound.

"I have never seen anything so ridiculous in my entire life," Severus replied bluntly.

"It's not ridiculous... It's beautiful, when you play it right. I just... Can't seem to figure it out."

"Well, you're asking the wrong person."

"Right." Lupin blew on the thing again, half-heartedly. "I haven't played it in a long time. Not since... Not since he left." Severus tried to think of a way to leave without Lupin noticing. "He used to play it all the time. It was like... Like the feeling you get your first time on a broom, listening to him play." Lupin sighed. "I miss it. I miss _him_."

"...Why are you telling this to me? Why not spew out all of your ludicrous woes to Nathanyel, or one of your friends?"

"Ludicrous?"

"I'd say missing the sound that _that_ thing makes is pretty damn ludicrous."

"It isn't. You would know it isn't if you heard him play."

"You didn't answer my question. _Why?_" Lupin squared his shoulders, slowly looking up at Severus.

"You're always asking 'why.' You're relentless with it. I don't understand why you need to delve and prod like this."

"I'm waiting."

"Because you'll listen to me, and you won't offer empty comfort. You'll tell me what you're really thinking, even if it's something insulting."

"You really _are_ a masochist, then."

"I suppose." Lupin offered him the harmonica, but he declined. "I feel like a failure. It must be my fault he's gone. I mean... I'm pretty worthless, aren't I?"

"Yes." Lupin stared down at the harmonica. "However... Nathanyel seems to have taken a liking to you. And, so far, he hasn't shown any major signs of being a bad judge of character... So perhaps you'll find some use for yourself in the future."

"Thank you, Severus."

"Just don't let it go to your head."

Lupin grinned and played the harmonica, his horrible technique emphasizing the grating sound of the thing. Severus stayed to listen, though.

It sort of grew on him, truth be told.

---------------

Nathanyel sat outside in the rain, taking long gulps from a bottle of firewhiskey. He was watching the lake, and the way the water hit the surface. It was somehow soothing.

"Hey." Remus was standing in front of him. "It's raining pretty hard." He knelt in front of Nathanyel, looking him in the eye. "Shouldn't you have an umbrella or something?"

"Those who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones."

"Aha." Remus ran a hand through his already soaked hair. "Why do you drink?" The question was sudden and unexpected; it took Nathanyel a moment to gain his bearings and answer.

"Because I feel like it."

Remus stared at him, chewing pensively on his lower lip. Then, he gently pried the bottle from Nathanyel's fingers and took a sip. "Augh, firewhiskey," he coughed.

"Why do _you_ drink?" Nathanyel countered, waiting for a bullshit response.

"Because..." Remus paused to take another sip from the bottle. "Because it makes you happy."

"Hn." Nathanyel really didn't know what to think of that; then again, he didn't try very much to understand it. "You shouldn't worry about me. Don't worry about anyone but yourself. Make yourself happy and no one else."

"Is that really your opinion?"

Nathanyel nodded.

"That's bullshit." Remus threw the bottle away; Nathanyel didn't see where it landed. "Those who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones."

"Since when do I try to make anyone happy?"

"Since I've known you, at least." Remus leaned forward and wrapped his arms around Nathanyel's neck. "You're just that way." He kissed him, briefly. "You make _me_ happy."

"You shouldn't depend on me. I can't give you what you want."

"Hm. And you know what I want?"

"You want what everybody wants." Nathanyel shrugged. "I just don't have any of it to give."

"That's not true." Remus leaned his head on Nathanyel's shoulder.

"And you really think that you're right about me?"

"I _know_ that I'm right about you. Nathanyel, you're... My friend."

Nathanyel couldn't understand how Remus could be so _nice_. It just didn't seem plausible to him that Remus was never really cruel or unkind. "So, Mr. Know-It-All... If you're so smart, then why are you sitting out in the rain?"

"Because it makes me happy."

Nathanyel let out a long sigh. "It makes me happy, too."

---------------

"Hi, Severus." Nathanyel sat down next to him, waiting for him to blow up.

"Hi."

He was rather surprised by how calm Severus was.

"Was there something you wanted?"

"Um, yeah... I want to make up."

"...Alright."

"Really?"

"Well... I can't stop you from being a pervert." Severus sighed, leaning back in his chair, staring into the common room fire. "So, I might as well just try not to get angry."

Nathanyel knew that it was as close to approval as he was going to get. "Thanks, Severus."

"Yeah, you'd better be grateful."

Nathanyel grinned.

---------------

Nathanyel leaned back against his headboard, grimacing. He was bleeding, and he knew that he should be wearing his bandages, but he couldn't bring himself to move. He was bleeding all over Lucius' letter and he was crying, too, and his nose was probably running, but he didn't want to move.

"What the hell do they need a fucking baby for anyway?" he sobbed to himself, crumpling the letter in his hands.

What did Lucius want with a baby? Lucius had never liked children, and now he was trying to have one of his own? It was absurd!

He'd bet his entire stash of galleons that Narcissa (that fucking bitch) was barren, anyway.

At least, he hoped so.

---------------

Remus gasped as Nathanyel pushed him against the wall and all but tore his trousers down. He groaned when Nathanyel did something much more pleasant. In fact, he even used a few choice words to try to describe exactly how pleasant the sensation was.

When he was done, he felt slightly dizzy, and braced himself against the wall, just in case. "Wow, Nathanyel." He shouldn't have been surprised, though. Nathanyel had always been very good at that sort of thing. "Do you want me to-"

Remus stopped abruptly when he caught sight of Nathanyel curled up against his leg, shaking. "...Nathanyel? What's wrong?" He received no answer. Concerned, he knelt down and pulled Nathanyel close, trying to be reassuring. "What's the matter?"

"Nothing. I'm fine." He was lying, of course.

"Did something happen between you and Severus?" Nathanyel shook his head. "Something with the family, then?" The question was greeted with a nod. "What happened?"

"I'm bleeding," Nathanyel answered bluntly, not even close to addressing his question.

"Bleeding?" Remus drew back a bit, eyes widening at the sight of blood stains on his sleeves. "You're bleeding!" Nathanyel nodded. "Don't worry, I'll take you to the infirmary."

"No! No, not there!" Nathanyel grabbed the front of his shirt, gripping it tightly with unsteady hands. "Get Severus."

"But, where-"

"Library."

"Alright. Should I-"

"I'll wait here."

"Alright."

"Cast _Petrificus Totalus_ on me before you go."

"...What?"

"Just do it, alright?" The pleading look in Nathanyel's eyes was enough to prompt Remus to cast the spell, move him someplace relatively safe, and leave him to find Severus in the library. He had no idea what was going on, but he hoped that Severus could help him.

When he entered the library, he nearly groaned out loud in frustration; it was more crowded than he'd ever seen it before. He was just about to go around to check every person he saw with black hair, when he realized that Severus hated crowds and would probably go to the most deserted section of the library. Keeping that in mind, he headed for the Muggle Studies section.

He was surprised to find that his hunch had been correct; Severus was sitting alone at a dusty table in an empty sitting area right at the beginning of the Muggle Studies section. "Severus!"

"Go away, Lupin. I was only relatively kind to you for Nathanyel's sake. That doesn't mean you've any right to address me as if I'm you friend." Severus was apparently absorbed in some thick potions volume.

"But this is an emergency!"

"What? Does Nathanyel need his stomach pumped of all the-"

"He's bleeding." There was dead silence between them for at least a minute.

"...I'm sorry. What did you say again?"

"His arms are bleeding and he won't go to the infirmary and said to get you, but I don't know what's going on and I think it's something serious because he wanted me to cast _Petrificus Totalus_, but I don't know why, is he having seizures?" Remus took a deep breath, trying to replenish his oxygen after such an incredibly distressing run-on sentence.

"I see. Come with me. And no, he's not having seizures." Severus stood and prowled out of the area at a dizzying pace, leaving his book open on the table. Remus followed, still with no idea of what was going on.

"What's happening? What's wrong?"

"I can't be sure," Severus answered in clipped tones. "His uncle knows everything, but is unwilling to divulge any but an insignificant amount of information, even to him. Judging from his so-called 'episodes' and his behavior as of late, I'd say it has something to do with split personalities. That's just a guess, though. It could be possession, come to think of it." As he spoke, they entered the dungeons. "Stay here. I'll be back in a bit."

Remus waited anxiously, wringing his hands. Severus never spoke to him so willingly, especially without insulting him. The situation must have been serious, then. He was more than a little worried. What if Nathanyel was going insane? What if he was sick? What if something had happened to him in the corridor he was currently laying in? What if he was _dying?_

"Alright, Lupin, let's get the fuck going." Severus had returned with a roll of bandages, and... That was it. Just a roll of bandages.

"That's all you're using?"

"Oh, shut the fuck up and come on." Severus began climbing the grand staircase two at a time, Remus following closely, when he suddenly stopped. "Where are we going again?" Remus took the lead without a word.

The corridor near the prefects' bathrooms was almost always empty, so it was never very alarming to find it devoid of all human life. However, on this occasion, it was extremely alarming. Especially when there was a trail of blood leading into the next corridor.

"Shit, shit, fuck, sodding goddamned motherfucking arse-sucking cock-riding bloody shit!" Judging by his vocal expression, Severus seemed to share Remus' sentiments.

"How could he have left? He was petrified!"

"Lupin... Is there anyone who could have come along and released the spell?"

"No! Only prefects are ever in this corridor, and no one knew..." Remus trailed off. Someone _had_ known where he was. "I told Lily I was going to be at the prefects' bathrooms around this time. She wanted to talk to me about something."

"Oh, for the love of Merlin!" Severus threw his hands in the air. "Get your fucking wand ready, Lupin, we might be facing a fight."

"What?"

"Come on. We'll follow this _entirely_ inconspicuous trail of blood. I swear, even when he's turned into a murderous bloody psychopath he's still a moron. Lupin, are you coming or not?"

Remus snapped out of his horrified state and followed Severus into the adjacent corridor. The drips of blood seemed to lead into a nearby room; it was probably one of the many deserted classrooms littering the castle. "What are we going to do?" he asked quietly, drawing his wand.

"I have no idea. Maybe Evans is dead already..." Remus felt sick at the thought. "Get ready," Severus warned him, reaching out for the door. After only a slight hesitation he swung it open.

Inside they found... Nathanyel sitting on a desk while Lily stood in front of him, examining his forearms and making the kind of irritated sounds that Madam Pomfrey did when inspecting wounds. Severus looked more taken aback than relieved, but Remus felt as if a gigantic weight had been lifted from his shoulders. After all, he certainly didn't enjoy the prospect of a battle to the death with his lover.

"Oh, hello," Nathanyel murmured, eyes sweeping over them rather... Coldly.

"Here," Severus stated flatly, holding out the bandages. "You needed these, correct?"

"Yes, thank you." Nathanyel took them and stared at them a bit. "You know, I don't think they're necessary. I feel much better now, after all."

"You do?" Remus asked hopefully.

"Yes. Especially now that you're both here."

Remus was glad that Nathanyel was back to normal.

"I really would prefer a double homicide, you know? It's just so messy having to take two people out separately when you know you could easily get them together, anyway." A horrified silence filled the room. "Well, what's your preference? I've got poisoned needles, a knife, there's a window over there, and of course there's the killing curse. Personally, I think the window would be best. It would look more like an accident that way, don't you agree? And, of course, I suppose she'll have to go out, too, seeing as she'd be a witness. Though, _three_ deaths would just make the circumstances much more suspicious, and I really only wanted to take out the two of you." Calmly, he turned to Lily. "If you're good, I might just settle for a memory charm and call it a day."

"N-Nathanyel?" Remus stuttered, hoping severely that the entire situation was just some sort of sick, tasteless joke. However, judging by the way that Severus was backing toward the door, he was dead serious... In a very literal sense.

"Oh! I almost forgot." Nathanyel drew his wand and cast a locking spell on the door. "Thank you for reminding me, Mr. Snape. Now..." He turned to Remus. "Lupin, is it? Hm. You're the werewolf, aren't you?"

Remus only gaped at him.

"Well, Mr. Lupin, I'm quite glad you did as you were told. You're an awfully good boy, aren't you? Would you like a treat? Maybe you'll finally get that shag you always wanted, eh? Call me soft, but I'm not above honoring last requests."

"Have you gone _insane?_" Lily exclaimed angrily.

"Actually, yes. Although, I'm not technically the insane one. That would be Nathanyel. However, seeing as _I'm_ the one in charge now, why don't we just leave him out of the conversation? It's really an unpleasant topic for me, anyway. Now, Miss Evans... Mr. Snape... Mr. Lupin. If you'll all kindly hand over your wands, this will be a lot less difficult than it has to." Lily already had her wand trained on Nathanyel, and Severus was holding his tightly, though he hadn't raised it yet. Remus was simply... Numb with shock.

"Stand down, Page!" Lily ordered severely. "Everyone here knows that your wandwork is shit!" Nathanyel let out a frustrated sigh.

"Very well." He flicked his wrist, and some sort of paper flew from his hand, attaching itself to Lily. She didn't make a single move after that. "I know how it is to be petrified, so please believe me when I say that I am entirely sympathetic to your current plight." He then turned to Severus. "Drop it."

Remus watched from the corner of his eye as Severus tightened his grip on his wand.

"You and I both know that you're not going to do anything with your damn wand, so just drop it."

And then... He did. Severus dropped his wand.

"Nathanyel, do you have any idea what a fucking moron you are?" he spat.

Remus silently cursed Severus with all his might. He'd dropped his wand and then thrown out an insult- it was utter suicide!

"I'm sorry. What was that?" Nathanyel didn't look too pleased.

"You're an idiot! You're a total fucking brainless twit! You haven't got a single speck of intelligence in your entire brain! The only thing on this planet with an I.Q. lower than yours is a goddamned doorknob!"

"You know what?" Nathanyel narrowed his eyes, approaching Severus with what Remus was sure was murderous intent. "I was going to be nice to you, but now I think I'd like the squeeze the life out of you myself." With that, he grabbed Severus by the throat and began strangling him.

"Shit, shit, shit," Remus muttered to himself, unsure of what to do. Nathanyel was strangling Severus. Lily was petrified by some foreign type of magic. He was going to die.

_Nathanyel_ was going to kill him.

_Nathanyel_.

"Nathanyel, stop it!" He was completely floored when Nathanyel immediately dropped Severus, coughing and massaging his throat, to the ground. He then turned and stared at Remus rather intensely. "Er..." Where to go from his current position, he had no idea.

"I've told you not to call me that. Why don't you listen, Mr. Remus Lupin?"

Remus could only draw a complete blank.

"Do you think that I'm just doing this for fun? While I don't mind at all killing these two, your death will be quite unpleasant to me."

He wasn't sure what to say to that. "...Thank you?" He was an idiot. He was going to be killed. He was completely and totally braindead.

"I assure you, you are welcome. However, I'm sure you have no idea why I've admitted such a thing. You see, you are a constant provider of pleasure. I, myself, am a very avid fan of such pleasure, and would not care at all to lose it. To boot, you are a werewolf. I find that being around a creature as undisturbed by the death of human beings as myself to be rather soothing and... Refreshing, so to say. Despite my reservation, though, I must kill you. I know this might put a strain on our current relationship, but you see, Nathanyel has become much too attached to you. Worldly attachments are no good, because then he has a will to live. And, to my great displeasure, if he has a will to live, then I, unfortunately, am stuck in a shithole. I would like to live as well, but this desire cannot be fulfilled with him around. He only gets in the way. So, in order to get rid of him, I must first get rid of you. You, Mr. Snape, Mr. Malfoy, Mr. Page, and the young Miss Page. As you can most likely tell from this long list of people to do in, I haven't much time to spare. So, if you'll kindly submit to my will, I can still offer you a quick and painless death."

Remus stared at him.

"Is there something wrong?" Nathanyel tilted his head, apparently unaware of the fact that the prospect of death could possibly be disturbing to someone.

"You're going to _kill_ me."

"I know that. In fact, I just told you. Were you listening to me?"

"Yes."

"Then why are you making such asinine statements?"

"Because I'm in shock."

"Ah, yes. It's a very undesirable state." Then, with a decisive nod, Nathanyel turned back to Severus. "You were trying to reach your wand," he stated, before continuing his strangulation. "You're very disobedient. I've never liked that about you."

Remus realized that if they had any chance of surviving the situation, it was up to him. He was responsible for their lives. He was going to have to stand up for himself and them as well. And there was more riding on this than the anger of his friends. "You can't do this!" But he didn't want to hurt Nathanyel.

"Yes I can."

Severus chose that exact moment to spit in his face.

Remus was thankful for the opening, and immediately lunged, knocking Nathanyel to the floor. The bandages that he had been holding tightly onto rolled across the floor. Severus, coughing and hacking, scrambled for them while Remus struggled to reach his wand and keep Nathanyel busy at the same time.

"L-Lupin!" Severus coughed, grabbing hold of the bandages. "Stun! Petrify!" Remus finally managed to tear his wand from his pocket, only to be thrown halfway across the room. It was a rather disorienting thing to experience, but he still held tightly to his wand.

"Severus! Grab him!" He managed to get himself back on his feet in time to see Severus jump on Nathanyel's back and start pulling his hair. "_Stupefy!_" he roared, pointing his wand straight at Nathanyel's chest. There was a moment when he stood perfectly still, and Remus thought it hadn't worked, before he crumpled to the floor.

"It's about fucking time!" Severus growled, swearing as he turned Nathanyel over and began wrapping the bandages around his heavily bleeding neck.

"What do we do about Lily?"

"Leave her for now. I don't know how to dispell one of those things, but Olivia does."

"Should I get her?"

"Help me with these, first."

Remus kneeled down on Nathanyel's other side and accepted the length of bandages Severus handed him. "I just wrap these around his arm?"

"Yes."

Remus did as he was told, and soon found that they were done.

"I hope this works."

"So do I," Remus sighed, feeling a headache coming on.

"He seemed the most reluctant to kill you, so you stay here while I find Olivia."

Somehow, he didn't quite feel reassured by the statement.

Remus had no idea what to do next. Lily was petrified a few feet away, and Nathanyel was unconscious on the floor. The only thing he really could do was stay until Severus brought back help or whatever he'd gone to get. He stared down at Nathanyel, wondering how long it

would be. He also wondered what would happen if Nathanyel woke up before Severus got back. Would he try to kill them again?

As if his thoughts were somehow controlling the current events, an ominous moan drifted up from Nathanyel's prone form. Remus tensed, waiting for something horrible to happen.

"...Remus?"

He relaxed, feeling as if a great weight had been lifted from his shoulders. "Hey, Nathanyel." It seemed as if Nathanyel was back to normal. For him, at least.

"What's going on? You got my bandages, right? Oh, right. You're hurt! I did that, didn't I? I'm sorry."

"It's alright."

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine, really."

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean it."

"Really, it's nothing." Remus had no idea what he was saying. Suddenly attempted homocide was nothing? "Severus got off worse than I did."

"...What happened?" Nathanyel seemed devastated. "Is he alright?" His voice was small and shaky.

"He'll be fine," Remus reassured him, pulling him into a tight embrace.

"You're sure?"

"I'm sure."

"I'm sorry, Remus. I'm sorry."

"Just try to calm down a little."

"I'm such a bad boy."

"You'll be alright." Remus wondered if it was true.

---------------

"Mr. Page and Mr. Snape are both doing fine," Madam Pomfrey informed Remus, snapping him out of his previous stupor.

After a long lecture from Olivia, insistence on Severus' part that none of the events were reported to any sort of proper officials, and the restoration of Lily's ability to move (along with her ability to scream at them like a psychopath,) they had all headed down to the infirmary. Severus and Nathanyel were kept, mostly for observation, and Lily had left immediately, swearing profusely under her breath. Olivia, meanwhile, had sat down to talk to him, however briefly.

"He's not healthy," she'd told Remus. "I'd advise against any further molestations."

After that, she'd left, as well.

Remus couldn't leave, though. That was why, after an hour and a half of sitting motionless in an uncomfortable chair, he was shuffling towards Nathanyel's bed.

"How are you?" He winced as he sat down in a chair beside the bed; his bum was sore.

"I'm better," Nathanyel replied, avoiding his eyes.

"Has something like this ever happened before?"

"Don't you remember? It was in the papers."

"Oh." Remus remembered quite well, actually. Things had been so simple, back in his fourth year; he'd had friends, a life, a family... Since when had everything gotten so out of hand, anyway?

"I feel like my life's falling apart." Apparently, Nathanyel could read minds. "Am I the only one?"

"No," Remus whispered, reaching for his hand and squeezing it.

"I wish I could be normal, for you. You don't deserve this kind of trouble."

"It's fine." Remus leaned down and kissed him on the forehead, trying his best to be reassuring, although _he_ was the one who'd almost been killed. "Really."

"I think about you a lot," Nathanyel suddenly blurted out, apparently on instinct.

"Yeah, same here."

"No, I mean... I think about you... All the time. And... Things like that." He looked away, shifting in the bed. "I just... Thought I should tell you. Just in case."

Remus felt his stomach do a flip. "Right. Just in case." Could it mean that Nathanyel... Loved him? "I... Well, ditto." He'd never had much of a way with words.

"Just in case," Nathanyel muttered again, smiling fondly at him. His eyes looked glazed and unfocused, and Remus wondered if it was anything to worry about.

It wasn't long, though, before his eyelids drooped and soft snoring began to sound from his nose. Remus felt relieved, but also very, very apprehensive. After all, he had no idea what would come next.

---------------

Severus scowled up at the ceiling, refusing to look over at Nathanyel. He couldn't believe what had happened; things with Nathanyel were really getting fucked up. And he knew that he wasn't exaggerating.

"What are you thinking about?"

"Shut the fuck up," he snapped.

"You're mean," Nathanyel whined.

"You tried to kill me!"

"I didn't mean it!" Nathanyel wailed.

"Hmph." Severus finally turned his head to look at Nathanyel; he was laying on his side, curled up with his back to Severus. He looked like he was probably crying or something, the pansy. "...Sorry I snapped," Severus finally muttered.

Nathanyel rolled over, wiping his eyes. "Really?" He looked like crap.

"Yeah." Severus frowned.

"Hold on." Slowly, Nathanyel sat up, wincing. "I'm still sore," he muttered, swinging his legs over the side of his bed and sitting there for a bit. "I have a confession to make," he finally murmured.

"What's that?" Severus asked, raising his eyebrows.

"I... I haven't been wearing my bandages as much as I should be."

"Oh." Severus felt a little furious at that.

"It's just that... Without them, I feel stronger and I'm better with my spells and I can actually apparate at the apparition lessons. I apparated! I actually did it!"

Severus glared.

"Anyway... It was stupid, and I shouldn't have done it. I mean... Because of me, you and Remus and Lily were all almost killed. I'm really sorry."

"Well..." He frowned, pushing himself up into a sitting position. "I guess I forgive you. A little."

"Thanks." Nathanyel stood up, groaning and stretching, then padded over to his bed. "You're my best friend, you know?" He leaned down and kissed Severus, very briefly, then ran back to his own bed, blushing.

Severus glared some more.

"Sorry." Still blushing, Nathanyel flopped down in his bed and rolled over again, his back to Severus.

"Fuck you," Severus muttered, his face feeling hot as he lay back down.

He did _not_ enjoy that.

---------------

"Hey," Remus greeted quietly, meeting him in the hospital wing.

"Hi," Nathanyel replied, stretching, his bandages back in place.

"I, er... Came to get you," Remus muttered, feeling sheepish.

"Thanks," Nathanyel replied, brushing past him on the way out. "Well, let's go."

"Right." Remus followed, unsure of what to do next; he assumed he'd just be walking Nathanyel back down to the Slytherin common room, since it was almost curfew when he'd been released. He suspected that Madam Pomfrey had planned it that way, so that Nathanyel would have to go straight to bed, anyway.

"So... Since you just got out of the infirmary, do you want... Do you want me to treat you to anything?"

Nathanyel stopped, turning around to stare at him with an unreadable expression.

"You know..." Remus forged on, feeling hopelessly stupid. "Something like that."

"I want..." Nathanyel looked away, blushing, then gulped and turned back to him. "I want to have sex."

"Um... Alright." Remus couldn't help but blush, as well.

"I mean like... All the way. You know, fucking. Or... Making love. Whatever you want to call it." He shuffled his feet.

"...Now?"

"Yeah. In your bed."

Remus hadn't known until that moment that instant erections were possible.

---------------

"R-Remus?" Nathanyel shivered, squirming a bit in his lap.

"Mmf, don't _do_ that to me..." Remus was in heaven; he had Nathanyel in his bed, _naked_.

"Sorry."

"So what is it?"

"Well..." Nathanyel pulled back, sitting there, flushed and naked and panting.

"What?" Remus groaned.

"What do you think about when we do things like this?"

"Huh?" Of all the things to ask, and of all the times to ask _anything_...

"What do you think? Do you even think at all?" Nathanyel seemed completely absorbed in the subject.

"I... I don't know. I mean, I think about... You. And how... How sexy you are. Or how you feel. Or how _I_ feel, and what we're doing. Things like that."

"Ah." Nathanyel was staring at him so intensely that he could feel his skin start to crawl.

"What do _you_ think about?"

"Oh, you know, those things, too. And also... Sometimes I just wonder."

"Wonder?"

"Yeah. Like... Like what someone perfect like you would want with someone like me, doing something like this... Things like that." Remus stared at him in disbelief.

"You think I'm perfect?" he muttered, completely floored.

"Yes." Nathanyel had that intense gaze fixed on him. "I've never thought otherwise." He was just staring... There was something like devotion in his eyes, complete and unabashed adoration. "I'd do anything for you, Remus." Nathanyel crouched down a bit, resting his weight on all four limbs in what seemed like a submissive gesture; Remus felt like he was being worshipped, in some twisted sort of way; like the gesture was a bow, or a vow of service.

"Nathanyel, I... Don't know what to say."

"Just tell me what you want me to do."

"Just relax."

---------------

"Fuck me fuck me fuck me fuck me-"

Remus thought that he'd be happier about this. It was, after all, a culmination of two years' worth of lust.

"-Fuck me fuck me fuck me-"

But it wasn't quite what he'd expected it to be. First off, Nathanyel was crying, which never tended to be a good sign.

"-Fuck me fuck me fuck me-"

Although, he _was_ a virgin, and it could have been nerves.

"-Fuck me fuck me fuck me-"

Second off, he wouldn't shut up.

"-Fuck me fuck me fuck me-"

And it was rather distracting.

"-Fuck me fuck me fuck me-"

And irritating.

"-Fuck me fuck me-"

And it definitely put a damper on the whole situation.

"-Fuck me-"

Remus stopped, trying to get his breath under control. Normally, he'd probably have been done by then, but it was rather difficult to concentrate under the conditions. There were a few moments of confused silence before Nathanyel began to speak again.

"Why did you stop?" He looked rather puzzled.

"I just..." Remus wasn't sure exactly how to say it. "Er... Are you alright?"

"Yeah, I'm fine." Nathanyel wriggled a bit, wrinkling his nose. "Did you finish?"

"No." He bit his lip, trying not to squirm.

"So then what's the matter?"

"I just... Could you... Could you shut up for a bit?"

"Hm?" Nathanyel tilted his head to the side, frowning. "What do you mean?"

"I mean... I can't really... Concentrate. That's all." Remus looked away, feeling rather awkward.

"Huh? But I wasn't saying anything."

Remus shook his head, sighing.

"Anyway... Could we keep going? I rather like it." Nathanyel grinned, blushing.

"Alright." Remus kissed him, and started up again. Leaning forward, he buried his face in Nathanyel's hair, making sure that he could cover Nathanyel's mouth with his shoulder.

After that, Nathanyel just made little whimpering sounds, which he thought were rather sexy. More importantly, it was much easier to concentrate.

---------------

"Hey, Remus?" Nathanyel nudged him, grinning.

"Yeah?"

"How was I?" He rolled over to spread himself on top of Remus, making himself comfortable.

"You were... I don't know. Good. Kind of noisy." Remus yawned, stretching.

"Sorry. I didn't realize."

"It's nothing."

"I liked it a lot." Nathanyel tried not to blush, but failed. "I'd like to do it again, some time."

"Yeah." Remus smiled down at him. "Me too."

Nathanyel blushed even more. "Maybe sometime around... Now?"

"Seriously?"

"Yeah." Nathanyel kissed him, already excited about the prospect of going another round.

"I suppose it's not such a bad idea."

This time, he was definitely not going to let his mind wander; he already felt guilty enough for the first time.

---------------

"Good morning," Nathanyel muttered, grinning as Remus blinked his eyes open.

He smiled for about a second or two before his eyes widened. "Shit," he whispered.

"Hm? No, I don't have to go."

"Not that. What if someone finds you?"

Nathanyel blinked, looking puzzled. "They'd... Win a prize?"

"No!" Remus paused to listen for any signs that the others had woken up; he didn't hear any movement, which was a relief. "You can't stay here. Do you have any idea what James or Sirius- even Peter- would do?"

"They'd all shit themselves," Nathanyel murmured, giggling.

"This isn't funny."

"I'm sorry." Nathanyel sat up, stretching. "I'd better get going, then, before I'm caught."

"Wait!" Remus pushed himself up as a loud curse rung out through the dormitory. "I'll handle it, alright? Just... Be quiet."

Nathanyel nodded, a small grin creeping across his face.

"What is it?"

"I like it when you dominate me," he whispered enticingly.

Remus felt himself blushing. "Not now," he grumbled, gathering up his underwear and trousers and tossing them on.

When he emerged from the bedcurtains, he found James and Sirius fighting over a matter involving dirty undergarments. "You left them on the floor, I _know_ you did!" James was saying.

"I don't _own_ green briefs!" Sirius argued back.

Remus knew he was in deep shit when he realized that the briefs in question belonged to Nathanyel. "Erm, they're mine," he spoke up quickly, hoping to retrieve the underwear and retreat.

"I _told_ you they weren't mine!" Sirius cried out triumphantly.

"You don't have green underwear," James said, looking puzzled.

"Of course I do," Remus brushed off nervously.

The curtains around Peter's bed were suddenly drawn back, and he leaned forward, groggily surveying the scene. "They're his boyfriend's," Peter mumbled, pointing at the briefs. "The two of them kept me up half the night."

Remus could feel himself turning incredibly red.

"Seriously?" Sirius asked, a sly grin appearing on his face.

"Ew," James replied, dropping the underwear.

"Let's see him, then!" Sirius advanced toward Remus' bed, reaching out for the curtains.

"He's gone already," Remus protested quickly, inserting himself between Sirius and his bed. "He... Er... Is from a different house, so... Yeah. He's gone."

It was at that inopportune moment that a small sneeze sounded from behind the bed curtains.

"Right, of course," Sirius laughed, pushing Remus out of the way and pulling aside the curtains.

"Hullo," Nathanyel greeted them, waving a bit. "Lovely morning, isn't it?"

His greeting was met with absolute silence.

"Could I have my underwear back? I'm sort of naked right now, you know."

Remus knew that once James and Sirius were done being shocked, they were going to to be furious.

"I'm going back to bed," Peter announced grumpily, drawing his curtains.

"_Page?_" James finally choked out, still staring.

"Yes," Remus confirmed.

"Remus fucked me last night," Nathanyel clarified happily. "He's got a nice cock."

Remus thought he was going to vomit.

"Argh!" Sirius cried out, lunging at Nathanyel.

"Wheeeeeee! I'm naked!" Nathanyel screamed as he narrowly avoided Sirius' attack and streaked across the room, grabbing his underwear and nothing else. "Whooohah!"

Remus closed his eyes and slowly sat down as James and Sirius chased Nathanyel out of the dormitory, undoubtedly heading for the common room. Judging by how the morning had started out, he wasn't going to have a very good day.

"Look on the bright side," Peter reassured him from behind his bed curtains. "At least you're not sleeping with Regulus. Now _that_ would have been awkward."

Remus sighed, hoping he could make it through the day.

---------------

Nathanyel watched his fingers curl around his cup of tea; that was all he was having, tea. He wasn't very hungry. A feeling of fullness had come over him, and not just in his stomach. He felt content, as if he'd just had a large meal and a satisfying nap.

He thought he'd have felt more different after... _Sex_.

It seemed so dirty and wrong, that word. It wasn't what he'd done, and he knew it.

He knew it from the way Remus had held him, and the way he had smiled and the way he was so incredibly frightened, but it was all alright because he was with _Remus_.

He knew it from the way that Remus had kissed him so carefully, like he would break, and had looked _sad_ because it was _Remus_ and Remus would be able to tell that he-

And the way Remus was looking at him, with that hungry expression, but he could see that Remus _just knew_ that he-

And the way he couldn't concentrate on his tea because he couldn't stop feeling guilty over the way that he-

He _used_ Remus. _Used_.

It was wrong. It was a terrible thing, what he was doing. It was awful that he tried to ignore the way his stomach squirmed whenever Remus touched him, horrible that he didn't think anything of the way his heart beat just a little bit faster when Remus said his name, unacceptable that he didn't even _care_ that he might be in love.

It wasn't Remus, in the end, though, that he would be sharing notes with and staying up late playing gobstones with and passing the salt to in the morning because the eggs were just a little too bland.

It was disgusting, really, how the night before, when Remus was murmuring his name and moaning and acting just so _happy_- that he'd almost said...

He'd almost said...

"Severus."

"What?"

"Would you like some eggs with your salt?"

It was an awful, terrible, horrible, disgusting thing.

---------------

"We're going to spend the whole summer together."

Severus looked up from his lunch, his brow furrowing. "Huh?"

"We're going to spend the summer together," Nathanyel repeated. "I'm getting an idea."

"Oh." Severus stared at him, wondering what he meant.

"I won't tell you, though."

"It figures," Severus grumbled, turning back to his food.

"By the way, after you leave school I'm not going to continue the business."

"Huh?" He didn't think that Nathanyel was making any sense, lately.

"I've decided to leave it. Did you know that a first year girl was in a coma because of us?"

Severus wasn't sure how to react to that little tidbit.

"So... Once you're gone, it's over."

"This is kind of sudden, you know. What was it, an attack of conscience?"

"I guess you could call it that." Nathanyel fidgeted, playing with the cuff of his shirt. "And also, you know, with Remus and all..."

"So you want to quit because of Lupin?" Severus growled.

"Not just because of him."

"Uhuh." Severus pursed his lips, trying not to show any of his anger. "Well, it won't be any of my business, anyway."

Nathanyel frowned. "Oh yeah. You won't be here anymore, will you?"

Severus shook his head, raising his eyebrows.

Nathanyel started to cry.

---------------

Remus grimaced to himself as he watched his friends laugh and joke- on the other side of the room. He was being ignored, and he rather resented it.

"Remus, what's wrong?"

He looked up to see Lily standing in front if him, carefully balancing a stack of potions and charms books. "Why aren't you hanging out with James?" He stood up to help her with her load, hoping for her to be distracted by the change of subject.

"You know, he's having his 'guy time.' Besides, he always acts like an idiot around you guys. Why aren't _you_ hanging out with them? Is it related to the look on your face?"

Remus sighed; he should have known better than to try to hide something from Lily. "Not here," he muttered, sparing a glance for the giggling group of second year girls sitting nearby.

"Alright. I was planning to return these to the library, anyway. You can come with me."

"Sure." Remus followed her out of the common room, ignoring the glares being directed at him from the group of raucously laughing boys in front of the fire.

"So," Lily prodded as soon as they had rounded the corner, "what's going on?"

Remus found himself grimacing again. "Well, it's about Nathanyel."

"Go on," she pushed, elbowing him.

"I fucked him," Remus blurted out, snapping his mouth shut as soon as he'd said it.

Lily dropped her books. "_What?_"

"We, erm... Made love." Remus found himself blushing.

"Do you really have to tell me about this kind of thing?" she practically snarled, picking up her books.

"Well, that's not the whole story. You see, he stayed the night-"

"You had him in the _dorm?_"

"Yes. And in the morning... Well, everyone found out. And now they're ignoring me."

"Just like that?" She seemed rather put off.

"Well, they _are_ glaring at me a lot. I guess that counts for something."

"That's ridiculous! Just because they don't like who you're dating!"

"Well, you don't like him, either," Remus pointed out.

"Yeah, because he's a psychopath! But you still have the right to choose, you know."

Remus just sighed.

"Why are you with him, anyway? After all the shit he's put you through, he doesn't deserve the time of day." She made a beeline for the first table in sight the moment they stepped into the library and grunted as she dropped her books on the table.

"I thought you had to return those."

"I want to finish this conversation, first."

"Oh." Remus shuffled his feet a little, then sat down next to Lily.

"So... Answer my question. Why _are_ you with him?"

"I don't know..."

"Answer me," she ordered severely, leveling a rather disturbing glare at him.

"Fine." He'd had enough glaring for one day. "I..." He leaned in close, lowering his voice.

"Go on."

"I love him."

She stared at him for a few seconds before slapping a hand over her mouth... To hold in her laughter. "N-no, really," she wheezed, snorting.

"It's the truth!" Remus hissed.

She immediately stopped laughing. "You can't possibly be thinking straight."

"I've been in love with him for two years," he confessed nervously.

"Do you have a fever?" She leaned forward to check his temperature.

"I'm not delirious!" He batted her hand away, frowning. She was the only person he'd ever told about his feelings for Nathanyel, and now he wished he'd just kept it to himself altogether.

"Sorry." She frowned at him, her eye narrowed as if she could discern exactly what was wrong with him if she stared hard enough. "But... Why?"

"I don't know," Remus muttered miserably. "He's cute," he offered, knowing that Lily secretly agreed with the sentiment.

"That's not a reason to love someone!"

"I know," he sighed, "but it's just... I don't know how exactly to describe it. He's a complete moron, a loon, a cad, and an asshole. He says stupid things, does downright _cruel_ things, and thinks he's the greatest thing since sliced bread. _I_ don't even know why I love him, or even _like_ him. And, oh yeah, he isn't the best lay in the world, either."

"Wow, that was more than I needed to know... But you've really got him to a tee," Lily commented, her eyebrows rising. "So he has absolutely no redeeming qualities?"

"Well, it's not _that_... It's just... He's really bad for me. And he's dangerous, too."

"And you're too good for him," she added.

Remus blushed.

"But if you love him, then no one else should have anything to say about it."

"Thanks."

"Besides... I kind of get what you see in him."

"Really?" He blinked, surprised.

"Yeah. He can be kind of sweet when he's not acting like a jerk. But still... I'm not quite sure about all that multiple personalities, bipolar shit he's got going on."

"That's kind of a setback," Remus agreed.

"Well, you've just got to lay down the law," she advised, standing up. "Tell them you're not going to take any shit. Now, I've got to return these before Madam Pince feeds me to the house elves."

Remus nodded, a knot tying itself inside his stomach; how was he supposed to lay down the law, exactly? He was outnumbered, for one thing, and in the end there was really no possible way to defend falling for Nathanyel, of all people. He was screwed and he knew it.

---------------

"Remus, we need to talk."

Remus stopped dead in his tracks, blinking over at where James sat on his bed, his arms crossed.

"Yeah," Sirius' voice agreed behind him, followed by the sound of the door shutting and locking.

Remus gulped, a sense of foreboding washing over him.

"You guys are fags," Peter grumbled, looking a bit disgruntled at the whole situation as he sat on the floor, reading a book. "No offense, Moony."

"None taken," Remus replied, staring around at his rather stern looking friends. "So... What's this all about, exactly?"

"Well, we've been thinking about you and Page," Sirius began, joining James on his bed, "and we believe that we've come up with a suitable solution."

Peter snorted.

"_Solution?_" Remus repeated incredulously.

"We're giving you and ultimatum," James forged on. "It's either him or us."

"I'm sorry... What?" He felt stunned, as if his friends had just greeted him with a punch in the face.

"If you don't dump Page, then say goodbye to us," Sirius replied harshly.

Peter snorted again.

"I- I-" Remus was speechless.

"Well?" Sirius pressed, leaning forward.

"I don't know."

"You don't know what?" James asked, frowning.

Remus wanted to shout at them, scream at them, throw them across the room, even. However, he'd never been very good at standing up to his friends, no matter how out of line they may have been. He didn't want to lose them... But he didn't want to lose Nathanyel, either. He was sure that when they'd been together there was something there. It was almost tangible, and he'd been hoping that maybe... Maybe... But perhaps he was just being ridiculous.

"Are you going to make a decision or what?" Sirius prodded.

How could he choose? How could he possibly make the decision, just when he thought that things were going so well? How could he leave Nathanyel when he'd looked at him that way, and he'd thought that perhaps he'd finally hear those three words out of that insufferably sweet mouth? What could he possibly do?

Peter's third snort brought him back to reality.

"I'll think about it," he promised, ashamed of himself for not having the courage to tell them where to get off.

"Hmph," Sirius replied, crossing his arms.

"I suppose it's good enough for now," James accepted reluctantly.

A fourth snort found its way past Peter's nostrils.

"What the hell is your problem?" Sirius finally snapped.

"Nothing," Peter replied airily as Remus slowly retreated from the dorm room. "It's just, I wasn't aware that friendship entailed making each other miserable."

Remus felt a pang of gratitude toward Peter as he closed the door behind him, but he knew that it was already too late. When James and Sirius had made up their minds, there was no turning back.

It was just that... There was only one way to help himself, now, and it was a route he'd been hoping to avoid.

He'd have to tell Nathanyel the truth.

He'd have to finally say it.

Those three terrifying, awful, wonderful words.

"Wish me luck," he said, mostly to God, and partly to no one in particular.

For a brief moment, he wished that his father was there to help him.

---------------

Remus had asked to meet him outside the prefects' bathroom, and who was he to deny a luxury that Severus had so cruelly denied him throughout the years? Nathanyel found himself preening as he waited outside the nondescript wooden door, despite his deep-seeded guilt. He'd been moping about ever since he'd realized what a complete piece of rotting sewage he truly was, but he still couldn't keep himself from getting excited at the prospect of a gigantic, relaxing bathtub with a most-likely naked Remus inside of it. Although, he shouldn't have come in the first place.

"Hello." Remus had arrived, smiling nervously and shifting his feet.

"Hi," Nathanyel replied, finding himself unable to look him in the eye.

"Well, um... Hold on." Remus turned to the door, knocking twice and listening. "Pesto sauce." He waited a couple of seconds before swinging the door open.

"Pesto sauce?" Nathanyel inquired, rather intrigued by the choice of password.

"It was Lily's idea," Remus clarified. "She loves Italian and she said that no one would be able to guess a password that has nothing to do with bathrooms, anyway."

Nathanyel found himself laughing in that high-pitched laugh that he'd heard girls warble out when the object of their affections had told a particularly bad joke. It couldn't be a good thing.

"Um... Yeah," Remus replied, looking rather awkward.

"Sorry." Nathanyel felt himself blushing as he ducked past Remus into the bathroom.

"No, no, I didn't mean it that way," Remus hurriedly replied, following him inside; the door closed of its own volition.

"It's okay," he muttered, taking a good look around the bathroom; it was just as Severus described it. Everything was pristine and made out of what looked like white marble and the middle of the room sunk into a gigantic bathtub with what looked like dozens of spouts. Nathanyel approached it and fiddled with one experimentally; it expelled a pink foam that smelled like strawberries. "Ooh!" he practically squealed, rather pleased with the results, and turned it up all the way.

"You like that one?" Remus was crouching behind him, looking over his shoulder, into the tub.

Nathanyel blushed again, his stomach feeling... Wibbly. That was the best word to describe it, at least. "Yeah," he muttered and, feeling like a terrible slut, moved back just enough to press against Remus.

"Oh," he replied, sounding a bit breathless. "Okay."

Nathanyel found that he had lost all control over his body, as he had, completely against his own will, spun around attached himself to Remus with such force that he was certain he had knocked out both of their front teeth. He wasn't sure what had come over him, but he was unexpectedly filled with the desire to have his way with Remus, preferably within the foam-filled bath.

"Wow," Remus panted when Nathanyel finally pulled away. "That was-"

"Fuck me," Nathanyel interrupted, already undressing himself.

"W-what?" Remus looked rather surprised.

Nathanyel _felt_ rather surprised. "My body is filled with a burning lust that can only be satisfied by your throbbing man muscle," he recited from a passage he remembered from one of Lucius' dirty books.

"Oh," Remus replied, then grunted as Nathanyel practically ripped his clothing off.

"Get in the tub and pound me like a fucking whore," he ordered.

"I don't think you're a whore."

Nathanyel pretty much tossed him into the tub, then followed suit. He still wasn't completely in control of himself, and he knew that he should be doing the complete opposite of what he was, but he supposed that he just couldn't let go. Or perhaps he wanted to do it one more time, to have last memory.

He knew, as Remus held him close and whispered very lovely things into his ear, that it would be a sweet one.

---------------

Nathanyel sat at the edge of the tub, kicking his feet as he watched it drain. It had been better than the first time, and even the second time that had almost immediately followed the first, and it made his chest twist into funny-feeling knots. "That was nice," he told Remus, who was sitting behind him and busily drying him off. It felt good to be pampered, although he was also feeling a little guilty; he should have been the one doing the pampering, but Remus had insisted.

"I'm glad you liked it," Remus replied warmly, pulling him a bit closer. "However, you didn't have to tell me. You were so loud that the whole castle probably heard you."

"That's because it was so nice," Nathanyel muttered, leaning against him.

"I agree." Remus was silent for a long time after that, and it made Nathanyel feel a little nervous. Remus often did have moments of silent reflection, usually at the oddest of times, but this felt different.

"I like this," he offered, eager to break the silence.

"Hm," was all Remus said.

Nathanyel sighed and decided to remain in silence until Remus decided to break it, himself. He was rather enjoying being toweled off, anyway, and it was easier to concentrate on the sensation.

"All done," Remus finally announced, pulling the towel away and standing up.

"Thanks."

"It was nothing," he dismissed. "Anyway, let's get dressed. I... I need to talk to you."

Nathanyel felt the bottom of his stomach drop out; the reason Remus was acting strange was because he wanted to have a _talk_. Talks were hardly ever good things, and as much as Nathanyel had been preparing to end everything, he still wasn't prepared. Truth be told, he probably wouldn't have had the guts to do so, in the end.

"Here." Remus was holding out his clothes; the talk was upon them.

"Thank you." Nathanyel stood up and dressed with Remus in silence; the mood in the room had become rather serious, and he could feel his heart beating faster with every passing moment.

Finally, they were done.

"So." He couldn't think of anything else to say.

"Let's sit down," Remus replied calmly, although he looked anything but.

"Right." Nathanyel sat down next to him, leaning against the wall.

"So... How do you feel?"

"My dick feels like corn," he practically vomited out, letting his nerves overcome him. "I mean... Um... I'm good."

"Okay." Remus was looking at him with a very strange expression on his face. "Well, I'm feeling very corny, myself."

Nathanyel offered up a feeble smile; he'd always enjoyed bad puns.

"I suppose I should get right down to business, then."

"Yeah," Nathanyel agreed.

Remus took a very deep breath and leaned back against the wall, closing his eyes for a moment. Then, gulping, he opened them again and looked Nathanyel straight in the eye. "Nathanyel... I love you." He was frowning a bit.

"Love you, too." Nathanyel felt relieved, in a way, that this was all the talk was about. He grinned, glad to get it over with. "You're my friend, after all."

"No... Not like that." Remus reached up and ran a hand through his hair; he was still looking very serious. "I mean like... More than a friend. I mean... I'm in love with you."

Nathanyel's mind went nearly entirely blank at that. "Oh." He felt numb all over, like everything had just stopped working.

"...Are you angry? Or... I don't know... Anything?"

"I... Don't know. I..."

"I just... Needed to tell you. That's all."

Nathanyel's brain was slowly refocusing on reality as the words still echoed and vibrated through his body. There was only one way to describe how he was feeling.

He was scared.

"Nathanyel? Are you alright?"

"I'm fine."

"I've never seen you so... Tongue-tied."

"Yeah." He didn't know what to say. He didn't know what to think or feel, either. "I don't love you back," he finally blurted out, not sure if it was true, and even in that moment thinking the statement was most likely false.

Remus looked rather sad. "I know," he admitted, unaware of the nefarious nature of the words.

"Listen, I... I... I don't know." He was beginning to get a headache; he could swear that the floor was pulsing beneath him. "I'm gonna go now. Bye." He stood up and walked away, keeping his head down. It was the first time he ever remembered feeling truly ashamed of himself.

---------------

"Severus." Nathanyel sat down next to him in front of the common room fire.

"What is it, now?" Severus scowled at him, setting his essay aside.

"You know about magic having to do with... You know, the mind... And stuff. Right?"

"Yeah." He wondered what Nathanyel wanted.

"Do you know how to make a pensieve and put memories in it?"

"Yes. Why? What do you want a pensieve for?"

"It's nothing much. Could you just teach me? Please?"

Severus hesitated, considering it. What could Nathanyel possibly need a pensieve for, anyway?

"Please?"

"...Alright. But you have to tell me why."

"Well..." Nathanyel hesitated, apparently trying to find the right words. "I want to start over."

Severus stared at him, long and hard, sizing him up. "Start over? What do you mean by that?"

"I'm talking about... Remus." Nathanyel looked away, frowning.

"You think looking over your memories will provide new insight, eh?"

"Yes."

"What, exactly, are you looking for?"

"I want to see if I can tell whether or not he loves me." He sounded sincere enough.

"I see." Severus didn't exactly approve, but... Perhaps this could mean that the end of their little 'relationship' was near. If that was the case, he certainly supported it. "I suppose that's good enough. Let's get started, shall we?"

Nathanyel only nodded.

---------------

Nathanyel walked outside, carrying his pensieve, careful not to let it spill. He was heading for the lake, where the light from the sunset was being reflected like jewels in the water. It was a rather romantic setting, he thought. Fitting, even.

He stood on the bank of the lake, staring out at the still water, tightly clutching his rather poorly made pensieve. He'd put everything inside it; everything he could possibly remember. Everything from that time at the Yule Ball when he'd almost kissed Remus and almost felt like there was something more than a kiss there to that time last week when Remus had said... Something terrifying. Something he didn't want to remember, if he had the choice.

And he did.

Everyone knew that while a memory was held in an enchanted object like a pensieve, then the owner would still at least have some knowledge of their existence. If a memory was somehow spilled out of the pensieve, then it would be lost. There would be no way to recover the memory, no matter how precious. That was why pensieves were always so carefully warded.

He hadn't bothered to ward his.

He looked down at the swirling, foggy contents of the pensieve. He thought he could almost catch the shadow of a memory, two figures holding hands. Maybe cradled against each other, on the edge of sleep. He swirled the fog around until it was only that; only fog.

Then, with a deep breath, he threw it with as much force as he could.

He watched the pensieve sail through the air, silver strands of memory floating from it like a spider's web being spun.

He watched it land in the water with a rather loud splash, a silver cloud floating over the surface for only an instant before it was gone.

He watched the sunset, trying to remember why he'd come outside in the first place.

---------------

Severus looked up from his book, watching Nathanyel approach him with a dazed look on his face. "Where were you?"

"Outside." He sounded as dazed as he looked.

"What were you doing outside?"

"I don't know." He looked around a bit, blinking, then sat down. "What are you doing?"

"Studying for the N.E.W.T.s," he replied, narrowing his eyes. "They're coming up soon."

"Oh." Nathanyel stared into the common room fire, his eyes slightly glazed.

"So..." Severus pursed his lips, sensing something wrong. "How's Lupin?"

"I don't know. I suppose he's alright." Nathanyel shrugged.

"You didn't see him tonight?"

"No. Why would I?"

"Never mind." Severus was suspicious, to say the least.

"I'm going to take a shower and go to bed. I feel kind of weird."

He watched Nathanyel go, a frown tugging at his lips. Something was definitely wrong, but he wasn't sure if he had the time or the energy to find out exactly what it was.

---------------

Remus approached Nathanyel in the hallway, pulling him aside; they needed to talk. "Nathanyel? I've been meaning to talk to you."

Nathanyel started and blinked at him. "Oh, hi. What did you want to talk about?"

"About... What I said to you last week."

Nathanyel gave him an extremely blank stare. "I'm sorry... What did you say to me?"

"You know... That really important thing..."

Nathanyel's stare remained blank.

"Um... Right... Well, I'll talk to you later, then. I've got to get to class."

He wondered what was wrong with Nathanyel.

---------------

Severus scowled to himself; Lupin had volunteered to partner with him, which meant that he wanted something. However, they had been silently collecting bubotuber pods for nearly half an hour, and Lupin hadn't said a word. Severus was so frustrated, in fact, that he decided it was best to bring up the subject himself. "Lupin."

"Hm?"

"What did you want from me, exactly?" There was a short silence between them.

"Ah. Yes. Well, I suppose I can't play innocent forever." Lupin shrugged as he dropped a pod into their bucket. "I just... I'm worried."

"About Nathanyel," Severus guessed.

"Yes. I talked to him just before class, and he acted like... Like he had no idea what I was saying to him."

"What were you talking about, exactly?"

"It was... Something important."

Severus frowned and waited for Lupin to elaborate.

"I... Last week I sort of... Told him that I..." Lupin's voice dropped to a whisper. "That I love him."

Severus managed, through great effort, to keep his hands steady.

"And he just ran away from me. Today was the first time I've seen or talked to him since, and he's acting like he doesn't remember."

The answer to Lupin's burning question was beginning to dawn on Severus; he suddenly had a good feeling that he knew what the pensieve had been for.

"Do you know anything?"

He was practically shaking with suppressed glee. "I do believe I know exactly what has happened," Severus informed him, trying to keep the satisfaction out of his voice.

"Really? What happened? I need to know."

"The reason that Nathanyel is acting as if he doesn't remember..." Severus paused for a moment, basking in the glory of what he was about to say. "...Is because he really _doesn't_ remember."

There was a moment in which Lupin stared at him with an expression akin to horror on his face. "What? Why doesn't he remember? How?"

"You see, Nathanyel recently came to me with questions on how to make a pensieve and fill it with memories. In fact, he asked me just last week. Seeing as the pensieve has mysteriously disappeared, along with all his memories of your... Relationship... I am assuming that he filled it with memories of you and him as a couple and somehow destroyed it. The idea probably occurred to him as soon as you revealed to him your true feelings. So, I guess that's the end of it, then."

Lupin was staring at him with something that was then _definitely_ horror. His mouth was slightly open, and his eyes seemed watery, while he simply... Stood there. He was perfectly still, his fingers already gently gripping a pod, ready to carefully pluck it free from the tentacle-like stem of the plant. However, his grip suddenly tightened, causing the plant to spasm and spray pus all over the surrounding area.

Amidst the following coughs, groans, and expletives he remained stationary, that expression still on his face. "Lupin?" Severus was beginning to worry that maybe he had finally snapped, and was going to go on some sort of killing spree. "Lupin, are you... Still sane?" Perhaps he should have phrased the question better.

"Mr. Snape! Mr. Lupin!" The professor was approaching them, looking absolutely enraged.

"Excuse me, ma'am," Lupin suddenly croaked, rushing out of the greenhouse.

"Mr. Lupin! Get back here!"

Severus knew that Lupin had run off to cry his poor little broken heart out somewhere; most likely in his dorm. For some reason, though, he didn't feel quite as triumphant as he'd expected to.

---------------

Remus found himself skipping class, not for the first time in his short life, and with just over two weeks left before the N.E.W.T.s, on top of it. However, rather than hanging about with his friends like most people would be doing, he was in his bed, trying very hard not to burst into tears. "Men don't cry," he muttered to himself, rocking back and forth as he sat, hunched over, with his pillow in his arms. "Calm, cool, and collected. Men don't cry."

He took a deep breath...

And began to sob. "Fuck men!" He couldn't stop himself. "Fuck everything!" Nathanyel had done something so cruel, so completely heartless, that he could barely believe it. He hoped against hope that it wasn't true, yet... Deep down, he knew that it was. Nathanyel was just the type of person to do something as stupid and hurtful as this, and after he'd... After he'd done and said all those things.

He'd actually had _hope_, for a little while. He'd actually thought that maybe, just maybe, Nathanyel might love him back. In the little things, like the way he looked at him or the way he held him... He thought he'd sensed something more than just friendship or lust. He had even considered choosing _Nathanyel_, choosing _him_ of all people, over his friends. He'd been certain that they would get over it, of course; they were only teenaged boys and could hardly focus on something like that forever... But still, he'd thought of risking it.

"...Just saying that maybe we were too harsh," James' voice suddenly drifted in as the dormitory door was opened.

Remus fell silent, carefully listening.

"We were _not_," Sirius insisted, stomping about like a rhinoceros, as usual.

Peter's trademark sigh drifted across the room.

"He'll pick us."

"You don't know that," James pointed out, apparently trying to be reasonable. "What if he picks Page?"

"He won't," Sirius replied, stubborn as ever.

"He will," Peter piped up. The statement was followed by several moments of tense silence. "He knows that if he picks Page, you two will get over it soon enough and extend the olive branch. Right?"

"Well... I know _I_ would," James replied.

"I _guess_," Sirius grumbled reluctantly.

"But if he picks you guys-"

"Hey, what about you?" James interrupted.

"I was never a part of this stupid scheme," Peter sniffed indignantly. "As I was saying, if he picks _you_, he runs the risk of losing Page for good, as both a lover and a friend. Picking Page is the safest route, in the end."

"Wow, Peter. Bravo." James sounded impressed.

"Yeah," Sirius countered, "but what if he doesn't know we'd back down? Why'd he want to pick Page, anyway?"

"Isn't it _obvious?_" Peter shot back in rather condescending tones; Remus still couldn't get over his sudden acquirement of a backbone. "They're in love."

Remus felt his breath catch in his throat at that; Peter had said, "_they're_ in love," not, "Remus is in love with Page." That meant that Peter obviously knew that Nathanyel... But no. Peter could be wrong. Remus had to allow for that.

"You know, Peter, you can be a real idiot sometimes," Sirius was saying haughtily. "There's no way Remus feels anything for _that_ berk."

Remus wondered if Peter would have snorted, if he hadn't beaten him to it. There was silence for a second or two before footsteps quickly approached his bed and the curtains were thrown aside. Remus frowned.

"Moony!" James exclaimed, looking rather sheepish.

"Have you made up your mind yet?" Sirius immediately cut in.

"Lucky for you, I didn't have to," Remus hissed coldly, every hair on his body standing on end, his grief joined by seething anger. "If it were up to me, I'd have picked Nathanyel. However, he's done with me, so I'm stuck with _you_." From the looks on their faces, he imagined his gaze could have frozen hell itself. "I'm sure you're both ecstatic." With that, he jerked the curtains closed and flopped onto his back, tears welling up again.

He was alone for a long time before the hesitant whisper found him.

"Remus?" It was Peter's voice, calling his name. Peter, who had always been on his side.

"Yeah?" he croaked, wiping his face dry with his sheets.

The curtains twitched open and Peter stepped forward, sitting down next to him on the bed. "You really loved him, didn't you?"

"I still do," Remus muttered, unable to push himself up into a sitting position. "How long have you known?"

"A while. Since back when I was still going with Olivia." He looked rather wistful. "I know I don't seem it, but I miss her an awful lot. I guess I shouldn't have been in such a hurry." He shrugged.

"Uhuh." Remus sniffed.

"He loved you back, for what it's worth. I don't care what he may have said to you; he was lying."

Remus sniffed again; Peter's rare show of concern and sympathy was rather puzzling, but welcome all the same.

"I know you're upset that he dumped you, but don't let it ruin your life." Peter paused, his brow furrowing. "I'm not being very comforting, am I? Well... I thought you might need it, since I'm the only one here to give it to you."

"Thank you," he whispered.

"You're welcome. You'll get over him, in time."

"No I won't," Remus murmured miserably, knowing that despite his dramaticism, it was still true. "I'll never love anyone else. Werewolves mate for life, you know."

"So do human beings," Peter pointed out gently. "I found that music helped me, when Olivia dropped me. If you like, you can use my phonograph and my records."

Remus started at that. Throughout the years, as Peter admired James and Sirius, he would have given them anything, except for his phonograph. He cherished the thing as if it were his own child, and never let another living soul touch it. The fact that he was offering its use so freely was a huge surprise and very... Wonderful. "Thank you," he replied earnestly.

"You're welcome."

"You know..." He sniffed some more, trying to compose himself. "I'd never thought you'd be the one comforting me. It was always the other way around, you know?"

"Yeah," Peter replied quietly.

"What's happened to you this year? You've changed so much."

"Really? I hadn't noticed."

"You have," Remus replied, thankful for the brief distraction from his grief and self-pity. "The way you treat James and Sirius now, stand up to them and disagree with them... And the way you're acting now, trying to comfort me like this and the way you found out about Nathanyel and me and kept it a secret, _condoned_ it, even... I just never expected it."

"Hm." Peter seemed to be thinking. "Well, the best way to explain it is this: in the past, I always thought James and Sirius were cool. I admired them, looked to them as examples of how I should be, even. You, however... I always respected you. The kind of blind admiration, hero worship, even, that I had for James and Sirius fades with time. The respect I have for you, though, is something that I will have for the rest of my life. It's just... What I've learned this year."

"That's... Really kind of you," Remus replied, stunned at the confession.

"Well... I'll leave you to your mourning." Peter abruptly stood up and left, apparently satisfied with what he'd done.

Remus stared back down at his pillow, eventually returning to his piteous moans and sobs.

He was just having an overall bad day.

---------------

"Severus?"

He grunted, not wishing to speak. Nathanyel had been showing signs of targeted memory loss ever since that evening in the common room, and what was once only a probability had become a fact in his mind.

"I have a letter for you. I think I might have written it, but I don't remember doing so. I'm not supposed to read it, though, so here it is." A folded up piece of parchment was dropped right in the middle of his essay. "I'll leave so you can read it privately." As soon as Nathanyel was gone, he practically tore the thing open.

_Hullo, Severus. How are you? I am fine. I've decided to throw my memories of being with Remus into the school lake. He told me he loves me, so I'm thinking that it's the best thing, seeing as I love you. I love him, too, and I do think it's possible to love two people at once. It's just that... You can't actually have both of them. So, despite the incredible odds, I've chosen you. Congratulations! Anyway, have a good day!_

_Sincerely,_

_Nathanyel_

Severus stared at the letter, wondering if it was possible to go blind with rage. If it was, then he'd probably be blind within a matter of minutes. First off, it had to have been the most fucked up love letter he'd ever heard of. Secondly, who in their right minds would confess their love in a letter about ending a previous relationship, and then sign it with a phrase such as "sincerely?" And although there was no love lost between himself and Lupin, it was a tad inconsiderate to end a relationship so completely without even bothering to inform the other party. Just to clarify.

He had several choices after this; he could show the letter to Nathanyel and see what he wanted to do, destroy the letter and try to forget its contents, return Nathanyel's apparent feelings, or do the right thing and tell Lupin about it.

...Right. He would tell Lupin that Nathanyel definitely had no intention of continuing their relationship and had indeed completely forgotten it, _then_ burn the letter and forget all about its contents. That seemed to be the best course of action.

---------------

"Hey, Lupin! Lupin, hold up!" Severus ran up to Lupin, Nathanyel's letter tucked safely into his front pocket.

"What is it?" Lupin asked monotonously, glaring at him.

"Er... Well, I thought I should inform you that... My assumption about Nathanyel's destruction of certain memories was correct. Your relationship is currently residing at the bottom of the lake."

He was actually rather surprised at how hard Lupin could punch.

"Lupin, you absolute-"

"Leave me alone." Lupin began to walk away.

"I know why!" He stopped there, turning to look back at Severus as he stood up and brushed himself off. "He wrote me a letter, then erased his memory of the thing. In it, though, he said that... He... Had feelings for another person." It was rather difficult to say it out loud.

"Who?"

"He didn't mention any names," Severus replied, technically telling the truth.

"...I see." Lupin turned and walked away, his shoulders tense and squared.

"You're welcome!" Severus called after him, rubbing his jaw. It felt rather sore, after that particular jab.

He suppose he would have done the same thing, though.

---------------

Remus walked down the hallway, his nose stuck in a book. The hollow ache that Nathanyel had left behind still throbbed somewhere deep in his chest, but he still needed to continue with life and pass his N.E.W.T.s. Besides that, studying helped him focus on something else, and although he couldn't completely ignore the pain, it was better than moping around and dwelling on it.

"Hi, Remus!"

Remus felt his entire body stiffen as Nathanyel approached him, wearing a wide grin. It was the first time he had approached him since that night in the prefects' bathroom, and he could feel the ache in his chest double.

"How's it been with your studies? Ready for exams?" He patted Remus on the shoulder, that grin still there. "I was thinking that maybe we could, you know, study together or something like that." Nathanyel was actually _flirting_ with him; Remus was practically seeing red. "You know, maybe... Grab a late night snack from the kitchens, or just-"

"WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME?" Remus had backed Nathanyel up against the wall, and the crowd milling around in the corridor had come to a halt, all staring at him.

"I'm s-sorry." Nathanyel looked tiny, pressed against the wall like that; he looked frightened, cornered. Like prey.

"Leave. Me. Alone."

"O-okay."

Remus whirled around and stomped away, tears stinging at his eyes.

He didn't need this kind of shit.

---------------

Nathanyel wanted to know what was going on; he wanted to know why Remus haunted him in dreams that felt like they'd happened, why he was suddenly experiencing odd bouts of deja'vu, and why there was this strange ache inside of him, like something was missing. Most of all, he wanted to know why Remus was acting so strangely.

That was why Nathanyel had cornered him in an empty corridor and stood his ground. He wanted some answers. Remus, however... Didn't looked ready to give any. "Spill the beans," Nathanyel ordered immediately, frowning in a very authoritative way.

Remus stared at him for a long time, his eyes boring a hole into him. "Why are you torturing me?" he finally whispered; he seemed upset. "Do you hate me?" He seemed _very_ upset.

"I... I don't know." Nathanyel didn't know what to say; he didn't even know what was going on with Remus.

"Why do you hate me?" He hoped that Remus wouldn't start crying. "What's wrong with me? Tell me!"

"I don't hate you!" Nathanyel was so confused; he hadn't done anything that would make Remus think something like that. In fact, he'd been getting along with Remus rather well, until weird things started happening. Like that note to Severus he'd found, for one. Or like the way Remus was acting, which was what he was trying to investigate in the first place.

"Then why did you do it? I just want to know! Tell me something, _anything!_" He grabbed Nathanyel by the collar and shook him, his voice cracking. "I just don't understand!"

"Neither do I!" Nathanyel admitted; he was starting to get upset, too. What had happened to Remus that was so horrible? It had something to do with him.

"I know you don't!" He let go of Nathanyel's collar, letting him drop to the ground.

"I'm sorry, Remus." Nathanyel just wanted Remus to be happy again. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean it." Whatever had happened, he wanted to make it better.

"You don't know that. You don't know what's going on." He sounded defeated, like he was giving up.

"I would never do something to try to hurt you," Nathanyel murmured, trying to keep his voice even. "Whatever I did, I'm sorry. Please, don't... Don't hate me."

Remus just shook his head, squared his shoulders, and walked away.

Nathanyel didn't know what to do. He wanted to make things right, somehow. He wanted to make Remus happy and warm and lovely again.

He wanted to make Remus perfect again.

---------------

"Remus."

"Hm?" Remus turned around to find Nathanyel standing in front of him.

"Here." Nathanyel thrust an envelope with his name on it into his face.

"What's this?"

"I don't know. I found it, and I figured that you'd want it... Besides, maybe it'll make you feel better."

"Oh. Thanks."

"Anyway, I have to go. Bye."

"Bye." Remus watched him go, then headed straight into the nearest classroom, locking the door. He had to see what was in the envelope.

After a deep breath and a great deal of mental preparation, he opened the envelope and pulled out the single piece of parchment inside. He immediately recognized Nathanyel's handwriting, and found himself unable to hold the page steadily. Trying to calm himself down, he began to read.

_Hullo, Remus. How are you? Not well, I suppose. I thought that it would be easier to write down what I wanted to say, anyway. Still, I'm sure you're angry and hurt, and you've every right to be. So, I'm going to tell you why I did what I did._

_The first reason is... There's someone else that I love. I can't really tell you who, or even why, but... I've thought about it a lot and I realized that I need to go after him. I know that it doesn't really make sense to just erase everything, but I can explain._

_It's the second reason I did it. I was afraid, when you told me you loved me. I hadn't really seen what we had as a real relationship... Just something to lean on. And I thought, as long as you didn't want any more than that, it would be fine because there's really nothing more I could give you. I was afraid, because you love me and I don't know what that could mean. And I was afraid that I'd miss you too much... So I decided to forget. I'm sorry._

_- Nathanyel_

_P.S. - I'm in love with you, too._

Remus couldn't stop crying.

---------------

Severus sighed, leaving his last N.E.W.T. behind him. It was a feeling of great relief, to have finished everything at long last. Things were right with the world again; Nathanyel had broken Lupin's heart and forgotten all about it, which meant that he had returned to his old pastime of clinging to Severus. Lupin seemed to be getting over it and was avoiding Nathanyel, which was rather pleasant. Olivia still nagged them, and although he seemed rather worn, Nathanyel teased him and said stupid things. He had been smoking a lot, lately, but it couldn't be helped, and it wasn't too much of a discrepancy, anyway.

"So how was it?" Nathanyel was in the common room, waiting for him, as it had always been.

"It was a breeze," Severus replied confidently, dropping his book bag on the floor and sinking into his favorite chair. "I _am_ a genius with potions, after all."

"Yeah," Nathanyel replied. He seemed rather melancholy.

"What's the problem?"

"Oh, nothing. I just feel down, that's all."

"You'll feel better once the summer starts. And guess what? That apprenticeship Lucius got me starts in the fall."

"Bad things are going to happen," Nathanyel replied mysteriously, his voice low and sad.

"You're just being paranoid," Severus dismissed.

Really, what could possibly happen, now that he had everything back to the way he liked it?

---------------

They rode in silence. The train was kind of bumpy. "So." Severus wasn't sure of what to say. Nathanyel had been strangely quiet the whole time, and, to his horror, had kept shooting strange looks over in Lupin's directed when they'd all arrived on the train's platform. "When I get home... I... I suppose I'll start... Practicing for the apprenticeship."

Nathanyel just stared out the window, and hugged himself, even though it was rather warm.

"And... And I'll continue with..." He gestured futilely. "My potions. You know."

Nathanyel still didn't say anything.

"What are you going to do, with that thing you're planning for us?"

Silence.

"Answer me."

Nathanyel didn't even look at him.

"Say something! Look at me!"

And he did. His eyes were bloodshot and rimmed with red. "Don't go," he whispered, sounding like he'd just vomited. "I don't want to be alone. I don't want you to go."

"I'm not going anywhere."

"Yes you are!" His lip trembled ominously. "I can see it. And I'll be at school alone, without you. I don't want to be separated." He lunged forward and hugged Severus tightly. "Do we have to be apart?"

"Nathanyel," he grunted, trying to push him away, "stop being such a drama queen. We'll have the whole summer together, and when you go back to school in the fall I'll still be living in Hogsmeade. You can visit me!"

"Promise?"

"I promise."

"Good." Nathanyel sat back, a small smile working at his lips. "I feel better."

"I'm glad."

Severus wondered if he'd be able to stand a whole summer alone with Nathanyel.

---------------

"Hey, Olivia." Nathanyel stood nervously in the door to her compartment, shuffling his feet. Severus was off in the year's last prefect meeting, where they prepped the next year's potential head boys and girls, which had left him alone and lonely. Besides that, he needed to talk to Olivia about an important matter. "Mind if I sit with you?"

"Yes," she replied automatically, her attention not wavering from the card game she was involved in with Loretta and a Ravenclaw boy their age.

"Um, I just wanted to talk to you."

"Nathanyel," she sighed, sounding frustrated as she looked up at him. "...Fine."

"Should we leave?" the boy asked, looking a bit put off.

"Yes," Olivia replied harshly; although, most of what she said usually sounded harsh.

Nathanyel stepped aside, watching the two leave, before he sat down across from Olivia. "I've made an important decision that I wanted to tell you about."

"What is it now?" she asked, looking bored.

"I'm leaving."

"Leaving?" She seemed a bit more intrigued.

"For good. I'm running away this summer; I can't be part of this family anymore." He waited for her response.

She slapped him.

Nathanyel was rather surprised, actually; Olivia was never the type to slap people. "Sorry," he muttered, all the same.

"Yeah, whatever," she huffed, crossing her arms and turning away.

Nathanyel continued to sit, not sure of what to say next; he didn't know what he really _could_ say.

"Hey." Olivia broke the silence, her voice unexpectedly soft. "Do you remember when we were little and I used to call you my big brother?"

"Yeah," Nathanyel muttered, grinning a bit. "In Japanese, though."

"Yeah."

"I thought you were always embarrassed about that," he pointed out.

"Well... It's just something I thought of, that's all."

"Oh. Anyway, could I borrow another one of your school skirts?"

"Fine," she sighed, crossing her arms.

"Thanks, little sister."

She snorted and looked away again; Nathanyel could tell she was smiling, though.

---------------

Once Nathanyel had left Olivia's compartment, he was certain that the prefects' meeting had already dispersed, so he decided to have one more go at talking to Remus. They wouldn't see each other all summer, and Nathanyel found that he already missed him.

Wandering down the aisles of the train cars, he found that Remus wasn't patrolling the train; instead, he was sitting alone in a compartment, his head leaning against the window. Nathanyel gingerly slid the door open and stepped inside, quietly shutting it behind him. "Hi," he greeted nervously. "Do you want to... Talk?" He shuffled his feet a bit, staring down at Remus. He wasn't sure if he was awake or not.

"No," Remus replied, sounding exhausted.

"Please," Nathanyel pleaded, desperate for something, _anything_, "just tell me what I did wrong."

"You didn't do anything," Remus replied, his voice monotonous.

"Yes I did," Nathanyel murmured. "Otherwise, you wouldn't hate me."

"I don't hate you," Remus spoke up with sudden fervor. He straightened himself and looked Nathanyel in the eye for the first time in the last month. "I probably should, but I don't."

"That's good to know. I don't hate you, either, you see." For a moment, he really just wanted to kiss Remus; the moment passed rather quickly, though, and he attributed it to stress.

"There was a while when I thought otherwise."

"I'm sorry."

"...Thank you."

"Are we... Friends?" Nathanyel took a hesitant step forward, nervous about what the answer would be.

"Yes. We're friends." The way Remus had said it sounded like he wanted to add something more.

Nathanyel was content with the answer the way it was.

---------------

Remus stared down at his bag, all packed and ready to go, sitting on top of the kitchen table.

Never let anything hold you down, his father had always said. A good lot that did him now, with his whole life ahead of him and his mother behind him. Did he really have to choose?

Never hesitate, his father had always told him. He couldn't do anything _but_ hesitate, with the plans he had.

Always fight for the ones you love, his father had always preached. He was following his father's own ill-followed advice, and it made him sick with nerves to think of how he was stupidly going to chase after Nathanyel.

The world is a big place; you can do and be whatever you want, his father had once told him proudly, when he'd gotten his Hogwarts letter. He was going to strike out on his own, whether or not he struck out with Nathanyel again. It was time for him to learn to be a man.

A man did whatever he needed to do to protect those important to him; a man always conducted himself with honor and respect, even for his enemies. That had been his father's outdated philosophy. He'd do his best to follow it.

Even if you have to leave your family behind, do what you need to do. That was what his father had taught him, by leaving them. And now, he was doing the same despicable thing. Even as he approached the front door, he could see his mother's face in the morning, sad and strong and always worrying as she read the note he'd left.

"Where are you going?"

Remus paused, tensing as the padding of bare feet approached.

"Remus?"

"I'm just going to meet a friend, Mum." He turned around to see her in her dressing gown, wringing her hands.

"This late at night?"

"Yes, Mum."

"What do you have that bag for?"

"I'll be back the day after tomorrow."

He watched her as she started to worry her dressing gown. "Why didn't you saying anything? I mean... You weren't going to tell your own mother that you're leaving?"

"It's just for a day and a half, Mum. I left a note."

"And you're taking a big bag like that?"

He didn't mean to get frustrated, but he just needed to _go_. He didn't want anyone questioning him or holding him back, and he already felt guilty enough as it was. Really, though, he just wanted his mother to trust him.

"What do you think?"

"Hm?"

"Do you think I'm just going to leave, just like that? You think I'm going to walk out of here and never come back, like Dad? Is that what you think?" It was true, though, a small voice whispered in his head.

"I don't know what to think. You don't talk to me anymore."

"I _can't_ talk to you! Alright? Do you think I'm still ten years old? I'm not! And you're always sleeping or out doing whatever it is you do! I can only think of a few things that would make a person so tired, and they aren't flattering!"

"Don't talk to me like that!"

"Just go back to bed, Mum! I'll be back soon, alright?" Liar. "I'm coming back. So just go to sleep."

"Remus, I never said-" He slammed the door behind him and kept walking.

---------------

"Nathanyel?"

Nathanyel looked up from his book, smiling as Uncle Laszlo joined him on the sofa. "Hullo," he greeted warmly.

"How are you?" Uncle Laszlo sounded concerned.

"I'm feeling better," Nathanyel replied. "Although I've been a bit disoriented as of late." He scratched at his bandages.

"I've been researching an alternative to those bandages." He adjusted his glasses, looking around for a moment. "But there's something else I wanted to tell you."

Nathanyel waited.

"I think you're ready to know what this all is."

"Am I insane?" Nathanyel asked, fairly sure of what the answer was.

"...In a word." Uncle Laszlo adjusted his glasses again, looking nervous. "Are you upset about it?"

"Well... Yes. I pretty much knew, already. I mean... All this weird stuff that's been happening to me..."

"Are you still having strange dreams?" He placed a hand on Nathanyel's shoulder, a worried frown crossing his face.

"Not really." Nathanyel paused for a moment, chewing on his lip. "My father did this to me, didn't he?"

Uncle Laszlo nodded once, decisively.

"Why?"

"The idea is... To create and perfect an emotionless murderer." Uncle Laszlo sighed, fiddling with his glasses again. "I'm not sure if I should warn you of this or not, but seeing as you've already witnessed it once..." He trailed off, looking unsure.

"I know there's something else about me," Nathanyel replied slowly, trying to prompt him into continuing. "This person that's me, but isn't, all at the same time. A thing that taunts me and always follows me in my shadow... Is it just my imagination?"

"In a way... You see, it's another personality. The basic idea is to erase you... And put him in your place." Uncle Laszlo seemed very troubled with the conversation. "Your father was a subject in the same experiment."

"I see." Nathanyel mulled over the information in a detached way that seemed almost wrong to him. "And he's the result?"

"He's not perfect." Uncle Laszlo gulped, almost inaudibly. "This was the part I was wary of telling you about, but since you seem so calm..."

"Tell me." Nathanyel leaned closer, eager to listen.

"The experiment can only be perfected when you..." He paused, looking very grim. "...When you kill every person you care about."

Nathanyel sat in silence, thinking of when he'd tried to kill Severus and Remus.

"Once you destroy every important person in your life, your personality, every trace of you, will be destroyed, as well. However... The problem with that part of the experiment is, it's up to you to complete it."

"And he didn't?" Nathanyel asked, incredulous at the idea of his father hesitating to kill _anything_.

"No." Uncle Laszlo once more adjusted his glasses. "He could never kill the most important person to him."

"Who?"

"Me."

Nathanyel sort of understood, then, why Uncle Laszlo was always so attached to his father, and why they seemed so dependent on each other. Uncle Laszlo was the only one who could ever come close to keeping his father under control, because he was the only person in the world that he couldn't bring himself to kill.

It was strange to think about. It didn't make him hate his father any less, though.

"So... That's it, then? I just have to keep my important people alive?"

"It may turn out to be more difficult than it seems, if I can't perfect these new seals in time."

"That's okay," Nathanyel replied, smiling. "My important people can take care of themselves."

"I'm glad to hear it." Uncle Laszlo stood up, smoothing out his robes. "I just wanted to tell you everything before you left. Anyway, if I don't see you before you leave... Goodbye. And good luck. I'll contact you when the seals are ready." With that, he turned and left the room.

Nathanyel wondered how Uncle Laszlo had known he was leaving.

And after everything he'd just learned about himself, he wondered why he wasn't in complete shock.

Well, he wasn't the type to worry, anyway.

---------------

Nathanyel had just finished packing his things, and he was taking the time to look around his room once more before he left.

"Nathanyel?" Lucius let himself in, closing the door. "I've been meaning to talk to you."

"Oh." Nathanyel smiled.

"Do you remember what you said to me last year?"

"Last year?"

"At my wedding."

"Oh! Yes." He wondered what Lucius was getting at.

"Well... I can kiss you, now."

"That's lovely." Nathanyel didn't feel quite as happy as he thought he would have. "It's too bad, really, that I can't."

"...What?" Nathanyel grabbed his bags and began sorting them out and moving them toward the door.

"You see, Lucius, I'm leaving."

"_Now_?" Nathanyel nodded. "Where are you going?"

"I'm not quite sure. But I do know that if I don't leave now, then I never will. I _can't_ stay here." He paused, unsure if he should continue. "I..." He had to, though. "I can't spend my whole life waiting for you."

He grabbed his luggage and walked out, not looking back.

---------------

Remus knocked on the door, wondering what he would say when it was answered. Judging by his previous experience, the claim that he was a friend of Nathanyel's wouldn't exactly go over well.

"Hm. Well I'll be fucked by a hippogriff." Fortunately, the door had been answered by Lucius. "What are you doing here?"

"I... Came to see Nathanyel." He shifted a bit, aware of what he must look like, holding an overnight bag and his clothes wrinkled and stale from his train ride.

"You just missed him."

Remus blinked, not quite sure he'd heard correctly. "Sorry?"

"Well, not _just_ missed him." Lucius scowled. "He left last night, took the overnight train to Hogsmeade."

"...Shit."

"Would you like to come inside for some tea and perhaps an iron?" Lucius eyed him as one would a stray dog.

"Sure." Remus followed him inside, to the kitchen, wondering where the sudden hospitality had come from. After all, Lucius wasn't what one would call a good samaritan, and he'd certainly never seemed like the sentimental type. Although, he could be wrong.

"So tell me why you came."

"I wanted to talk to Nathanyel. He... We... There were a few things that I needed to discuss with him."

"Hn." Lucius sat down across from him as a house elf served tea. "What kind of things?"

"We... Er..." Remus wasn't sure how to say it.

"I see. You know, he didn't mention anything about a relationship to me."

"That's just it! He doesn't remember!"

Lucius raised an eyebrow at his small outburst, and he took a moment to calm down before continuing.

"He erased his own memory."

"And why would he do a thing like that?"

"I... Told him I love him."

Lucius seemed to be trying to decide what to do with him. "There's a five o'clock train into Hogsmeade this evening. In the meantime, you can stay here. I haven't got anything better to do, anyway, seeing as Narcissa has decided that she needs an entirely new wardrobe."

"Thank you."

"No thanks are in order. I'm just trying to find some way to amuse myself."

"Does this mean that I have to put out?"

"No, but it would be preferred."

"I'd rather not. I had a rough night." Remus shifted uncomfortably, hoping that the issue wouldn't be pressed.

"Very well, then." Lucius sipped thoughtfully at his tea. "I suppose you need your rest. After all, it's quite a walk from the Hogsmeade station all the way to Snape manor."

"...Right." Remus had a feeling that he was in for a bit of trouble.

---------------

Severus sighed, leaning back into his comfortable armchair. Living alone certainly had its benefits, and he was taking full advantage of it. After the crazy year he'd had, it was nice to hole up inside on a day like this.

It had been raining on and off in sunshowers all day long, and although the sun was shining, it was hardly weather one would want to take a stroll in. So, Severus sat in his parlor and read. It had been a while since he'd had a nice, relaxing day to himself, and he wasn't about to waste it with chores or some nonsense like that. Not until he heard knocking at the front door, at least.

Grumbling to himself, Severus shuffled up to the door, marking his place in his book as he went. He answered, surprised to see Nathanyel standing out in the rain with a suitcase. "...What in Merlin's cock are you doing here?"

Nathanyel grinned. "We're going on a trip."

"What?"

"Go get packed and we'll leave right away."

"...You're such an idiot."

Severus supposed he would have to finish his book on the train.  
  
  
  


- - - - - - - - -

_Never seen a bluer sky_

_You ever feel like reaching out and moving closer?_

_There's something about blue_

_Asked myself what it's all for_

_You know the funny thing about it, I couldn't answer_

_No, I couldn't answer_

- - - - - - - - -

_Free_

_Wanna be free_

_Gotta be free_

_And move among the stars_

_You know they really aren't so far. . ._

  
  
  
-End-  
  
  
  


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A/N: The "my dick feels like corn" is copyright Dane Cook. "Happy Rebirthday" is via The Pillows, while the lyrics above are from the song "Blue," which is from the Cowboy Bebop soundtrack. I forget who sings it.

So... This is the end. Thanks to everyone who read, and to everyone who reviewed. And a special thanks to those who offered criticism and advice. As for the open ending with little resolution... Mwahahaha! I've become a sequel pooping beast!

That's right. A sequel to this story. Well, I have to write what happens between here and the birth of Nadia, right? RIGHT? Alright, I'll stop trying to justify myself and leave you lot alone.

Goodbye for now, my story! (Le sigh.)


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